Honey Dew Lists
 

Okay, My husband works full time and goes to school full time so I do most of the work around the house. But if I ask him to do something he does it and it's great. I feel if I don't work I should do the house work and mow the lawn. Sometimes there are things that I can't do and need him to do. So, I ask him to do them. Lately when I ask him to do something he doesn't do it. For a while he was working and going to school so I would just let it go. But now that he is out of school I think that he should do the projectsthat I asked him to do. I don't want to ask him more than one time to do something because I feel that I am nagging and I don't want to do that. So, should I make a list and give it to him? Or should I just keep asking him and nag?

Nagging = VERY BAD

Give the guy a little break - working and going to school is tough,, yes, so is taking care of a house.

Instead of telling him what do to, he's not a child, he is an adult, tell him these are the things that need to be done, which would he like to help you out with first?

I don't mean like telling him what to do. I mean like for example two months ago I asked him to hang up a wind chime. It is still sitting on the counter. Two months ago I asked him to install our track ball that we have had since we got out pc two years ago. It is still sitting on the desk. Things like that? I don't think I am treating him as a child do you?

You left a wind chime on the counter for two months, just because you assumed he'd do it after asking him once a long time ago? I have a feeling the chime is long forgotten, and if he were I, I would assume that the chime is just part of the "landscape" as it were of kitchen clutter.

Speaking from the other side, do the tasks yourself, but do them very badly.Make sure he sees just how badly they were done.

going with skier here... If I were in the same situation, that chime has become part of the stuff you subconsciously filter out... I'm pretty sure he doesn't even see it anymore either.

If it's been 2 months already, I would say either remind him again, or just do it yourself.

Like I said, he's probably forgotten it already.

tell him, not us.

gripe to him, not to us.

not that I want to snub your communication to us, but it's more practical and useful to tell him how you are feeling as opposed to us.

Get a "Job Bowl" and cut some paper into little strips.

Every time you two decide a job needs to be done "sometime down the road," write it down on a strip of paper, fold it in half, and drop it in the bowl.

Every weekend, have your husband agree to pick a paper strip (or two; or three) out of the bowl and do whatever task is written down. Maybe you could pick one out yourself?

This works in my house. I get right on a project when I think how I'm going to have to fix something back to original state and then start from scratch. My wife doesn't purposely screw things up though. Hmmmmmm.......or does she?:hmm:

great idea for "what do you want to do???" "i dunno, what do you want to do..."

oh, forgot too.

My wife thinks that ASKING ONCE is also the right amount, and I'm sorry, it's not. I wish it were the case, but everyone needs to be reminded to do things including her.

My response to her: Reminding someone is NOT EQUAL to nagging. Not even close.

I totally agree with that. It give you time to get it all done, and it seems like it would work.

Well, I'm the guy that forgets to do stuff in my home so I agree with some of the other posters saying that he has probably forgotten. Often my girl will ask me to do something at night and I'll say "Sure sweetie, I'll get to it tomorrow." Honestly though if it is something relatively small like hanging up a wind chime once I've slept I've forgotten it and if I'm not reminded I'll never get around to it. Big jobs I remember, like hanging a door or mowing the lawn because they are sort of large and "in your face". Smaller things though just get lost in the minutia of life. I'd just nicely remind him, I bet he won't mind.

My wife uses lists. As everyone has said, it's better than nagging.

She likes it, so it's OK by me. When I'm done, I make sure to leave the list laying around with all the stuff crossed off though. :) It turns nagging about the one thing that didn't get done into a positive thing showing all the stuff you did do.

And then if she writes 'THANKS' with a big smiley, well, that makes everybody happy.

I leave a list, but I have two categories. Things I really need done by such a time, and things to do if you feel like it. I usually only put maybe one thing in the really need done list, because it makes people more motivated to do things from the if you feel like it category.

Keep in mind, this is usually only stuff like feed the cats or change the laundry- not clean the gutters or fix my car. That stuff I would start and help with along the way.

Lists make it seem too much like work for me... But every relationship is different.

Give him a list or tell him you cant do the things that your asking him to do cause they are to hard or some thing like that!?!

One time when he gets home, you should go up to him with the windchime and say: 'Hey dearie, look at this cute windchime; remember it? Anyway, do you think you could PLEASE put it up?' And just keep doing that for everything else you've been having troubles with!!

I know very well that my boyfriend goes to sleep and forgets anything I told him the day before...(Well, maybe not EVERYTHING, but you get what I'm saying.)

I'm sorry if you felt I was griping. I was just asking what I should do. I wanted to get some advice. Before I approached him again with these tasks. I thought that was what the board was for.

Anyway, I told him the things that needed to be done and he said he would like me to make lists for him. And if the tasks aren't finished in a month then I will pay someone to do them.

that was my advice :)

and that's a great approach, if they aren't done in 1 month, you can go back to him and say, "I'm hiring someone to do it, it's going to cost $X." If he says, "That's too much, I'll do it instead." when he's done take some of the monies that you would have spent and buy him a little treat, and save the rest.

If you go with the job jar put about 50 job slips in there and let him see the one that says "hot sex right here right now" as you put it in the jar. Call it incentive. We know yer gonna take it out later, but he doesn't need to know that.

I'm almost afraid to put this here but, if you left the windchime on the counter for 2 months that makes me wonder about the cleaning the house thing....

The "I think he should do the projects I asked him to do" statement sounds a little control freaky from my perspective.

I like to please my wife and I try to accomodate her as well as I can, honey do's and all but if my priorities and her priorities diverge the honey do's wait. I suspect if he did everything you asked you would come up with new things to keep him busy.
The lists they never end

From my perspective this sounds like the never ending battle for control.....just try a job jar at my house and you'll be asking me to sweep up broken glass and scraps of paper.

You really have to find a way to make him think it should be one of his priorities...like he thought of it even...I even like the do it poorly acouple of times route..that always gets me.

Good luck

I don't see why someone has to tell someone else what to do in these situations or even why each person doesn't know exactly what's to be done. This sort of situation would indicate to me that someone isn't fully participating in home life. That would be the root of this problem.