The Linear Journal Thread
 

This journal thread is here for those who prefer linear relationships. I figure if linear sequencing is good enough for DNA, it’s good enough for me…

I feel some need to write down my thoughts, observations, ruminations on experience, and so forth. I’ll do that here until the ol’ journals make their reappearance. I invite anyone else who desires so to do the same. Folks who care to can find their way through these entries easily enough, I think.

We3 were enthralled by the Olympics – as we are every two years. After a few days of vicarious participation in these noble events, the world changes. Especially the world as perceived via media. Television became, for once, a medium of global communication – well a medium of significant human communication and participation. I’ve often said the best we can do for each other is to inspire one another. This was our experience of the Olympics – an inspiration from start to finish.

Then, the Rebublican convention came around. It was a bit of a comedown from the lofty Olympian heights, but it was worth it all for me to grab Arnold’s top-notch speech on videotape. I’ll watch it more than once. He’s a real good man.

Our house painting proceeds, albeit more slowly now. We’re back to overtime and homework. I’m teaching a class – an art appreciation class at the university level and as I haven’t done that for 5 years, there’s a ton of preparation – translating my knowledge, notes, and lectures to PowerPoint presentations, etc. We’re about 60% done with painting the house. The tough parts above the first roofline remain – dormers, second floor rooms, etc.

We sit out gazing at our pastoral and wooded 14 acres as it moves from late summer toward early fall. Life is as good, great, excellent, as it ever was and ever could be!

Can we post comments or questions?

Mr Mephisto

The thread is open to anyone's use in the absence of the journals. Post away.
Thanks!

So I'm intrigued Art.

You say you're teaching an art appreciation course at University. Yet in a recent thread you said that you believed all master-pieces should be destroyed! I presume you're not telling your students that?

I remember in an old thread, where I argued for the inherent value of such art works as those of Yves Klein and Damien Hirst, you seemed to agree (maybe my memory is playing tricks on me).

Also, just out of curiousity... how popular is the new Govenor of California? It all happened when I was last over there on business, but at the time there seemed to be quite a bit of bitter recriminations going on; what with Busamante [sp?] running against his own party, sexual harrassment charges against Schwarzaneggar etc. Didn't he promise an independent inquiry and then later change his mind?


Mr Mephisto

I teach a subject. I don't teach my opinions about the subject - as I consider them out of place in a university setting. I understand most of my colleagues do not hold this sort of view. But I do.

No comment on Arnold's popularity.
I like him as a human being.

I'll go for it. I usually write in a book journal, but it is packed away somewhere due to moving.

Latley I feel my perception of the world is changing. Not merely in simple terms, like "it's a small world after all" but in a way that involves my senses. This is hard to explain, but I'll do my best... for example, I cut the tip of my thumb at work with a small saw. Of course, I thought "my thumb hurts" but then I had the thought that my THUMB wasn't actually in pain, it was actually my brain sending the pain signal. So, even thought the cut was ON the thumb, and the pain appeared to be IN the thumb, I knew that the pain I was experiencing was really in my brain. I've always known this, but until recently I've never actually thought too deeply about this. Now my perceptions are changing. It is a humbling experience to look in the mirror and see that ALL of your experiences, thoughts, senses, dreams... are in that little head of yours. It makes me a bit uneasy, but I'm managing. No, I don't do drugs, either.

Yeah. I have been doing some regular dental visits for some long needed root canals. I tell myself the same thing. Tough concepts to grasp. heh.

....................

Sure, journals are good. When our regular journal space is back online, you'll now have a start on yours. Good deal.

....................

On the home front, our weekly visits to the local farmers/flea market yield great fresh local-grown summer produce and I've started collecting duck decoys. I like the quirky ones with evidence of hand-carving, unfinished qualities, notes, signatures, and dates scrawled on the bottom. Makes me want to start carving again. Guess when we get our workshop/studio set up and the big tools and vices fastened down...

14 acres and no visible neighbors - just the rolling hills, valleys, pastures, and woods. Telecommuting is moving forward well enough. There's always just enough work to stay busy. Life is good. Real good. Especially home life. The culture is another matter. But that's the nature of the culture...

the journals are sorely missed. i cant do the threaded thing--for some reason i feel like i am pressed up against a sheet of plexiglass in that form--there is no room to move around, no distance.

clairaudient is doing the performances that we have been working on for the summer next weekend--11 and 12 september---if you are around philadelphia, you should come (pm me for directions and stuff)--which means that the weekend is one of shilling for the shows, postcards and related material--with all the attending mental attrition. am about to go to a party and shill there too. everyplace is merchandising space. we hope the strange graphics on our material function to draw folk to the Headcleaner Events.

at the moment, however, listening to shivkumar sharma play the raga jog means that all is well in the world. but to maintain that requires i do not go outside. so it slips away, like everything else.

The other day, I received a digital version of The Amazing Spider-man, 36, from a friend. After my usual carping about how the essential aspects of things are never quite captured by their digital simulacra, I settled down to reading and viewing the images in the famous 911 edition of this comic series.

The artwork is over-the-top, of course – beyond pop, into heraldic postmodern super-chromaticism – an ecstatic riot of line and hue that’s characteristic of current comics. There isn’t really a storyline. Instead, it is an extended meditation on the events of that day – just about three years ago now.

Spider-man is there among the multitude of citizens and rescuers. He gazes, dumbfounded by the terrible spectacle. His thoughts move in epic prose, somewhat ponderously, through disbelief and shock toward some ability to derive a sense of purpose, direction, and meaning in moving forward from the devastation of the scenes surrounding him.

He conjures up his superhero buddies who function as witnesses only – as if offering their silent support for the man inside the suit – Peter Parker. This is his home city, after all. The symbolic appearance of Captain America signals something universal and epochal is occurring and links this event to the events of the century past.

In the end though, it is a very dated conception. We’re unable to conjure up the emotions of that time. The events that have transpired seem to have somehow disconnected us from those moorings. I’m left with a sense of the ultimate randomness of things and not with a sense of their manageability. And that is disquieting.

I miss the journals a lot, but I miss TFP even more. I've been super busy with something that I'll eventually write about, but not until it's over. For now, this short break to make my "To Expound On Later" list will have to do.

This has been a long year of difficult and painful changes for me. Last summer, I reached the height of my "effusive happiness," as a then-new acquaintance pointed out. Soon after, all the changes began. I know that my natural inclination to be happy has been what carried me through what has happened so far, as well as a small number of good changes in the form of wonderful new people in my life. Still, these days, I spend a lot of time thinking about what kind of person I am becoming.

Art, I always appreciate the precision of your words and knowing that you and ubertuber, at the very least, will read my words with the same precision. I think the most difficult part of being part of a sentient species that uses language is that words themselves don't inherently have meaning and we all have different ways of dealing with this. Some people decide that a limited vocabulary is enough as long as others know what they mean, but that always seems to create trouble with folks who use exactly the words they mean and wish to be understood in that context.

Furthermore, there are some things I think that cannot be expressed in any words that I know. Perhaps I haven't learned enough words yet. Or perhaps the English lexicon isn't rich enough to house all the thoughts that a foolhardy young woman like me can conjure. Both of these ideas bother me, but they do give me a reason to believe that there is a need that may be best met by the visual and performing arts, though I'm not sure exactly what I think about that either. It tickles me to think of how meaning gets lost in translation every moment of every day, and not just between different languages.

roachboy, good to see your daily thoughts again.
Supple Cow, I admire the precision and the emotion of your experience-as-words as well.

Good stuff here...as always.

Sorry this is so long. I've been saving up sortof. Can't wait for the return of the journals.;)

This is going to be a very long week.

Monday - Mom has been whining at me because her brother is visiting and I've been busy with day care kids and had plans yesterday. I had asked her over a month ago when I first learned of his planned visit to let me know when they planned any family activities so we could be a part. She let me know on FRIDAY that they were going to have a picnic SAT at a state park. We don't have a state park sticker either and don't want to have to pay for one this late in the season. We could pay for a day pass but why couldn't she have it at any one of the almost 10 other parks in town with pavillions. Even so we had made plans. The labor day parade is Mon and Mom has told us where she plans to sit with her brother to view it. I know if I were to sit with Laura's friends a block away where they usually sit that my mother will give me more grief about it. Her friends are moving away at the end of Sept. But I want to keep the peace simply because I know already that she's casting aspersions about me to her brother. He's a good guy and decent and I like him. I'd rather she not be given more opportunity to cast me in a bad light. She called Sat morning to as me when I was going to do ANYTHING with my uncle. He only arrived this past Wednesday and I've been busy babysitting/working until Friday night. I had already told her that I planned to see him MON and TUES. I had told her that more than once even. She chose to forget it. I kindof got irritated with her when she kept saying I'd not given her any indication of WANTING to see him. I was quite firm that I had told her so MORE THAN ONCE. Finally she just says "Oh well chalk it up to senility." She's only 57 but in the last couple months she's mentioned to me things like "So what are you going to do when I'm totally senile and can't walk?" Like I really want to have to make that decision?! I'd like to think that she is coherent and capable until she's taken in her sleep. It's tough enough when you have to actually face that decision. Errgh!
So I'm going to view the parade with her and Uncle. Then hubby will join us at her house for a family lunch and making homemade icecream. It should be fun. I hope she doesn't lay on the guilt tripping much. Especially with Uncle around.

Tuesday - Going with the kids (Emma, Laura, and Jordan-the baby) to a raptor center just north of here about 45 min. Last fall my mother found a hawk. I forget what kind but something about red winged (I know it wasn't red-tailed) hawk sticks in my mind. It had been wounded with shot in the wing. She knew of a friend who knew of this raptor center and got their number from her friend. The woman at the center told them how to capture the bird carefully and where to bring it. The center took it in, removed all the shot from the wing and has been rehabilitating it. Next spring they will release it as it should be strong enough by then. This particular center is special because it has one of the largest "runs" (or whatever they call it) in the country for the birds to fly and excercise in. We are going with a group of Mom's friends to tour the center. It should be interesting, educational, and inspiring I think. (I will see my Uncle once again that day as well.)

Wednesday - 7:45 MRI. I was told that it should take about 45 min but from what I've read it can take up to 2 hours on that hard table in the tunnel if they have any trouble getting the scans to come out right. A little nervous about it. I hope it doesn't take too long.

Thursday - 1:45 - Mother PROMISED to babysit for me and she BETTER not back out. I have one of my wisdom teeth pulled. They all are in fine but this particular one leans a little toward my jawbone and its impossible to fit a toothbrush between it and my jaw. Consequently I've developed a cavity there. Better to just get rid of the problem because I know it will recur in this situation. They gave me the choice to pull and I said to go ahead.

Friday - recoop. Possibly hear back about the title. Should have the papers by then showing the title is clear - the research is already done. Should be close to having the new title prepared already. Once that's ready we can pay our insurance and a day or so later sign and close on the house. It could potentially happen THIS week but if not it WILL happen next week. Whichever week we close I have to immediately send out a letter to our apt management company terminating our lease. I have found a loophole that should free us from any obligation. Hopefully they won't fight us about this. I know we can win but if we have to use legal help it may cost us. If they fight us though I have found other flaws in their management which I could hold them accountable for. If we have to hire legal help I will pull out all stops and instead of allowing us out of the lease they could owe us over $500 or who knows how much. I half expect a small fight but I intend to show my cards only when they force my hand.

Well wish me/us luck this week. It could be fairly smooth sailing or it go all go like crap. I'm prepared for the worst at least. Just gotta relax and not worry about it.

wow! you have been saving up!

good to read about your days again, raeanna.

all the best of luck with the all things that are happening!

Posted this in a Politics thread today. I'm saving it as a journal entry:

I watched my friends and colleagues – radical, anarchist, ultra-liberal, intellectual, creative individuals move unchanged from decade to decade. I saw that as quite the oddity, as the world changes daily.

In addition, I came to doubt my own life-long convictions because I could not separate those instilled in me by decades of so-called “alternative” media, which in time, I saw become the assumptions of mainstream media because the biases of my friends, peers, and colleagues were carried along with them directly into it.

At some point, I decided that my identity was my essential aesthetic creation. Since then, I have consciously crafted it and it exists as does any other text – in a constant state of evolution, flux, and re-interpretation.

My convictions today are the result of life-experience, introspection, and the creative application of aesthetic principles.

Fall's a Comin' - The Changing Hair Colors of Maleficent
 

Ok, so I made a huge mistake on Saturday.

I went and bought a box of Herbal Essences PassionBerry Hair Color. The color on the box was a very pretty dark red, close to my natural hair color. Now, I don't normally do something as silly as color my hair myself, I generally know my limitations, however, it seemed easy enough, and the picture on the box was really pretty. And it was 9.00 versus 75.00 - so - I'll save some bucks. Good Plan.

NOT.

Now a few months back, I was at my colorist, and wanted something different, to hide the quickly coming in gray. To fool myself that I might still be young. So Oscar the flamboyant colorist, he's a trip, talked me into coloring my hair a chestnut brown, away from it's normal dark red, and putting in some lighter brown highlights. And it looked good.

But hair grows, and I had roots, and I had gray, and I really didn't have the time to go see Oscar, so it was do it yourself time, I figured the next time I go see Oscar I can tell him I was in a store and a bottle of hair color fell on my head or something, I just needed something to get me thru a few weeks. (sounds like a drug)

SO, into my bathroom, with a towel a comb and a bottle of hair color, and a timer, I followed the instructions, waited the alloted time,a nd then washed my hair. I got out of the shower and looked in the mirror, and my hair was....

Magenta

I was ready to try out for the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yes, Passion Berry is kind of a Magenta ish color in Crayola land, but on the Clairol box, it was dark red.... NOT MAGENTA...

Oh shit what do I do know...

So, the next morning, I called Oscar for an emergency appointment. Is he there? NO, he's off on Fire Island with his cronies. DOuble damn.

OK, I live in North Jersey, there's a hair dresser on every corner, I started making phonecalls, actually I threw a dart, and picked the first one I found called them and scheduled an appointment for a color correction, good lord is that an understatement.

I arrive at the salon, with my hair covered in a baseball cap, I really am not vain, but this was just scarey. She removed the cap, and laughed, I was ready to cry, she says, "Not the look you were going for?" , I just rolled my eyes, what do you think? It's embarassing having to have something this bad corrected.

So she asks what color I really want, and said my real color, go for dark reddish brown, and I'll be happy. Problem solved, big tip given. However, this second round of hair color, stung my scalp like you wouldn't beleive, I have ever exeperienced such pain before. Was not pleasurable, but the price we pay for proper hair color. And I'm back to my normal hair color, with a big lesson learned, you are a moron, leave the hair coloring to the professionals.

Great to see your entry.
Sounds like everything's all better now and back to normative.
That's always good.
Live and learn, ain't?
heh heh

Hey...can we get pics of this? You know...just for good times sake? :D

Your monitor couldn't take it...

lol That sounds like quite the adventure.

At least you didn't try my SIL's solution. She is normally brown. She went blonde, it turned yellow instead, she dye it back to her normal brown, it turned bright orange. She had quite the fixing to do. I think she did it on a Sat too and so had to wait till Mon to get it repaired. At the first mistake DON'T try, try again.

These kind of stories are the reason I've never tried to dye my hair. There have been times I would have liked a chesnut brown instead of pale or dusty(the way it looks in winter) blonde. Oh well. Glad you're back to normal again.

Actually, apparently I have really bad lighting in my apartment, either that or my shampoo had some bizarre reaction to all the chemicals in my hair, I really never noticed it until I looked i the mirror in the restroom at the airport.. I could be a stand in for Lucille Ball -- This is more natural looking than the pink, but my eyebrows don't match... And I'm afraid to do anything else to it for fear that my scalp will erupt in festering boils or all my hair will fall out (which right now, might not be a bad thing)

My friend at the airport told me it looked good, I'm not so sure, it's definitely attention getting, don't go red unless you like attention. I don't... At all... But at least now I have an excuse to match my foul mood, I'm a firey redhead... Don't mess with me :)

But I still want to find a hat and cry... :(

I'm Feeling Very Very Old...
 

There's another site that I pop into occassionally, generally in moments of extreme boredom. The site itself has a lot of interesting information and articles and also has a discussion forum. All age groups are reperesented in this place, but clearly I am one of the older folks on the forum, and there are a lot of younger girls.

These girls ask questions, about a variety of things, about school problems, about boys, about life and love, about boys, about makeup, about boys, about movies and music, about boys. It's kind of interesting to see what goes through the head of a teenage girl, and what questions they ask. Now, I'm sure some parents would hate me and think I'm doing the wrong thing, but if a girl has a question about sex, I'll answer it, honestly, I won't go into graphic detail, but they'll get an answer. Yes, they should be asking their parents, but they aren't, they are asking their peers for advice, and the advice given is so very incorrect. (Some actually believed that you couldn't get pregnant the first time you had sex)

Well, one girl, normally, I try to be pretty PC when discussing the female gender, I'm not overly fond of the word "girl" when discussing people over a certain age, but that's just a hangup of mine, I try to use the Young women whenever possible. This girl was a girl. Her problem was that her boyfriend was pressuring her to have sex, and she was really confused because he said he loved her but she didn't feel right about it. It was explained to her by a few of the old folk, that if she didn't feel right about it, it wasn't right, and if her boyfriend loved her, he'd wait and not pressure her. She eventually opted to not have sex with her boyfriend. I happened to check her profile, this girl was 11 years old. Her boyfriend was 12.

There's another girl, who was looking for advice on how to make a boy like her. You see, she gave him a blowjob at a party in the backyard, behind a tree, it was his first blow job, and well, now he doesnt talk to her,a nd what can she do to make him like her. This wasn't her first blow job either, and she's having a hard time understanding why the boys don't see her as a girlfriend... She's just turned 14 years old. How to explain to a girl that young, who's self confidence are clearly non-existent, that she doesn't need to give head to get a boy, and if she continues to do so, she'll never get a boy, without further damaging her self esteem. So, we talk about respect for self...

Another girl, was discussing a problem she was having with itching in her nether regions. It could be a lot of things, she claimed to not be sexually active, but what exactly does that mean anymore. She was too afraid and too shy to go to her mother and have mom take her to the doctor to find out what the problem is, so she's asking her peers for advice. The only advice I could give was go to the doctor, talk to mom.

It's interesting... It's also really sad... Makes me glad I am not a parent... Makes me scared for all the parents of young girls out there, and what thoughts those girls have running through their heads... And sadly that I'm not sure these girls are talking to their parents (not that I ever did, but I hope that I was unique in that matter)

college football is finally back. THANK GOD!!! my vols stormed to a triumphant win on sunday night over UNLV and the long lingering question of who will fill the shoes of casey clausen has been answered with an equally titulating drama between two exceptionally talented and NFL bound true freshman quarterbacks. all i need now is for the leaves to turn and for the weather to turn crisp and chill at night. man i miss college...part of the reason i went back to get my MBA was to try to recapture some of the old glory days. but nothing brings it back like the fall and a visit to knoxville to see my beloved vols play florida, geogia, bama, sc, or anyother great SEC conference foes. and for the weekends i dont travel to the alma mater, sitting with friends and talking trash about VaTech or the Terps and the ACC in general. Drinking beer and bbq'ing. Waking up early saturday morning to print out all the match ups and to watch the gameday (Chris, Kirk, and the 'Hater') guys on espn. college football is finally back. THANK GOD!!!!

this journal seems to be a place where one can put down thoughts that are on their mind, thoughts that they have been wondering about and maybe by the writing of them answers will come. i've been looking for just the place here to do that.

my thought is why have been members been banned from here. i can understand not following the rules. one individual i know is not allowed on here anymore.

he is a good man. his heart is pure. he likes to have a good time and a good laugh. some may find his personality quirky but we are all quirky if we look at ourselves.

i really don't know what happened in this instance. from what i can gather he spoke his mind, used his intellect and very much used his humor.

there are many members on here i don't agree with, don't particularily don't like and even some i find disscusting. there are many members on here i find very interesting, extremely intellegent. sometimes their intellegence scares me and i wonder why i come here. i feel i don't fit in here but i keep coming back hoping to find a place.

it hurts me that the banned member i spoke of is not allowed here anymore. the majority of you meant a lot to him. he was only looking for a place to fit in too.

maybe members aren't allowed to disagree, especially with the higher ups. but it seems to me this would be a place to do it and not be juged.

i've just been wondering about this. you can all kick me off if you like, i don't really care. it just makes me angry to see the other member hurting for speaking his mind.

You're welcome to PM a member of TFP staff with any questions like this you may have.

I'm becoming hair obsessed...
 

Ok, so I just got called Jessica Rabbit with my new and improved hair color... Still trying to figure out if I have been insulted or complimented... Harumph...

Jessica Rabbit?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...n/Jessica2.jpg

Heh, but I think I have a cool new avatar... :D

Hopefully I can last the week...

jessica rabbit is sexy :)

wanna play patty cake?

*sigh* Long Morning. The kids were pretty good at the raptor center. It was quite interesting. I want to post more here about it, partly because it's completely a non-profit center with no government funds coming in. It depends completely on donations. They rehabilitate around 500 birds, of all kinds, each year. They focus mainly on predatory birds. I will tell some details later about the specific birds that we got to see. VERY interesting and educational.

Got done with the raptor center around noon. Got back, ran to the bank, took money back to mom (Had borrowed some to fill up with gas before the drive this morning) and the grocery. Finally got back here. A was here waiting for me already. Then in a few minutes I've got 3 more kids getting off the bus. Then E and J who I have had since 7:30 am will be leaving around 4:30. Then at 6:20 I have 2 more kids coming over until 7:20. So from 6:20-7:20 I will have 7 kids. Thankfully only 2 of them are under 3 yrs old. After 7:20 I will once again head over to my friends with 4 kids and get her 3 to bed and lay down with mine until she gets off work at 11:30. Tomarrow AM at 7:45 I have my MRI and when I get home I will have the same schedule minus the 2 kids from 6:20 until 7:20. I am actually looking forward to Thursday even though I anticipate that being my most PAINFUL day. I will have no other kids around that day HOPEFULLY. Looks like I may have a number of kids around on Friday though. Hopefully I will at least have a prescription for some pain killers but if not I plan to at least get a couple videos and let that babysit the kids that day so that I can be under a little less pressure. I tried to plan to have no kids but unfortunately it didn't work out that way. Arrggghhh I'm tired and stressed already and it's only Tuesday. *sob* I just want to go to bed now.

I too, miss the journals, I had just gotten started and actually gotten in the habit of making a post in them everyday...I tried doing the journal thread thing on my own board, but it didnt go the way I wanted it to...no constructive advice or comments :(

I miss Mal making a comment, I miss ART making a comment, I miss lurkette commenting, and avrette too (I KNOW I spelled that wrong)

I've been looking at some places online the last few days tryin to get a mindset on wedding plans, and the kinds of things we want and where to get them etc. I've found some really cool stuff...but expensive too...good thing the wedding is a little over a year off so I can save for these special things.

Dave and I got matching tats for the anniversary of our first date...its SO hard for me to believe that in 11 days we will have been together one year. In that time we havent even had a fight OR argument...thats so unlike me...my mother always says that I will argue with a brick wall. I also had this thing about getting bored with having a person around VERY quickly.. but I could (and do sometimes) spend 24 hours a day with Dave and its still not enuff. He knows me SO well....better than I know myself I think sometimes. Im sitting here worried now because the weather is SO bad here and he's got a long way to drive to get home from work...but even with the weather bad he's stopping to get us dinner so that we can veg on the couch...do our board time in various places and watch the Sound of Music before he drags me off to the bedroom :lol:

I'd question what I did to get so lucky to get him in my life...but I dont think that'd be a good idea hahaha

Mal....take us a picture of your hair from the back ;)

I should have taken the pink hair - but -- gawd... It just so wasn't me...
When I am home this weekend, I'll take a pic of the back of my head :)

First picture of me -- ever -- and my hair looks like this?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...llen/hair2.jpg

then when i wander into bad lighting, or too much lighting, it turns a fascinating shade of orange...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...llen/hair3.jpg

Congrats on the anniversary- that's very cool - and well deserved... Don't think of it as you being the lucky one, he's pretty darned lucky too ya know.. Don't forget that...

OK, I can't let this pass.. Musicals? Showtunes? Surely you can do better than that in the way of movies or is that movie chosen to expedite the dragging into the bedroom things... In that case, pretty sneaky...

My eyes hurt. I'm slight hung over and there isn't shit for food in my house.

I'm in love.

I'm broke and I need a drink like like a crack head needs a hit.

I want a Whopper Jr.

oh now you're making fun of me hehehe we both love musicals...Brigadoon being our most favorite, but I saw TSOM when I was so young I dont remember it, and he had the special edition on DVD, but he's got SO many DVD's we just hadnt gotten around to it yet.

He tells me all the time he's the lucky one...he wont let me forget ha ha...we're both extremely blessed to have each other

Original King...you're in love? thats so cool......make her buy you a whopper jr

OK - here ya go...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...n/whopper2.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...len/junior.jpg

and very cool on being in love - that's just so --- sweet...

matching tats is nice, ShaniFaye. maybe I'll talk to the girls about that...

love is good, King.

...........................

Teaching 40,000 years of world history as it relates to the history of art brings things back to the forefront of my mind that have not been here for a while. It’s always illuminating to review what’s happened to our species since that last ice age and to see how all that is reflected in the procession of images, sounds, architecture, and texts that have issued from us as from an endless fountain. It’s also significant to consider the contemporary version of this process in relation to all the history that precedes it. To be true to the task, I’ll need to be willing to reconsider my current frame(s) of reference. This is something I do anyway, but not always in relation to the massive array of information that constitutes the aesthetic history of our kind.

how is that you are able to change frames of reference so easily? is this just something that becomes easier to do with age? boy i wish had access to an infinite number of frames...alas, as a 28 year old white male working in corporate america...my frames are quite limited.

the academic year starts today for me.
it is a bit of a shame to think about how the summer shuttled away.
the Big Project for the summer will be unfolded in performances this weekend, so the pivot seems to me to be sunday, when the performances end for the time being.

the first classes:
here is the syllabus kids.
these are the books.
this is why we are reading them.
this is why you cant get any of them yet.
how do you write about music?
how do you link music to social contexts without reducing sound to symptom?
why is there a soundscape recording of a village in new guinea done 10 years ago on the sound system as you are sitting here?
what is going on?

for my first trick, i get to do a jazz history class that vanished into the administrative maze for a while only to pop up again last week, then vanish, then reappear as scheduled for this afternoon but in no particular room.
the up side: the class runs from charlie parker forward, so i get to blast the children with sun ra, the art ensemble of chicago, and, if they are really good, a ton of anthony braxton.
the down side--i am not sure what room this will happen in.
the real down side: it is raining today, so teaching outdoors is not an option. besides, i need sound equipment for this.

if i seperate the content of the class from the possibility that i will be teaching it outside somewhere, then this can be looped about to the problem of a history survey class.

i find that the same problem turns up in a jazz class as turns up in a longer survey---teleology--the result is that i usually do not make strong causal connections between the works at the level of the course logic--rather i set up sort of conversations between works, local things, that work backward (later works reprocess the earlier--there is no starting point to it, rather the recycling is an a priori almost...no origin story requires no absolute beginning so...).

surveys are kinda like juke boxes, greatest hits packages. i avoided doing "europe and everywhere else from 1550 until just now...just now...just now..." this year.... an absurd course that is required for all majors...what bothers me in principle about surveys is their tv-program character--the Great Pageant of History moving in front of the students, who can be set up to feel more secure in thier sense of the present by cramming a parade of the past into it. i would rather the past corrode the certainty of the present. so big narratives do not work. recursive narratives seem to work better.

listening to a repellent radio show about the presedential campaigns on npr as i sit here. the analyses seems to be centered on the assumption that people in "the hinterland" respond to simple-minded messages that emphasize fear. which seems a simple-minded message that emphasizes fear insofar as urban populations are concerned.

roachboy, good to hear of your pedagogical duties. They are something we have in common.

bigoldalphamale,
For me, it goes like this…

When, one day, I heard my given name in context as the silly and inappropriate sound it was, I rejected it. When I was clear that I was of a particular and narrow national/ethnic strain, I rejected it. When I discovered myself in a Parochial school ruled with an iron fist by joyless nuns, I rejected religion.

Casting aside name, ethnicity, and superstition allowed me to drift more freely within myself and in the world. I suppose I began to step lightly, avoiding the quicksand of identity and culture we’re coerced to be immersed within.

This was my habit until I realized that this type of behavior is paradigmatic of my personality formation. Since then, I’ve crafted both self and context aesthetically as a work in progress – a work of art. I don’t know any other way to explain myself.

Its Friday...yay...I'd be more excited if I hadnt had my airplane dream last nite...3 different times...I finally gave up trying to sleep at 4 this morning and got up because that dream creeps me out SO much....cant wait to see if anything comes of it....I've been lucky and havent had it since the last space shuttle disaster.

The yellow daisy festival is at Stone Mountain this weekend....the weather looks like its going to be perfect for it...no rain...not too hot...so hopefully Dave and I can have a nice day tomorrow and I wont spend TOO much money ahahaha I have to spend enuff on our vacation next week..

Its only 750....Id really like to be at home sleeping, but if I was with my luck I'd still be having my dream. :crazy:

It just hit me that I haven't posted in a while. It also hit me that it's now been 4 weeks since he died. Things finally slowed down enough last week for me to begin grieving. Damnit I miss my grandfather. There was just something about him being in remission for 16 years that made me hold out hope he'd make it another 16 years to his 100th birthday. By then, he'd have great-grandchildren to dote on and another generation of our family to teach and nuture. There's just something about seeing the toughest person you know dying in a hospital bed with a smile on his face and a chuckle on his voice every time he talked. The old son of a bitch gave it a good run, and even with his body failing, there was still strength in his handshake to the day he died. But Jesus I miss him something fierce.

I woke up late today.

I can't wait till she and I move in together. I can't stand leaving her every morning. It's getting to be harder and harder every time. She's amazing. Simply perfect.

We went out drinking last night. Some bumb bitch started a fight with her. I have no fuckin' clue why. We got thrown out. It was kind of funny. We didn't do anything wrong but the owner threw us out because he didn't want us starting more fights. Well, we didn't start the first one. I might have broke some stuff on the way out... I was a little tipsy... sorry.

it is the day before the first clairaudient performances (others are in the works)

(shameless plug--

www.clairaudient.org

if you are near philadelphia, check it out, o yes)

and the lighting guy that we have been working with all summer flaked on us.
the fixtures he had been arranging had all variously disappeared, he said.
i have no reason to doubt it.
the problem is that he turned up in the venue last week and apparently looked over the house lighting rig and declared all of it not adequate in what seems to have been a kind of arrogant manner--which meant that when the fixtures he had arranged variously failed to be available, he could not bring himself to ask the venue to use their equipment.
so he bailed.
last night.

i am oddly calm about this, maybe because i had not seen the lighting design materially, but only on paper.
we had counted on having lighting that would invade the entire space and not simply the stage to manoever the audience more quickly into the space of hallucination that we are working in.
and were all excited to see this new dimension added to what we had been doing.

fucking flake.

Lucid Flight

The lucid dream I had this week was just the best. I discovered myself flying through a
vast interior scene with many chambers and caverns. I was holding a ribbon-type thing -
similar to the long ribbons employed by synchronized teams of Olympic gymnasts. The ribbon was slung behind my back and as I held the ends out in front of me I could sort of sit back and relax and be propelled forward. The ends of the ribbon vibrated in tight spirals as if they were a set of propellers.

Indoors, they had a cutting effect, like chain saws, on anything they touched. So I had to maneuver myself above the floors to keep them from ripping apart. I decided to find a way to exit and get outdoors. As I executed these maneuvers it was clear this was a full-fledged flying device and I began to soar above the trees. I immediately realized I was dreaming and that I could do the most impossible things without danger to myself.

I sought out a hurricane over the ocean and entered the eye wall for the thrill, ride, and flight of my life. The wind howled and the rain flew sideways. And I was able to maintain awareness that I was dreaming for the duration of the dream.

rat, good to see your post. Yep, my grandfather's death was a major paradigm-shifting moment for me.
King - real happy you got a good thing going.
roachboy - best of luck with your performance...break a leg, dude.

Spam Spam Spam
 

Remove your Debt the Christian Way... so screamed a piece of spam that I got today, I actually get it quite frequently, today, while I'm waiting on files to download, I decided to actually look at it. It points to a site called http://www.christiandebtremovers.org/ where their tag line is, Debt Elimination Services Based on Christian Principals. Well that sure as hell intrigued me... Christian principals said that Jesus turned water into wine, and had enough loaves of bread and fishes to feed a small army, plus that whole walking on water thing... Gotta wonder what they could do with my debt. It would take a small miracle to make it disappear, is that what they're promising?

Nope, in researching their site, no miracles, they actually expect you to pay off your own debt, well, that's not very Christian-like of them? So could it possibly be, that this whole spam business, of promising the world, is nothing more than a load of rubbish? That means that 99.95 I spent won't make me desirable to the opposite sex, I won't get rich beyond wildest dreams, and I won't grow my penis three inches - oh wait, I don't have a penis... Maybe I should cancel that order... :(

Download please finish, I'm bored...

Next you'll tell me the Nigerian investments I've made won't pan out! Have a little faith, for goodness sake...

:)

so far so good....no plane crashes today

and I got a 1/2 day off work....so so far this hasnt been a bad friday

Well if a plane is gonna crash, do it now, My flight leaves at 8:00 -- I don't want that crashing plane to be mine :)

This was was crazy. It actually went better than I expected. We have set the date for closing for this Thursday now. It's final. Just waiting to get everyone together to sign the papers. Next weekend we'll be busy moving I'm sure.
The visit to the raptor center was enjoyable and interesting. My MRI went smoothly and quickly. I was much more comfortable than I expected. My Dentist apt went smoother and Mom-in-law showed up to drive me home and around town. Much help since I wouldn't want to be driving with 500-1000mg of Vicodin in me. Yeah I had to take some for a while there. I'm not taking any today though. I had a mild fever yesterday and quite a headache on that side of my face but today the headache is tolerable with just a couple ibuprophen.

All in all the week was stressful but it could have been a lot worse and I've made it through in one piece. I even had my period this week. I kind get used to not having it and not dealing with the cramps and migranes. When they all come I have a harder time dealing but managed ok this time.

I'm so hungry that I'm loosing my mind over it. If I eat anything that has crumbs or is crunchy I get it in the empty cavity where my tooth was and it hurts, bigtime. I tried only ONE thing. All I can eat is liquid mostly still. It's still bleeding off and on if I talk a lot but not near as much. I want to chew some food so badly!. I'm hungry. I'm horny too cause I haven't gotten to play since I started my period Tues night.

At least I made it through the week. Time to recoop and start packing. It's finally warm out too. Thank goodness. I hope it's warm next weekend. It will be the first time in our married life that we've not moved in the rain and snow. At least HOPEFULLY no rain.

That dream sounds awesome. It's been a long time since I've had a lucid dream but mine have always been related to flying somehow. Last lucid dream I had I was fixing artichoke hearts with a butter sauce. According to my dream it tasted awesome. Who knows.

Okay, here I am
 

I really, really miss the journals. I don't know why I'm apparently not mature enough to just post my thoughts in either of the two journal threads. There's something comforting and natural to me now, after a year of using the journals (missed my one-year anniversary...damn), about posting there. So that's why I haven't written. And I really feel like I've suffered for it. Lots of thoughts I want to get out, yet something in me stops myself from posting them. And as a result, I feel like I'm hanging out on TFP less. But now I feel like writing, so here I go.

(Do I sound like a fucking child in that last paragraph or what? I'm not bitching at Hal or anybody else for not getting them back up. I understand these things take time. I'm just venting, and I assume that this will be seen as such.)

Lots of stuff going on. Today is Quadrette's bridal shower and bachelorette party, spilling into tomorrow. The past few weeks have been kinda stressful in that regard. Both were supposed to be surprises, but ultimately she wound up finding out most of the details due to other people spilling the beans accidentally. No big deal, thankfully, as she wasn't upset by it. She found it more funny than anything. The stressful part was due to the fact that nobody really wanted to plan the bachelorette party. Two of her bridesmaids couldn't make it anyway, and the others were all from out of town (and didn't know each other). So we needed a non-bridesmaid friend from NYC to help do some research and planning, but they all believed (rightfully) it was the job of the bridal party. Either way, the bottom line was nothing was getting done. So guess who planned the bachelorette party? :thumbsup: Yup. In conjunction with one of the bridesmaids from Buffalo, we arranged dinner for tonight at Lucky Cheng's in the city and a sex toy party (like a Tupperware party) for tomorrow. I felt really shitty having to get involved. But the bottom line is that I didn't want Quadrette to have a bad party. So if that's what it took...that's what it took. And it sounds like the shower went well. I talked with her briefly. Apparently she got a lot of loot.

Once she gets home, I'm going to take the car and head out to my folks' house for the evening. I can't stay here as some of the girls will be sleeping over, and it just seems wrong. My best buddy is on a date so i can't stay at his place, and my other friend offered his apartment but he's going to be out real late and I'm not really in the mood to be hanging out. Especially because I have to be at my theatre company early tomorrow morning - it's the day that we do twice a year where we read all the potential scripts for the upcoming one-act festival. So I'll just go back to Long Island, get to bed early and be back in the city by 9.

Other things going on too. Lots of it wedding-related. I have the jacket and pants for the tux. Still need to find a nice vest and tie and hook my groomsmen up. Almost set on the rings. Quadrette still needs to figure out flowers. Invites are out, responses are coming back. Seven weeks from today is the day. Today I wrote out a rough draft of our ceremony. Now that I finally have a concrete basis, as opposed to ideas floating around in my head, I can start to revise it.

In work news, Quadrette didn't get a job she applied for. I got a promotion and a raise. That's a nice thing. First raise in a few years. I'll also be taking my first ever business trip, out to Kansas City in October.

I'm sure this will embarrass him completely, but Cynthetiq told me what our wedding present will be. Cyn and Skogafoss bought us TiVo. I'm unbelievably speechless about it. In a world full of linen, pots and pans and stemware, finally, a gift comes around that I'll actually use. :) We hope to set it up in the apartment in the next few weeks.

There's more stuff to tell, I'm sure, but a lot of the little thoughts disappear into the ether after I've processed them. So hopefully the journals will be back soon and I can go back to sharing lots of boring details that nobody gives a rat's ass about. :)

We care about rat's ass -- we care about your ass too ya big silly.. .Jeesh....

So much for the old notion that the groom does nothing in regards to the wedding, that all he has to do is show up...

I just came back from the first Ultimate Frisbee team party of the year, and I met a lot of great people. Unfortunately, for every great person I met, there was an equally creepy guy who couldn't take a hint. One guy kept hovering around me until I danced with him (in hopes that he would move on to some other hapless lady afterward). Then the jerk groped my ass. Okay, fine. We've all had quite a bit to drink. Maybe he was confused. Whatever. So I told him explicitly, "Whoa, I don't want to hook up with you," to which he replied, "No, no, it's just a dance."

THEN, he proceeded to grab my ass again. Did he think that I would forget that I didn't want to hook up if I just danced a little longer and had a little more to drink? That only makes it more deplorable! Luckily, my friend [M] was around and I gave him the "help me" face. He came to the rescue and then guarded the seat next to me for a really long time. Girls kept coming up to him to get him to dance, and he would just turn them away because that jerk was still hovering. What a nice kid to sit there for so long. After a while, I felt bad, so I told him to go dance and then just enlisted my other friend to dance with me and keep me unapproachable.

THEN (get this), the same groper comes up, taps my friend, and says, "[S] says I should take her home. I'm leaving now." So my friend, [L] says, "Bye," and ignores the stupid comment about taking me home. Mr. Groper tries again: "I'm supposed to walk her home." What the hell was was he thinking? Does that really ever work? Do guys think they can get away with this? I may have been in a committed relationship for too long, but I just can't bring myself to believe that this is acceptable. So I turned around and glared at him and said, "I'm not going home, and I'm definitely not going home with you." At that, he finally took the hint (really, beyond a hint) and left. Then [S] came up and apologized for being creepy, but I pointed out that he was just being encouraging to a friend and that he couldn't help it if his friend was so creepy that he didn't mention that I already said I wasn't interested.

Creepy people (creeple?) aside, I came out of the situation with a lot of new lady friends (my new teammates), and a number of good male friends to whom I can shoot my "help me" face and expect safe company. I have to say that the thing I miss most about being in a relationship tonight is being able to interact with people that won't try to disrespect my body all the time. Especially since it was last ubertuber to be in my company that way (and he is pretty imposing), I'm really not used to this. I can't say that I ever want to be.

quadro, excellent to see your entry!
I do think these threads can be meaningful to us as an interim measure.

Supple Cow, I apologize for the many asses who make up the male human gender pool. Insufferable, agreed.

on autopoiesis down, one to go, for the time being.
despite a really muddy, incoherent monitor mix, it seems that the first performance worked better than we imagined: people sitting in differnt spots in the venue had very different experiences of the performance, particular elements coming to the fore, particular elements being selected as focus points...no-one, including ourselves, had a general view of what was happening. we decided on a constraint before we went on---build a wall---which also seems to either have worked or to have provided a micronarrative that enabled us to rationalize what happened.

it seemed to almost frighten people that we talked to afterwards.

something must have worked in reality---the number of beers that floated toward us without our actually paying after the fact are a good barometer, i think.
which of course means that tonight will be apporached through a slight haze.

which brings me to a question for you, o reader: tonight we are doing a quieter st that for me will focus on manipulating the qualities of sound by tampering with the soundboard. i wonder if any have suggestions for materials or objects that i might use to open up the possibilities more.

here's what i use to far:
my hands (harmonics, dampening, scratching, etc.)
a childs violin bow (i cant use it as a bow, sadly, because the horsehair is too fine to catch the stringes)
a piece of felt jammed between the hair and wood of the bow, as a soft hammer
typani mallets (felt lined but harder than the above)
marimba mallets (hard rubber)
the wires from the bottom of a snare drum

what i am thinking of adding tonight:
some string of fishing line run around some strings and pulled across them to bow (long tones--hard to manipulate myself, given that it will take two hands to produce the sound)
a toilet plunger
maybe a small battery operated fan

and the object from the house: a flashlight (i like getting things from the space to use)

any ideas?

btw, i am not going to do prepared piano because i dont have enough time to get it together between sets, and i share the piano with the other act....so it is not really about nailing down strings or that kind of thing--more about producing overtines and messing with them ontop of the strings.

i'll be around for another 3 hours or so, checking from time to time, so let me know...

Supple Cow -

You didn't really tell me that part of the story... The antics that men will resort to never cease to amaze me. It causes some sort of short circuit in my brain - I mean, I'd figure that people engage in behaviors that in the past have proven successful, or ones that they expect will produce the desired result. I'm having a really hard time picturing this approach ever working. I'm sorry this happened to you, but I'm glad your friends took care of you.

The Clarity that comes with Pain
 

Got woken up by my sister this morning dark and early at 5:00, since I'd promised her last night I'd go running with her. It's not really hot yet that early in the morning, but we both pushed ourselves, most notably by me getting a cramp in my toes. ow ow ow. Hobbling around the house trying to work it out while waiting for the shower, I felt more alive than I have in a while. In a weird way, I like working out not simply because it gets me on the road to a "fab" body or the health benefits, but the soreness of my muscles reminds me that they're still there and being used.

This pain philosophy doesn't carry over so well into relationships, methinks. It maybe could explain however howsome people don't feel their relationship is actually anything meaningful unless there is bickering,fighting, or tension in the relationship.

This week looks to be pretty busy, with two tests today, working the college republican table three days this week, and my birthday this weekend. I'm a little amused at my friends who think they're getting me "trashed" this weekend since it's my 21st. Not gonna happen, work spoils all the fun because I have to be at work at 7 and 8am on sat and sunday respectively.

I miss not having the time or brainpower for personal writing at the moment. So much of my energy is taken up with thinking about classes, by the time I get home and get the reading and assignments out of the way, then work out for an hour, I'm so mentally exhausted I can't even form coherent sentences half the time. Maybe in my downtime today between my class that will finish early because of the test and having to tutor I can let my mind wander. I feel the healthier for it when I do get a chance to write.

On pain, yes, it’s illuminative.

I’ve been experiencing dental pain for a couple of months – while the tooth itself is being worked and reworked and yet the pain does not cease. I’m now discussing drastic surgical procedures or just extraction – while in the meantime I’m paying for the root canal and crown that failed.

The foot, in which a thorn is buried, has had me hobbling around for months and it isn’t getting better, either. Drastic solution ahead for that one too.

In the meantime I’m just eating painkillers that don’t really work that well but force me to fight drowsiness during my waking hours.

Yet, sus and mimi keep telling me how well I’m bearing up and how I’m not letting this sad state of affairs affect my positive attitude. Yeah, I guess that’s true, so far.

Anyway, why would someone add drama to pain? Doesn’t make sense to me. I still need to have good days. So I have them…

Closing tomarrow, Wednesday, September 15th, at 4:30. Yaaahhoooo. Been packing here and there quite a bit. Mom is wanting to help us move. Hubby wants to move oursleves without help. His reasoning makes sense to me and we don't have to rush. We have two weeks to get everything moved and cleaned up here. He wants to put stuff where it's supposed to go. Hubby's boss was giving him a hard time yesterday with hubby trying to get off. G wouldn't even let hubby finish speaking more than 4 words. He was adamant "NO" that hubby couldn't get off at all. We MUST close by Friday or else pay for it. It was only an hour that hubby was asking for at the end of the day when things aren't all that busy anyway. His boss has been there for 15 years and should be able to handle ONE hour. Well I called our mortgage broker to let her know we had a hitch in our plans. She insisted on calling hubby's boss to explain things and I think to chew him out a little. She was quite angry that G wouldn't cooperate for a simple hour. Hubby happened to answer the phone when she called and his boss had finally listened for more than 4 words and said "ok". Hubby told her "It's taken care of." It's encouraging to know that she was gonna go out of her way to go to bat for us in an area that she had no reason to care about really. It costs us more money but not her if things are delayed. Good to know that the person working for us is willing to go above and beyond.

Well got a trailer lined up to haul the big stuff. Want to do a major haul this weekend but heading up to the in-laws to pick up our daughter. She will be staying there from Fri-Sun so we can blitz on the house. Will have to line up phone hookup and cable hookup. This time though we are going to get both with the cable company instead of using Verizon for our local phone. The amount we'll save will be about 50% less than our basic phone line with Verizon. Hmm Glad to have a little friendly local telephone competition. We were unable to get telephone through the cable company in the apts because of some legal thing that said we couldn't have anyone but Verizon. Sounds like a monopoly to me. Grrr I can't wait to get the move done. Will be working on it during the week in the evenings as well. I'm so excited to get out of here and over there.

I'm sure in the move there will be a day or two in which we'll have no cable, internet, or phone access.

Ouch, Ouch and more Ouch. I detest the dentist. To have to return for more work because something he did didn't help would drive me wild. Now that I've had the one wisdom tooth pulled extraction doesn't seem nearnly so bad though.

Thanks for your concern, raeanna.
.................................................

Hey, y'all did it - you're buying the place!
Welcome to the wild world of home ownership!

"Every day is Earth Day when you own your own land."
- G. W. Bush

SuppleCow - ah, the evils that lie in the dicks of men. I remember being up at this club in Canada back in college. It was a real meat market - there wasn't even room to move more than a few feet without bumping into somebody. (We only went because we were underage, and you only have to be 19 to drink in Canada.) Anyway, one time, Quadrette and I were dancing, and she goes, "are your hands on my ass?" I held both hands up in the air to indicate that nope, it wasn't me. She smacked that guy away.

My roommate (female) was dancing with a guy at the same club, and all of a sudden, he just whipped it out. Yup, just whipped it out. Right there on the dance floor. He must have had it out for two minutes before she noticed it - the club was that packed. And this guy didn't think anything of it.

Crazy, huh?

I do enjoy random posts, but I also keep blogs for that as well. But I do enjoy posting here so much better because everyone gives honest opinions and I don't have to worry about some of the odd drama that somehow associates itself with blogs like livejournal.

Anyway, currently I'm just in an odd phase.. I don't really know what's going on with me, to be honest. I think I might go and see a therapist soon, to be honest.

Things are ok, not great though. I'm doing okay in school, but I know I need to be doing better. Things are okay on the homefront, but they could be better. Work is sort of a mute point because work is work, I don't dislike it... but I have found my motivation for making work great... paying my bills to get by, that is what makes work great. Personally, I feel miserable inside. I just lack so much motivation, and I don't know why? I don't know if it's my constantly failing health, or I am just somewhat comfortable going on with how things are? But it's at the point where it's not just affecting me inwardly and outwardly, but it's also effecting my husband. But he doesn't always communicate it to me.. I just know it's effecting him.

I suppose in many ways I have always been more "independently" minded, but I have always had some small need to co-exist with others as well. And really, I don't know if I know how to co-exist with others in many ways. Lately I have just had no sort of need to be affectionate, and I can't figure it out. I know I have something wrong with me healthwise.. but I know that this isn't the problem. It just seems more and more I find myself sleeping quite a bit and droning away with school, work, and then just coming home and sleeping more. It seems possible that maybe I am just depressed, but I don't FEEL like I am. I just feel like I am just lacking any motivation to change or adapt to all of the new situations. I think when I boil everything down to it, I really should go see a therapist because I am tired of feeling like this and I am upset that it is effecting both of us rather greatly.

That's all for now.

postperformance ruminations.

the clairaudient/windsleepers project had its first public manifestations on the weekend.
it has (obviously if the journal is an index) been a preoccupation for a couple of months, an extraordinary accelerated learning process.

the results are interesting: saturday was the more aggressive set and it appears we did a job on the audience. reactions are still filtering back through various channels--from what we can tell, the set was up and focussed from the start, and the sound melted into what appears to have been a kind of pulverizing wall by about 15 minutes--people could not tell the piano from the electronics, the shortwave from the poets from teh playskools...yes yes.

sunday we did a very quiet set, generated a very different space which seemed to have worked (the straighter musicians in the house reacted very strongly to sunday because they could tell which intrument was which--i am not sure how i feel about that, actually--but it resulted in a bunch of invitations from contemporary classical players, where after saturday what we got from these same people were series of questions about how we did what we did)....

i bought a woody woodpecker handheld fan with floppy plastic blades that was a source of great fun for me during the sunday performance, letting the blades whack the piano strings, trying to find points of minimal contact, making harmonics along the string being vibrated, sending waves out into the house...woody woopecker is my new friend. i found five or six other ways to generate tones from it by playing around with it later on, so it'll be in the repertoire of stringabuse toys for a while.

results:

we need greater control over the sound--we are considering working a sound engineer into the collective---the venue we played had a really poor monitor mix, and the nature of the sound was outside the capabilities of the sound guy, who could not get an accurate mix because the soundimage we were producing was such that he did not know what to focus on.

otherwise, keep moving.
we are into a short hiatus then back to performance mode again starting in october.
things seem to be moving around us a little, so we might well start surfacing publically...holding off on excitement until things actually beging to occur--too old to think otherwise.

i need to focus on my courses for a while in any event--setting the premises of classes you teach is critical because they carry the semester---unfolding implications is easier than setting the game in motion.

i sent one of my classes to the duchamp gallery at the philadelphia art museum on the weekend--this afternoon we'll see if they figured out why they had to do it---a good index of where we are starting from, you see.

Talked to Blonddie this past Sat. Sounds like Dawson70 is doing alright. He a mite uncomfortable but finds his roommates pleasant. They are 1 large black lesbian, and 1 small hispanic gay. Quite the mix I must say. Apparently they are decent and pleasant to live with. The hispanic is a hairdresser so Dawson shouldn't have trouble finding himself a new barber. The man's friends are mainly what make Dawson uncomfortable it sounds like. I just found this a VERY different situation to be in. Had to share since he won't be back to share himself until the end of this month.

Sometimes a Banana is Just a Banana (or life amuses the heck out of me sometimes)
 

'm in Penn Station, Newark this morning, 'round about 5:20 this morning, drinking coffee, yes, I'm sorry, doc, but what's a girl to do, it's freakin' early. I'm also munching on a banana. Now, at this hour of the morning, Penn Station has quite a few construction type workers waiting on the early train into NYC, luckily not getting on my train, but having to share my waiting space. So, Mr. Construction worker, offers a rather crude comment about the banana I was eating. Yah, I knew better then to eat a banana in public, but I was hungry. I chose to ignore him and drink my coffee. I walked over to the trash and as I did, he made another crude comment about my butt, it's too freakin' early for this... I ignored that too.*

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught this rather large, solidly build fella, also munching on a banana. Now this guy could kick Mr Construction Worker clear into next week, so, never having claimed to be a nice person, I looked at Mr. Construction Worker, and said to him, g'head, make the same comment about eating a banana to him, I dare you... I heard him mutter something to the effect Fuck you, bitch as I skipped off. I did have the self control not to say, best fuck you'll never have, bucko. I didn't think that wise, but just the thought of it made me laugh, have I mentioned lately how much I truly despise people, but they sure are entertaining.

This is hilarious. I don't think I could have thought of a response that good. Wish I could have seen the dumbhead's face after your comment. Thanks for sharing.

WhoHoooo!! He he! We are Homeowners. We signed the papers. We own a house. We have our own home now! This is sweet!.

Here's it's pics. .

Congratulations-- that is so exciting for you... :) Enjoy it-- and enjoy no longer paying rent....

raeanna - way to go! I knew ya'd get there. Persistence pays off!

The body’s demands are sometimes overwhelming and undeniable. The times when it says “PAIN” unrelentingly, for example. We’ve done some reading up on root canals, their ways of going awry, and the remedies that can be executed lately and it isn’t entertaining reading. I am afflicted with what dentists refer to as “exquisite pain.” It is the result of two failed root canals performed on he same tooth. It is the kind of pain that one recoils from when it is experienced momentarily. I’ve had it for weeks. When pain such as this becomes habitual in a certain region of the jaw, it is sometimes untreatable. I’ve taken more painkillers than Rush Limbaugh on a bad day and the pain stays put.

Today I went an endodontist for an evaluation – having been referred here by the dentist whose root canals failed. The endodontist referred me to an oral surgeon but I can’t get evaluated until Monday – 5 more days of this pain till then. And after that, I’ll wait until the actually surgery for relief – if the surgery is successful, that is.

Meanwhile my body is bloated from the painkillers that don’t work very well and which mess up my ability to sleep and my ability to think. It’s all gotten to the point where it’s threatening to defeat my state of mind. Predictably, I suppose. That’s the nature of unrelenting pain, isn’t it?

Artelevision - I had the pain from a neglected cavity for a week and I could hardly sleep with it. Sorry to hear about the trouble. I hope the surgeon can schedule you a surgery quickly and that it's successful.

Dating on the Web...
 

So the other day I bitched about the quality experience of my online dating life, so someone had recommended a site called E-Harmony to me. I've seen the ads, it sounded like a good idea... That's where my problems begin... When things sounds like a good idea.

So, I toddled over to the site, and filled out a lengthy profile, which it told me lots of stuff about myself, mainly that I'm pretty boring... but that's OK...

It found me no matches... Which led me to believe that I am a loser as well as boring... So figuring that it required to be fed, in order to get some responses, I signed up for a month or two. Money talks as they say.

Well, I actually got a response from someone at EHarmony, I guess paying them some money makes a difference. It was from Michael, somewhere in NY State. Michael wanted to bypass the initial stages of Eharmony, which is a question and answer thing, he wanted to Fast Track. So he sent me a message. What'd the message say?

Hi! I'm a dominant male, are you submissive?

My response back, after I edited it about 12 times, well, darlin, not to be rude, but if you have to tell me that you are dominant, and you aren't trusting my intelligence to figure it out on my own, then you probably aren't. So in answer to your question, probably not, because I'm not on my knees saying Yes, Master. (I didn't add in, but really wanted to say thanks for playing our game)

Apparently I'm not as rude as I think I am, or Michael is really a glutton for punishment. I didn't scare him off, yet. He has asked for a picture, so that'll scare him off plenty fast.*

I don't suppose he'd like the orange haired picture.*

This is really what dating has come to? Hey baby, I'm dominant? Ignore response. Send me your picture (basically, if you're hot, I can forgive the brattiness?) I give up, I think it's time to join a convent.*

ahahahaha the idea of you being submissive cracks me up...

I thought the it was magenta, not orange...and you never posted the pic of the back of your head!!!

Yes I did - it's in the other page
but here they are again --

I never did get the pink - these weret taken the same day -in different light... (Oscar is back this weekend - and I am about to do some major grovelling to have it fixed)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...llen/hair3.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...llen/hair2.jpg

Good to see the back of your head. Thanks!
Hey, color is color, there's all kinds of colors out there. A matter of personal style as to which is best, I guess.

The Tooth, Nothing But the Tooth

Real hurting night last night. Way little sleep. Drugged up bigtime. Had another "screw this" epiphany. But still, over a thousand bucks into this tooth, I tried one more time to save it. Went to the oral surgery establishment for yet one more consultation. Somewhere in the middle of hearing about how there are no guarantees with a surgical solution, I decided on the solution with the highest possibility of success. I let the oral surgeon complete his disclaimers anbd then said, "I think it's time to take out the tooth. Can you do that?"
"Yes," he said.
"Now?," I asked.
"Yes," he said.

Done!

Has the pain subsided any? Or are you on happy pills from the extraction?

(Think of all the time you'll save with one less tooth to brush... :)

There's style and there's freakishly orange -- I'm too old to carry of a color that's not found in nature :)

if it was Nickolodeon Orange we'd have to file an injunction.... :)

Got mine out only a week ago and I'm eating pretty much normally now. It was worth it. Almost don't notice that it's gone. There's not the same sensitivity. Granted I can't chew quite that far back yet but that's to be expected. I really hope this solves the pain issue for ya. Good Luck.

Thanks maleficent and raeanna,
Yes. The particular excruciating pain that has focused my existence for the past several weeks is gone - gone the way of the tooth, which I have here in a reliquary envelope - since I'm still paying for the root canals and crown that accessorize it.

The minor throbbing from the extraction is a little vienna sausage of pain compared to the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile of torment I've been riding around in all this time...

:)

maleficent,
...found in nature:

http://www.ars.usda.gov/is/graphics/photos/k7191-4i.jpg

:)

That Powerful Backhand
 

Girl watching is a sport, to some males, that's the only way I can figure out that this qualifies to be shown on ESPN. I'm flipping channels and stop on ESPN, and what's airing? Two young women, a blonde and a brunette, playing ping pong. They are both wearing short tennis skirts, not white though, and tennis sneakers. The announcer is really getting into it talking about one of the players "Powerful backhand"

This is ping pong for pete's sake-- it's a teeny tiny ball that weighs a feather, it requires no power to hit it. Good grief. And watching them serve was pretty funny too, though I suppose the camera shots of them trying to see what's under their short skirts is considered sport.

Wiith apologies to all the professional ping pong players out there

the ultimate activity
 

I just returned from my first ultimate frisbee team practice and I feel absolutely fabulous (as ab fab as those hilarious british ladies on comedy central)! It has been far too long since I've had any decent exercise routine combined with great people to do it with and a fun game for it to be framed in. The last organized sport I played was softball in high school. After one summer league season, one JV season and one varsity season, I decided to quit (a ripe old 10th grader :rolleyes: ) to do bigger and better things with my trumpet.

Finally, a whole SIX YEARS later, I've come around again. Ultimate is also a much better fit for my personality than softball was. My flick (forehand) is looking good after all the one-on-one tossing sessions I had with my friend this summer, and the biggest obstacle ahead of me is what is always ahead of me: staying focused and getting my brain wrapped around new concepts. I'm easily distracted and I'm a delayed but sudden learner. I was a little thrown off in the beginning when the coach set up an overly complicated drill that had even the veterans confused. Luckily, I came back during the scrimmage and made some nice plays. Once I understood the concepts, the moves felt pretty natural.

I skipped and hopped all the entire 8 blocks home. I have to say that the endorphins and seratonin that are still with me (practice ended over an hour ago) are making every difficult or awkward moment worth it. I'm really looking forward to a healthy and fun year with the ultimate women. Just think of what kind of place the world would be if all the seratonin junkies got their high from exercise instead of tapping their veins... what a thought :)

Glad to know your flick is looking good!

:)

Indeed, quadro. That's the part that I don't understand - these particular guys never seem to think anything of it.

Art - congratulations on being relieved of that achy-breaky tooth! I wish you a quick recovery from the extraction.

BlueBongo - The feelings you describe are very familiar to me, but I'm pretty confident these days that life is good at working itself out in due time. I hope you're feeling better soon.

Oh it's that time of the decade again
 

As if I don't have enough to complain about - one more thing got added to my bitch list. I really need to go find some Chill Pills... Or at least care a little less...

So, arriving in my email this morning is a template for my performance review. Oh Joy, Oh Rapture. I've been with this company for going on seven years, this will be my 2nd review. We haven't seen pay increases, not even adjustments for inflation in over 3 years - -and I doubt we're getting them this year, so this is an exercise in -- FUTILITY.

We're a small company under the umbrella of a large company and HR is making us play along with their silly games. If my boss has a problem with me, he'll scream at me... Then we move on... Life is happy... Reviews on paper just go against my nature. Don't like them, find them pretty pointless.

I know where I screw up, I know where I need to improve, I don't want to put it down on paper... (and I'm really bad at lying) This will bea nice exercise in creative writing.

I have been negligent in commenting on people's journal entries. Before I go and type one of my own, I want to apologize. It's often difficult to comment on something because you're a few posts (physically) removed from it. But I have been reading all of them - and I'm happy that Art's tooth is out, that at least I got to see the back of Maleficent, that SuppleCow is a frisbee-throwin' maniac and that raeanna now has a beautiful place by the water. :)

still struggling with a sense of alienation generated by this surrogate journal-form.

i think it is the lack of distance.

======
this announcement is simply bizarre:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...2004Sep17.html

everything about it is bizarre, from the origin point of the story onward.

====

the collective seems to be interested in moving further into soundscape fabrication, which translates into acquiring even more tape recorders, but of a higher quality.

i am reading daivd toop's new book "haunted weather" --which i am using for one of my classes----and which is, more or less coincidentally, about some of the outer frontiers of soundscape recording and manipulation.

i would recommend it--a diverting, engrossing read that raises more interesting questions than it actually addresses.
which is sometimes what is required.

for some reason it is becoming even more obvious that a sound image can be understood with equal weight falling on both terms.
if you see the sound image, you can manipulate elements on visual grounds, use visual prompts as logic in themselves, and not just as ways to organize the sonic elements.

on the other hand, sometimes i wonder if the reason i do not think i have ever had acid flashbacks is that they are continuous and spread out, so do not announce themselves as such. i might well live in one. so i cant be sure.

===
sorry to hear of the dental ordeal, art--glad that you are on the mend.

maybe i'll start to comment on other journals, now that we are all in an explicitly public space, on the weekend.

between then and now, i will have had the enormous privilege of seeing ornette coleman perform. i cannot tell you how exicted i am about this. the excitement distracts me.

Sniffle Sniffle
 

So when I'm in the Chicago office, there's a person over the cube farm wall who is a snorter, I'm at a different company today, and there's a person behind me that's a snorter. I don't understand this.

If your nose is runny - I mean seriously, big juicy boogers by the sound of the snorfle, wouldn't it be easier to use a tissue and blow your freakin' nose. Is sniffling a turn on for people that they actually enjoy it and it gives them some sort of pleasure? Otherwise I can't think of a reason to do it.

There's a box of tissues not 2 feet from this woman, why not extend her arm, put tissue to face and blow... I mean really blow... The coughing she's doing is post nasal drip, you can tell by the sound of the cough, and I'd bet anything she'd stop coughing if she'd only blow her goddamn nose.

This is a very unattractive thing that people do, not that I'm an expert on attractiveness, it's also annoying the everlovin' crap out of me... The sound ranks up there as most annoying... and it doesn' have to be.

Plus that she's not covering her mouth whenever she coughs.... Germs Germs everywhere....

Fascinating Productivity
 

Yesterday was a great, productive day.

Quadrette and I had planned on taking the morning off to apply for our marriage license. We could have gone anywhere in the state (except for the city proper), but we decided just to head back to the town clerk's office in my hometown, as I knew where it was and it just seemed more familiar to me. After getting the license, we were planning on going back to work, and then going to see a movie with Cynthetiq and Skogafoss.

We got up at our usual time and arrived at the town clerk's office at 9:01 AM, right after they opened. We showed them our IDs and went about filling out the forms.

Quadrette is taking my last name and is intending to make her maiden name her middle name. Apparently moving the last name to the middle is not something she can do on a marriage license, unless she wants to hyphenate her last name or make it part of her last name (neither of which she wants to do). So that temporarily upset her, understandably so. We talked about the possibility of doing a name change in court so she can officially make it her middle name. That cheered her up a bit.

Well, we were all set to get the license and go, except we hit a snafu: the office computers were down, meaning they couldn't enter the info into their database and couldn't print up the marriage license. So we were stuck waiting until the computers came back up - it could be a minute, an hour or all day, they told us.

I was pissed. I know it wasn't anybody's fault but it was just an annoying detour to the day. I wasn't going to go to work without that license - otherwise I'd have to come back another day. And yet I really didn't want to take the whole day off.

Quadrette and I thought about it, and she suggested we both see if we could get approval from work to take the rest of the day off. She had to renew her license at the DMV anyway, so maybe, instead of waiting around the town clerk's office, we could go get that squared away, and maybe do a few other errands we had been postponing.

We both got approval, and off we went to the DMV. I was not looking forward to the DMV (because, really, who looks forward to the DMV?). Thankfully, even with a packed office, it only took us about an hour and twenty minutes from start to finish. Could have been much worse.

From the DMV, we went out another 30 minutes to see our jeweler. We had been out there a few weeks ago to look at wedding rings, and while we found things we liked, Quadrette hadn't made any definitive decisions. We were originally going to go Thursday night, but postponed it to Saturday because of the movie we were going to see. This seemed like a good opportunity to get it squared away, and with the benefit of going in when it wasn't packed to the walls (as it was on the last Saturday we visited).

I'm glad we went. Not only did Quadrette find a great ring, but I found a ring that I liked so much better than the first one I picked out. Both of our rings were more expensive than we had planned - but we plan on wearing these things for a loooong time. So we paid the deposit, and in two weeks, we'll have our rings. Plus, we went her engagement ring back to be re-sized. (Turns out it was half a size too big, this whole year. She just thought it was supposed to be that loose. Who knew?)

After that, we drove back to the Town Clerk's office, found out the computers were back up, signed the papers and headed home. After a quick stop to say hi to the kitties, we were back on our way into the city to catch a free screening for Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow with Cyn and Skogafoss. The movie was okay, not great, but entertaining.

As Quadrette and I walked home after the movie, I realized that we had spent the entire day together - we really hadn't spent more than 10 minutes apart the entire day - and managed to get a lot done, having lots of fun while doing it. I really couldn't have asked for more yesterday. So I had to take a whole day off. No biggie. Well worth it.

I got a new watch.... and its scandalous
 

Wandering in Union Station as I was waiting for my train, I wandered into the Swatch store, my current watch is looking a little seedy, so I wanted a new one. The watch that caught my eye? Is the watch that Swatch has called Bunny Sutra. It's a riot. You tap the face of the watch, and the hour and minute hand go nuts for a few seconds. The strap is half pink with a girl bunny wearing a see thru negligee and half blue, with a boy bunny in tighty whities. The face of the watch has 6 scenes of 2 bunnies, fucking, in various karma sutra positions, hence the name, bunny sutra. It's quite risque for Swatch, but, it's working for me - so it's now on my wrist. The train attendant looked at my wrist and started to make a comment on my watch then she realized what the bunnies were doing ( ya know, fucking like bunnies) then she just wandered off and I haven't seen her since.*

This would be the watch

Bunny Sutra

Alrighty then, the journals are back - look for them on a navigation bar near you!