a stranger walks up and lays his hand on your shoulder...
 

so how do you feel about strange people touching you? art, forgive me for forcing a subject, but your remark in another thread brough this thought to my mind. how do you feel about strangers touching you? sometimes intentionally, sometimes not, people are apt to touch others all the time. so what does this do to you? what feelings does it stir up in you? do you freak out or does it make you feel better about humankind? have you ever had a situation where a stranger's touch affected you in a memorable (postive <b>or</b> negative) way? discuss.

you know you like it ;)

I don't mind accidents, but I'm not comfortable with people that I don't know very well invading my personal space.

If you aren't family or a really good friend, it makes me uncomfortable.

as much as I like conversing with people, I get real touchy about my personal space. I freak.

it depends on how well i know them, but on the whole i don't really mind.

what i HATE is when strangers get RIGHT up close to you and start talking. we are talking about a face-to-face distance of less than around 30 cm's here or so... ugh.

I'm the same way. I don't like people that I don't know being too close. It makes me very uncomfortable.

i'm admittedly a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to this. i'm a very touchy person... i've always been a person who initiates contact in relationships and social situations... i have no qualms about touching, pushing, hell, even bodychecking if the situation warrants it.

on the other hand...

i'm pretty private with my personal space... i am just fine with anyone i know touching me, hugging me, smacking me around, or whatever, but when that strange hand touches me, it gets real cold real quick. i do not like to be touched by people i don't know. if the situation warrants it (someone trying to get by at the club, etc...) i let it go, but if it's blatant and unneeded, i get confrontational...


so am i right or wrong in doing these things? dunno. i'm just me with my own quirks.

I might jump at first, but depends on the situation
If it's nothing, then move on
If it's friendly person, then chat a bit
If it's an asshole, get the hell out of there or beat the shit out of them.

Don't fucking touch me unless you know me.

Or you want to go down on me... we can get to know each other later.

I hear you, man. I used to work at a computer room at the university, and I once had a (foreign) guy do that to me... It just freaked me out. I couldn't even think straight - he kept talking and talking, and I just had to get away from him, but couldn't... If he had been at a reasonable distance, I would probably have helped him with whatever he wanted, but now? No way.

It seems there is an undefined circle around you that should not be intruded upon. That intrusion makes one feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.
That same undefined circle, I think, also applies to road rage… vehicles intruding into your space. I also feel that this is primarily a male dilemma.
Or not?

I think your post is a bit different than your poll. If some stranger put his or her hand on my shoulder then I'd probably get uncomfortable.
But the way your post made it seem, if some one just touches me, then I don't get bothered.

-

I might jump a little beacuse im not expecting it, but if no harm is intended i just smile and say hi :)

If I felt that touch is in kindness, I'd check to see if my wallet is still there, then offer a polite greeting.
If it was done in a rude way, I'd check to see if my wallet is still there, then I'd be on the defencive.
I have several fond memories about the kindness of strangers!
None of them started out with being physically touched.

I do not like strangers touching me at all. Sometimes, I don't even like my Friends touching me, I have a little germ phobia!

But of course it would depend on where they were touching me.

"accept it as nothing more than an accident and move on with your life"

basically would ignore it, may turn around and give a look like 'you weirdo' or summin...

my original statement referred to massage.
I'm not interested in a stranger touching my body all over vis-a-vis massage.

The rest is incidental and doesn't bother me unless it is insistent.

Depends on the context... If it is in a crowded subway car, or some other accidental brushing, etc. That's reasonably OK.

However, given my choice I really prefer people stay out of my personal space unless I know them and even then I'm not all that fond of it...

I don't suppose I'd freak out (too polite for that) but it would make me uncomfortable and I'd likely move away... if it was persistent I would likely ask them to back off...

I'd probably get defensive immediately.

My shoulder is okay, but NOT MY HANDS!!! Do not, ever, ever, ever touch my hands. I keep them washed and clean and I want them to stay that way.

I cannot stand it when I go out to eat and people want to shake my hand in a restaurant. YCCHHHHHH!!!

Most of the time it's accident and no big deal.

However if it is intentional, then it depends on the circumstance. I remember working in a retail computer store. This guy came in and was asking about some disks. I walked over to the disk display with him. The disks were on a low shelf so I knelt down to find the kind he wanted. He wanted pre-formatted and at the time very few disks were pre-formatted. While I was on my knees so to speek, he puts a hand lightly on my shoulder. What I really wanted to do was punch him streight in the balls. Instead I stood up rather quickly and walked off. I'll never forget that. Not something I want to have happen again.

well, that's about what sums it up for me. There's a good amount of "depends on the situation" because I live in the New York City metropolitan area. No one touches anyone, even a brush up can cause someone to just go off.

When I wake up, take the train, and then walk from Penn Station to Times Square, I could have already passed by around 3,000 people. People that you overhear conversations, glimpse books, bills, private moments, music, artwork, and all the other mundane things from life.

Don't touch me and stay out of my space.
I didn't sit beside anyone for a reason, I need my space as much as I need O2.

id prolly start to get defensive... but depending on what happend after i turned around it could go any way...

Brushing against me or touching my shoulder by accident as you walk by doesn't bother me in the least. Now, someone I don't know leaning on me or gettting a little to push as they walk by ticks me off... I most of the times I'll fill like saying something and I will depending on who's around to stop me... The one thing aside from that the one thing I hate with a passion is if people play with my head/hair... Keep your damn hands out of my hair!!!! :mad:
I've had plenty of ppl tell me my hair looks soft, pretty and blah, blah, blah. I know what my hair is like, for pete's sake I've had it since I was born!!! I don't go around rubbing my hands in your hair do I??!!

now, how attractive is this stranger?

If the stranger is a hot chic then I don't care. If a dude just puts his hand on my shoulder I'll knock their hand off and say, "Keep your fuckin' hands off of me!" If someone bumps into me I don't have a problem at all. As soon as someone grabs me I get pissed off. I hate when people are in my space. I never touch people I don't know so don't do it to me. :mad: :mad:

It depends on the situation... on a bus or a concert for example you can't help it sometimes. But if I was just sitting somewhere and a unfamiliar hand touched me, I'd turn around, back up about 4-5 feet and give them a harsh glare, fists clenched.

So much of this seems to involve how people perceived the poll question or the comments.

I admit to being a "touchy" person. I generally won't touch a stranger on the shoulder, but usually I will shake hands or something fairly early in the introductions. Once I get to know you, I'm just as liable to hug you.

As far as others doing it to me, no big problem unless they startle me. Someone touches me on the shoulder, I'm probably going to turn around to see who it is and then greet them warmly. If they grab my shoulder or surprise me, then the defense mechanisms kick in. My response then depends on the threat level I am feeling at the time.

I'm not surprised that a lot of people are uncomfortable with the invasion of their space. I am surprised to see the number of people who seem to feel that the described actions are an attack.

Oh well, perception is the individual's reality.

Hey if it's a remotely attractive lady doing the touching, Bring It On! I f it's some dude, I know the difference between a good touch and a bad one!

Touching doesn't bother me. I suppose it depends on the situation. If they're trying to get my attention, it's ok. If it's some guy in spandex and he starts rubbng my shoulder, I'd freak out. In crowds, people sometimes pull themselveds through the crowd, and I don't really mind that. If a woman does it, I see it as an opportunity.

i'd move away from the person, but wont make it obvious

I actually don't mind being touched by stangers. I don't mind if the waitress puts her hand on my shoulder when I'm ordering my meal. I don't mind if a man puts his hand on the small of my back as he excuses himself past me in a crowd. I really don't even care if an overzealous hockey fan behind me at the game musses my hair in his excitement over a goal scored by our team.
BUT what does bother me is shaking hands with people every time I see them again. I think people in general are dirty and do not wash their hands nearly enough. I think it's a terrible ritual Americans have adopted. We pass germs by just saying hello. The Japanese seem to understand this. I wish we would. I still shake hands with people but it drives me crazy.

I don't know where this puts me in the minds of others. I don't mind people touching me, I don't mind touching other people, I just don't like touching your hand every time I see you. I don't think I'm a germ freak...but I suppose I am.

...sorry, bit of tangent

Basically, that hand breaks. Teeth might also fall out in the process of a back-kick. All conditioned response.

I once nearly broke my mom's hand. Yeah, me is idiot, but being honest. It's just conditioned.

I would be freaked at first probably..then I'd look and see who it was...
If it was a stranger, I'd smile and move on.
If it was someone I know, how I react would depend on if I liked them or not.
If I don't like them I'd probably just give them a nasty look.
If I like them I'll probably smile and start chatting with them.

I took off the end of your statement but this is what my position is also. If the hand on my shoulder appears to be a threat it would be totally different but the friendly touch of a hand is totally acceptable. The handshaking thing could disappear - But look at what they do in other countries - I ain't goin' for the kissin' bit!

As I thought about it, I realized that I am protective of my space when it comes to total strangers.

I've stood in many a grocery store line only to have someone behind me bump my ass with a cart or worse, to have a child brushing up against it, right at face level for the kid.

One day this happened and it just so happened that I had gas...

everybody come TOUCH ME!!
(in a nice way that is).

i actually quite enjoy being touched by strangers, as long as its not in a violent or malicious way.
sometimes i even crave it.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by oane
[B]Basically, that hand breaks. Teeth might also fall out in the process of a back-kick. All conditioned response.

I like the way you think.I don't like being touched unless I want to be touched.

Unless the toucher is someone I'm very close to (really just my wife and kids and maybe a few close friends), I very much dislike being touched.

I am not a touchy person. I only touch those emotionally close to me. I do not abhor touching strangers, I do provide medical response at work, so I may end up touching strangers all over the place if necessary. None of that bothers me.

I do have a larger personal bubble than most, I think. However, I am not freakish about its integrity. Should my space be invaded, I become uncomfortable to a degree that depends on the intrusiveness I am encountering.

I guess I was taught to keep my hands to myself.

Stop stealing my answers, Buttface! :p

yup, thats exactly what i'd do, but of course it depends on the circumstances....are they approaching from the front, or from behind you? how to they react to your first reaction? where is this taking place?

one of my teachers always said that it's best to react first...and you learn very quickly how to apologize! :D

but the proper reaction doesn't necessarily mean kickin ass without using some judgment first. similar things have happened to me, but i've only ever had to apologize for being defensive at first -- i've never tagged anyone who was innocently trying to get my attention...

what also comes to mind is the difference in environment! i'll use this as an example -- i come from a small town in PA, and now i live in washington dc.
when i'm back home and talk to people from the city (for example NY or DC), they say that they actually feel *safer* in the city!

because in the city, ppl don't roll up to you and start a random conversation, touch you, ask for a cigarette or directions, talk to you or even make eye contact without a definite purpose, which isn't always good. especially for example at night when the bars are letting out :p coz in the city, you basically just keep your head up, and look straight ahead as if you'd kill the next person who makes eye contact with you, and that's what *everybody* is doing so we all get along fine! hehehehehe

so if i'm in southeast dc or even florida ave nw and someone comes up and lays a hand on my shoulder, i'll immediately rip their arm off and beat them with it :D but if i'm back home, the environment is different and i won't be so quick to beat 'em down right away...there's less of a chance that they're up to no good but i'll still protect myself at first.

I voted that I would turn around and smile, mostly because I'm not rude, but I started to read other peoples reactions, and I realized that, like phred, I am indeed a hypocrite too, I like to touch, and be touched by my relatives, or loved ones, but if someone I don't know touches me, I would probably freak (to myself) I just try to be considerate of everyone else, before I react.

honestly, i dont like people even getting close to me, or worse behind me. that said, if its a chick with an outstanding body...i revel in it!

I had my wallet lifted the last time that happened.

how about latex gloves? safe, sane, a little kinky...............

It woulds depend on the situation. A concise answer:

If I'm comfortable with the situation then I will allow it. If I feel uncomfortable with the situation then I will ask that they do not do it in the future.

i would beat his ass

Well I am a touchy person, alot of times as I am training people how to use equipment I ften touch there elbow or arm. i never realized how many people freak by that, and may reconsider doing it in the future. As far as people touching me? As long as its in a non threating mannor I am ok with it.

oomm

I do not like getting touched by people. Not even by my closest friends... (well, maybe except for my gf)
But otherwise, I feel that they are invading my personal space, and believe me, its a damn big one:D

I hate close talkers. but whats worse is my boss, he walks up behind me when I am busy typing and wasting time on TFP and he puts his hands on my sholders as if to massage. icky don't touch me. attractive women on the other hand can touch me all they want. never seems to happen the way I want it to.

Well you can't dismiss it as any accident, because the description makes it clear that it's not (to me anyway). You don't invade my space, and you certainly don't lay familiar hands on me if I don't know you friendly or not. I won't get violent, and I may even put up with it, but I won't like it. Ok, maybe I'm uptight, but I think it's unacceptably rude for someone to do that.

What if it's a guy touching you? You still want him to go down? Now we're back to the whole gay thing again, huh?

Easy now, what if they thought you were someone else? It happens in the movies all the time...man looks for woman on crowded train platform/marketplace/beach puts his hand on her shoulder and she turns around and it's not the person he thought.

I said, "Turn around and smile... make a new friend"

But thats the closest, I'll turn around and see who it as and see if I should become friends, or be on the defenseive with an arm bar. I can't shrug it off as an accident.. I mean who in the world can SET their HAND on your shoulder(especially you Sixate you have 6 inches on me ;)) and it be accidental? The closest you get to that, is them thinking you're someone else, but in that case, I'd.. Make friends with them which is another category (the one I Chose).

Of course, I'm on the defensive... Lets say right shoulder for purposes of making this fun. :D
Left hand clasps over their hand, then step in, wrap my right arm around theirs. then twist.....twist.....twist.... ;) If needed a punch to the Floating Ribs. And I have pretty quick reflexes, so i figure people just shouldn't try it, I'd hate to be jumpy that day.

touch me, whatever...I'm ready to die, I'm ready to live, so bring it on!

u can tell when it's by mistake but other wise i'd be like wtf

I pay women to touch me... to rub me... to lick me... to stroke me. :D

Maybe its society, maybe its just me, but I dont like men I dont know touching me. Girls, friends, family members, etc I am ok with. Also, Im not a big toucher myself.

This is really a western culture phenomenon and not human nature, since other cultures tend to have very little "personal space" to speak of. I find it disturbing how we keep moving away from such basic things as having some sort of human contact.

It's ok if it's an accedent... but if people are doin this on purpose.. and constantly.. then I get annoyed

phred... i couldn't pick any of the above answers...

i would at first "freak out" a bit... though i wouldn't go so far as using the term "freak out'.

i would probably after turning, looking at the person and getting a sense of their intent, might smile and say "excuse me"...

i don't appreciate strangers touching me... i am naturally somewhat "on guard" in that way... it's a self defense thing with me... sort of an inner "fight of flight" reaction...

but i'd try very hard to be polite unless the situation was giving me "DANGER" warning signals.