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ShaniFaye 03-27-2005 04:42 PM

Your S/O meeting your family for the first time
 
I was originally going to put this in the ladies lounge but I thought maybe the guys would have something to add as well.

So....Im so thrilled with how things went this weekend I'd like to hear your stories too.

Dave had already met my mother many many times and she loves him. Most of you know I wasnt divorced yet from my 1st hubby until earlier this month ...so...my father, in the name of propriety refused to meet him until the divorce was final (he did the same thing to my sister and her 2nd hubby, it took her awhile as her first hubby was in jail for murder and the divorce took awhile).

Daddy and I had a long talk on the day it was final and he said when everything had calmed down from my sisters cancer surgery he would be glad to meet Dave..we were expecting to do it sometime the 1st part of May.

Yesterday I was looking for my mother, I thought she was still staying at my sisters, and I couldnt find her so I called my dad. She had come home for the weekend and brought all my nieces to spend easter with them. I asked her if she wanted to meet dave and I for lunch (we were looking for something to do for the day and they live an hour and a half away) and she said she couldnt because they were taking the girls to some easter egg hunts. Not expecting her to say yes I asked if we could come down an go.

Well she said, if you want to spend your day with screaming kids go ahead, and I said "well I meant me AND Dave" and she told me daddy was going to be there too and she asked him if it was ok....he said yes. She told him, she means to bring Dave as well...he said "So...tell them to come on"

After I picked my jaw up off the floor and stopped Dave's "what am I going to wear" panic we hopped in the car and headed down.

When we go to their house Daddy had already left for the church so we helped momma with the 3 girls, got them loaded in the car and took off.

When we get there, Daddy walks up to Dave and sticks his hand out and says "I'm Robby and you and I need to talk.....I want to know the exact intentions you have for my daughter" Then he cracked a big grin and told him that he was kidding.

We did the church easter egg hunt and cook out with Dave playing with all 3 of my nieces and helping my mom. We went back to their house for awhile and then it was off the the nursing (which is actually about 75 yards from their house....its a REALLY small town). The adults and kids were pushing people around in their wheelchairs helping them pick up the eggs...that was really a lot of fun. My 3 year old niece had decided that it would be easier for the "nana's and grandaddy's" to pick them up if she gathered them all and put them in big piles :lol: so I was busy unpiling things. Every time I turned around Daddy and Dave were talking and laughing and seemed relaxed with each other. That really did my heart good....Im a big daddy's girl.

When we were getting ready to come home daddy told Dave he was welcome to come visit anytime, so I took the opportunity and asked him if he'd like us to come back down today to go to easter service and have easter dinner with them and he said he'd love it.

So we came home (took us 2 hours with traffic) and went back down today to watch daddy in the easter play and had a really good dinner. The two of them talked for long periods of time without me and mother around....we were busy gossiping lol.

Im so pleased with how it went, I knew my dad would like Dave, everybody does....I've never introduced him to anyone that didnt like him immediatly...but its a big relief to me that now we can actually go to family events where my dad is gonna be.

When I got home (on saturday)I called my mom to ask her if Daddy had said anything about Dave and she said that he really liked him and was impressed with what a big help he was with the girls and that got him major points

how did it go for ya'll? good stories...bad stories (If you want to share) I'd like to hear them :) :lol:

TexanAvenger 03-27-2005 05:03 PM

That's awesome Shani. Glad your dad took to Dave :thumbsup:

The first time my first girlfriend met my dad, she greeted him with a big hug. I think it knocked him off-balance enough mentally that he forgot his role as the big, stoic guy and the three of us ended up having a really good conversation. He really liked her with me and occasionally asks me why we're not still together. My mom, on the other hand, to this day, still tenses at the sound of her name, despite the fact that the girl was nothing but sweet to my mom... (It was all the stuff that happened in our relationship that she hates)

My mother found out about my second girlfriend through my telling her that she needed to be picked up at the mall because she got caught shoplifting. (This was sophomore or junior year of high school) Despite that, my mom loved this girl to no end and occasionally asks me why we're not together... while my dad never really showed an interest one way or the other...

Parents. Weird.

amonkie 03-27-2005 05:09 PM

My parents actually knew my first boyfriend before I did, so any of our stories would probably have to be his parents meeting me. I never really asked what their impressions were, but they still feel like second parents, so I take that as a good sign. :)

snowy 03-27-2005 07:05 PM

My dad knew one of my boyfriends before I did--they served on a committee together and my dad was his principal in high school. Because of that my father blamed himself excessively when the two of us broke up.

Both of my parents have been ultra-cool with anyone I've brought home...though my mother has a very hard time wrapping her head around the fact that I have sex with my best friend but we're not romantically involved. They've yet to meet him...I must admit I dread the day when they do meet.

Grasshopper Green 03-27-2005 07:27 PM

The first time I met hubby's mom, I was sitting in his front room (he was still in high school) and his mom walked in, high as a kite, and said "Hey, girl, do these pants make me look fat??" I had absolutely no idea what to say. I'm happy to say that she has since gone clean and we have a great relationship :)

The first time hubby met my parents, my mom fixed tostadas for dinner (open faced tacos with crispy shells, in case anyone doesnt know what they are) and he was trying to make a good impression, so he tried using a fork :lol: All of us were digging in with our hands and his plate was a crispy, crumby mess. Ah, memories!!

ratbastid 03-27-2005 07:49 PM

The first time lurkette met my family, she came out to visit me the summer after our Freshman year of college. My mom sat us down and had The Talk about Protection and Responsibility and our Futures. Oh man. lurkette was mortified. I still haven't 100% forgiven my mom for that one.

greeneyes 03-27-2005 08:57 PM

The first time I met dirtyrascal7's parents I was drunk... but luckily his parents are really cool and acted like nothing was going on. It's been a few years now and they are still as awesome and make me feel like a part of the family.

The first time rascal met my parents it didn't quite go as well. They were complete bastards for no reason and he swore he would never go back after that. Subsequent meetings have gone a lot better, but my parents are still weird as hell.

thalakos315 03-28-2005 01:26 AM

when my father met my last girlfriend.. he looked her over, told me "don't name it after me" and walked off. wasn't the reaction either of us was expecting, so we stood there in stunned silence for a few moments hehe. he didn't like her much.

hambone 03-28-2005 07:44 AM

When my wife first met my parents it was pretty uneventful. But when she met my grandparents, I think she was scarred for life. My grandfather kept whispering to my Mom asking if she was Asian (which she is not at all...she's mostly German :)) And my grandma was looking at our prom pictures with her and decided to comment on my future wife's cleavage in the picture. They all get along fine now, but my wife always makes sure to wear high cut shirts around my grandma now. :lol:

little_tippler 03-28-2005 07:55 AM

I have a funny meet the parents story...when I first started dating my boyfriend we were doing long-distance as he was studying in England at the time. His dad lived here, so when he left to go back to school, I got a call from him one day asking me to have dinner with him and my boyfriend's stepmom! I was SO nervous...felt really weird, I mean my boyfriend wasn't there. But they invited some other friends so I wouldn't feel pressured and they are very laid-back people and it was great.

I have a funnier story though...my boyfriend's dad and my mom had met before. Why is this funny? Because they met when my boyfriend and I were 12, they are from England and Portugal, and they met in a conference in The Hague. They got on well and my mother gave his dad a little souvenir of portugal (a little miniature silver caravel). So, when we had our first parents meet parents dinner, his dad suddenly goes ..."aren't you...?" and we were stunned to know we'd had each other's phone number from the age of 12! (we were 22 when we met) :eek: :crazy:

ShaniFaye 03-28-2005 08:13 AM

Hows this for wierd.....Daves dad and my 1st hubbys mom (who says she will still be my "mother in law" til the day I die cause she loves me so much) dated when they were in high school hehehehe it would have been funny if they had gotten married, I'd have married 1/2 of Dave the first go round hehehehehe

Gilda 03-28-2005 08:20 AM

Hmm. It was about as unpleasant as I had imagined it could be. I'll have to think about whether I want to write it up or not. Long story short, my parents were expecting that the lovely young woman I brought home for spring break was a close freind I wanted them to meet, and not my SO.

Charlatan 03-28-2005 08:50 AM

My Mom met my girlfriend (now wife) when she came to see a play we were in together... The first comment my Mom had was about the dress my girlfriend was wearing in the play, "Where did you get that slutty dress? It was perfect!".

Of course the dress was one of my girlfriend's own dresses.

She had a photo of my highschool girlfriend on the mantle at her house (I didn't live there anymore so I really didn't know it was there)... when I first brought my girlfriend over for a dinner, there it was on the mantle. I'd only been broken up with the ex for about a year and a half...

Other geat lines from Mom, "The day you two were married was the saddest day of my life." (she reasoned that it meant I no longer needed her).

My Mom, a lovely woman just a little wack. She, of course, adores my wife now... (who doesn't once you get to know her).

Redlemon 03-28-2005 08:59 AM

My parents met my (now) wife at the end of Freshman year of college. Since we were staying later to assist with the graduation ceremonies, my parents took most of my stuff back to Grandma's, then we came up a couple days later. I was worried, because my parents seemed really distracted. After my girlfriend left to go home, my parents told me that they had been separated for months, but didn't want to disrupt my education. :(

Rlyss 03-28-2005 09:38 AM

My parents have always been polite and friendly but nothing really more than that. My mum liked my last girlfriend and told her she was beautiful (she was). I think my parents realize that I'm either going to break up with someone or marry them in the end, so to save from any heartbreak they'll wait for me to announce a marriage before they get too involved. I kinda like it that way too. If my parents don't see the girl around then they assume we broke up - my parents don't ask too many questions and I'm glad :)

lurkette 03-28-2005 09:45 AM

The first time ratbastid came home to visit I was kind of nervous - my family is a little odd. But they got along all right, and ratbastid was a very good sport. Our table at the time was a long table with benches my father had made, and they were a little unbalanced so that anyone sitting at one end would be dropped on his ass teeter-totter style if everyone else on the bench got up. This happened to ratbastid (not on purpose) and he laughed about it - we started calling it "the boyfriend test" :lol:

kurty[B] 03-28-2005 10:20 AM

The first time my girlfriend met my family it was one of those "we're going to go hang out with my sister and her husband, and oh, my parents are there too" things. She got really nervous, but after hugs and introductions and my sister and her started trading stories about pharmacy school it could not have gone better.

This summer I get to fly halfway across an ocean to meet her entire family. Aside from talking to her sister, and briefly to her brother, I talked with her father late one night when she had to visit the ER to let him know that she was ok. I have NO idea how meeting them is going to end up.

Gilda 03-28-2005 03:04 PM

This is the third attempt I've made at this; the computer ate the first two.

Forgive me if I get a bit long winded; I don't know how to tell a story any other way.

I dated guys in high school. I was never comfortable in those relationships, but could never figure out why. I went to the prom with a very nice Catholic boy, just the kind of boy my parents approved of and wanted me to marry shortly after high school, just like they did.

I met and dated, and brought home the perfect man when I was in college. He was an honors graduate student in the MBA program, from a nice, middle class family, and was destined to be a successful young business lion or possibly go into politics when he graduated. He was a great catch, and everyone told me so. He was a take-home-to-mom boyfriend, and he charmed everyone. To this day, he's by far my parent's favorite of all the people I've dated. I think they might like him better than they do me.

That relationship didn't work out; we weren't sexually compatable, and, as much as I tried, I couldn't love him. I discovered in grad school why. My roommate wanted to experiment with another woman, and because it was part of a normal college “experiment” that many women go through, I was willing. She moved on afterwards, but I didn't. I knew what it was that had caused all of my previous relationships to fail, and why no relationship with a man ever would. I just wasn't wired that way.

I met my SO, (let's call her Grace) while I was finishing up my Master's degree and teaching middle school. She was training to be an EMT, and was working as an aide in the nurse's office at the school where I worked. All the guys, students and teachers alike, noticed her, and lusted after her. I did too. One of the cool things about being an in-the-closet lesbian is that you can openly ogle the 19 year old teacher's aides without being noticed. Unless the aide happens to be a lesbian herself, and does notice the attention. Grace did, and made it known that the attention was not unwanted and she was prepared to reciprocate if I was indeed interested. I was. We clicked almost immediately.

I'm always hesitant to label anything early in a relationship as “love” but I recognize now that it was there, under the lust and the growing friendship, I was growing to love this woman. We were careful not to show anything at work, and worked out a plan for her to meet my parents without revealing to them my secret. I hadn't come out to my family yet. You can see what's coming, I suspect.

We went home for spring break. We'd been together for about four months by that time, and we were deep into the “new lovers” stage of the relationship, where we couldn't keep our hands off of each other and it was annoying our friends to no end.

There was already some turmoil regarding my sister's sexual identity struggles going on (and that really blew up a few months later but that's another story), and it was definitely not the time to be coming out and introducing my parents to my lesbian lover. The plan was that I'd just be bringing home a friend from school. Her family was in Hawaii, and she couldn't afford to go back there to visit, so she was coming with me (this part was true). The advantage to this plan was that because we were girlfriends, but not Girlfriends, we'd get to share my old room and bed. It was the perfect cover.

We went home, my brothers drooled over and flirted with Grace, and she returned as good as she got, which made her very popular. We were descrete, or at least thought we were, and had our fun mostly at night behind closed doors. We spent the days playing games, swimming in the pool, playing computer games, and just overall goofing off, but we were almost always together.

So we're at dinner one night, there's tension in the air about my sister's situation, and we're trying to make small talk. And one of my brothers starts making homophobic comments regarding, I think the issue was at the time, gays in the military. And my father joined in, my mom amening things, and I was remaining silent. This isn't my typical nature. Grace decided to take up a “devil's advocate” position for the purpose of debate, something fairly common at dinner time at my house—the dinner time debate was a right of passage for my and my sisters boyfreinds, and gave my brothers an opportunity to show off for girlfriends. Girls were not normally expected to participate as full debaters, but Grace jumped in with both feet, and the guys loved it. To watch it, you'd have thought they were in a heated argument, but that's just how dinner goes in my family—the men were expected to debate big issues without really hoping to find some resolution.

Visitors didn't always understand this, and sometimes had to be calmed down, but we usually ended up cooling things off for their sake before things went too far. Grace understood it, but didn't quite get it at an emotional level, both the idea that the girls didn't debate the way the guys did, and that it was more of an intellectual exercise most of the time than anything else. She kept getting more and more heated in her defense of gay rights, and I could tell that she was a bit peeved that I wasn't joining her. They began to suspect that maybe there was something else going on with her, maybe she was gay. They asked me when they got me alone, and I avoided the question without outright lying.

But they began to watch her more carefully, and because I was with her, and because we had difficulty hiding how we felt, they began watching us. And the clues began to add up, and one of my brothers managed to put it all together, or most of it anyway.

They had an “intervention”. Grace and I walk into the den one night to find that the whole family is there, and they're all gathered around in a semicircle, chairs brought in from the kitchen and dining room. They were there to help me. Grace, they told me, was a lesbain and was attracted to me, and they felt I needed to know this before things went to far. It sounds funny now, but they thought they were saving me from an evil lesbian stalker. I was dumbfounded both that they'd figured it out, and come to such an incredibly stupid conclusion. It all came out, that I was gay, that Grace was my capital G Girlfriend, that we were lovers and intended to move in together in the summer.

And my parents told Grace she was evil, that she was going to hell, and that they wouldn't let her take me with her. They told me that they were determined to “save” me and that God would still forgive and accept me if only I were to denounce Grace and the wicked lifestyle she had led me into, as if I were Luke Skywalker and all I had to do was choose between the light and the dark sides, and if I chose right—them—I'd be saved. When I refused to choose, telling them that I would be with Grace, and how they lived with that was up to them, they in essense disowned me for as long as I'w with her or any other woman. And they blamed me for my sister's sexual identity problems. Even though I've since shown them proof that Sissy's condition is entirely a physical one, they still blame Grace for corrupting me and me for corrupting Sissy. My mom's brother, who did things with us that I won't talk about here, didn't get a mention, but Grace and I were evil corrupters not welcome in their home.

And we still aren't. My family consists of me, my sister (who now lives with me) Grace, and her parents, who, god bless them, have decided if my parents don't want me, they'd be more than happy to have a new daughter in their family and would be quite willing to adopt me and make it legal if you could do that with an adult. When we go to visit, whenever I'm with them and Grace is elsewhere, I get introduced as their adopted daughter.

Dang it. Now I'm going to have to go back and update my entry in the “last time you cried” thread.

veruca 03-28-2005 03:10 PM

meeting his family was a nightmare..they hated me cause he was 18 and I was ruining his life...his meeting mine was pure joy..they loved him

Grasshopper Green 03-28-2005 03:41 PM

I've never been able to understand parents who will turn their backs on their children because of their sexual identites. I'm glad that your girlfriend's parents love you and are there for you, Gilda; reading your entry made me very sad.

Rlyss 03-28-2005 03:49 PM

Gilda, I've already posted my experiences in this thread, but I just wanted to say I've read your story twice now, that's a fascinating story. Even though you mentioned the crying thread I'm relieved it's worked out for you in the end, I was really hoping it would the first time I read it through.

ShaniFaye 03-28-2005 05:06 PM

Gilda thank you so much for sharing a story like that, I truly admire your strength :icare:

Gilda 03-28-2005 10:50 PM

Thank you everyone. I'm glad to see that many others here have had good experiences with meeting parents.

I and my sister are very happy with our new in-laws (though they'd kill me if they knew I was describing them as anything but my Mom and Dad). We, (my sister and I) have a new shorthand way of distiguishing our parents. Our natural parents are "my mother" and "my father" while Grace's parents are Mom and Dad. Plus we have a free place to stay when we go to Hawaii each year to visit them, which is a big plus.

thalakos315 03-28-2005 11:26 PM

i don't know if i could handle a GF's family refering to me as an adopted son.. might make me feel a little awkward ;)

i've always believed that your family is whoever you choose to make it. just because somebody is a blood relative, doesn't make them family.

it seems you've surrounded yourself with people you love, and trust. can't ask for a better family than that ;)

kid astronaut 03-29-2005 04:27 AM

my girlfriend and my parents get along almost TOO well... my mom taught my girlfriend how to knit, which she now spends like 3 hours a day on, even when she is visiting my family, which leaves me bored with nothing to do. i have considered poisoning one of them to get back at them for pulling such a dirty trick on me, but i haven't decided yet which one to kill.

her parents are a harder situation. both of them are deaf, her mom lives on the other side of the country, and she was basically raised by her grandmother. i think i've made a fairly good impression on all of them, but we're not very close, because i don't sign very well (although i have made a concerted effort to learn) and i've only met her mother and grandmother once (try flying across the country to meet your girlfriend's mom and staying in her apartment for a full week... now THAT'S pressure.)

Mephisto2 03-30-2005 01:20 AM

My folks loved Mrs Mephisto the first time they met her. I think they prefer her to me to this day! My Da fawns over his "daughter", as we're a family of boys.

The first time I met Mrs Mephisto's folks, it was after a 24 hour flight from Europe to Australia. I called to the house but no one was there; or so I thought. I got the taxi to drop me off at the nearest pub (I'm Irish after all!), and then proceeded to drink myself silly with all the dodgy looking bikers; it was a pretty lowbrown place. This was about midday.

About 6pm I called Mrs Mephisto's house, drunk as a skunk, and discovered they had all been at the house all day waiting for me! Mrs Mephisto turned up at the bar a few minutes later, walked through all the cat-calls and whistles and brought me out; I was a bit worse for wear as you can imagine. When we arrived at the house, her mother, her father and the local Catholic Priest were there waiting for me. I kid you not.

I nearly shat myself.

Turns out he's a friend of the family, but it still took me by surprise.

All was forgiven (more or less) when I pulled out a $200 bottle of Middleton's Very Rare Irish whiskey (each bottle is engraved with a serial number and comes with its own certificate) and we proceeded to polish it all off over the kitchen table.

So, despite an "interesting" first encounter, we're still together, married and now expecting Mephisto Junior.


Congrats Shani. Your stories always make me smile.

Mr Mephisto


PS - Happy to be back by the way!!

john_713 03-30-2005 05:39 AM

It was alot easier for me because my parents had known my girlfriends family long before either of us had been born and had known her longer than me (she's almost a year older than me) It was still a little strange having a girl back and spending all evening in my room knowing my parents were downstairs though.

c172g 03-30-2005 12:46 PM

My story is pretty good, short (contrary to most of my posts today).

When I picked my wife up on our first date, her parents are real socialites, I felt like I was part of the family two minutes after I arrived. That was a Wednesday night.

Two days later (this is back in 1992) I pick my wife up for our second date. We head to a bar & I'm wearing my then-stylish white jeans (which were, OK, a "little" on the comfy side). We have a few drinks & I go to the bathroom. I'm zipping up & it breaks...my zipper has blown out, I'm wearing colored underwear (more info than many of you probably want, but there it is anyway) and I have absolutely no way to secure my pants. Add to that it's summertime, so I have no jacket to cover up either. I head out of the bathroom, mostly embarrassed but also ready to bust a gut laughing at myself.

I sit down across from my wife, whoever she was talking to goes away, and I explain the situation with her. I have to go home & change. So, we load up in the truck & drive to my house. My parents are both home, we walk in & I introduce my wife to my mom who is in the kitchen. My mom is wondering why I'm home at 9 on a Friday night & I explain that while we were out my zipper broke & I need to change. I'm sure my mom was wondering what the hell led up to the zipper breaking, and I'm pretty sure my wife knew what my mom was thinking.

Anyway, I would recommend a better way to introduce everyone than with a busted zipper. My wife & I still laugh about it today.


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