I can't approach women!

[dualman7]

I'll get right to the point...I can't approach females at all. To be totally honest, I am almost terrifed of females. I can't even look most of them in the eyes for more than a couple seconds. I am 22 years old, time is flying by, and I haven't had a girlfriend in about 8 years. I know it's siiick. I am an OK looking guy, who regularly works out.

I am in my last semester in college, and all this time I haven't asked a girl out. Can i get a flu shot to fix all of this? I have 4 months left on this huge campus with all of these gorgeous girls, if I don't try now, the road just gets even harder. I know all of this, but again as soon as an opportunity arises, i fold.

Maybe I am intimidating. A lot of girls seem to assume I have a girlfriend and etc. Yet I remain terrified of them.

HELP!

[WeAllDie1Day]

This a problem many, many people have so you shouldn't feel bad. Personally, I've only had troubles approaching extremely gorgeous girls, because they are incredibly intimidating. I think that you should just get out more often with your friends and other girls, and you start to loosen up around them. The fact is, you don't have to be that scared of girls...they dont bite.

And if all else fails, alcohol is great to get rid of these fears ; )

[Rdr4evr]

Just think of it this way: we are nothing in this vast universe, we are not even a spec of dust, so what harm can you do by asking. Who cares if you get rejected, there are more important things to worry about.

[iamnormal]

If you do not fell you will never learn

[clavus]

I advocate immersion therapy. Throw yourself into a situation where you HAVE to talk. Walk up to a girl whom you sort of like and say, "I'd like to take you out to coffee." (or beer, or dinner, or whatever).

She'll say, "sure"

Then follow through.

So there you'll be, with nothing between you and the girl but a table and a couple drinks. You'll HAVE to talk.

Just assume that you will totally blow it the first time. That first date is going to be horrible. You will be awkward. It will end badly. She won't want a second date. just wrap your head around this BEFORE you go out. Accept it. Then you won't fear it!

If the date goes well, then it will be a plesant suprise. If not, well, then go try again. You only liked that girl a little anyway, right? Besides, you had NOTHIGN to lose. She wasn't ging out with your before, and she isn't now. BUT you had some practice talking to girls.

Repeat this process until you feel more comfortable with the fairer sex.

And if you are OK looking, and you aren't a total asshole, you will do fine. It is amazing what women will put up with. I'm really short, look like a weasle, weigh about 130 pounds and have no fashion sense; and yet I managed to hook up with some pretty fantastic women. If I can do it, you sure as Hell can.

Now get out there and DO IT!

[Dane Bramage]

One way to get over the fear is go and get yourself rejected a couple of times. After that, it won't bother you as much That's a bit of a joke, but true nonetheless.

Another thing to remember is that EVERYBODY is intimitated by beautiful people. You say that they asume you have a g/f, etc (not sure what the etc is) and you work out. They are probably just as scared of you as you are of them.

One of the hardest things is to meet new people. Work from within your circle of friends. If there are no single women in your circle, then broaden the circle. Join a club. Become more social.

It's not easy, but it is SO worth the effort. The more you do it, the easier it'll get.

DB.

[bermuDa]

just talking to them is a good start. chat with strangers about anything, it doesn't have to be about any specific topic. Getting a job in sales has taught me a lot about approaching strangers. if they ignore you or are condescending, you lose nothing but the time you took to say hi.

it's the same thing with dating. If you just want to date around and test the water, and the girl you take out turns out to be wrong for you, all you've lost is the time you spent with her. If it turns out otherwise, you stand to have a great time together.

I'm going to give you a bit of homework, plan9 style (you might want to consider his "getting girls 101" thread, as he is much more experienced at simply "scoring"). My talent lies not with women, but with getting along with just about everyone. I've already got a girlfriend and the only reason I talk to people is to hone my own basic social skills. Just because I'm not "on the prowl" doesn't mean I shouldn't speak to anyone.

here's your assignment: talk to at least one stranger every day. doesn't matter how long, doesn't matter what about, just talk to them. say hi, ask their name, whether they've found jesus yet, ANYTHING. you'll quickly realize that you lose nothing but your own inhibitions when you strike up a conversation with a total stranger. The easiest way I've found to talk to people is to make a comment about a current situation you share with them. Something about adding classes, high tuition fees, the long line to talk to an academic advisor, how bad the music is at the party. This will help you to think on your feet, you'll find it's easier than you think.

[Flyguy]

Dude, just suck it up and do it. The only way you gain experience at anything in life is to try and try again. So you'll get rejected a few times. So the hell what? Live and learn.

[samcol]

Originally Posted by dualman7

I'll get right to the point...I can't approach females at all. To be totally honest, I am almost terrifed of females. I can't even look most of them in the eyes for more than a couple seconds. I am 22 years old, time is flying by, and I haven't had a girlfriend in about 8 years. I know it's siiick. I am an OK looking guy, who regularly works out.

I am in my last semester in college, and all this time I haven't asked a girl out. Can i get a flu shot to fix all of this? I have 4 months left on this huge campus with all of these gorgeous girls, if I don't try now, the road just gets even harder. I know all of this, but again as soon as an opportunity arises, i fold.

Maybe I am intimidating. A lot of girls seem to assume I have a girlfriend and etc. Yet I remain terrified of them.

HELP!

That's my exact situation, except I'm 21.

[Halx]

My timid friends, I know your pain and I have your answer.

Your social anxiety is caused my anticipating the near future. Of course you fear rejection, not knowing what to say, and completely humilating yourself. First, you gotta know that NOBODY gets by in life without that happening a few times to them. NOBODY.

A strategy for getting over this in the short term is to imagine yourself in a pleasant situation 5 years into the future. Set a girl in your sights. Close your eyes. Imagine you beautiful house and your beautiful car (or whatever pleases you). Keep imagining this until it is fairly convincing to you. Take a deep breath and approach her. Say "Hi." Wait for response. Repond with whatever is on your mind. Voila.

Anything can happen. I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you that you'll be just fine. The point of this is first to lower your anxiety level, then to throw yourself into a situation that you fear. If you repeat this enough, you'll begin to grow out of it.

Practical way to lower your anxiety threshhold: Have an alcoholic drink or two (on a full stomach). Do not get drunk or buzzed because that will negate your intelligence.

Now go out there and be somebody!

[K-Wise]

You'd be surprized at how far you can get by just looking at them and saying "Hi, I'm Cris what's your name?" Forget using lines. Those are stupid.

Asta!!

[gondath]

The question that stands out to me is why do you think you even need one? You've gotten along this far without one. Consider girls as just another hobby. You can choose to participate or make better use of your time elsewhere. If you absolutely have to get one, don't settle for less than the one you want. Just keep in mind you can reject them just as easily.

[Squishor]

Originally Posted by clavus

...And if you are OK looking, and you aren't a total asshole, you will do fine. It is amazing what women will put up with. I'm really short, look like a weasle, weigh about 130 pounds and have no fashion sense; and yet I managed to hook up with some pretty fantastic women. If I can do it, you sure as Hell can.

Now get out there and DO IT!

Listen to this guy, he knows what he's talking about.

I am an attractive female, no supermodel but I seem to get more than my share of male attention, guys of all descriptions approaching me wherever I go. Yet, the guys I have chosen to be with have not necessarily been the obvious prizewinners in terms of looks, social skills, etc. I'm an individual and I appreciate people for who they are, their individual quirks and personality. I see threads in this forum where guys are advising other guys to go out there and play "alpha male" but you don't have to be a superhero to talk to girls or get them to accept you. We're just people like you, and any woman with a little heart will forgive some awkwardness.

My advice would be to do something to "demystify" the opposite sex a little, like go take a women's studies class or something. Plus then you'd be sitting in a room full of females on a regular basis, so your chances for making favorable contact would increase exponentially. I'm sure you're smart enough to know that you can strike up a conversation based on common interests, the time of day, etc., and that you'll never get anywhere unless you try. It sounds like your main issue is that your fear has grown rather than dimished; the snowball effect.

This might sound wacky but it could be worth a try - if you truly deeply find that your fear is disabling and not something you are able to control, you might try a hypnotherapy session. Don't laugh, it worked for me - I had a fear of driving that snowballed and was interfering with my life. At age 22 I ended up getting hypnotised and I was able to overcome my fear, to make a long story short. Good luck!

[K-Wise]

^ Haha do yer ex-boyfriends know you thought they were ugly and flawed? J/K You just said that so casually like "Oh yeah I've gone out with some ugly guys who were completely clueless" ya know except not in so many words. I agree with you though haha. I see that happen all the time. It's good there are still accepting women like that around.

Asta!!

[Squishor]

That's funny but they weren't really ugly, looks count for a lot with me but the point is they don't have to be perfect either. Like if I have a choice between Guy A who has crooked teeth but makes me laugh and Guy B who has perfect teeth but nothing to say...well, the choice is obvious to me.

The other thing I was thinking about was the original poster saying girls must assume he's got a girlfriend or something - well yeah, if you don't seem to be showing any interest, they probably will leave you alone. I know when I meet guys who seem to be ignoring me or not acknowledging my presence I pretty much assume they're not interested, or even that they don't even like me for some reason. My boyfriend knows this guy who has never spoken two words to me. Even though I don't even know the guy (since he's never spoken to me) I actually kind of dislike him by this point because he acts like I'm not even there. Who knows, maybe he's just shy, but after a few times of the same treatment it feels like he's got something against me or something.

[Halx]

I've never aimed very low in life when it comes to women. All of my girlfriends have been really attractive, smart individuals. Myself on the other hand... I'm cute (to some) and all, but awkward beyond description. I am shy and I do fumble over my words, but I have bursts of boldness that have won me some fabulous catches. All it takes is effort.... and semi-calm nerves.

[Cicero]

I cannot speak from past experience, but everything I have read at this site has convinced me that it works.

<a href=http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/> Layguide </a>

[clavus]

Originally Posted by Squishor

I am an attractive female...Yet, the guys I have chosen to be with have not necessarily been the obvious prizewinners in terms of looks, social skills, etc.

Hi there. I'm clavus. I couldn't help but notice you admiring my plaid socks. May I buy you a drink?

[Erlein]

Well, it's kinda simple. You look at the female in question and you initiate conversation. As long as you treat them like a fellow human being (and they treat you as one) you'll either end up with a new friend (which is also nice occasionally) or you'll have someone to lay down with later. Pick up lines do work occasionally, but chance are, the ones that they work on, you don't want...

[Madd]

I know your pain as an ex "fear of girls syndrome". Like people have said earlier, walk up and say something that forces you to talk. Its the first few words that are teh hardest, after that it gets easier.

Having a couple drinks is good to when going out, but like said above, dont get drunk.

[animosity]

For the most part I am able to talk to girls If I start the conversation. But when girls come talk to me I never know what to say... I end up just saying hello and walk away kicking myself for not saying anything else.

I think BermuDa's assignment is a good one.

[Autochron]

First, your self-esteem seems to be OK. Be thankful for that.

Second, and I'd like to raise this point here, there is a difference between being able to have a good, fun conversation with someone and being able to ask them out, at least from my perspective. It requires you to look at yourself as a potential partner rather than just someone who can go up and talk to people. This switch in modes of thought is hard for some people, especially if they are shy or late bloomers socially.

So, I want to emphasize the point made above that exposure is really the only way to inure yourself from that sort of thing, and not necessarily just social exposure either. Even if you can go up and talk to someone, it doesn't necessarily mean you're out of the woods yet.

Maybe I'm generalizing from my own problems, but it doesn't seem like you have trouble talking to women per se, just, you know, _talking_ to women, if you get my meaning. So that's what you've got to do. Painful, I know, but there is no growth without pain.

Some of the suggestions above could be useful in this respect... any others?

[bigoldalphamale]

jack daniels...and if that doesnt work, you can still have fun throwing lawn furniture through people's windows and eluding the cops by hiding in trees.

...or, like, something. yeah.

[Blackthorn]

Originally Posted by Halx

If you repeat this enough, you'll begin to grow out of it.

Buck up lil camper. Halx is spot on. It's like the old saying that start with "How do you get to Carnegie Hall?" The answer is "Practice man practice!"

One thing that will help you is to have a casual interaction with darn near every woman you see. It doesn't have to be long but go out of your way to say hello...then mention the universal conversation started the weather... crack a joke about your local sports team (In my case that's easy - Reds / Bengals & they both suck ass) or whatever. If you can get over the saying of hello the move on to making it something a little longer. The important thing is to treat every single woman as an opportunity to practice your conversation skills and use it to help get over this fear. Face it...every one of them is not one that you are going to want to bed down with anyway so use that to your advantage and practice your conversation skills. In time it will get easier for you.

Hope this helps...

[pedro padilla]

must say, all the alcohol tips are the best you´re gonna get. down a few and invite the first one you see to join you for the next. if you don´t drink, try AA meetings. full of women that are sick to death of drunken pickup lines. or try cocaine. or NA. if not, there´s some great porno links 2 clicks away.