Are you the dominant figure in your relationship?

[*Nikki*]

I ask this because I am

My husband is extremely easy going. He is very agreeable to most everything I want to do and very flexible in almost every aspect of our relationship. It takes a lot for me to push him to the end of his fuse.

I, on the other hand, am usually pretty stubborn and unwilling to compromise without a lot of persuasion. I always seem to need to have the upper hand and I have always thought of myself as the one who "wears the pants" in my relationship. I don't see how I could be with someone who was anything like myself!

My husband agrees that I am "the boss" and he seems quite fine with this because his personality allows him to be that way. He doesn't mind having someone like me who is so take charge about things. I think it sort of gets him motivated in a way.

[ShaniFaye]

Im the dominant one with "life", he's the dominant one with sex

hey, when master and mistress meet, fall in love and marry there has to be a compromise

[Taja]

I'm right there with ya, Nikki. Silent is so easy going and so laid back. Most of the time it's not a matter of me being in charge, but actually me keeping things moving along. If I didn't, I'm afraid our lives would come to a screaching halt. But... our love life is quite a different story.

[Ayashe]

After more than two years I would say Cernunnos and I are in sync. We have a balance that is very special. On the rare occasion that it isn't in sync I can feel it, I am sure that he can as well. It is hard to put into words where exactly we sit on the spectrum of who is dominant when no matter what we are very equal to eachother. At times it would appear he is far more dominant than me in the bedroom for one.. but even then it has a balance that is golden, delicious and wonderful. If I am agreeable to it in every way, I wouldn't call it a true dominance. I am finding this difficult to explain in words. Whatever it is, it is perfect.

[hunnychile]

Originally Posted by ShaniFaye

Im the dominant one with "life", he's the dominant one with sex

hey, when master and mistress meet, fall in love and marry there has to be a compromise

Excellent answer. Glad you're still around Shani!

I can relate (I think pretty much) ...though I do love when my hub takes charge of issues other than the sexual ones.

[snowy]

I'm dominant in some respects, he's dominant in others. Either way, we end up with a balance that works for us. Overall, I dictate what goes on/what happens more often, but he always has veto power.

[Starkizzer]

I think Shani expressed it best. That's how it works most of the time for us, though sometimes he says I just don't like his decisions. LOL


*I wonder what our partners were to say if the same question was asked of them*

[*Nikki*]

I know my husband would agree with me 100%.

[Meditrina]

In life, I am the more dominant one, but I don't want to be. I'd rather it be more 50-50, and I try to make it that way. Unfortunately, you cannot change how the other person is, and my attempts to have him take more control get results that are not long lasting.

[annie1]

I would have to say yes and pretty much agree with *Nikki*'s description of things

[StellaLuna]

Oooh. So I'd probably say that Ratbastid is "in the lead", I guess-- but Lurkette is right up there too. I'm really more likely to roll along with everyone else than to stick an elbow out there and push.

[KRM28152]

My boyfriend is very easy going too, and it crawls all over me. I'm very take charge and he often interprets it as me being his mother. It's refreshing when he does decide to take charge, however, and I'm willing to give that charge over...if I agree with his decision. (lol) I wish he would make decisions more often so I'd feel like what we were doing was something he enjoyed too.

Hmm...maybe I should talk to him, lol.

[333halfabeast]

Just got out of a relationship, however, I have never really been the "dominating" type. I am much easier going.

[Just J]

I'm more dominant when it comes to the finances - my husband couldn't save money or balance a check book if his life depended on it. He controls the remote to the TV in the living room, I control the remote to the TV in the bedroom. He fixes shit, I clean and we both do laundry. We agree where to go for dinner unless one of us has a craving for one special place. The sex depends on our mood - it's all good.

[genuinegirly]

We're pretty 50/50. He likes to take the lead sometimes, I do other times.

He likes when I lead, and he does a great job of rolling with the punches. I'm not enitrely confident making large life-altering decisions, but he has me making them for us anyway. For instance, I chose where we'll be going to graduate school. I applied, I got in, I chose to go. This will relocate us halfway across the country, but he's only excited about it. Now that I've firmed up everything I needed on my end, he has decided to apply for his grad program at the same school. It's delightfully disturbing to me when he has me make a decision like this one. I am so unaccustomed to it, it feels wonderful when he tells me I've made a great choice and gets motivated about my decision.

In the day-to-day: He makes decisions about finances, but always seems to run things by me first. I make decisions about what to do on weekends for about half of the year, while he dictates the bulk of our weekend schedules during football and basketball seasons. When it comes to laundry, he and I trade off. Dishes? Whoever cooks doesn't clean up. Cooking, then? We both enjoy it, usually we cook together. General cleaning? I find it theraputic, so he doesn't do much unless I'm ill. Working a regular job? Both/neither.

Who wears the pants? I like to say that he does. He likes to say that I do.

[anti fishstick]

i'm not sure that my 'dominance' in my relationship is such a good thing. i tend to dictate our conversations and focus them towards myself, my problems, etc. without giving much in return and listening to his needs. this is one of those issues i'm trying to address...

in other areas, i will want him to make the plans, and it turns out that things don't often happen (like celebrating our anniversary, ever, for example) because none of us takes the initiative. We'll go out to dinner or things around our anniversary. But it's not really something I/we schedule, and he just says after the fact that it was for celebrating our anniversary. I am not a good planner so that's why I look to him to take initiative or make decisions, but I don't think he finds this quite fair and that maybe I should get out of my comfort zones a bit. *shrug*

[*Nikki*]

It's nice to have you back around here anti fishstick, we missed you!

[ItWasMe]

It depends on the subject. I am the dominate one concerning computers. One subject he dominates is cars. He has the degree (albeit an old one) to fix cars. Although he learned he hates fixing cars, he knows when they are making a sound/movement that requires attention, sometimes before I notice.

Also, I don't feel the need to dominate others, but do feel a need to not let others dominate me. I go with the flow when it is going the direction I wish to travel. When it isn't, I hop out of the boat and say no.

[janlo]

It must just be the way I am put together but I am in charge. I have the final say in every aspect of our marriage and he loves it that way. I get my way at work as I am the head there and cannot imagine changing at home.

Jan