What's most important to you? Hump Day Question
 

Hump day question which isn't really a question, but work with me here--put the following in order of their importance to you:
Self
Spirituality
Lover
Family
Career
Money
Friends
------------------------------------

Mine:
Self
Family
Spirituality
Friends
Lover
Career
Money

Money
Career
Friends











Spirituality/Self/Family
Lover

Self
Lover
Friends
Family
Money
Career
Spirituality

Family/Lover (they are the same thing in my case... ie wife and kids)
Money
Self
Career
Friends (the few I have)
Family (parents and siblings)
Spirituality

I guess I do a lot to keep my wife and kids happy, fed and clothed...

Self
Lover
Family
Career
Friends
Money
Spirituality

Wow, this is tough list. I'm still not sure I got it right - I think it changes.

Self
Lover
Friends
Family
Money
Career
Spirituality

(it was easy for me to cut and paste Averett's answer, hope you don't mind. It just worked out that way)

Self
Friends
Lover
Family
Money/Career
Spirituality

Mine:
Lover/Friends (Generally one and the same... Though no lover to speak of at the moment)
Family
Self
Money (again, this is a matter of when/if I have it)
Career
Spirituality

Edit: looking back over these, I think it's interesting to note how low spirituality is on most of the lists so far. Is that because of the generally secular nature of the internet? The world at large? Just a mindless pondering, carry on.

Lover
Self
Money
Family
Friends
Career
Spirituality

This is hard, after putting this together i realized I had family ranked 4th. What a shit I am.

Family
Friends/Lover
Spirituality
Self
Money/Career

family/lover
friends
money
self
career
spirituality

Self
Lover
Friends
Career
Money
Family
Spirituality

Yes, and this is my list. :-p I only have family at 6 because I don't like the ones I currently have ... kiddin', I don't have much that makes a difference, yea, that's it. :-)

spirituality
family/lover
friends
self
money
career

Self
Money
Lover
Family
Friends
Career
Spirituality

...i guess i go from the inside out in importances to me.

not surprised at my order. I've long accepted that I'm at the center of my world.

:shrug:

Good Q tho.

Career - Well, more like the craft of cooking, as I get better at it, the more I advance my career.
Self
Friends/Family/Lover - I can't really put one ahead of the others here.
Money

Edit - I forgot spirituality... goes to show you how important it is to me.

Family
Lover
Career (I own my company, Its got to be high on the list)
Self
Money
Friends
Spirituality

Family/Friends
Self
Lover
Career
Money
Spirituality

Lover/Family
Self
Friends
Career
Money
Spirituality

An interesting excercise, thanks. I enjoyed thinking about which positions were most difficult to decide. Most were "no-brainers", but I had trouble deciding between self and friends. I eventually put myself above my friends. I feel that doing otherwise places my lover/family below my friends. I have a responsibility to my wife and child. I can't sacrifice myself for my friends without hurting my wife and child. (Plus, I don't have any really good friends outside of my wife).

I might not be making any sense.

EDIT: Another thought: Are the positional choices you made a reflection of how you actually live your life or a reflection of how you would like to live your life?

Lover
Family
Friends
Career
Money
Self
Spirituality

Self(we always put our own well being first)- or at least i think we should
Friends(I love my friends)
Money(I am poor... I want money)
Family(they should probably be higher, but they are not.)
Lover(I dont have one)
Career(dont have one)
Spirituality(dont have any)

spirituality
self
family/lover
friends
money
career

Self
Money
Spirituality
Family
Friends
Career




Lover

Self
Lover
Career
Family
Money
Friends
Spirituality

...interesting one...
I don`t really get it, can the folks who listed money over self please explain that decision to me? Sounds really illogical to me

self


Lover
Career (ugly word for me, I take it somehow as "purpose in life")
friends/money/spirituality(can`t really decide)
family

Lover
Self
Friends
Career
Money
Family
Spirituality

-Lasereth

1: Money, without enough of it in today's society it is hard to tend to the other things on the list
2: Career, good thing to have to get number 1
3: Lover/Family
4: Self
5: Friends
I don't even have spirituality on my list. It is too closely related to religion which is the cause of most problems in the world today.

Self
Lover
Family
Friends
Career
Money
Spirituality

I looked through every post before here and only one was close to this... (Averett).

Self seems like such a natural first choice, I have a hard time believing anyone would not put themselves first in the vast majority of life's decisions. I don't equate putting myself first with being selfish, my sigot and I call it "rational self interest" i.e. you do for others what you logically are able to do. For example right now I don't give a lot of my time and money to charities, though I plan to - right now I need to focus on making sure I'm not needing a handout, then later on in life when I'm financially comfortable I can give my money and my time and feel the best about it.

Family
Lover
Self
Friends
Career(although this sorta goes hand in hand with self)
Spirituality
Money(Again, goes hand in hand with career. But, I think its more important to to satisfied with what you actually do, rather than how much money this brings you.)

Yeah, but the definition of selfishness is putting yourself before everything else; being chiefly concerned with yourself. If that is so, how can you say that putting yourself before everything is not being selfish?

I don't know about yall, but if I had to die so that anyone in my family could live, I would do it. Same with my friends. Well, close friends anyway. My friends are like brothers to me; they are like blood. Hell, even if it were not something so severe as death, I would put them above me. That's not to say I do whatever someone tells me to do, but for serious matters, if it were me or them, I would put them first.

You must have some pretty loyal friends for you to put them above yourself..That's a good thing to have though.

I know none of my friends would put me above themselves so i put myself above them..I would love to have just 1 true friend that i could totally trust..Then i would put that person above myself.

Well, I'm only talking about like three friends. I don't know if they would do the same for me, but I would do it for them..

Lover
Career
Money
Self
Friends
Family
Spirituality

Lover/Family
Self
Friends
Money
Career
Spirituality

Spirituality
Lover/Family/Self
Friends
Career
Money

Spirituality - whether it be atheism, buddism or christianity affects everything else that we do in life. I don't see how it could not be the basis and first thing in my life. I would not allow it to separate me from my family though. I'm not a fanatic. If it asked me to choose between family or faith I would CHANGE my faith.

As for family, lover and self. The order is constantly fluctuating. Who needs my attention most at the time. A child growing up in a home where the parents are true lovers gains a sense of love and self that will be much more of a struggle for a child in a home where the parents are constant enemies. Self much be balanced with family and lover or you wither away. I know I'm a better parent and lover when I've given myself proper nutrition and sleep. But in a life or death situation where there was a choice between myself or my family I would give my life for them.

As for Career and Money. I need money to get through life and that's primarily where it ends. If I don't enjoy my career I won't enjoy the money I make from it nearly as much. I grew up without a lot of money. In fact my parents declared bankruptcy 3 times in my lifetime. My Dad never learned to make more careful contracts and allowed people to rip in off in his construction business too many times. He likes to be a nice guy too much and consequently we were often short and in fear of loosing our home. Money is important but I know how to do without. Career - I'm doing what I love and that's what I always hope to do.

Family(more specifically, my kids-nothing comes close to their importance to me)
Self (if I do for myself, the career, the money and all else falls in place)
Friends

Nope, not me. None of my friends have ever meant so much to me that I would die for them. And I only have one family member left, and if it really came down to it my choice would be clear. The only person I've known who I think might have made that sort of sacrifice for me was my mother, she's dead now though. (Not for that reason!) Are you seriously saying you'd literally die for your friends, or is it a metaphorical thing?

As for putting yourself first, of course that's being selfish. That's how we stay alive, like when we don't walk in front of trains and stuff. Seriously though, a certain degree of selfishness is not only inherent in human nature, it's necessary to survive. Our ancestors didn't make it through by sacrificing their lives, did they?

To me putting self first is a no-brainer. My dilemma was in putting lover before family, and where to put money and friends. It does make it simpler when you only have one family member. If my mother was still alive family would have come before lover.

Good points, Squishor. Agreed.

As for my response, I see my consciousness as the most evident aspect of my experience. Everything else on that list has to do with relationships to my self.

My list would be exceedingly brief. To wit:

Self

I put money and family before self for the simple reason that in the current form of my life I chase money to provide for my family (wife and kids).

If I was more self centred I would care less about money and more about making me happy... as it is right now I care more about making them happy and keeping the fed and housed, etc.

If you were to have asked me to rate this list when I was in my 20s or teens I would have had self right up there at the top... I also fully expect that this list will be different later in my life... hell it could be different next year.

If it came down to it, yes I think I would. editted

Huh? How is not wanting to walk in front of a train being selfish? Maybe we have different ideas of what Self is in this case, but I'm not really following what you mean. I didn't view Self as basic bodily functions or something like that. Basically how I rated this list was by pairing everything up and asking myself, "If I could only have one for the rest of my life, what would I rather have?"

So naturally money came last because I would much rather have my family and friends and be alive, than have money. [And actually now that I think about it, I should have put Career down next to Money.]

Self
Lover
Family
Money
Friends
Career
Spirituality


Wow. Thats a tough list. Its probably inaccurate though. It probably changes regularly, and some of those things are tied so close that its hard to place one before the other. Such as Lover/Family/Friends, and Money/Career. It kind of saddens me that my spirituality is last on the list though.

It's interesting, I think we are interpreting these points a little differently. It's turning into an interesting exercise.

From my perspective, Charlatan, if you don't take care of your self first then your family would lose the benefit of your support. Maybe I just look at things in those life and death terms because I've lost so many family members. For example, if my father had taken better care of his self by not drinking and driving, he might not have died in that car crash when I was 13 and might still be around today. That said, I'm sure my list might look different if I had ever had children.

The thing about the train was meant to be sort of humorous. :p

I am saying putting self first in terms of basics, yes. Like if I don't make sure I have the means to feed myself I will die. If I don't make sure I can house myself I will be homeless. So if my friend or my sister or anyone else wants a loan and that's my rent money, sorry but self comes first.

And I do have to make those choices all the time, because my sister is constantly after my rent money, or asking me for favors that would require me to leave work early (thus potentially losing my job) or would otherwise seriously compromise my quality of life. It's up to me to say no when I need to.

Oh :lol:

Hmmm, yeah I guess we are interpreting things differently.

About your rent money scenario, I would give one of my sisters a loan but only if their need were more important than my paying rent. I know that none of my family or friends would ask me to do something like that unless it were very important, so if they did ask and I felt the need was dire enough, then I would give them the money. I know they would do the same for me if I really needed it.

Yeah well unfortunately my sister has a life or death scenario every ten minutes... :rolleyes:

I see where you are coming from and it makes sense... However, as we weren't given any instruction on critera for organizing out lists I chose to organize mine base on what my priorities are at present...

Basic self preservation aside, just about everything I do, including taking care of myself, I do for the benefit of my family (again I am drawing a distinction between my wife and kids and my birth family).

For example, I stay healthy so my wife continues to find me attractive and so I can be a good role model for my son.

Does that make sense?

I think the changing aspect of our lives necessitates such differences in our order of the lists. If we cannot change this order of things we'll miss out on a lot. For example: My daughter loves to have me snuggle with her at nighttime. I don't sleep as well though while snuggling with her so I sleep in my own bed because I need my rest. That's putting myself first. If my daughter got sick though and was throwing up in the middle of the night I wouldn't be sleeping in my own bed. I'd be up in the middle of the night taking care of her, cleaning her up, and helping her feel better. The next morning I'd be calling my day care mom's and turning away income so there my daughter would be taking first place. Then there's planning our family vacation for the summertime. I would be waiting till I had a break with the day care kids and taking that time for our family vacation - planning family time around career and income. It all has to change and flex. If we can't change our priorities to fit out lives and keep everything in balance we'll loose a part of that.

I know a man who loves to take time off for himself - he lost his job because he called in "sick" on too many Mondays. He put self before money and career too many times.

I also know a man who works nearly 24/7. His Son has a lot of anger issues and has gotten into violent fights with his father - why? Because the dad always put work/career before family.

A BALANCE is what's important.

Spirituality - It is either the most or the least important, depending on the state of things

Self - No one else is on my side, so I guess yeah, I do put myself first, I dont have anyone especially close to me, so there's no one else to put first really.

Money - Mty debts are about twice by annual net salary

Career - So far its not been going that well, but I did get promoted last year

Friends - I dont really have that many friends

Lover - I dont have a lover
Family - It's a touchy subject



However, I think you should have included social or political change/issues - from my point of view this means the Revolution and destruction of capitalistic society.

Sure if makes sense, if you're a devoted family man. :)

For whatever reasons, I'm kind of a lone ranger in my life. I have myself, a boyfriend, a sister, one good friend locally and one good friend who moved out of state. There is nobody else to back me up or catch me if I fall except for those people. The choice of putting myself first has been spelled out to me very clearly. That also goes for my mental health and enjoyment of life. Nobody is going to drag me off to go do something fun, or make me be personally fulfilled and find meaning in my existence, if I don't get my own butt out of the house and do it for myself.

When my mother was alive, she spent the last 18 or 19 years of her life disabled, and I was the one who generally was there to help her. Not all the time, of course. I still had to balance that with "self" though. I guess I've had to deal with that issue a lot because of the family I've had.

We all have different priorities... It's what makes us different from each other...

Like I said above, if I had to fill this out in my teens or 20s, I would have put self first as well. Once my kids are out of the house, I fully anticipate that self will be right back up on the top of the list...

Self
Family
Lover
Friends
Money
Career
Spirituality(doesn't count because I don't beleive in any of that stuff)

Lover - she is more important to me than anything else, including myself.
Family - I would not let harm come to my family in order to save myself.
Money - I need it to keep the previous listed happy.
Career - got to have a job to make make money
Self - I have to take care of myself sometime
Friends - I don't have any life long friends, but I do have some that I would be willing to help out if they needed it.
Spirituality - If I take care of the previous in the correct way, then according to most of the major religions, and quite a few of the less popular ones, I'll be just fine.

One must stay healthy in order to help others; if you neglect yourself you will be unable to help - that's how I can say putting "self" first is not being selfish. Being selfish is more along the lines of refusing to help others even when it will not negatively affect yourself in some relatively substantial manner.

Yes, I would die for most of my family in the right situation, but this kind of example seems more in the vein of "oh yeah I'm WAY more selfless than you," which is an epenis battle I'd rather not be involved in. :) :cool:

epenis battle? :hmm: Okay....

We just have different definitions of Self, that's all.

Self
Money
Self
Friends
Family
Did I mention self?
Lover
Spirituality
Career

To be honest, self and money are the only things on that list that REALLY matter to me. Maybe that'd change if I wasn't in such a cushy position right now and really needed the support of others.

What an interesting question and many interesting answers. I think I've been interpreting it differently. At first I saw "self" on the list and thought of it in terms of being selfish, i.e. spoiling yourself (which I don't often do). I saw the other people on the list in terms of their needs, so I needed to readjust my thinking and consider it from the point of view of my basic needs as well. That changed things a bit, but I still think this list can fluctuate quite often in one's life.
Spirituality
career (these two are very closely linked)
self
family
lover (it's new, he may move up the list...)
money
friends (I'm not lucky enough to have super-loyal friends)

IMPO, once you take care of your"self" you can take care and gain immensely in all other areas.

:)