Anorgasmia! - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Salem · 10-13-2009, 05:10 PM

So... I have a problem. I've been dating this girl for a few months now, and we've had sex, several times. We were both virgins before each other, and the very first time we had sex I had a little orgasm. Not a full blown orgasm but a small one. I figured I was just nervous and stuff so I thought it would be better the next time. Since then we've had sex and I've always gotten her off, but I can't seem to cum. I can orgasm from masturbating just fine, but not with her. There have been times when I've gotten close. I've never had an orgasm just vaginally, as in just by her fingering me, and I know not all women can, but she can, so she tries to get me to cum from it because it's her favorite. Or she will stimulate my clit directly and i have a sensitive clit so this is more painful than pleasuring. And I've told her not to go directly on my clit but on the hood and she will and it seems like I can get close but then it starts to hurt and I just can't cum.

I'm posting this in the ladies lounge because I'm hoping someone will have some ideas on how to help me.

Has this ever happened to anyone else? What can I do? What can we try?

jewels · 10-14-2009, 04:23 AM

You can guide her hand to the spot that feels right for you and/or let her watch you masturbate and let her take over.

Sometimes, it can be a matter of feeling comfortable enough to let go with a new partner and it may just be a matter of time and patience.

wooÐs · 10-14-2009, 06:11 AM

Sounds like it's just a matter of her getting to know you and your body. Not everyone likes the same thing when it comes to getting off. It's that way with any couple I think. So yeah, you both need to communicate. Doesn't have to be dinner conversation. But make it erotic by showing her or like jewels said, guiding her. Consider all the other stuff she does to you (other than the painful,) foreplay. Then get down to business.

hunnychile · 10-14-2009, 02:56 PM

This thread is for women to post. The "Gods that Rule Here" will Not Be Pleased.

Expect 32 deranged Harpees to descend upon your domicile within the next 6 hours.

Thank you and call again.

Salem · 10-14-2009, 03:44 PM

I'm sorry, if you're posting that towards me because I've posted about my girlfriend, I'm a female. I'm a lesbian. I suppose I should have said that. My apologies.

Woods and Jewels - Thanks. I have thought of that as well, I guess I'll try working on comfort levels, see if upping the amount of foreplay also helps.

wooÐs · 10-14-2009, 03:55 PM

I thought it was pretty clear in your original post lol.

And np

.

seamaiden · 10-14-2009, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wooÐs

I thought it was pretty clear in your original post lol.

And np

.

Me too. I don't know any men who have a clit.

When I first started having sex, I didn't achieve an orgasm. Probably because it was uncomfortable for the first few encounters and possibly because I was nervous. For me, being comfortable with my partner makes it so much easier to cum. Sex is fun. It's a gift from our bodies, but if I don't care about the person I'm with (my ex for example) I can't cum...not even if we fuck for hours.

Salem · 10-14-2009, 04:53 PM

hmmm..... alright. I deeply care about her, so that's not the issue but there may be some uncomfortableness. I'm okay naked in front of people, but maybe it's the actual act that I'm just not accustomed to yet.Thanks everyone for the advice!

hunnychile · 10-14-2009, 05:21 PM

Oops. So Sorry.

Return to your regularly schedule program.

Salem · 10-14-2009, 07:11 PM

No worries. Can't judge a book by it's cover

seamaiden · 10-15-2009, 10:03 AM

Another comment to consider...this is actually something Lucifer has said, but since he's not allowed to post here I told him I'd pass along the information. "Medication can interfere with the ability to orgasm. Anti-depressant (such as) Venlafaxine or Effexor can cause anorgasmia."

Something I'd like to add is that the position I'm in during sex has an effect on my ability to reach orgasm and the intensity of one if I do. Legs wide open = less sensitivity for me. Not really a problem though, because my lover and I indulge in many positions.

girldetective · 10-15-2009, 10:11 AM

Try holding your breath.

Salem · 10-15-2009, 03:01 PM

Seamaiden - That's a good point. I've been on Escitalopram the entire time we've been together. I thought (perhaps naively) that if anti pills would prevent me from having an orgasm it would prevent them period. Not just during sex.

The positons suggestion is also a good point. I'll see if switching things up makes a difference.

Lindy · 10-16-2009, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Salem

I'm sorry, if you're posting that towards me because I've posted about my girlfriend, I'm a female. I'm a lesbian. I suppose I should have said that. My apologies.

Woods and Jewels - Thanks. I have thought of that as well, I guess I'll try working on comfort levels, see if upping the amount of foreplay also helps.

I'm hetero, and am used to hearing hetero women (and men, of course,) refer to those pleasurable preliminaries that occur before penetration and intercourse as "foreplay." Now I'm curious what lesbian women consider foreplay, and it is "foreplay" to what?

Lindy

Salem · 10-17-2009, 09:02 PM

Well, foreplay is varied for each couple. I take foreplay to mean something sexually arousing and or stimulating before "sex". Teasing, kissing, nipple stimulation, over clothing touch, erotic massages, ect ect. With heterosexual relationships, "sex" is often taken as meaning sexual intercourse. With lesbians sex can be fingering, oral sex, genital-genital sex "tribbing" penetration using toys, ect ect. There is no one way to have lesbian sex.

By upping the amount of foreplay, the arousal levels would be increased as well, which may make achieving orgasm easier. Which was my point in the previous post.

Hopefully this helps answer your questions!

Salem · 11-01-2009, 10:08 PM

SUCCESS!!!

Last night we were fooling around and we were both pretty turned on, and she was rubbing my clit and I could feel the orgasm building up, so I told myself I would stick it out and I almost came... and then I didn't. And then I almost came... and then i didn't. Then I got so frusterated I tried to take over, and got really squirmy and angry, so she talked me down, and get me into it again and started slowly and eventually, SHABAM. Full blown, intense, awesome, Orgasm.

little_tippler · 11-02-2009, 02:30 AM

*big grin* yaaaay.

seamaiden · 11-02-2009, 03:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Salem

SUCCESS!!!

Last night we were fooling around and we were both pretty turned on, and she was rubbing my clit and I could feel the orgasm building up, so I told myself I would stick it out and I almost came... and then I didn't. And then I almost came... and then i didn't. Then I got so frusterated I tried to take over, and got really squirmy and angry, so she talked me down, and get me into it again and started slowly and eventually, SHABAM. Full blown, intense, awesome, Orgasm.

Way to go girl...

...or I guess I should say way to cum!

Ce'Nedra · 11-02-2009, 01:07 PM

Congratulations!

cutesundrop · 11-07-2009, 03:33 AM

Salem, I think you do not need any additional advise because you were able to find the right way with your girlfriend, and it's even the natural one.
Anyway, if you want to add some variety to your private life, I suggest to both of you a small jewel called MAGIC WAND. It is a very effective vibrator, and it is available on line (amazon, for instance). In my case, it was very beneficial...it is a nice option to play with your partner, and if used with moderation it does not impact the couple's intimacy at all. It is not cheap (44 $) but it's worth the price.
It works well with ethero and lesbian couples. But also when you are alone

Bijoufem · 11-09-2009, 09:47 AM

- Knowledge is the success to finding answers – I just wanted to ad that I really enjoyed this post and the comments from everyone, many thanks...

Salem · 11-09-2009, 04:58 PM

Thanks everyone for the information and support!

Cutesundrop - We've thought of using toys before, and once we can afford it we're more than likely going to get a strap-on or at least a vibrator, And i'll absolutly check out the magic wand!

For an update to those that are curious: Things are going okay. Still takes a long time and a lot of frustration, and I havn't had that much success but it's getting easier and less stressful so I'm hoping its just a matter of time.

vainღ♥♡jane · 11-16-2009, 08:32 PM

i have been having the same problem. i feel like something is wrong with me, and i feel bad because my sweetie feels like she's doing something wrong. =[

YellowBird · 11-17-2009, 03:01 AM

I have the same problem but I can't do it on my own either.

soucilgu · 12-10-2009, 11:13 PM

10-13-2009, 05:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
Salem Psycho Location: Canada	Anorgasmia! So... I have a problem. I've been dating this girl for a few months now, and we've had sex, several times. We were both virgins before each other, and the very first time we had sex I had a little orgasm. Not a full blown orgasm but a small one. I figured I was just nervous and stuff so I thought it would be better the next time. Since then we've had sex and I've always gotten her off, but I can't seem to cum. I can orgasm from masturbating just fine, but not with her. There have been times when I've gotten close. I've never had an orgasm just vaginally, as in just by her fingering me, and I know not all women can, but she can, so she tries to get me to cum from it because it's her favorite. Or she will stimulate my clit directly and i have a sensitive clit so this is more painful than pleasuring. And I've told her not to go directly on my clit but on the hood and she will and it seems like I can get close but then it starts to hurt and I just can't cum. I'm posting this in the ladies lounge because I'm hoping someone will have some ideas on how to help me. Has this ever happened to anyone else? What can I do? What can we try?

10-14-2009, 04:23 AM	#2 (permalink)
jewels Eponymous Location: Central Central Florida	You can guide her hand to the spot that feels right for you and/or let her watch you masturbate and let her take over. Sometimes, it can be a matter of feeling comfortable enough to let go with a new partner and it may just be a matter of time and patience. __________________ We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. Mark Twain

10-14-2009, 02:56 PM	#4 (permalink)
hunnychile Alien Anthropologist Location: Between Boredom and Nirvana	This thread is for women to post. The "Gods that Rule Here" will Not Be Pleased. Expect 32 deranged Harpees to descend upon your domicile within the next 6 hours. Thank you and call again. __________________ "I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

10-14-2009, 05:21 PM	#9 (permalink)
hunnychile Alien Anthropologist Location: Between Boredom and Nirvana	Oops. So Sorry. Return to your regularly schedule program. __________________ "I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

10-15-2009, 10:03 AM	#11 (permalink)
seamaiden Psycho Location: With the man of my dreams in Halifax Nova Scotia	Another comment to consider...this is actually something Lucifer has said, but since he's not allowed to post here I told him I'd pass along the information. "Medication can interfere with the ability to orgasm. Anti-depressant (such as) Venlafaxine or Effexor can cause anorgasmia." Something I'd like to add is that the position I'm in during sex has an effect on my ability to reach orgasm and the intensity of one if I do. Legs wide open = less sensitivity for me. Not really a problem though, because my lover and I indulge in many positions. Last edited by seamaiden; 10-16-2009 at 02:13 AM..

10-14-2009, 06:11 AM	#3 (permalink)
wooÐs Sitting in a tree Location: Atlanta	Sounds like it's just a matter of her getting to know you and your body. Not everyone likes the same thing when it comes to getting off. It's that way with any couple I think. So yeah, you both need to communicate. Doesn't have to be dinner conversation. But make it erotic by showing her or like jewels said, guiding her. Consider all the other stuff she does to you (other than the painful,) foreplay. Then get down to business.

10-14-2009, 03:44 PM	#5 (permalink)
Salem Psycho Location: Canada	I'm sorry, if you're posting that towards me because I've posted about my girlfriend, I'm a female. I'm a lesbian. I suppose I should have said that. My apologies. Woods and Jewels - Thanks. I have thought of that as well, I guess I'll try working on comfort levels, see if upping the amount of foreplay also helps.

10-14-2009, 03:55 PM	#6 (permalink)
wooÐs Sitting in a tree Location: Atlanta	I thought it was pretty clear in your original post lol. And np .

10-14-2009, 04:53 PM	#8 (permalink)
Salem Psycho Location: Canada	hmmm..... alright. I deeply care about her, so that's not the issue but there may be some uncomfortableness. I'm okay naked in front of people, but maybe it's the actual act that I'm just not accustomed to yet.Thanks everyone for the advice!

10-14-2009, 07:11 PM	#10 (permalink)
Salem Psycho Location: Canada	No worries. Can't judge a book by it's cover

10-15-2009, 10:11 AM	#12 (permalink)
girldetective sufferable	Try holding your breath. __________________ As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

10-15-2009, 03:01 PM	#13 (permalink)
Salem Psycho Location: Canada	Seamaiden - That's a good point. I've been on Escitalopram the entire time we've been together. I thought (perhaps naively) that if anti pills would prevent me from having an orgasm it would prevent them period. Not just during sex. The positons suggestion is also a good point. I'll see if switching things up makes a difference.

10-17-2009, 09:02 PM	#15 (permalink)
Salem Psycho Location: Canada	Well, foreplay is varied for each couple. I take foreplay to mean something sexually arousing and or stimulating before "sex". Teasing, kissing, nipple stimulation, over clothing touch, erotic massages, ect ect. With heterosexual relationships, "sex" is often taken as meaning sexual intercourse. With lesbians sex can be fingering, oral sex, genital-genital sex "tribbing" penetration using toys, ect ect. There is no one way to have lesbian sex. By upping the amount of foreplay, the arousal levels would be increased as well, which may make achieving orgasm easier. Which was my point in the previous post. Hopefully this helps answer your questions!

11-01-2009, 10:08 PM	#16 (permalink)
Salem Psycho Location: Canada	SUCCESS!!! Last night we were fooling around and we were both pretty turned on, and she was rubbing my clit and I could feel the orgasm building up, so I told myself I would stick it out and I almost came... and then I didn't. And then I almost came... and then i didn't. Then I got so frusterated I tried to take over, and got really squirmy and angry, so she talked me down, and get me into it again and started slowly and eventually, SHABAM. Full blown, intense, awesome, Orgasm.

11-02-2009, 02:30 AM	#17 (permalink)
little_tippler Leaning against the -Sun- Super Moderator Location: on the other side	big grin yaaaay. __________________ Whether we write or speak or do but look We are ever unapparent. What we are Cannot be transfused into word or book. Our soul from us is infinitely far. However much we give our thoughts the will To be our soul and gesture it abroad, Our hearts are incommunicable still. In what we show ourselves we are ignored. The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged By any skill of thought or trick of seeming. Unto our very selves we are abridged When we would utter to our thought our being. We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams, And each to each other dreams of others' dreams. Fernando Pessoa, 1918

11-02-2009, 01:07 PM	#19 (permalink)
Ce'Nedra Upright Location: Deep South	Congratulations!

12-10-2009, 11:13 PM	#25 (permalink)
soucilgu Upright	Anorgasmia: Rx Yohimbine vs. Twinlabs Testosterone Fuel (insomnia) ... Last edited by uncle phil; 12-11-2009 at 01:27 PM.. Reason: man on the floor!!!

11-07-2009, 03:33 AM	#20 (permalink)
cutesundrop Upright Location: USA	Salem, I think you do not need any additional advise because you were able to find the right way with your girlfriend, and it's even the natural one. Anyway, if you want to add some variety to your private life, I suggest to both of you a small jewel called MAGIC WAND. It is a very effective vibrator, and it is available on line (amazon, for instance). In my case, it was very beneficial...it is a nice option to play with your partner, and if used with moderation it does not impact the couple's intimacy at all. It is not cheap (44 $) but it's worth the price. It works well with ethero and lesbian couples. But also when you are alone __________________ There are smart people and people who say they are smart. I am smart

11-09-2009, 09:47 AM	#21 (permalink)
Bijoufem Upright Location: Abandon my Account	- Knowledge is the success to finding answers – I just wanted to ad that I really enjoyed this post and the comments from everyone, many thanks...

11-09-2009, 04:58 PM	#22 (permalink)
Salem Psycho Location: Canada	Thanks everyone for the information and support! Cutesundrop - We've thought of using toys before, and once we can afford it we're more than likely going to get a strap-on or at least a vibrator, And i'll absolutly check out the magic wand! For an update to those that are curious: Things are going okay. Still takes a long time and a lot of frustration, and I havn't had that much success but it's getting easier and less stressful so I'm hoping its just a matter of time.

11-16-2009, 08:32 PM	#23 (permalink)
vainღ♥♡jane Tilted Location: here until i'm there	i have been having the same problem. i feel like something is wrong with me, and i feel bad because my sweetie feels like she's doing something wrong. =[ __________________ take off your shirt!

11-17-2009, 03:01 AM	#24 (permalink)
YellowBird Upright Location: Brisbane, Australia	I have the same problem but I can't do it on my own either.