I am so ashamed, yet not sure of what
 

So I am crossing the street with a few people, when out of nowhere comes this guy on a red light, and stops ilike an inch infront of us. I really thought he was going to hit us. I spit on this kid's car, and when he opens his window, I tell him to shut the **** up and keep driving. His GF opens her mouth and starts cussing me out aswell. I tell them both to F off and keep walking. As the kid realizes that I aint gonna do jack chit, he actually gets out of his car and talks chit. I ignore it and keep walking, he decides to follow us, and pulls up to me. I tell him I over reacted, but he could of hit us. He pulls out and leaves like all is cool. It's killing me inside for some reason.

im sorry to hear that..


i used to feel lik ethat but im just an asshole by nature....

it comes....slowly but surely...

Anger can be overpowering at times... It's good that nobody was hurt... Don't be to down on yourself, you eventually came to your senses.

I am not sure if I feel bad for flipping out, or backing down. Kind of demorolizing when someone is egging you on, and your body walks away while your brain wants you to go and pummel the guy. He really thought he was a big shot infront of his GF. I bet if I turned around and fought with him in the middle of the road, i wouldn't feel half as bad as i do now.

Ever had any similar situations?

...or perhaps you might've felt worse. I think it is better that your calm side prevailed.

Well he wasn't exactly egging you on. From what you said, it sounded like he could have accidentally missed the red. It is very unfortunate that people where there when he did it, but it was you that spit on his car in the first place. He may have simply nodded or said sorry and drove away had you not done that. I'm not trying to gang up on you, but try and look at it from his perspective.

Well, you did over-react to the situation. Perfectly understandable that you'd feel bad about it.

How am I supposed to react? The guy almost runs over 5 people, then just calmly sits in his car staring at us with the look of "what the fuk are you looking at". If he would of rolled down his window and apologized, I would of gladly accepted it. He only rolled it down after I starred at him back. Then started calling me a puss for walking away. As I kept walking away, the more macho he became shouting more offensive things. I yelled back but kept walking.

I think me feeling bad isn't all due just to this incident. I am starting to realize that I have a pretty good mouth, but when confronted, I panic and wuss out. It's very painful knowing that about yourself.


thanks for the replies, i am really starting to feel better having talked about this to you guys.

Sure, you could have kicked his ass. And what would that prove. He already probably feels like an ass. You did right to let him know you were pissed and then showed him you are a man by walking away. Right on!!

just imagine if you didnt walk away what would have happened. he could have backed down or thing could have gotten ugly and a fight/big scene ensued. no one would normally want to get into all that. who knows what this could spiral into. so its natural to walk away at that point. dont beat yourself down.

Dual, in situations like that, I react, at worst, by glaring at someone. Spitting at someone, and especially on them or their car (which is an extension of them) is incredibly rude. Normally I just try to laugh at what an idiot they are to almost hit me and then act like it's my fault.

And people will constantly walk all over you for that kind of behavior. You should stick up for yourself.

Sure spitting on the guy's car may have been a little too extreme, but he did almost kill you. I would have just flicked him off and said, "Learn to drive, asshole!"

I'm a fan of slapping the hood and making some crazy sound. Whatever comes out I go with.

It's only happened a couple of times, but when I spew nonsense (and it happens) they just look at me like I'm crazy and move along.

In my opinion, I think I've avoided a lot of confrontational episodes by projecting the "crazy." People don't seem to want to tangle if they think you're not all there.

It's good that you reacted the way you did. I'm sorry that you apologized, but if calmer heads prevailed...well then no foul, right?

Walk all over me? It obviously wasn't intentional. Most people are bad drivers, and there's no use getting your panties in a bunch over it. Now, if someone TRIED to run me down with their car, then I'd probably get violent on them. Completely different situation though.

The way I would look at it is a learning experience. Me personally I used to get mad about things like that. But nowadays I would do everything in my power to aviod a confrontation (unless it was life threatining to myself or someone else). People are way to volitile. People come out with bats and guns....I myself would have looked at him and kept on walking. You feel bad about it now but give it time and you wont even think about it. Just react differently next time.

So some moron who shouldn't be driving comes close to hitting you. You spit on his car and get into an arguement, then he starts to follow you. Hmmm. Where I live, that could very well get you shot. I'm completely against moron drivers but why put yourself in a more dangerous situation? You never know who this other person is, what their mental status is or if they are carrying any type of weapon. You would be better off getting the license plate along with the vehicle and drivers description then calling the police.

dualman7, you should've pounded him. After almost hitting you then following you to give you a hard time about it, he deserved to have his ass kicked. Then maybe he would pay attention to his driving.

Sometimes when someone talks shit, you just need to blast them once in the mouth and leave it at that. I wouldn't say beat his ass, but christ, sometimes people need to be put in their place.

Me personally, if the guy almost hit me and I spit on his car, I expect him to say, "I deserve that. I almost killed the guy.." If he has the nerve to come pull up to me after that, get out, and talk shit, I'd simply square him in the mouth because I see that as a threat. Then point to his cackling girlfriend and tell her she's next if she doesn't shut the hell up.

I know a lot of people think, "Just walk away, it's better in the long run", but that's not always true. It might be in the sense of, "You avoided potentially getting hurt," but I bet that guy is walking around going, "Yeah, some dick spit on my car. I was about to FUCK him up.." not having been taught a lesson. I personally think the latter is more important. People need to be put in their place sometimes.

I had an incident at a Best Buy once where a guy was driving like a complete dick. I gave him the finger when driving, and as I got out, he said something like, "Where I'm from, people get their ass beat for that shit." I dunno what he meant by that seeing as how we're in the same state... but anyway, I said, "Where I'm from, people shut the fuck up and don't drive like shit."

He turned to his friend and said somethin to the effect of "this guy's gettin his ass beat." I'm sure I would've, this guy was like 10x my size. Instead, I had the people in the store call security on him. They were monitoring him, I went outside and took the lid off their garbage can in front.. it was a metallic square top. I was going to fuck his car up... in the mean time, my girlfriend's makin a fuckin scene (I could've gotten away with it if it wasn't for her mouth).. but shit, sometimes people just need to taught a lesson. She ended up gettin the car, driving to the other end of the parking lot where I was (at the guy's car) and was yelling, "PUT IT DOWN. DO NOT TOUCH THAT FUCKIN CAR." Making everyone look at me... so I whipped the lid at the backend of his truck anyway.

I was pissed at that for a while. I simply don't tolerate disrespectful people. If you drive like an ass and I give you the finger, accept that as a consequence of your shitty actions. Don't get all huffy with your macho self and try to take it further. You could just tell he was one of those people that needed a good ass whipping... one of those guys who think they're tough and walk around pickin fights.

I've been taking martial arts for a while now, so if a situation like that comes up again, I wouldn't have a problem dropping those types of people in a heartbeat, 10x my size or not..

[edit]
In any case, I can understand 100% how you're pissed and upset. It might not be the most healthy way to react, but we're all different and have different morals/values.

oh my god where do i start - youve been taking martial arts for a while, now you can "drop people". wow. you the man.

You wouldn't have had to kick his ass, if you'd have turned round, he would have shit it. Guaranteed. He was only so cocky cos you were already the bigger man, and walking away. If you'd turned round and said 'what did you call me?' in a menacing way, he probably would have bolted for his car like a little boy. Just take solace in knowing that there's no dignity in scrapping in the middle of the street like a couple of dogs. You did the best thing.

Why contribute to an angry world?
 

Maybe it's just me, but the whole thing just seems a little, no a LOT, confrontational. I don't think we nee dto look at each other so adversarily, even if there was some "justification" to it. We see so much violence everywhere, and I think the last thing we need is to create more when there is no need.

In the first place, if no one was actually hurt by his bad driving, walk away. Don't spit, don't stare him down, don't show him your great-looking middle finger, just walk away.

Does this make you a wuss? Who cares!? This is not a professional wrestling arena, it's a street where you live. Make it a peaceful street.

Confrontation solves nothing. Violence solves nothing. Picture this. You spit on his car, he gets out, you both fight, you hurt him very badly. Who wins? What is proved? Is anything resolved? Does htis undo an act of bad driving? No, it means that someone gets hurt for no reason. No winner.

Different picture: you spit on his car, he gets out, you both fight, he kicks the shit out of you. who wins? More importantly, who loses? Answer, we all lose.

And picture even worse results. Permanent physical damage to bones or joints, brain damage, physical noticable scars, and for what? Because this guy was not paying enough attention to his driving?

Sorry for the tirade, but as I see the world become a more and more angry place, with people more and more in a hurry, I think that we are missing something important. The only enemies you have are the ones you make, so stop making enemies. I'm not saying everyone is your friend, but they also need not be your enemy. You have nothing to prove that requires violence. Use your head first.

Peace
Pierre

You need help - REALLY
 

[QUOTE=Stompy]Sometimes when someone talks shit, you just need to blast them once in the mouth and leave it at that. I wouldn't say beat his ass, but christ, sometimes people need to be put in their place.

***bunch of angry crap deleted***

Stompy, you are in need of some serious anger management. I'm NOT kidding here, and I'm not trying slag you, but some of the things you said about the way you reacted in that parking lot, both to the "bad driver" and to your "girlfriend" are demonstrating that you may be a danger to your self and others, especially now that you've been studying martial arts, and apparently for all the wrong reasons.

So, please, for your own good, get some therapy. Violence is not the answer you may think it is, and "dropping someone" regardless of their size or actions will not make the world a better place, nor will it make you a bigger man.

Peace
Pierre

Wow, if he got in my face, I probably would have broken his. That is if I was alone, if I had my fiancee with me, I'd try to keep my cool.

What are so many of you out to prove? How tough you are? How strong you are? How very apparent it is that you are unable to control your rage? Beating the crap out of someone proves nothing more than how violent the world is becoming. Where I live, 2-3 people die every night by violent means for very stupid reasons. They are gunned down, stabbed, beaten, run over, burned, etc over a seat on the bus, a robbery of someone carrying $3.00, who is dating who or for nothing at all. While that number may be low compared to larger cities, do the math. Just two people a night is 730 people a year.

Now, you may be wanting to say that you wouldn't have killed him, just beat him up. I don't see much of a difference. It is all unnecessary violence which will end when people learn to control their rage and stop turning a minor incident into their own personal war.

That's why I carry a knife.

Most of you people have serious issues. You all come off as wannabe vigilantes raised by action movies. If you get murdered for having a dumbass attitude like that, you're definitely well on your way to deserving it.

Geez you people make it too complicated. We're all just people living on planet earth. The guy made a mistake, and almost hit you, but he didn't. You spit on his car. He felt threatened and got out. At that point - you should have taken some deep breaths and done the right thing - and that is: plugged a cap in his ass. End of story. No screaming or fighting necessary. Duh.... people make everything to complicated.

that sucks dude...i would have jumped if he was within inches of me...yeah i would have gotten mad but i wouldnt go off like that cause i am afraid of ppl that would pull out a gun and shoot my ass

I experienced something similar, but from the driver's end, a few years back. While driving in a strange city, I got lost, and inadvertently went through a red while people were in the crosswalk. Although I didn't come close to hitting anyone, I did startle a few folks who had started to cross the street. I rolled down my window and apologized, explained that I was lost and unfamiliar with the city, and almost everyone with the exception of one guy waved it off. One gentleman even tried to give me directions, but while he was doing so the angry guy approached my car and started yelling and kicking the door. I drove off, seething, and while circling the block saw the same guy. He started yelling again, and I wished for the fifth time that I had the gun I used to carry while traveling. I sped away, but spent the rest of the day brooding about what had happened, and feeling like a coward or a helpless twit who couldn't defend myself from a two-bit punk. I even spent several moments replaying the whole incident, but with a different outcome: one in which I got out of my car and pounded a puddle in that guys chest.

Dualman7 is trying to deal with a normal human reaction of being angry with himself for basically backing down (punking out, or whatever term is appropriate) from a confrontation. Not only does he feel that the driver was wrong -and stupidly unapologetic for his actions which could have caused serious injury - but he also feels even more wronged for having to concede something (a hollow victory, perhaps) to this punk.

Upon reflection, I think we all realize that a confrontation would have been senseless, and quite possibly dangerous, no one likes to be taken for a flat. That's just human nature.

you are ashame because you hate yourself that you chickened, and backed off,

I had a situation once, me and my two friends did pull the dude out of his car and slapped him a bit, then popped his tires so he won't chase us down, and that felt good

my wife would freak if i even turned around... if i was alone1 of 2 things... i woulda don e simmalr to what you did or kinda sorta in a verry manipulated way close to stompy.. not really even close but.. i agree with him on 1 thing... people do need put in there place from time to time... common sence is free evreyone is born with it...such a verry small few of them choose to use it.....

<<< wishes he was king of his own world...

Dualman7, I know what you mean. I have always been brought up to be the bigger man and walk away etc. My mind hears all the arguments as to why you shouldn't get in to a fight, and I almost always listen. The few times I haven't I have always felt better about standing up for myself. Of course if I got my ass shot I probably wouldn't feel that way. Just real tough to know what to do.

I will probably get flamed for this but I would have knocked the little punk out, you don't drive like that!

For my entire life it's been just my mom and me. She's the toughest person I've ever known, and I've idolized her for it. When I say tough I mean both mentally and physically. She's taught me that as a woman (or anyone for that matter) you can't take anyone's shit. I must say I try to avoid confrontation when possible. I am headstrong and aggressive, but sometimes I feel that the consequences aren't worth it. My mom won't take shit from anyone, but in a way it scares me that she's gonna get herself killed someday.

As for myself, I've noticed that I have a lot of the same tendencies. Perfect example. Recently I went to the bank to withdraw some money, and I had to go through the drive-through window because the inside was closed. There are two drive through lanes at my bank. I pull in to the one farthest to the right and there is no one behind me (at first). There's this whole process I have to go through, first I need the teller to get me a withdrawal slip. Then I need to fill it out. As I'm giving my deposit to the teller some guy in a big-ass truck pulls in behind me. The teller then tells me she needs my ID (which they never ask me for- she was new) She finally sends the money through and forgets my ID. By this time the guy behind me starts swearin at me. Tellin me to "Hurry the Fuck up!" I don't say anything, I just decide to ignore the guy. And it isn't even my fault that it's taking so long. Finally, after about a minute of hearing obscenities, I flip the guy off. He continues to rant and rave so I tell him to kiss my ass. He's still yelling so I shut the window. Now I'm completely finished with my transaction. But since he had to be such an asshole to me I figure the best way to get him back is just to make him wait longer. So, I sat in front of the teller for a good couple of minutes just staring at him in my rearview mirror. Childish? Maybe. But he's the sort of macho egotisical asshole that thinks he can degrade women for the hell of it. So I felt good to retaliate. Unfortunately he decided to follow my car for about 20 minutes until I pulled into a fire station. So...worth it..maybe not.

The point to this long post was just to say that I can see both points of view. I agree that there is way to much violence today. But there's a point where you just have to stand up for yourself. And as for your situation Dualman...I wouldn't have spit on his car but I sure as hell woulda yelled at the guy if he was lookin all smug.

No offense, but it sounds like two wannabe macho guys who want to show they can kick the others ass in front of their friends or GF. If you were so tough, you would have punched him for talking smack. If he was so tough, he would have smacked you for spitting on his car.

I realize the instant gratification of showing your machisimo attitude, but grow up. People are so quick to be angry these days. You didn't get hit, he probably didn't intentionally try to hit you, so walk away and be the better man. You would feel a lot better inside if you walked away, then to have to have this pent up frustration because you didn't act the way you REALLY wanted to. There are times in life when you do NEED to defend yourself, but unless it is one of those occassions, people need to chill out.

I most likely would've gesticulated how close the car got in a non-confrontational manner and kept on going, and if he did anything, just ignored him.

These road rage type stories are somewhat dangerous, with so many folks worried about straightening out someone else's bad driving or whatever. There are quite a few borderline crazy people with guns out there. Some are drunk and/or speed freaks.

Before challanging them, I would recommend you arm yourself first so you at least have a fighting chance when they come out blasting. After the smoke clears you can explain to the police how badly they were driving.

You did the right thing by walking away. He's probably still stewing about it, and you shouldn't.

Several years ago, I probably would have walked back and got in his face, and waited for him to throw, now I would give him the one finger salute and said something, and walked. FIghting leads to bad things happening for everyone involved.

There's a difference between assertive and agressive. What dualman did was rude and provoking- it was agressive. He could have told the guy to slow the hell down because he didn't want to be hit crossing the street. But taking the blame yourself is not a solution. You'll take a lot of crap from the world if you accept it. I'm sorry, it's my fault, i'll fix it... these phrases all place whatever blame there is solely on yourself. Don't be stuck cleaning up someone else's mess.

Spitting on his car was not a good idea. Avoiding physical contact was.

Ridicule is the best weapon in situations like this.

He was an asshole, but Western society considers spitting a particularly nasty kind of action. I just make fun of people who do things like that.


Mr Mephisto

Same thing happened to me. The guy screeched to a stop and was about 4 inches from taking out my knee. I saw that I wouldn't have to dive out of the way (I did once before,) and I stopped exactly where I was, held my thumb and index finger apart to show the distance between his bumper and my leg, held my hand up, an dwiht my other hand, pointed to my leg, and to my hand. He rolled down the window and politely apologized. I politely asked him to be more careful when driving, and said that it could easily have been a little kid rather than me. He drove away from the light quite a bit slower than he approached it. I hope he learned to be mroe careful.

Course not. But if there was no incident, then it can't be anyone's fault, can it? Besides that, people make mistakes. People are emotionally fallible. People are self-centred. You'll live a longer, happier life if you allow yourself to forgive them for those things when it's something small like what happened to the topic creator.

I'm of the belief that assertiveness is taken too far to the extreme too often in our society. It's good to have, but people act like it's THE thing to be in all situations. They also don't realise there are multiple facets to assertion, not all of which are active and aggressive. It has its place, but it is a concept that is too frequently taken out of hand.

To all you macho MoFo guys who continue to use phrase like "punch his lights" or "pop a cao in him" - here is the way to deal with it. I can't believe that, even after so many poeple have posted that violence is not the answer, you guys continue to sound like wannabe gansta losers. MrSelfDestruct has the definitive way to handle this situation, and maybe you could take a lesson. Thanks for the voice of clear reason, MSD, you rock!

Pierre

I totally agree with vox_rox and MSD!! People make mistakes...and two wrongs don't make a right.

The driver failed to stop/break at appropriate times; Dualman shouldn't have spit on the guys car.

Kill them with kindness...I would have walked up to his window and calmly said, "Hey, when you are behind the wheel, driving is your first priority and concern. Pay attention next time, guy. You could've hit and killed me, or worse...a child or an innocent animal." And then I would have continued on my way...

I'm more ashamed when someone calmly chastises me rather than gets angry and yells. Calm disapproval hits home harder.

There have been a few different times in the past week that I've almost been on the receiving end of a vehicle driven by someone not paying attention, and a few of the times, when it was obviously their fault, they were pissed off at me. What I've always done in situations like this... look them in the eye, smile, and wave to them. Most of the time they don't know what the hell just happened, and I just continue on my way. Hey, it works for me :p

I'm not going to respond to all the machismo talk in the posts. The plain fact that most posters seemed to ignore is that the driver came mere inches from killing people! Everyone seems to be focusing on what happened after the "almost" accident. I don't know what my response would have been (as a female) but I sure as hell wouldn't have just spit and kept walking. I would have given the driver a angry diatribe or had one of the others I was with stand in front of the car while I wrote down the liscense plate number.

Most of you seem to think that the incident was no big deal because no one was hurt. I see it as, that could have been my husband or sister crossing the street and just like a coin toss, a 50/50 chance, nothing could have come of it (like the thread starters outcome) or they could be dead and gone from my life forever. I don't know the ideal solution but it is definately not a choice between inflaming the reckless driver or ignoring them, somewhere in between.

One of the very few times I've been ashamed in my life was last winter. I ran up to the corner grocery, shopped quickly and got back in the car. I drive like a granny in a parking lot so I backed out very slow. Just before I put the car in drive, I flipped the dash defrost/floor mix on high. Between the time I cranked the knob, put the car in drive, and started to straighten out and pull forward, my windshield had instantaniously fogged up. I almost ran into an elderly man that was crossing in front of me (I obviously couldn't see him).

It was my hubbies car that I wasn't used to (no excuse, I should have educated myself) and I had been in the store so briefly I hadn't even thought of the situation. I stopped just in time, rolled down the window and embarrassingly appologized to the poor guy. He, understandably, was pissed off and was cursing me so much he didn't even hear my words. I was only going about 5 or 6 mph., basically moving on idle. Would I have killed the man? Who knows. I very well could've, the elderly are more fragile than the young. It was not reckless driving on my part, would've been a complete accident if I'd hurt or killed the man, but I still would have been responsible for the injury or death. It was a totally unforseen situation but I still felt like an asshole. I should have waited to see what the car was going to do based on the weather before I backed out.

My point is that we all take on responsibility when we get behind the wheel of a car. Own up to that responsibility and don't abuse it. I realize this thread is about 3 mths. old but I didn't see it when it was created so I'm responding now that it's been resurrected.

Ali

I tend to just walk away shaking my head...

the reward is not worth the risk...

Vox... you are channelling my thoughts on this thread...

While I understand the animal response to leap to violence... violence never solves anything. It just begets more violence.

Everyone just needs to relax a bit more.

I've been taking martial arts for a while now, so if a situation like that comes up again, I wouldn't have a problem dropping those types of people in a heartbeat, 10x my size or not..


That is one of the most idiotic statements I have read. First I don't believe for one minute that you're taking martial arts at a decent school because the first thing you learn at a decent school is to avoid fighting becasuse some day you'll pick a fight with the wrong guy and will wind up eating pavement.

Second, taking martial arts "for a while now" qualifies you for absolutely nothing. I hate to tell you, but unless you're superman, there are plenty of people out there that have never taken martial arts that can destroy you.

Third, the martial arts are to be used to protect yourself and others from harm, NOT to go duking it out with people because you don't like their behavior. "Martial artists" who go around bragging about what a great karate man they are and picking fights give the martial arts a bad reputation, and those of us who are real martial artists do not appreciate that.



As to the original situation, spitting on the guys car was a dumbass move. First, he did not try to kill you. He's in a car, you're on foot. If he were TRYING to kill you, he would have succeeded. He slammed on the brakes, trying to AVOID killing you, which points to the fact that he made a mistake. Unless you are perfect (and the fact that your first reaction was to make another attempt at having this guy kill you by spitting on his car shows that you are far from perfect) you have no reason to go around picking fights with people just because they made a mistake.

The sooner you figure out that avoiding confrontation whenever possible is a must, the more likely it is that you will live to see retirement.

Unless the guy is actively trying to harm you, you have no business trying to goad him in to actively trying to harm you.

Since I started in the martial arts more years ago than I care to admit, I've been amazed at the number of people who seem to want to die. If you do something that you KNOW will piss someone off like spitting at them or smacktalking at them, you are taking the risk that they 1) are a better fighter than you and 2) are just as big of a jackass as you are being and will escalate the situation until one of you gets hurt.

funny. how that sounds so much like me ! :thumbsup:

This situation happens to me all the time - cars stopping far into the crosswalk as I'm crossing the street. When this happens, I usually make eye contact with the driver to make sure they see me. Sometimes I'll even get vicious and raise my eyebrows at them to communicate that, as a pedestrian, I'm unsure that they will stop in time. This is true. The next part is not.

If I don't get the response I like, I tend to turn into a ninja - you know, flip out and kill people. I once killed everyone on a bus that stopped too far into a crosswalk. That'll make them think twice about riding a bus that stops too far into a crosswalk. :thumbsup:

/end nonsensification