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I want to go to JAIL!~!! (PLEASE!!)
As a proud tester and exploiter of vulnerable systems (for my employment, among other things) I noticed a rather interesting thing today. Let me know if you see any flaws in the below, because it appears to be a legitimate life choice.
My primary concerns in life are time and money, and money only as a means to an end. Money is necessary to best spend my time, whether it being enjoying a sunset in Barbados or lounging around with my girlfriend. If it weren't for its critical role in my survival and enjoyment of life, I'd hate money. Its unfortunately very necessary that I maintain a steady income, in order to provide shelter, food, and entertainment. I imagine the majority of you share this belief. However, I'd also like to devote a considerable amount of time developing my creative and physical abilities. Again, money and time conflict in this interest. Because I've got to work AND go to school, my time for things like art and bodybuilding is limited. Obviously, the most easy solution would be to stop working and stop attending school. How would I provide for my basic needs, then? PRISON! It is the ultimate solution for anyone wishing an education, a well developed physical body, and a creative education. JinnKai - are you crazy? Going to prison to better your life? WHY OF COURSE! See below.... Because 8 to 10 hours a day is spent in work or class, this is obviously time taken from physical or creative development. If I didn't have to work to support my means, I would have this entire time to devote to them. In prison, you do not need to work. Your basic necessities, such as food and shelter, are provided. If I were to abandon work outside of prison, I would have to waste similar time begging for food and money. But in prison, it's provided for FREE! Whoever said there is no FREE meal has obviously not considered prison as a good choice. Every morning I could wake up and begin my studies of the contempary arts, or perhaps travel to the gym to work out. I've had a solid day of time, and then I'd walk the short distance back to my "room," sleep for HOWEVER long I wanted, and return to my studies the next day. The basic requirement for this is that the jail has both a library AND a gym, both of which the Criminal Justice Center in my city has. Likewise, I could hone my skills at "hobbies" such at chess, by playing with the other inmates. This makes the next question obvious -- how do you get in jail? Obviously, I don't want a felony or large crime to destroy possible jobs in the future, so I need to find a misdemeanor that provides an adequate sentence. Something with a maximum jail time of 18 months should suffice. Additionally I'd have to hire a poor lawyer to defend me, so that I couldn't plea bargain out of jail time. Those requirements met, the only part left is to commit the crime. Another benefit! Because your ultimate goal is ACTUALLY jailtime, you'll be able to celebrate being caught for a crime. I'd likely do something like drug-dealing combined with possession of a stolen handgun. Maybe evading police officers if necessary to guarantee a solid (yet limited) set of jailtime. Because it's a misdeamanor, I could easily chalk it up to a "youthful discretion" and likely not even need to report it on job applications. So, since I've chosen drug dealing, I can enjoy the LARGE profits in that market until I'm caught. Since my ultimate goal was to be arrested, there's no worries about being caught drug dealing. The only noticable "bad thing" about jail is the limited social interaction with your current relations. Since this is a pre-planned jailing, I'd have tons of time to let my friends know my new address at the jailhouse, should they want to "hang out" some time. The visitations would likely be short, but I'd still be able to see my friends. I'm sure at this point many people are wondering about sex. It WOULD be a sacrifice, but.. monks and nuns have been known to go celibate for years at a time, and they say it improves their spiritial and emotional sides. 18 months without sex wouldn't be horrible, as many people (myself included) went 18 years of their adolescence without sex. So - in summary: free education, free shelter, free food, make your own schedule, be your own boss, bulk up AND lose weight, become smarter and more creative.. what's NOT not to like? Are there any flaws in this plan I've failed to mention? Obviously I can't actively pursue this at the moment, but it would be nice to have better judged any possible flaws by the time this plan goes into action. Thanks ahead of time for reading and commenting. :) |
Oh and I just realized, it also helps you break those addictions that most people complain about having. Unless you really search for it, you can't get cigarettes, alcohol, or caffiene in prison.. more improvements to your health.. so the list so far:
* free education, * free shelter * free food * free showers * make your own schedule * be your own boss * bulk up * lose weight * commit crimes without fear of jailtime * break dependency on sex * become smarter and more creative * break addictions * develop "hobby" skills such as jigsaw puzzles and chess |
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I'm 6'6", 200 lbs and a very nice guy. I don't think I'd have to worry about that, as its not very prevalent.. especially in the "fishtank" that comprises the Justice Center in my city..
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Nope, I can't see any flaws at all. :crazy:
And who said people in prison don't have sex? I'm sure someone will take an interest in you and allow you to engage in the physical act of love. Good luck and let us know how the crime spree turns out. :thumbsup: |
It's foolproof. Aside from the sodomy. And no matter how big you are, there is someone there who is bigger.
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Alright adding sodomy to the list of negatives. Anything else?
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Jail is for sentences less than 12 months and is generally located in your city (such as the one you mentioned), while prisons are for any sentences over 12 months.
Furthermore, posession with intent is a felony - and due to mandatory minimum sentences for drug dealers, you'd get locked up for more than you like. I'd settle for something simple like the 3-times and you're out shoplifting. |
I heard stories from a friend about shit fights.
Yes, they shit, take it out of the loo, and hurl it at eachother. ...and you won't believe what the inmates do. |
As appealing as drug dealing sounded, you're right -- I might have to settle for a benign crime. I think I'm going with "criminal libel." If I read it correctly, all I have to do is make up horrible lies about someone important for long enough to get arrested. In colorado, criminal libel is a class 1 misdemeanor so I'd go for a minimum 6 months, maximum 18 months. Sounds perfect..
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God help you if you simply change your mind.
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What with looking for the bootcamp type structured workout program the other day and now this, perhaps you ought to consider becoming some old woman's manwhore. Spend the day working out in front of her, looking pretty and from time to time having to "service" her.
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You've never been in a jail, have you? I've never served time, but I've visited. Some thoughts on the negatives:
* Your companions will in the main be poorly educated and impulsive, and many will have drug problems (see below). Jail is full of people who haven't grown up or aren't ever going to. You won't like most of your fellow inmates, and since there is little or no privacy, you can never get away from them. Think middle school, only even more more stupid and brutal. Doesn't matter how nice a guy you are. Somebody's just going to decide they don't like you; and if they're well-connected, you're in trouble. *You will stay in your cell all day with very little to do. You will have a cellmate, or two or three in a cell only meant for two. Many jails are very, very overcrowded. You say you don't want to work, but most inmates are _really happy_ to get work. It's something to do, and it might get you out a little faster. *You will have absolutely no control over your life. The rules are all. Nobody wants to know your feelings, or trusts anything you have to say. You're being warehoused. The rules of society as you know it, no longer apply. For that reason, if another inmate steals something from your -- and they will, if they think they can get away with it -- what are you going to do? Are the guards going to believe you? And how are your fellow inmates going to respond if you _do_ go to the guards? *There are plenty of drugs in jail. They get in all the time. There are little power groups built around drug dealing or other kinds of illicit activities even in non-metropolitan jails. Better not get in their way. Also, everything I'm talking about is at the county jail level. Things get worse at the state level. Here in California, we have a corrupt and powerful state prison guards' union which protects bad guards from prosecution for systemic abuse; including things like putting two badasses who hate each other in the exercise yard at the same time, alone, and letting them go at it without interfering. While the guards place wagers. There are some countries in the world where jail or prison can be a positive experience. Getting busted in Finland, I'm told, can be a positive, life-changing experience. Here in the states.... not so much. I think you should hunt down some friend who's done a little time and ask him about the good parts of jail. His reply, after the obligatory opening, "Are you NUTS?" will be very enlightening. County sheriffs would be good to ask, too -- they run the jails -- and you'd probably get the same answer. But the fact that you propose this at all, even as a lark, indicates that you are probably from a socioeconomic class in which nobody you know has _ever_ gone to jail. If you had, you wouldn't be asking the question. |
Go for it dude, I might do the same thing someday.
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If you want to do 18 months in one stretch, it's going to take more than just slapping somebody, it's going to take a minor felony, or a string of misdemeanors. A criminal record (and yes a misdemeanor is a crime) is not going to help you when you pursue a good job, and will prevent you from being able to get many of those jobs. Get sentenced to anything over 365 days in jail and you won't be doing time in the city or county lock-up, you'll be doing it in the state pen. Prison is a whole different world than the local jail. 6'6" and 200 lbs means your tall and thin, very desirable to somebody in prison who is looking for a bitch. You'll be dealing with guys who are 6'6" 300 lbs of nothing but muscle, pissed off, horny, and going to try to take whatever they want from you, including your ass.
Then there are the mental things doing prison time does to you. The recidivism rate in the US prison system is extremely high. It's that way for a reason. the lifestyle you MUST live to survive in prison simply doesn't work on the outside. The problem is, that lifestyle, the way you handle different things becomes a part of you. It's very difficult to undo what prison does to you. |
No internet. How would you TFP?
Your post makes me think of the following joke: Prison vs. Work * IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. * AT WORK....You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle. * IN PRISON...You get three meals a day. * AT WORK....You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it. * IN PRISON...You get time off for good behavior. * AT WORK....You get rewarded for good behavior with more work. * IN PRISON...A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. * AT WORK....You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. * IN PRISON...You can watch TV and play games. * AT WORK....You get fired for watching TV and playing games. * IN PRISON...You get your own toilet. * AT WORK....You have to share. * IN PRISON...They allow your family and friends to visit. * AT WORK....You cannot even speak to your family and friends. * IN PRISON...All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. * AT WORK....You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. * IN PRISON...You spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out. * AT WORK....You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars. * IN PRISON...There are wardens who are often sadistic. * AT WORK....They are called supervisors. |
I say go for it. Now I'm one car-length up in traffic.
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umm how about you just get a job as a construction worker or some other manual labor. That way you get a workout while you work then you can devote your other time to studies and still have freedom and a clean record.
It will be very hard to get a good job with a criminal record. |
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What about the filth?? You think they clean those places with bleach? Mmm, I'm guessing no. I have a feeling lice and bed bugs are frequent visitors. No Mr. Clean in prison. Also, I dont care how much you weigh...........you will get the sh*t kicked out of you at some point. Wow, great idea. :| |
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YEAH I'm going to have to go with 5757 on this one and say it's probably not something you want to do. Here are some of my reasons.
1. Once you get out what then? Getting a descent job will become increasingly harder with a criminal record. No matter how small it will be considered a criminal record. 2. Like before mentioned there's never big enough. I don't know if someone mentioned it before but, even if you are big enough for one you are no way big enough for three. Yeah that's what they do to the big pretty boys (any one who's never went before is considered pretty...they will know if you've been). They get a group of three to take care of your new behind. NOT cool in any way. 3. It's not like you choose the time you have, or what you can do with it. You will be told when you can work out, and hope no one is on the few pieces of equipment you want. Also when you do get to go to the library, don't be surprised if the literature there isn't up to par with what your looking for. All around I believe a bad idea. With the size you have why not try amateur modeling or body building? |
Don't drop the soap! Don't wanna end up like Peter Griffin now do you? :D
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Why not get yourself shot, fake post dramatic stress disorder and draw a check every month.. and if you get caught, you get to try your jail thing :)
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You should try for Martha Stewarts old prison block. It sounded pretty sweet there.
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In all seriousness you should consider joining the army or reserves. In the army you :
-Can live on base and have shelter and meals. -Get an education. -Get steady work and pay while building up your body -NOT have a criminal record. -Retain a degree of freedom. Mind if you're an american you will get shipped overseas, so that sort of puts a damper on things. In all seriousness, this is the stupidest and most naive plan I've ever heard. What you're proposing equates to a year and a half of no freedom, no privacy and no life. You'll be surrounded by the absolute worst society has to offer. You don't go to sleep whenever you want. You're told when to go to sleep, when to eat, when to shit etc... But if you still think it's a good idea, go for it. |
I remember in my senior year of high school, they took us to the local jail to show us what it was like in there. It was partly to discourage DUIs but was a pretty in depth look at the place.
Maybe you can ask the local law enforcement to give you a breakdown of what your day would be like, take you through a dry run. I remember Diane Sawyer on nightline got a chance to stay in prison one night while Nightline filmed it. It was interesting. |
One thing you might want to consider is that jail/prison is meant as a resocialization centre, and as such, you might not escape your sentence unscathed. You may come out reformed in some ways emotionally or mentally that you don't like as a consequence of your little vacation from society. So if you like yourself, I highly recommend avoiding jailtime.
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say hi to Bubbles for me eh? ;)
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I think the 'be careful what you wish for' paradigm is relevant for this, I can imagine that the experience would best serve as a lesson to enjoy the advantages of the liberal societies which we take for granted. Not all people in prison are morons who lack the facility to take best advantage of their time whilst there, and i have not heard of anyone who came out of prison stating it was a pleasurable experience that they would reccomend. You would probably enjoy it for the reasons you state for two weeks, after which you'll realise that a prison is a prison for a reason.
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Think of this: An 18-wheeler speeding up what was once a one-way street.
I bet you could find a better way to do what you want, without the buttrape. |
I don't think you'd be able to make your own schedule,and I'm pretty certain that the guards were not going to let you be your own boss...
Prisons are pretty bleak places... Maybe you'd want to commit some sort of white collar crime and end up in the federal pen -- they have reputations for being country clubs :) |
I...umm...
Isn't this a joke? Is everyone playing along, or are you serious? I mean, it's an interesting social commentary, but I don't think that prison can really be as grand as it seems from the outside. I mean, look at how hard some people try to stay out of there. And don't most Americans fight really really hard against a cooshy, semi-communal, dictatoral society? |
I say Join the Army.......
Gain new skills.... Travel to Exotic, Distant lands Become immersed in varied cultures..... build character, and body mass meet exiting, new people......... And Kill Them..... |
be your own boss? umm no.. the guards tell you what and when to do things... they are the boss.
If you are in NYC I have a friend who's husband is a prison guard at Rikers Island and I can setup a meeting for you. Having spent a day or two in county lockup in my past (what can I say I lived a colorful life)... I can say that it's not somewhere you want to be for any extended period of time. |
Take out shitloads of loans and go back to school. It'll look better on your resume than an 18-month "break" you'll have to explain to future employers. Plus, as long as you are still in school, the loans are deferred. So just NEVER LEAVE SCHOOL. Die an 80-year-old with 8 degrees and no heirs to assume your debt.
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I have heard excellent things about the book "YOU ARE GOING TO PRISON" by Jim Hogshire.
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I can see the dark humour that the OP is making. I thought it funny. I have also thought that my life was worse than a prisoner, and appreciate the sarcasm and irony. |
Better plan: take several of those credit card offers that come in the mail, supplimented by student loans. Live on them as long as possible, then sell off the stuff you bought for more time. You can live better than you would in prison for at least 18 months. You will have ruined your credit, but that blot goes away a lot faster than a criminal record.
Or sign up for ROTC. They will pay for you to attend school for four years, maybe six for certain degrees. Then they will pay you for at least four more, while offering you much more freedom than prison. If you elect to continue this for an entire career, you can, and you get to retire young, with excellent benefits! Point by point rebuttals to your specific assertions: "In prison, you do not need to work. Your basic necessities, such as food and shelter, are provided." You do not have to work outside, either. If you are a drug-free bum there are many shelters that will feed and house you. If one gives up on you, just go to another. "Whoever said there is no FREE meal has obviously not considered prison as a good choice." It is not free. You give up a great deal for some unappetizing food and a cot. "Every morning I could wake up and begin my studies of the contempary arts, or perhaps travel to the gym to work out. I've had a solid day of time, and then I'd walk the short distance back to my "room," sleep for HOWEVER long I wanted, and return to my studies the next day." Why would you think they let you wander around inside the prison as you choose, doing whatever you like? "I don't want a felony or large crime to destroy possible jobs in the future, so I need to find a misdemeanor that provides an adequate sentence. Something with a maximum jail time of 18 months should suffice." No, you need a MINIMUM penalty of 18 months. As a first offender on good behavior you would serve only a fraction of the maximum sentence. Don’t even think of not being on good behavior. You may find that 18 months growing a bit. And you are aware that you typically are on parole for years after you get out? "Additionally I'd have to hire a poor lawyer to defend me, so that I couldn't plea bargain out of jail time." No, you want a good lawyer, to negotiate a guilty plea in exchange for a promise of being sent to a nicer facility for a longer time. However, if they have you dead to rights, they really don't need to bargain at all, and they may not approve of your plan. You might get sent to a... less desirable place. And a good lawyer will cost you more than it would take to live a spartan life for 18 months. "I'd likely do something like drug-dealing combined with possession of a stolen handgun. Maybe evading police officers if necessary to guarantee a solid (yet limited) set of jailtime. Because it's a misdeamanor, I could easily chalk it up to a "youthful discretion" and likely not even need to report it on job applications." No, anything that would send you to prison creates a serious and permanent criminal history. You have misconceptions about what people are willing to chalk up to “youthful indiscretion” and what you must admit to on applications. "So, since I've chosen drug dealing, I can enjoy the LARGE profits in that market until I'm caught." If you have large profits, why not simply quit the dealing, live sparingly off the profits for the 18 months, and avoid prison? "Since my ultimate goal was to be arrested, there's no worries about being caught drug dealing." Other than destroying others lives, permanent criminal history, loosing the respect of your loved ones, and personal danger, that is. "The only noticable "bad thing" about jail is the limited social interaction with your current relations." Considering only social releations, it's more accurate to say that you loose many of those you have now and replace them with others that you will probably find less desirable. "Since this is a pre-planned jailing, I'd have tons of time to let my friends know my new address at the jailhouse, should they want to "hang out" some time." Of course, they might simply drop the “friend” who obviously does not care who he hurts so long as he gets to mooch off others. If they do visit, the “quality time” won't quite be up to the level of dropping over for pizza and beer. "18 months without sex wouldn't be horrible, as many people (myself included) went 18 years of their adolescence without sex." (An 18 year adolescence - no way. Maybe five.) Perhaps your significant other does not feel the same way. Of course, she is not compelled to abstain, now is she? Desirable companions are another thing you will find more difficult to come by as an ex-con. It's a trust thing. Once you demonstrate you are willing to lie, cheat, steal, and/or betray trust for personal gain, it's harder to get the good ones. "So - in summary: free education, free shelter, free food, make your own schedule, be your own boss, bulk up AND lose weight, become smarter and more creative. what's NOT not to like?" Right! The proof is that you can always pick the ex-cons out of a crowd by their general glow of good health, witty repartee, and air of relaxed fulfillment! They universally express their satisfaction with the experience, and recommend it wholeheartedly! By the way, while prisons offer high school coursework, you'll find accredited college courses in short supply. Even one did offer such work, your plan of not revealing the prison term on job applications sort of falls apart if you list your degree as coming from Folsom Prison, right? |
I assume this post is a joke, but to add to the thread I will say this. You say its free? I don't think it is. Sure it is free to you, but all the other hard working americans would be paying for your so called free jail vacation. As well if I remember reading correctly it takes months if not years to get signed up for your so called free education while in jail. Good luck not getting stabbed to death while you shower!
What I get from this post is "hey american tfp'ers I'm lazy, don't want to work hard to achieve my goals, so your all gonna pay for me!" sorry if i am wrong, just appears that way to me. |
If you want something like this legitimately... just join the military. In officer's training you can get a "free" education, boot camp will have you in shape in no time, "free" food and lodging AND you get to earn it by serving your country...
Negatives: you will likely have to go to Afghanistan, Iraq or some other hot spot but that is only for a little while... |
Hahahahahahahahahaha.........
Your idea is so stupid I actually think that it would be a good idea for you to go through with it. Talk to someone who's actually been in for an extended amount of time before you do something you'd regret. |
I'd have to agree with charleton. Go into the military. I find it way more better than losing your freedom just for some food, education and lodging. I mean a few month in the slammer would be ok but for a long period of time you will be wanting to freedom. Those types of urges are strong and will drive you crazy.
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So - in summary: free education, free shelter, free food,
Thanks, I'm glad to see my tax dollars are the foremost concern on your mind. |
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:) |
Wow.
Might I suggest that people look for and read "A Modest Proposal for preventing the children of poor people in Ireland from being a burden to their parents or country, and for making them beneficial to the public" By Jonathan Swift, 1729. During the Potato Famine, Swift wrote this essay to bring attention to the suffering of his fellow countrymen to that of the English land barrons who were either ignoring or ignorant to the situation. Swift's "Proposal" quickly angered the public when published, and people called him to explain how he could be so cruel as to think of babies as one would a piece of meat. He replied that the English public was doing just that by not helping the Irish poor in their time of need. JinnKai uses the same sense of irony; He (or she, sorry about gender issues) states the preposterous and waits for people to object. The rational objection is then compared to the (equally preposterous) current state of truth, and the objectors are left feeling quite foolish about their original opinion. "But what about all of the horrible things that can happen to you in prison": JinnKai is trying to make you think about the horrible things that happen OUT OF PRISON, every day across the land. "But what about being raped in the shower by a guy (or 3) named Bubbles": Very bad things, including rape and murder, happen every day across the land. There is a political statement here. Think about your life, and think about how things would IMPROVE if you went to jail. Ignore all of the bad things in jail for a moment. Now, look at that list. That is the crux of the argument. (I always wanted to use that word, crux. It looks and sounds so cool. Crux.) Please read the full Swift text HERE |
and for some there are lots that make that choice BigBen...
homeless people make that choice all the time, as do repeat offenders who don't know how to live outside the system. |
Any credit if we were just standing here looking at JK in amazement?
The first post sounded like a troll, but with follow-ups I couldn't be certain. Really JK, I was becoming concerned. :) Phew! Glad that's over. |
JinnKai eats babies!
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Jinn, this post wasn't nearly outlandish enough to be solidly in jest. A fair number of people (as someone else said) go to jail purposefully simply because they are homeless and want a place to sleep, eat, et cetera. You have to get a little more extreme if you want most people to get the joke. :P
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This was a joke? It was a heck of a lot more funny when I thought it was serious.
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IT'S NOT A JOKE!
It is a political statement using irony. Irony is not always funny. |
Sorry, Ben. Not everyone gets irony in written form - sometimes they need verbal cues. :lol:
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If your talking about your job I think its time to get a new one... :eek: |
I've always thought about getting arrested on some trumped up charges for similar reasons -including the resulting lawsuit.
Step 1) Get diagnosed with Tourettes syndrome. a) Tell a doctor that you cant fucking stop swearing dammit. b) Get the diagnoses on the books. Step 2) Find a public location where a friend can covertly film you confronting the police. Step 3) Find a goose-stepping little Adolf clone and tell him what you really think of him. Let him have it verbally. a) Done right -you should bleed from this experience. Officer Friendly will simply beat you senseless and when you come to -plenty-O-riches ala Rodney King. In court -you are just a harmless man with a mental problem. The jury will sympathize and look forward to the hefty settlement. |
If this is all about irony or satire, it flew right by me. Frankly, I know some people who are foolish enough to think this way.
If you think your life is jail because you sit in a cubie all day and don't get to do all the things you want to do -- I will simply hold that the fault is yours, and _you don't want to do them badly enough._ Pay the price, and you can do anything you want. Of course, it's cheaper to stay in a comfortable rut and whine :-). |
Unless you're gay, then you might enjoy the vast quantities of sodomy.
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irony lost on me.
-bear |
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Not always http://img116.exs.cx/img116/1524/11ub.jpg |
I have a question: Has anyone ever heard of or known anyone that said, "Jeez whiz, it was fun in jail!" ?
Most likely, no. We here about people trying to get out, appealing their sentence, etc. |
Actually I know a guy who claimed that he didn't think it was all that bad. He was talking about county jail though and not the pen. And he has since that time in both. However I don't know if he has as favorable opinions of the latter as he did the former.
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Just for the record, I was at about an 80% chance of satire. One of the hints was the tilde (~) in the thread title in the middle of the exclamation points.
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You got satire from that?
BTW, I always thought that the Tilde (~) was a mathematical symbol meaning "Approximately". Does it mean something else in literary terms? |
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0mg PL m3 plz!!!111eleventyone!! |
this is just silly. crap food, rules you have to follow or get beat up, violence, agressive inmates, filth...I wouldn't swap my life for that ever. No matter how bad it is I can always go for a walk somewhere beautiful and feel better - no chance of anything like that in jail.
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Satire is usually an attempt to skewer a particular person or a political stance held by a large number of people. Whom exactly is this skewering?
I can't see this as satire in any way, shape, or form. Rather, it's just a fun hypothetical fantasy. |
I got done with an 18 month sentence at a County Jail in May. I got setup in a drug deal and did my time. The sentence was carried out at a County jail as a second chance type deal, I finished the program and do not have a conviction on my record. I was on work release 5 days a week so I did my TFP’ing at the office..
We didn’t have cells; they housed us in a metal warehouse type building that could only be compared with an airplane hangar. The building had 40 bunch beds lined up side by side and a trailer that we called the shit house right next door to it. Picture one side of the shit house as 8 toilets about a foot and a half from each other side by side (with nothing between them). The other side had the zero privacy showers. The building we lived in had no air conditioning. It got up to 120 degrees on a regular basis. I am in Florida, so add the 95% humidity into the mix and your basically living in a Sauna. The first 60 days of my sentence I didn’t have the luxury of being able to work. As a “trustee” (jail birds with jobs), you get nice jobs during the day like walking the sides of the road for 8-10 hours picking up trash, or sorting recycling goods at the landfill. You get nice black and white striped uniforms to ware, which is humiliating in itself. If you work as a trustee they get 5 days a month off your sentence, otherwise you get to sit around in jail all day, everyday which is maddening in and of it self. The food is HORRIBLE. Moldy bread and greenish bologna for lunch, powdered eggs and grits for breakfast, and what ever they wish to throw together for dinner. It’s a life changing experience, but like other people said, your probably better off joining the military. |
To clarify, this wasn't originally intended as a satire. I wrote it out, as BigBen clearly identified, because I
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Last year, we had 713,990 people in jail, and 1,421,911 in prison. (source) Prison has never been meant for rehabilitation, only for removal from society and PUNISHMENT. We either need to focus more on rehabilitating habitual offenders, or return prison to state where it is NOT a thing to look forward to. |
Join the military. Never been to jail myself, but most of the people i find myself surrounded with today and consider my friends have served time. Jail is not a place you would go willingly.. County jails and state jails are often times worse than your federal "pound me in the ass" prison. Unless your a rich white guy who can get into a nice white collar jail your fucked (possibly literaly).
Then once you get out you have to deal with things like probation. Also will make getting hired anywhere a much more difficult task. Depending on where you live, you may end up sacrificing your right to vote, or ever own a firearm. To be brutaly honest it just kind of sounds like your a lazy person. On the plus side, you'll either learn to handle yourself in a fight very well, or learn to take an ass beating like a man. |
Embezzle a very large sum of money and hide it well. A local lady stole ~600,000 from a group of MDs and got 7 yrs but was out in 2. Not a bad tax free salary. And as you point out, her cost of living for 2 yrs was nil.
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When I first read the first post I thought.... what a completely stupid post. I read it again, then read through the replies, and then read your followup post. You've got my vote on this one.
I have spent the last 8 years as a Correctional Officer. I have worked on maximum, medium, and minimum security units, as well as units that have drug treatment and other behavior modification programs in operation, as well as State Jails (these are for prison sentences of 2 years or less in TX). Currently Texas has 106 prison units overall, with a very small percentage being run by private contractors. There are 101 ways an officer can get into trouble each day, and a large majority have to do with violating one of the prisoners rights. I haven't done a lot of research on the subject, or inquired as to how other states do things, but I can speak from personal experience on what goes on in Texas prisons. Rehabilitation in prison? It doesn't exist. Those that are somehow rehabilitated are only that way because they made a personal decision to change. Where that decision comes from varies. Some change because of remorse, some because their heads have cleared from the drugs, and some (mainly younger offenders) change because for the first time in their lives they have been held accountable for their actions. I also believe that occasionally, I can influence a youthful offender, whether it be from giving him/her sound advice (not sugar coated, but sound), or by my example. Call it stupid, but in 8 years I have been approached many times out in the "world" by ex-offenders, and have been thanked by them for being a hard ass, and a couple times thanked by parents after visiting with their son. Sadly though, these are very isolated incidents, and overall prison is too soft a place these days. Inmates have been granted too many rights, and it has left us (staff) with our hands tied in most situations. Over the past 8 years I have watched the average age for convicted criminals drop, gang numbers increase, and not been suprised as I have watched it become common knowledge amoungst thugs that we (correctional staff) are very limited in what we can do with/to them when they screw up. The average inmate these days is younger, meaner, and in his or her mind has less to lose, and it shows in their attitudes and actions on a daily basis. I have gotten into countless confrontations, a lot ending up in my having to use force, simply because the offender doesn't think he has to do what I say. I have been lucky in that I have never been brought up on charges, mainly because I am a stickler for following rules and policy. But who is really winning...me or the convict? In the long run, nobody. I lose because eventually I will have to go toe to toe with the same inmate, or another over a similar situation. The inmate loses, because eventually they will do as told, and in Texas we can and do use force if necessary to gain compliance. And last but not least, the public loses because everyday we release hundreds (if not thousands nationwide) that haven't learned their lesson, and they are ready to go out and re-offend again. The general public thinks they are doing a good job by being "tough on crime", but once the trial is over and the convicted person sentenced, the average person's "get tough on crime" thought process stops. So what are we doing? We lock 'em up....the convicts set on their asses, and eventually they get out... and not a damn thing was accomplished. In Texas the recividism rate hovers around 50%, and many states have the same problem. We get to feed, clothe, and house these people while they learn how to become better (in their minds anyway) criminals. JinnKai, you hit the nail on the head. Either we need to start rehabilitating criminals, and that takes money (hear that voters??), or prison needs to be returned to being a hellish place that people do NOT want to return to. Thanks for the post JinnKai. I wish more people would think about this sort of thing. Some may have found humor in the original post, I sure did. But, you'd be suprised at how many criminals actually think like that. In the end, it's really not funny. Sad, and a waste would be a closer to the truth. |
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