The discussion of the long lost love...
 

Maybe I'm lucky, maybe I'm stupid. Who knows? I sure as hell don't.

A girl I'll call "J" was in my life, about 7 years ago me and J met at a mutual friends house. It's been about 5 years since she has sinced moved away.

How is it... with all the people I've dated in the last 5 years, our of every one of those guys and girls... Not a single one can compare to J? Every first or second date I go on I can't stop thinking about J. I say first of second because they hardly ever get past the 2nd because there's just no spark, nothing.

I'll be honest with myself, some of the people were more attractive than J, but there's no comparison.

I've sat here for about the last 3 hours, just writting a letter I'll never send to her, it ends up about 8 pages, front back. Just feel like feeling sorry for myself today I guess.



Have a good day all, if you find someone who you truly care for, Never treat them badly, always keep them happy, take saccrifices when they are neccessary, buy them something for no fucking reason... Just don't lose them.

Why not send the letter?

I just lost someone I really felt strongly for. I was positive that things would really last with us. I've had a couple of long term girlfriends (3.5 yrs, and 2 yrs) both of whom I lived with. Both time I ended up breaking if off because it wasn't working. Things were going great with this one. Everything was awesome, I thought it was really gonna work. Turns out she wasn't feeling the same, told me she didn't think she would ever fall in love with me, she is confused about things and wishes that it would have worked with us but knows that it won't. She is younger than me (just turned 20, I'm 24) and that was part of it. Just at different places in our lives I guess.

Moral of this story, I lost it for no reason at all. Sometimes things just happen. All that a person can do is live life doing what they feel is right so that if things do go south they don't have regrets. One thing about my situation is that I don't have any regrets because I did what I felt was the right thing to do. Oh well... C'est la vie...

Without knowing more, I can't really say what's up with your situation, but a number of possibilities come to mind:

1. you're in love with this girl
2. you're in love with something she represents for you
3. she's become some ideal for you that nobody else has a chance of comparing to - perhaps as a way of keeping people at a distance?
4. the people you've met just haven't been right for you

Did she move away and you lost touch? (If that's the case, and you haven't seen her in 5 years, I'm going to go with #3.) If you're still using her as the comparison for everyone 5 years later, and "can't stop thinking" about her on dates, I think she's probably become some kind of construct in your head. Not healthy.

Did she move away and you're still speaking? (If that's the case, I'd vote for #1 or 2, and you should send her the letter.)

Possibly more to the point: not useful, unless as Lurkette says, you're trying to hold people off.

Sounds like you dated for a while, was there a reason it didn't work?

Has anyone ever experienced this with someone they really didn't date or spend a lot of time with? I've been married 12 years now, but can't stop thinking of one girl, we dated very little, but she constantly crosses my mind. I ran into her about 2 years ago, just bugs me...

To answer some of the questions as best as I can, I dated her for 2 years and some odd months. She moved away and we talked for like a month, but then we lost touch pretty much, long distance phone calls. We both gradually stopped logging on to AIM, work, school started up and I haven't spoke with her for about 5 years now.

I was quite young when we were dating, but I still know I was in love with her. There's no way anyone will convince me otherwise, someone tells me, you'll know when your in love. There's no mistaking it. Well there it was, no doubt in my mind.

I'm at work and quite busy but I think I've answered the questions you asked, I'll check back little later in the night hopefully I didn't miss any.




(by the way, this isn't a cry for attention, or maybe it is... I donno, just lately I've had so much of thinking of her, my best friend saw her and spoke to her a bit, told me he spoke to her, found some old letters she wrote to me, some old pictures and stuff while doing some cleaning.

It just feels good to say these things to other people even if I've never seen the people I'm talking to)

Thanks for the replies so far.

I hear ya, thinking of old flames can be a bummer. Has she moved on that you know of? Was the break up a mutual thing or life happening? I guess I feel everything happens for a reason.

Just a thought, I burned all the letters and pics of ex's that I found a while back after some bumming and beer. I really do hate losing touch with all of them too, it would be good for me to know everything turned out ok for them.

If you had a relationship and it went away because she moved, and you just lost touch, what's stopping you from getting back in touch with her? I don't get it.

I agree with lurkette. Even if she has a new man or you just plain strike out, maybe it will help put the issue to bed.

I agree as well. I think what is holding you back is you have some kind of regret. Perhaps a regret of just letting it slip away. At least find out if she is out of reach for you so you can move on or maybe you will find out she is still interested and you can get something going again. Either way you have to put the issue behind you...

Send the letter. What harm could it do? Perhaps she has been thinking of you as well. It would be a shame to go on the rest of your life knowing that you never got to say the things you wanted to say.

I am also wondering if there is something else going on in your life that has caused you to think of her in this light, even though it has been 5 years since you spoke. Do you find yourself continually comparing every girl or guy to her? You mentioned both so I assume you have tried different avenues? Do you think you are even giving an honest attempt at getting to know these people? I am just curious.

I have dwelled on 1-2 girls in my past. Besides them walking all over me and/or cheating on me, they were perfect in my eyes. Soon after the breakups, I found myself comparing all the good qualities they had to the new ones I was going out with. I wouldn't do it for too long because the bad stuff that happened soon crept in and changed my opinion of them. 5 years though.......Keep us posted. Good luck!

I got her AIM name, been waiting for her to log on while I'm at my comp. I know she logs on coz everytime I leave my computer and come back a few hours later "Last seen blah blah hour ago" I missed her once already by 10 minutes!

Arg, Oh well soon I'll let you know how this works out. *nervous*

ghhhhhhhhhhhhjjjjcccccccccccc c

Was she your first love? Cause if she was forget about it. You are never going to get over her. Or I should say your memories of her. I have been happily married for 26 years and still occasionally think about the first one. I have no idea where she is nor would I want to reconnect with her, but every now and then she creeps into my thoughts.

It couldn't hurt to try and contact her maybe nothing will happen maybe it will. Take the chance.

Contact her and talk to her, thats step 1. Once you do that, report back the findings and we'll go from there.

seems like your waxing romantic for what you "think" it's going to or could be...

Let that sleeping dog lie, man. I would never, ever, EVER, want to find out that my ex-girlfriend, whom I love very much, was seeing some other guy. That would just tear me apart, and I was tore up enough when she dumped me. I don't normally advocate living in ignorance of anything, but here is the exception to the rule.

I'm going to vote for the send the letter side. At least contact her in some way and let her know how you feel. In the long run, it's always better to try and get shot down rather than wondering what if...

I'm against contacting her. I've gone through a similar situation and at first it was quite exciting. But it turned out we both we trying to relive something that simply could not be brought to life. In the end, we both realized the mistake we were making and tried to leave with the beautiful and exciting memories of old.

Do I think about her still? Sure. I'll always have something for that young gal who helped make me the person I am today. But I'm much more happy living in the now with my present lady than in the past with a memory.

Which are you going to regret more: contacting her and having it not work out, or never contacting her and wondering if...

This is really some great advice...

Or you can place a dot behind this open end, or you can revive it.
But wonderering when it will close itself.... it doesn't...

Reminds of of the Lennon song, In My Life