Locks on kids' doors?
 

I've heard of parents who do not allow their children to lock the doors of their rooms.

If you have children, do you allow them to lock their doors, or must the doors always be kept unlocked? If you do not have kids yet, but intend to, which way do you suppose you will feel about this?

My parents never installed a lock on my door, so I did that on my own, as did my brother. It sometimes irritated my parents, but they did not insist we remove the locks.

I fully intend to allow my children to lock their doors. It always provided me with a sense of privacy I felt I was otherwise missing.

I never had a lock on my door when I was a kid. My dad was a volunteer firefighter for a while when I was young and he'd seen way too many tragedies that could have been avoided if doors weren't locked. So for that reason my parents never installed or offered to install locks.

I think you can feel every bit as safe and private if everyone in the house has a mutual respect for closed doors and everyone else's privacy. Teach your kids to treat closed doors as locked ones. Don't bother opening closed doors, just knock and ask if you can come in and wait until you get a positive response before opening.

That's what I'll teach my kids.

I suggest you keep a key to the lock just in case. My sister tried to kill herself once and I had to break down the door to stop her, a key would have come in handy. Otherwise, I see nothing wrong with giving the kids locks.

Once they are a certain age, like 8+

Provides the kids with a much greater sense of privacy, which everyone needs.

However everyone should always knock before entering ANYWHERE.

I always had a lock on my door as a kid. I loved my privacy while I was doing homework.

I had a lock, but it could be opened with a flathead screwdriver from the otherside if need be. Also if an adult really wanted to get in, breaking the door jam was no problem ( i did it when i was 10 and learned how to fix a door jam ). As far as fire goes, we all knew how to get out of the house, and we all had our bedroom windows to go out. If and when I have kids they will have a lock on their door. Whether they choose to use it is their choice.

If you don't lock the door how are you supposed to develope a healthy masturbation habit at?

Now, I didn't have a lock on my door but I did keep it closed and my parents never invaded my room without knocking first.

There's no reason for a kid to lock his/her door. Basic etiquette - knocking first, as in TOK's family - should suffice, plus a "do not disturb" sign for when you just want to be left alone. If you need that much privacy you're probably doing something you shouldn't be doing. And I don't mean whacking off.

I've had locks on my doors, and would definitely allow my kids to have the same.

At least in my mind, there's a large difference between "the door is shut and they probably won't come in" and "the door is locked and they can't come in" in terms of privacy. Now, I've never done anything that warranted that kind of privacy, but it was nice to know it was there for me. :)

I have to agree with lurkette here. There certainly is no "right" to privacy, and children have to realize that certain rights only happen when they grow up, move out, and become adults.
Having said that, close doors should be respected.

I think it really depends. I used the lock on my door for more than privacy. I had legos, models, Baseball cards, etc in my room and also had alot of youngsters running around(still do.) 3-4 year olds don't care that a door is locked, or that some of the things in my room are worth more than their souls.

We always had generic locks though, the ones you can open with a penny. It wasn't really meant to keep an adult out permenently, just to stop them from walking in on you. Since it was a kids room you didn't have to worry about them losing the key.

I never had a lock, and I didn't need it either. I didn't have nosy parents who would would just walk in or look through my shit when I wasn't there.

If I ever have kids they'll never have a lock on the doors of their rooms in a house that I own. They won't need it either.

I don't think locks should be on children's doors until they do something that would ruin the trust.

I wouldn't trust my kids to have locks on their doors - they are 6 and 9. I have already had to break into my own bedroom after the little one licked himself in for provacy and fell asleep. He sleeps through anything, lol. I was poking him with a broom handle through the door opening and he didn't wake up. There was a chain lock on it - fortunately I was able to reach in the opening and unscrew the plate. So, basically for safety reasons, I say no locks.

8+ ???

Kids don't have a RIGHT to privacy. It's supposed to be a PRIVILEDGE after years of earning their parents trust.

16+ would be much more reasonable.

I wonder if Dyllan Kliebold had a lock on his door.

Nope, my kid won't have a lock on the door. It's a parent's job to be active in the raising of his kid, and that includes having the ability to know what he's up to. I intend to do my job as a parent.

I was finally allowed to have a lock on my door once I was 13. I think that once kids hit middle school, they should be given that right. Kids need privacy and a lock gives them a sense of security. I never did anything bad and was a pretty good kid, but I just *needed* to have the door locked. Just like I like to have my house locked, my car in the garage locked, etc. Sometimes you just need to be alone and left to yourself. Of course, my parents had an extra key somewhere, but they never needed to use it. The only reasons I can think of for not letting your pre-teen/teen have a lock are if the kid has mental problems, ie. suicidal, depression, etc. or if he stays in his room all day to the point where you need to bring dinner up to him.

I went for nearly a year without a locked door once I moved back in with my parents. I had to get a child safety lock for the door(the type you would use to lock cabinet doors) because I couldn't find a lock for the french doors I have. There were just too many uncomfortable incidents revolving around me masturbating/surfing porn and being walked in on.

I say if they're old enough or smart enough to install an honest to goodness real locking doorknob, then they've earned the right to lock their doors. Locking doorknobs only all other cheap ass screw it in on the frame crap will not be allowed.

That being said, I had a job at 14-15 and a real busybody sister. My mother couldn't watch her all the time, I couldn't watch her all the time and I couldn't beat her till she learned, but a good quality lock kept her out well enough.

So, you want to take some initiative and install one with your own time and money, then I say go right ahead bucko. If I want in your room bad enough, I know where the axe is.

Hmm, I never really thought about this.

From personal experience I have a few different views. When I was growing up every single door had a lock, but it was a cheap push-and-twist kind of lock. I never would have felt secure locking any of those locks because A) The lock could be easily picked, and B) By the time I was 10 I could have easily punch/kicked through the door itself. This wasn't a problem though because if I ever wanted to be left alone, I closed the door and my family respected that, as I did for them.

Now one of my friends on the other hand, that's completely opposite. He had three locks on his door at one time. The original lock in the knob, a homemade lock that was the type you find in restroom stalls, and a deadbolt. Now, there were numerous reasons why he had all of these, he wanted to piss of his mom, he wanted to keep his mom and his annoying little brother out of his stuff, and he needed the security of knowing that his stuff would either be safe, or know that someone took something.

If you do allow them to have a lock, it would be good to teach them how to kick down a door. Sounds strange, but if you have locks on the doors, you should teach your family how to get around them in an emergency.

if my kids are anything like i was growing up, they lock that door, i KNOW there up to no good... but seriously, i dont think ill allow locks, but i will respect there privacy and always knock and wait for a response before entering

i grew up with locks on my doors and honestly i think i'd never been able to whack off with my parents room being right next door. I agree kocking is a good thing for a parent to do but it always scared the beejesus out of me when i had my pants down and the ensuing scramble was treacherous(watch the zipper)

I've had a lock on my door since I've had my room, only time I used it was when my brother would chase me down the hall, and I wanted to keep him out. :) The general rule of Knock and wait was the standard in our house.

However, locks can be a good thing, if on the OUTSIDE of the door. One 3 yr old kid I watched managed to lock the door on the inside, and his dad couldn't get in without breaking the door. But move the lock to the outside, and viola, you've got a way to keep the kids in the room during naptime!

Me personally, I would hope to teach my kids to have enough respect for each other, so they don't feel the need to lock their doors for privacy or security reasons.

Yeah, you'll think that's a REAL good idea when the fire starts.

Why can't you just tell the kid to stay in his room, and then if he disobeys you there are consequences. Sure, that's a little more work than locking him in (which btw most likely violates your local fire codes) but parenting isn't supposed to be easy.

I do not currently have children and do not have plans to any time in the near to far future.. but who knows. Growing up with a child molester in my home... I made my mother not only put a lock on the door but also a chain because I did not want anyone coming into my room other than me..... well, when I was home. And that was when I was in 5th grade. Mind you if my children ever told me someone molested them I would believe them instead of continuing to let the children cohabitate with the bastard..... but my mother is a weak individual, so in essence, when I do have children I will not prohibit them from having a lock on their door if they ask, but I have no idea if that will ever be an issue... time will tell I suppose.

BlueBongo's case is tragic and is one example of a lock being a neccessity, not just a priviledge.

That said, however, I must take the position that, in general, children should not be able to lock their rooms. I agree with Lurkette's comments:

"There's no reason for a kid to lock his/her door. Basic etiquette - knocking first, as in TOK's family - should suffice, plus a "do not disturb" sign for when you just want to be left alone. If you need that much privacy you're probably doing something you shouldn't be doing. And I don't mean whacking off."

are right on point. A parent has the responsibility to create a safe and loving environment for their children. I believe that this includes being aware of what your children are doing and being satisfied that what they are doing is personally and socially appropriate (no, I don't care if my 15 year old is jerking off, but I would be disturbed to find he was building pipe bombs while locked in his room).

By letting a child lock his room, you are surrendering your decision-making authority to them. With a few execptions, such as in BlueBongo's situation, children are not qualified to decide when to lock or not lock the door. In a healthy home, they should never have to.

i guess the point is raise children who don't feel the need to lock the doors of their bedroom. but at somepoint, everyone feels they need a little privacy, so you would have to make them feel secure about the privacy of their room from a earlier age.

I was always sternly told to NOT lock my door, though the door had a lock. My mom would get severely upset with me if she tried to open it and it was locked.

I agree that children should not have locks on doors, for safety purposes, which was my mom's reason for being upset, however, my mom also had the tendency to knock, and then just open the door anyway without giving me the chance to give any sort of response what so ever. I always get furious about that. even thinking about it now is getting me upset!!

I have locks on my kids doors. When they are well behaved, I unlock the door and let them out. ;)

I think I put a lock on my door finally when I was 18. My mom wasn't too thrilled, but I left a key on top of the door frame just in case. The luck simply prevented the casual intrusion that my mom was so careless about.

Now, in our new house, I'm starting to feel the need to lock my door again. Either that, or move out.

My brother used to steal from me, a lot. After countless beatings didn't discourage this, I bought a lock for my room, I was about 17 at the time, and he was 12. The lock didn't really do anything, it just made him work a little harder to get at my stuff. So I moved out. That was the only reason I've ever felt I've needed to lock my room.

A friend of mine has parents who loved to snoop around though, they were shameless about it too. Not a week went by where "the dog" didn't find something that was stuck on a high shelf, or between some books. "The dog" once found some 'magic love powder' left over from when my friend went through a wiccan phase, her parents freaked out, thinking it was cocaine.

I guess the point I'm making here is, if you're a parent, don't snoop or your children will never trust you. And if you're a child, and want your privacy, get your own place, it's the only way to make sure.

Locks are bad just from the firefighting aspect, but if I had parents who snooped when I was living with them, I might have felt differently. We have a lock on our bedroom door just for the simple sake of keeping the kids (4 and 7) out while we have sex. They also know when the lock goes on they are to stay away. Our 7 year old wanted privacy, so we give him a "Do Not Disturb" sign which he puts on the door. That is the signal for the 4 year old not to bother him and for us to knock.

Nosey parents just breed better hiding spots/skills. A skill that everyone ought to have.

Ive never had a lock on my door, and I wish that I had. Never got in trouble per say, but it would have been nice at times.

i have no lock, never have.. my mom used to clean my room and like go through everything... for some reason she cleans my brothers from time to time too..

i learn when mine needs to be cleaned up to prevent one of these "inspections"

i hat not having alock... i woke up and my mom was in my room and she just grabbed some dishes and left... i dont like people around me when im sleeping.. its creepy

I always had a lock. It was one of those stupid ones that can be opened with a penny or fingernail. Not only did my parents and brother not knock, they'd just unlock the door and burst in. Any time I had it locked, someone wanted to come in. My parents both developed the skill of turning the lock with a thumbnail and turning the knob with the same twist o fthe wrist, completely negating teh effect of the lock. It didn't matter what time it was, what I was doing, my mom opened the door whenever she wanted to. My dad rarely did, only when it was really necessary. He would always knock. My mom, on the other hand, finally stopped opening my door without permission a couple of months ago (I'll be 20 next week.) Before that, she always assumed that having my door shut meant that I was doing something I shouldn't. She'd just unlock and open, not enough time to close my e-mail, cover up while getting dressed, stop whatevet I was doing. If it were up to her, I wouldn't have had a door. In fact, my 15-year-old brother doesn't have a door because she broke it down when he wouldn't open it. She doesn't want to put it back up. She still searches my room ("I'm cleaning") and does teh same to my brother. She thinks it's dangerous tho have paintball guns, so I hide those, she doesn't think anyone other than deranged lunatics would own pellet guns, so I hid those, and I won't contemplate what she'd do if she found my crossbow. She treats me like I'm still 10 years old.

This is why I'll never do that to my kids. They'll have locks to keep out siblings, and I'll wait after knocking for them to open the door or tell me to come in.

let them. I can always break down the door in a emergency.

I didn't have one and my kids don't have one now. My parents were respectfull of my privacy, so I never had to worry about locking the door. I also moved out when I was 18, not like alot of kids these days living at home till they are in their mid twenties or older.

Never had a lock on my door. Sure, every now and then people don't knock, they like to open the door, and sometimes just to see if i'm doing something they don't like. Sounds like it sucks right? Instead I have developed a keen sense of hearing. Just from the footstep down the hall I know exactly who might come to my room. Mind you the hallway has carpet. There are times they'll barge in and I don't hear, and it sucks... but then again, I'm still living at home right? Well, then thats the price I pay :)

I always just have my door shut, and people rarely bother me. Sure if I was looking at porn or something I'd want to lock my door, but other than that... I really don't care if people are in my room. (which would lead to the comment from SnakeByt, "they lock that door, i KNOW there up to no good... ") Yeah door locked = something not good in parents eyes. I have a good relationship with one of my sisters, and we just hang out in eachother's rooms sometimes, so its no biggie. Heck, thanks to her she's closed some porn on my computer so that my parents wouldn't see it.. or the time I accidently shared it on the network...... :( hehe. Cases like that, I'm kinda glad there was no lock. Yeah yeah the lock would stop the parents? When a parent wants to look in a child's room.. they diable the handle to get in. Also, I'm a very deep sleeper, It took me a long time just to hear my alarms... I have three of them going off 5-7 minutes from eachother.. I don't open my eyes till the 2nd now.. used to be the third.... I doubt I'll ever wake to the first. From this.. if there's a Fire, I'm in huge trouble as I'd sleep throught it. My parents could come to my room and pull me off my bed and onto the floor and I'd still continue to sleep probably. I also don't want to be in my room asleep with the door locked and a tornado comes by. Indiana has tornado's every year... One finally hit my city a few years back.... about 4 of them all at once... Room with 2 windows and lots of things that could fly around and kill me.... no thanks I'll risk it without that lock.

The only real use for the lock is if your fucking your g/f or b/f... and if the parents are home, you're already risking a lot right there... now if they want in.. I think you're already screwed.

Just shut the door and let it be known what it means... and then just make sure to leave the door open sometimes to help enforce what a closed door means.

I always had a lock, and I was thankful for it--when you have two younger brothers, it can get quite annoying when they decide they need to annoy you some more. It was a lock that was very easy to pick though (and I do mean *very*--you could do it in about 2 seconds, literally, with a pencil), but it served its purpose.

I never had a lock, but when my daughter gets old enough not to break her head on things jumpin around, I won't have a problem with locked doors. I can pick a lock if I really need to. Chicks need some privacy, I think.

I had a lock on mine but I don't rememer using it. I thik all the privacy could be had in the bathroom. I'm not sure if a lock on the room would be good especially with younger kids, but i know that if I ever become a parent I'd be pissed off if my little kids locked their doors on me.

had one since i was three. when i was young, not opening the door upon request was tried exactly once. never thought to do it again.

But other than that...its' been my best friend. wanking is just not the same with out it.

That's my feeling about all of this, that you don't have to worry about the chance of parents walking in unexpectedly. I do nothing that really warrants being kept a secret, but I like to be ensured that I can have time to myself sometimes, time not to be shared with anybody else.

Oh, and I've never had a door that had a lock. Until the past 1 1/2 years, I lived in a bedroom with no doors at all. Now I have a door that's held shut by only a nail and a loop of string. However, the privacy isn't that bad to come by now; my bedroom is only obtainable by walking up the steep wooden stairs we have, so I can hear heavy footsteps coming slowly very easily. That's the redeeming quality of being upstairs here, I guess.

To my son:
You live in my house, you live by my rules. Bathroom door is the only one that locks. Any and all rooms in the house are subject to search at any time with no warning. Anything I deem innappropriate may be seized and disposed of as I see fit, again, with no warning. Until you reach adulthood (18), everything you own is mine (I probably paid for it, anyway). Since I am responsible (morally and financially) for your actions, I have ultimate control of your privileges and possessions. If at any time you feel that this is unfair, tough shit. Life isn't fair. Get used to it.
Love, Dad

Exactly, Vermin!

Never had a lock on my door but never needed one. My parents always knocked first, and if my door was closed it meant that I wanted privacy and they respected that.

When/if I have children I hope that I will instill just as much trust in them as I had in my parents so that locks won’t be needed. When they start dating I will probably suggest getting a lock so they can feel secure when they are with their dates.

Cheers

Sig Hail! Das Furer Vermin!

My brother has a big problem with leaving me alone. I am in my room, reading, no problem. I am sleeping, no problem. As soon as I get on the phone, he has to be in the room or in the doorway or outside the door listening. Bastard. I put a lock on the den type room door, he just busted it open when I was on the phone because "he couldn't hear me from outside." I got a new place now, the garage where I do all my tool work. Tons of spiders in there so he won't go in.

I've had locks in some houses and other not. I diffently like the privacy, there's just something uncomfortable about knowing someone could walk into your room at any time.

Beautiful!!!!
The only difference is that I did get a lock (Bathroom type) for my stepdaughters room. Tired of hearing how her brother just walked into her room when she was changing. He insisted on everyone knocking on his door but he thought he was above doing that for everyone else. He wanted a lock on his door too. But he didn't get it. The only reason she got it was for pirvacy while changing. It seems to be the only time I've ever seen her use it.

I could not have said it better than vermin

Up until I moved out of my house, my parents would search my room on a regular basis. Whenever I'd go over to a friend's house or go to school or work, There would usually be a 70% chance that my room would be throughly searched. Of course, they never would come out and say it. They always had reasons, such as "I was going to see if you had any dirty clothes, and I found this pack of cigarettes in the bottom of your shelf, in a locked box." It was.. horrible. I took it to myself to not tell my parents anything, and become more secretive. The blatant invasion of my privacy at age 17 and 18 made me want to hide things from my parents. It made me go to great lengths to do so. They would even search my car when I had one.

It may be one of those stupid things people say when they're younger, and don't actually have children, but I will never search my child's room. I will give him a lock at the age of 10, and won't go into his room unless absolutely necessary. At certain times, a child's room needs to be an island, a shelter from the outside world.

It may be a young, ego-driven, stupid opinion, but I'll hold it until I know better.

I can't believe that people are actually agreeing with what vermin posted.

That kind of attitude is just stupid “my parents did it to me so I will do it to you” playground bullshit. If one still has that kind of mentality then perhaps one should think twice about having children. When a person has a child it’s their responsibility to raise the child right. If a parent has to resort to searching their kids rooms and random check-ins then clearly the parent did not raise their child right. The ironic thing is that this sort of behavior prevents NOTHING. The kids will still do drugs, fuck, read whatever they want, listen to whatever music they want, they just wont do it when the parent is around. Most of the time they will do these things just to spite the parents. When they turn 18 and set loose on the world, any problems they may have from this upbringing is the PARENT’S FAULT. sigh…rant over…

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the prevailing attitude of parents today, and it is the primary reason our society's children are in the shitter.

When I was growing up, I rarely saw kids misbehaving in stores/restaurants. Now I rarely see them behaving. Why? Parents have decided it's too damn much work to raise their kids, and then they invent moronic excuses for why they won't raise them. The idea that "he'll do it anyway so why should I have to do anything about it" is complete and utter crap. Even if he will do it anyway, at least it won't be your fault if you actually do your job as a parent.

It is a parent's JOB to know what their kid is up to. It's the parent's JOB to make sure the kid isn't doing illegal/immoral things in his room. If you want to be a parent, be prepared to do your JOB. Otherwise, don't be a parent. I don't want your rotten kid corrupting mine ;)

I agree that children need a certain amount of privacy. But a lock or not, a parent can ALWAYS pick the lock if they feel they need to get in. If trust is an issue, there will be no lock that will remedy that. Also, a closed door is the first sign of PLEASE keep out...

Shakran,

You are misunderstanding me. I am in no way advocating that parents should let their children be left to raise themselves. I am saying those random searches and other punitive and rather childish behavior on the part of the parent are the result of bad parenting. If these people bothered raising their kids right they would not have to resort to such desperate and in-effective actions.

Parents who have failed to do the job right for a certain part of their child’s upbringing usually resort to two options: either they use fear in an attempt to scare their child straight, or they become totally passive.

It is obvious that doing nothing doesn’t fix anything, but neither does instilling fear. It is common knowledge that a person who fears will not cross the one they fear. Yet the minute one becomes weak the fear dissipates and victim will takes advantage to have their revenge. Hence a child that fears the parent will behave in their presence. The moment the parent is not looking the child will do all those things their parents disallow to gain their revenge. Such actions are often discovered by the parent (often because the child wants to be discovered), which results in further punitive actions. As such the cycle often continues and escalates without solving the real problem, which is a poor parenting.

The only way to raise children is to gain their trust, respect and friendship. A person who is friends with another will not cross them when their friend is in a weakened position. Hence a child who respects their parent will not purposefully seek to disobey them.

Of course having a child’s respect and friendship is not enough. One still has to raise the child. Provide them with morals, wisdom, guidance and an education. This is what so many modern-day parent fail to realize. Gaining respect, friendship and trust of one’s child is just a small step in the real job of parenting.

I hope this clears up my point of view.

Mantus
I think I'm gonna cry, now that was beautiful. I think I'm gonna write my parents a long e-mail right now telling them how much I love them...

I don't know German, but I think Mantus meant to say "Sieg heil! Das feuer Vermin!", which kind of stranslates to "victorious welfare! The fire that is Vermin!", which is militaristic and makes reference to Hitler. Now if you're German or know German, don't bash on me because this info was the best I could gather without knowing a word of German.

Moving on... I think this thread uses the words "him" "he" and "his" too much, I've noticed. Not all children are male :p. Furthermore, it is hilarious how many of you think that there is a "one size fits all " type of solution for raising kids. News flash: kids are people too. They are different. Some of them will be little shits no matter how good of a parent you are.

Now this is a true story. I have a friend who is known more commonly by his nickname than his real name (I'm sure you knew a few people like that too), so I will just go ahead and use his nickname.

Peeker literally raised himself. He has had his own room and a lock on it since he was born. He doesn't have a good relationship with his mother, father, or brother at all, and has always lived by his own rules. When he was in middle school, he got high about three times with his friends, heh, and that was it. He also went through the alcoholism thing for a while. His mother never snooped on him or anything. In highschool, the business computer programming teacher (bless Mr. Wright's heart, I wonder if he's still alive?) had some old clunkers (computers) lying around, and decided to give them away. Peeker got one, and from then on he went on to teach <i>himself</i> all about computers. He also obtained free internet access on his own from that one that K-mart used to have. What was it called? Bluelight? Anyways, yes he watched porn in his room and did pot and whatever else he wanted. Okay, so all you parents are getting really worried right about now, right? Well, no need. I had him for calculus and he was the only person worthy of checking my work with. I also had him for geometry and precalculus, and same thing there. It was actually good having him around because I was basically surrounded by morons in those classes who didn't know what was going on. He graduated #5 in his class, and earned a butt-load of college credit through taking AP courses and their associated AP tests. He was a far cry from being a loser, and is extremely independent. Why? Because he raised himself. He works part time at BestBuy as a computer technician (I know, whoop-dee-friggin-doo) but he does know a shitload about computer hardware. His mom (only lived with his mom, since his parents divorced, although he doesn't seem to like to talk about that) never had to step in to slap the shit out of him to keep him from being a loser. There is, of course, a downside to all of this. He's one serious prick and hard to get along with, and in fact I'm one of the few people I know that doesn't hate him. He's extremely arrogant, but I must admit that he kind of does have good reason to be that arrogant. He does kick ass, even though it is really hard for me to admit it becaues he can be such a damn asshole sometimes...

Point is, he was always allowed to make his own decisions and he turned out great, he's attending UT (maybe The_Dude knows him [if ya ever read this thread shoot me a PM, The_Dude]), and is on a fast track to success, I'd say. Sometimes I wish my dad had let me live the same way, but oh well.

Now I know that people like him are a semi-rare case, where one's own upbringing turns out successful. Anyone who doesn't fully believe me about Peeker, well, if you want to meet him that badly maybe I can arrange something for ya. I do realize that this may be impossible to believe for some of you, and you have good reason.

Some people-- since kids are people and many parents seem to forget this, I will call them people-- some people just need to be watched and slapped upside the head constantly to keep them in check, while others are perfectly capable of not growing up to be losers without divine intervertion (okay, sorry, bad joke on the "divine intervetion" bit) I feel a bit sorry for you if you can't find yourself agreeing with me, because are all the adults around you exactly the same? No. Neither are kids, you <b>cannot</b> raise them all exactly the same way. So what do you do? Just do whatever you think best, but also know that your solution does <b>not</b> work best in all situations.

So what is my stance on doorlocks for a kid's room? Well, that just depends. I have never in my whole entire life had a room to myself, I have always had to share with my brothers. Right now since we are insanely poor we live in these semi-decent apartments, except that there's no room for me anywhere (the rooms are fairly tiny) so I have to make the living room my bedroom. I actually have to put my mattress down on the floor (which is usually kept in my dad's room against the wall) when I want to go to sleep, and am expected to put it away every morning, so basically I'm the only one in the house that is forced to "make their bed" every single day. The living room has no doors, of course, so privacy is impossible. Since I've been living under these conditions for many, many years, I have been forced to master my stealth skills in order to get any privacy. My privacy is always extremely fast and efficient :). I can't waste any time when I get privacy. So yeah, I grew up with almost no privacy for most of my life but I'd have to say I turned out pretty good. Okay, this is probably the longest post in this thread so far, but maybe it is just because I have too much to say on this. I think I'll stop now :D

EDIT: If you need privacy that badly for masturbating, there is always the bathroom :) I think when I have kids I'll just be outright honest with them and tell them that if they need to masturbate, just put a "masturbating" sign on their door. I don't see why this would be unhealthy. Good communication with your children is the healthiest thing possible.