Possessiveness on the TFP
 

Am I the only one that finds it interesting how when two members of the TFP are dating in real life, they frequently mention their partner’s screen name in posts? Is this some sort of mate guarding phenomenon or what? Is it some sort of advertisement? Is it necessary?


Discuss.

I suspect it's for numerous reasons. The first of which is that when one takes on someone as their significant other, said significant other generally plays a... wait for it... significant role in their life. There is also the possibility that the attention being garnered upon one's significant other would improve the self-esteem of that significant other, and it is done in an attempt to make one's better half happy. It may finally be one of the things you mentioned, of those you listed, most likely of the advertisement variety.

DING DING DING We have a winner...first post out of the gate. Let's face it, I mention/reference Mrs. O'Rights frequently in my posts. The fact that she's not a member may make it less noticeable, but it's there, nonetheless. I don't see it as "advertising".

Interesting question bing bing . . . i have wondered that myself . . . i think it would be interesting to get my SO on here . . . then i could read all his deep and inner thoughts and ask him about them all the time (well, more so than i already do) ;)

I think it is mentioned merely to place a link between themselves and their personal life . . . i find it really amusing when i cross reference their posts and i think "gosh, would i have put those two together?" :lol:

do you wish that YOU were dating a fellow TFP individual??

I don't know anybody here more than I know a random person walking down the street. That’s probably a reflection of my lacking in interpersonal skills and a general disinterest in forming online relationships. That’s not to say that wouldn’t participate in a Melbourne TFP meet should one ever occur. Also, if I was dating someone that I felt would benefit from and or enjoy this place, I would surely suggest it.

If two TFPers where in a relationship, and they didn't frequently mention each other in their posts, how would you know they where a pair?

You wouldn't, right? So, you really don't have grounds for the conclusion that "most" frequently mention their S.O.'s screen name.

I have noticed this, and thought about it for a while. I guess it's a form of shouting "look at us!", but then again its not uncommon in real life, either.

/yeah, bitter.

Nice!

Look, as one of the most likely offenders in this category, I have this to say: get over it. I'm not going to call lurkette "my wife"--that would be silly. She has a name. Many of you know who she is. It'd be almost like speaking about her in the second person while she's in the room.

If I'm sharing something about my personal life here on TFP, it almost certainly involves lurkette. Unless it doesn't, in which case you'll notice that I don't mention her.

I really don't need your or anybody else's validation of my relationship, thank you very much. I think I smell a bit of sour grapes over there.

I don't think there's anything nefarious about it. A lot of people mention their significant others in their posts, like Bill O'Rights said. When their significant other happens to be a member, it allows us to make a more concrete connection as to whom they are referring.

Yeah, I kinda see it the same as ratbastid. I kind of view the forums as a big room, and if I were to refer to someone who was standing right next to me as "one of my friends," or "this guy I know" it would be kinda silly.

i've always loved the novelty of this situation personally. it makes me daydream about things going hilariously awry with name transposition. with the lurkbastid household being the most prominent tfp-duo i know of, i can imagine scenarios where they might be in bed, and instead of shouting out another woman's name, he calls lurkette by her tfp moniker. or think about the hilarity that could ensue with a company christmas party where lurkette calls her husband 'ratbastid" instead of his real name--her coworkers end up thinking she hates her husband or runs him into the ground with obscenities.

the only reason you notice is because people tend to identify others in conversation with the most concrete name they can so that the people on the other end of the conversation have the most valid/relevant information. i suggest you do a search for "my wife" "my husband" "my girlfriend" "my boyfriend" "my significant other" and "my SO". you'll find we all talk about our significant others on here ALOT. some are just blessed enough to have their SO be a member of this community.

Although my boyfriend and I are certainly not one of the higher-profile couples here on TFP, I know that I've mentioned our relationship with the veiled motive of providing an excuse/explanation for the fact that he called me a "fucking perv" in another thread. Not that anybody cares, but it goes to show that people's motives can vary.

While I mention my husband frequently, I never mention his TFP screen name.
It lets me have a totally seperate "existance" from him, which I don't get in real life because he's my.....well....S.O.

Why wouldn't I mention sexymama by name, when she is the most important person in my life?

me, sus, and mimi is who I am.

There you have it - the most honest and compact answer you could get.

It's happened. :lol:

my wife isn't on TFP at all.. yet everyone knows her screen name...

It could be simply overexposure to the TFP such that people start thinking about it like a seperate dimension of reality in their life

Oh you caught me out. Really.

I found it interesting that "bing bing" phrased the question (in part) "when two members of the TFP are dating in real life". I am a member of TFP and am not dating, instead, I've been with my husband for 16 yrs. (married almost 12 yrs.).

I don't refer to my husband by name (or rather screen-name, because he doesn't have one) simply because he isin't on TFP. He is in a sense part of the TFP because he likes to peruse the site signing in under my name, but is too shy to actually post or make himself known. He loves the TFP as much as I do but is not much of a reader or writer (although quite intelligent) and therefore finds it hard to participate.

Unlike Lurkette and Ratbastid (only using you guys as an example because you're prominate here as one of the known couples!), we are conventional (whatever that means!) in the sense that we are in a strictly monogamous relationship, but, like them, we are very close with a healthy sex life. One of these days we might liven things up by posting pictures in Exhibition, then my SO would have to let himself be known to all of you! Until then, it's just me and my references to him, sorry to contradict the thought of TFP couples blowing their own horns...

Ali

I enjoy it when I see someone mention their partner's name, especially if they're a member of the TFP. It makes it seem more like a community, especially when read ShaniFaye's mentions of Dave, or lurkette and ratbastid or Nancy and Loverboy. I don't know anybody here in real life but in my imagination I see everyone sitting around a coffee table in some posts and using names like that makes it more real.

I'm not delusional, I know it's just a message board here, but I like to imagine still :)

I think it's awesome. Moon & I still do it, even though things have changed.
Advertising their significance and your love for them........what's wrong with that?

I think they're just doing it to make me look bad for being single, its all a big conspiracy!

I do mention Secret a lot in many of my posts, but that's because he's such an important part of my life that I can't help but include him in my life's experiences. It's not a matter of trying to make us look better or shove it in anyone's face.

I know its gonna happen to me one of these days. :p

I'd rate it in the unconscious mate guarding/ familiarity category. It's a little of both.

Exact same situation with me. I very frequently mention my wife, but I never mention her TFP name.

I call "poor data collection" on bing bing.

Thanks Rlyss!!

If Dave were on the board, I'd refer to his as his screen name not Dave :lol:

I think it would be really difficult to take part in discussions in exhibition, general discussion, living, sexuality and the playground if have a SO and NOT mention them by name. If you're taking part in intellectual, adult topics why one earth wouldnt you mention your SO by name? I like seeing the connections of the people on the board....its nice to know that there are indeed other kinds of couples in the world (like Dave and I) that do share everything and have the adult level of openess and understanding in their relationships that allow them to share their REAL selves with the rest of us.

Too many people spend their time saying things like..if my SO knew I was on a message board they'd kill me....or something to that affect.

I dont believe in any relationship where you have to hide your activities, whether they be internet ones or real life ones is healthy for either partner.

A former friend of mine used to always say, "Don't tell everything you do, but do don't anything you can't tell."