Small accident

[sky_driver]

Yesterday, my wife bumped another car at work. Luckly there was no damage to the other car and the owner said not to worry since his car was not damaged, but our car has a small dent in the plastic bumper. The dent does not bother us, but my wife does not want to have to explain it if anyone asks because she is embarassed that she damaged the car.

She wants to just tell people that someone hit her in a parking lot, while I say people could care less if they know you did it. She definatly does not want her sister to know, since she always makes jokes about her "little accidents".

Should I even care what she tells others?

[maleficent]

A lie is a lie... it's really her lie though.. .if it doesn't bother her... Family can be harsh with people because they will often tell the truth,a nd the truth is often hard to hear.

Now the preachy me...

However, her driving skills would give me cause for concern, if this is constantly happening, it doesn't sound like she's paying close enough attention to her driving, perhaps a driver improvement clinic, or disabling the radio/cell phone in her car might be in order.

There really is no excuse to not be a careful driver, and if she's not going to be careful, then she shouldn't be on the road or in parking lots.

[denim]

I would think a dent in a plastic bumper could be remove. Not so?

[feelgood]

Originally Posted by denim

I would think a dent in a plastic bumper could be remove. Not so?

Yeah it can. My dad actually brought this device that helps to remove dents for his truck but unfortunately, my brother and step sister fucked up the truck so much that after awhile of trying to fix the dent(s) he just simply gave up.

No thanks to streak56

[Furry]

I thought plastic bumpers were supposed to be dent-proof?

[Meditrina]

It is a shame that she cannot tell her own family the truth without getting criticized. I know the feeling all too well. I did finally get to the point that I don't tell them certain things, and if they ask I tell them the truth anyway. If they cannot respect me for the adult I have become that is their own thing to deal with. Anyway, I didn't mean to go on here. Sorry. If I were in your wife's position, I'd probably tell a little white lie to my sister too.

[feelgood]

If your wife is getting sick of having to hear teasing from her sister, just tell your sister-inlaw to give her a break. Same for anybody that teases her, if your wife doesn't like it, she shouldn't have to get it.

[Jinn]

The dent does not bother us, but my wife does not want to have to explain it if anyone asks because she is embarassed that she damaged the car.

Perhaps I'm reading too much into this, but lying to defend from embarassment is a very slippery slope. If she had an affair, would she feel justified in lying to you about it, because "she was embarassed" ? On the other hand, anyone truly mean enough to mock her for it may be better off not knowing about it. There's no sense telling the truth to someone if you know they will not be respectful in return. If I were in your position, I'd try to help her release that no one is perfect. Being a bad driver can be a very funny thing, especially since its just a little dent. I don't think you should be concerned that she's telling her sister "a story," but I would if she were telling people who'd laugh with her about it the story as well.

[clavus]

Time to man up. Tell your wife to tell anyone who asks... YOU put the ding in the bumper. Act like you did it. Take the blame. It's a little thing. It costs nothing and will make your wife happy.

Would I lie to protect my wife's happiness? You bet your ass.

[5757]

Seems like a simple little white lie to me! I'll be honest, I've been in three accidents in the last 2 weeks. They were all my fault. I was distracted each time.
Does your wife talk on the phone a lot? I will admit I am just a really bad driver. Another thing I will be honest about is the fact that I lie about it. It's very embarrasing to have to explain that because of the lack of driving skills, I am ruining my car. I don't think it should bother you if your wife chooses not to admit to her mistakes concerning the car. She just doesn't want to have to explain herself. She shouldn't have to anyway.

Clavus is right! Make her happy and say you did it. Maybe she will reward you later! ha

[shakran]

Originally Posted by clavus

Time to man up. Tell your wife to tell anyone who asks... YOU put the ding in the bumper. Act like you did it. Take the blame. It's a little thing. It costs nothing and will make your wife happy.

Would I lie to protect my wife's happiness? You bet your ass.

we have a fundamental difference of opinion there. I personally am not going to lie to allow my wife to be immature. We run around saying real adults accept responsibility for their actions, then we say that if it's your wife, let her off the hook. CRAP! Women's libbers must be foaming at the mouth over this.
1)it's a dent. She didn't kill anyone or torture children. It's a little dent. You don't care. She doesn't care.

2) She did it. Saying you did it is stupid. Mature people own up to their mistakes when necessary.

3) that when necessary bit is important. No one's gonna give a shit about a dent in YOUR car. If they do, tell 'em what happened. For the majority that don't ask, you don't need to tell 'em.

[BigBen]

Originally Posted by sky_driver

Should I even care what she tells others?

No. You should only care about what YOU tell others.

Do you have any control over what your wife tells others? No. (i hope not)

If someone asked me what happened to someone else's car, I would say "ask them."

If you allow yourself an opinion on this issue, then you take a sense of ownership in the whole mess. I would say back off, and let her do what she does.

I would also recommend driver improvement classes, and you can take them with her. Constant improvement, Kaisen. Never accept the present state as being "good enough". We can always be better divers. I point out that fact to my fellow commuters every day by my rage-filled gestures and liberal horn use. (just kidding on that last sentence )

[clavus]

Originally Posted by shakran

we have a fundamental difference of opinion there. I personally am not going to lie to allow my wife to be immature.
2) She did it. Saying you did it is stupid. Mature people own up to their mistakes when necessary.

Fair enough. I don't mind doing something stupid for my wife. And I'll "allow" my wife to do or be anything she wants. I'm not her boss, I'm her backup.

I promised to forsake all others before my wife. "All others" includes myself.

[BigBen]

Clavus, may I join the line of women who want to be married to you, or would that be creepy? You could introduce me at cocktail parties as your "Heterosexual life-partner".

Forsaking all others, including yourself. That is one cool dude.

[Psycho Dad]

Originally Posted by feelgood

If your wife is getting sick of having to hear teasing from her sister, just tell your sister-inlaw to give her a break.

Maybe he needs to tell her to shut the fuck up. OK, maybe that's too harsh, I don't know the sister-in-law.

But I would suggest to the sister-in-law that perhaps she doesn't realize how hurtful she may be when she starts in on shit like this.

[feelgood]

Originally Posted by 5757

Seems like a simple little white lie to me! I'll be honest, I've been in three accidents in the last 2 weeks. They were all my fault. I was distracted each time.

Um...no offense but for somebody who's been in an accident 3 times in 2 weeks alone should seriously consider undertake driving school, especially in driving safety. I'm only 21 and I've been driving for 3 years and I've only gotten myself in 1 accident and only 1 parking ticket.

[clavus]

Originally Posted by BigBen

Clavus, may I join the line of women who want to be married to you, or would that be creepy?

So THAT's what this line is! I thought you were standing in line for concert tickets or something. Look, I'm honored. I really am, but y'all need to move along. Look what you've done to my lawn.

[shakran]

Originally Posted by clavus

Fair enough. I don't mind doing something stupid for my wife. And I'll "allow" my wife to do or be anything she wants. I'm not her boss, I'm her backup.

I promised to forsake all others before my wife. "All others" includes myself.

I too will forsake all others including myself. However that does not mean that I'll support her when she wants to be immature, to lie, or to in other ways denigrate her character - since that's really forsaking her, isn't it?

[maskedrider]

I understand that she's just embarrassed, but it's still a lie. Maybe you should tell her sister to stop teasing your wife about her little accidents so that she won't be ashamed of telling the truth.

[Gatorade Frost]

I don't agree with the "It's a lie". Yes, I suppose it's a lie, but that shouldn't be a reason to not do it. I can understand why she would want to lie about that because it saves everyone face and you don't have to have people teasing you. Problem averted, and nobody's hurt by the lie.

I think it's also a slight hyperbole to equate a person telling his significant other about an affair they had and telling some one they didn't cause the small dent in the front of their car.

[pocon1]

nothing to say

[tspikes51]

Your wife's driving concerns me. Remember, driving is a privilege, not a right. It seems that you both take this more lightly than you should. The problem here is not the outcome, it's the behavior in the first place. Just because she wasn't going fast or didn't damage the other vehicle doesn't mean that she's careful (contrary to popular belief, slower doesn't always mean safer). I am not the world's greatest driver, but I've never had a vehicle on vehicle collision because I always try to be aware of my surroundings (however hard it may be with shitty tint and all, I've narrowly averted a few wrecks because of blind spots within blind spots). I suggest that you show more concern about your wife's driving habits, even if it means taking away the keys for a while.

[Martian]

I'll second your wife's driving being frightening. Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but it seems to me that you're saying this is an ongoing thing. One little dent isn't a big deal; hell, everybody fucks up. Just last week I backed into a fence. The issue is that it's a constant thing. Sure, maybe at the moment it's just nicks and scratches in parking lots, but that says to me that she's not paying attention to what she's doing in those parking lots. And if she's not paying attention there, she's probably not paying attention on the highway or in the city streets either, which means she could end up seriously hurting herself or someone else.

Driving is a very casual thing. We drive everywhere as a rule and we end up taking it for granted. That's not a good attitude to have. I know my car weighs just over two tons and I have enough of a physics background to know just how much force is behind two tons of steel that's travelling at 30 mph. You don't even need a physics background to know that it's a lot; not something to be taken lightly, in my opinion.

[samson501]

i think it`s your wife`s life and let her learn at her own pace. you can`t live it for her, only with her. some people have more bumps than others and classes may or may not help. let her work it out on her own. one of life`s lessons on a long and bumpy road that we all travel at diff speeds, 2 cents.

[sky_driver]

My wife is definatly a good driver. She just sometimes has bad luck. She never drives while eating, talking on the cell phone, or reading the paper as I see alot of other people doing.

I am concerned about the little dents and scrapes, as anyone would be, but I also know that she feels bad when she does bump something. As far as her sister's jokes, I will discuss it with her.

Again, she is a very good driver having never had a major accident or even a "fender bender". She sometimes just misjudges while parking. And, the only time she actually put a scrape on another car, she left her name and we took care of it which only cost about $50.00 to have the bumper rebuffed.

Thanks for your comments.

[Xazy]

Why care? If it makes her happy, keep peace in the house, harms no one... There are things that everyone is embarrassed about, and it is better to let her be, then do that to her.

[Funnel]

Just let her lie. It is not like it really matters in the end its just a plastic bumper. Get the pop a dent thing and fix it if possible or if it is as little as it sounds no one may ever even notice it.

[TSFM]

A lie is a lie I think. I think that if she can live with telling a white lie every time someone asks (and I can't imagine how many times one would get asked "What's up with the dent?") then that's on her and more power to her. If she can't deal with it, then honesty is the best policy.

Of course Georgre Carlin (I think) always said something to the effect of "If honesty is the best policy, doesn't that make dishonesty the second best policy by process of elimination?"

[la petite moi]

Your wife should take responsibility for what she did if anyone asks. Like Mal, I believe that there is a fundamental problem if she is known for her poor driving skills- either she has a vision problem, or she's doing other things like talking on the cellphone/listening to the radio too loud. Personally, I think she "deserves" a little teasing if she can't refrain from getting into accidents so often.

Edit: I just read your last post, sky. I still think she should tell the truth and maybe try practising parking a little more. It's not responsible to just cover things up.

[Cynthetiq]

Originally Posted by shakran

we have a fundamental difference of opinion there. I personally am not going to lie to allow my wife to be immature. We run around saying real adults accept responsibility for their actions, then we say that if it's your wife, let her off the hook. CRAP! Women's libbers must be foaming at the mouth over this.
1)it's a dent. She didn't kill anyone or torture children. It's a little dent. You don't care. She doesn't care.

2) She did it. Saying you did it is stupid. Mature people own up to their mistakes when necessary.

3) that when necessary bit is important. No one's gonna give a shit about a dent in YOUR car. If they do, tell 'em what happened. For the majority that don't ask, you don't need to tell 'em.

I agree... take responsibility for your actions.. good and bad. If you don't like the consequences you shouldn't be doing the activity in the first place.