Kids and religion: your thoughts
 

I commented in Mael's thread [<a href="http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=27564" target="_blank">link</a>] regarding faith-healing about one of my big fears for the future. I'll rephrase below, and I'm really interested in what you've done, or what you think you'll do.

I'm scared to death of what I'm going to do when I have kids. Specifically, in this case, I wonder about religion. I'm an atheist. I've been swinging between the atheistic (there is no higher power) and the... umm.. commonly-known-as-agnostic (there is a higher power, but we're not sure what) view for most of my life. I was brought up with parents who didn't go to church, but I went on Sundays with my grandparents.

I didn't know any better, but I never really believed what they were saying. I accepted it because it was early enough in my life that I was still accepting all things as truth. As I grew older and started to think for myself a little more, I realized that I didn't believe in what they were teaching.

My worry is how to introduce my children (when I have them) to religion. I want to be fair and impartial, allowing them to choose on their own. I've thought of things like encouraging them to go to church with their friends or relatives, offering to take them to church, giving them books (along the lines of Carroll's Mere Christianity) to read, etc etc.

The balance I'm trying to find is at what point can a kid actually examine his beliefs? I don't want to unduly influence my kids into a life of atheism, but neither do I want to pretend to believe in something I don't for their benefit. I want them to make a decision on their own, but I recognize how difficult that is, especially when they are so young.

See my comments in the linked thread above for more of my thoughts. I'm curious what you did, what you plan to do, or how you grew up... indeed, anything about this topic :)

Thanks Lebell for suggesting the new topic :)

I know some folks who took their kids to a number of different places of worship throughout their childhoods. They would go to a Methodist church one week, a Buddhist temple the next week, a mosque the week after, etc. They gave them lots of reading on different religions and celebrated a number of different religious holidays, all just to expose their kids to as many religious ideas as possible. When the time came that a kid said "I don't want to go here, I want to go there" they'd accommodate that. I think this could get plenty complicated, but it seemed like a really neat way to allow kids to explore for themselves and find out where they fit in.

I’m a atheist, no doubt about it.
I have two girls, 8 and 12.
I’ll let them form their owns conclusions,
I won’t push them one way or the other.
But, if they ask me what I believe. I’ll have no
Problems explaining my beliefs to them.

I wouldn't worry about... no kid likes church. I don't think maybe kids are religous unless it is forced on them. If you want them to find one on their own then they will when they get older.

Absolutely one-hundred percent correct. (according to me) :D

Just encourage your kids to have open minds and let them know you will back their sound decisions in the matter whether you agree with them or not. Then, as young adults or adults, they should be equipped to make their own decisions.

That said, here is one reason why I am happy my children will be attending a Catholic Church: With all the crap kids are capable of seeing around them, with how vicious kids can be to each other, with all the differences in our communities - I want my kids to see that there is a place where people come together and assemble, talk, and act civilly. At their best, congregations represent the better part of human nature we so often see the other side of.

I was raised die-hard Lutheran, but I think some good came from it. As for my children, I personally think that as adults, they will make sound decisions, but as younger children, they need the support and help that a strong church and school provides them.

<a href="http://www.retardedjimmy.com/">The illusion of reality</a> is too strong, I think, let children choose religion on their own as a young age. They may be able to make their own decisions later, but before that I plan to give them the same support that I had at a good Lutheran church.

Im not into religion at all and probly never will be. When i have kids i dont for see any problems in letting them decide on whatever they want and put faith in. I mean, as long as it isnt heroin :P

I was raised strict Baptist. I personally desire to expose my daughter to many different religions and I want her to choose for herself what is best for her. I will teach her my core beliefs but I want to make certain that she is willing and able to examine every belief (even my own) for herself. I have exposed her to a number of churches already (she is only 3) and I have talked with her and some of her friends about what they believe. She is too young to even realise that there is a difference between what her mom believes and what her best friend's mom thinks. I want to give her the stability of one church where she can make friends. Children thrive best on stability. In the process though I want very much to make sure that she knows she cannot just swallow what ANYONE tells her to believe. Even if she were to choose a religion she will be more sure of what she believes if she chooses for herself.
Stability first, multiple exposures second - that is my plan.

I went to an Evangelical Covenant Church for just about all of my childhood. I always went with my parents, though they never had too hard of a time getting me there as I enjoyed church. As both of my parents were christians they always encouraged me to explore my faith as much as possible. Whether it be youth group events, service projects, or just fellowship with my friends from church, my parents always made sure that I had every opportunity to develop my faith.

Now that I am an adult (sort of) I am very glad for the choices they made in terms of giving me a religious background. I dont belong to the same denomination, and have made my own decisions about theological concepts I want to believe. I am nothing but grateful for the opportunities my parents provided.

I hope when I have kids I will be the same way: suggestive but not forceful, devoted but willing to compromise, and accepting that there are all different schools of religious thought around the world, all of which need to be respected.

~smeesh

Touchy
 

It is hard to address certain issues without offending anyone, this could be a failed attempt. I would never press a religion upon someone, thats why I don't care for jehovah witness's. I am an atheist, but that is because I have no factual proof of god.

there are some advice on this thread.

i really like what my parents did when i was growing up.

they're hindu and hindu-ism is very loosely constructed. so, belief varies from region to region / family to family.

i remember asking them why our god was the right one and why jesus was not.

my mom always said that all the different religions lead to the same one and that it's all different pathways to the central god.

so, i was brought up in a tolerant atmosphere.

i think that this is what led to me being an atheistic hindu now (which i like being).

anyway, enough about me.

try to bring your children as agnostically as possible, exposing them to the different faith's and not denying any completly. dont give too much emphasis on one religion.

maybe tell them that all religions lead to one "god" ?

i'm actually lookin forward to doing this with my kids (when and if i have any)

knowing my luck, i'd raise them to be openminded, free thinkers and they'll rebel on me and become jehovah's witnesses :T

I think that the best way to teach religion to children is to have them learn about the most common religions in the world, Christianity, Judism, Hinduism, Islam, etc. they need to make the choice based on what is the most comfortable for them. No one should force their religious beliefs on others. I think you can only choose based on what makes the most sense to you based on your relationship with God.

I have raised mine as free thinkers and so far none have rebelled. (Although I'm thinking my 9-year-old may become a nun!) If you are truly concerned, the Unitarian Universalist church honors all beliefs -- including atheism. They have a strong children's program that exposes them to several world religions and major concepts. It works for me and my children.

Just tell your kids Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Christmas, so no Christmas presents for them!

That'll straighten them out :D

I'll try to keep my kids far away from organised religions' brainwashing.

It will depend on my partner's belief's of course, but I'd like to raise mine without religion. I was brought up to be religious, but became an agnostic after I actually gave the issue some thought.

A very difficult question. (thanks for posting it!) I was raised Jewish - I had my Bar Mitzvah and all that jazz - but since then I have strayed away from the religion. It is not that I hate Judiasm or anything like that - it's just that religion is not one of those places where I find my identity.

One of my parents is Catholic and the other is Jewish. Growing up, we celebrated all the holidays. I am so thankful for that because I don't know what my life would be like without Christmas. Not having to do with JC or any of that - having to do with Santa and gifts and caroling and the Christmas spirit - that's what is important to me about Christmas.

My upcoming marriage will be nondenominational, as my fiancee doesn't identify with any religion either. (She calls herself an "agnostic pagan taoist with chi tendencies" but I'm not sure what that really means...maybe it's just a cute label. ;))

We have discussed what we will do if we have kids in terms of religion. I wouldn't want to leave it out of my kids' life completely because I feel that for many, religion can be a way to find yourself - an identity, like I mentioned above. It didn't happen to me, although for a long time when I was in Hebrew School, I learned a lot and definitely took away some good lessons. I think I would probably open up Judiasm to my children when the time was right and see how they felt about it but if it wasn't their thing, I wouldn't 0force them to stay with it. But vanbeast, you're right - it's hard to judge at what age a child would find that identity. I have a friend whose child found himself through religion at about age 9, which I believe is when he started Hebrew School. Now, Judiasm shapes his life. I'm glad he has something like that he really relates to. Maybe that's not a bad age, but it definitely depends on your children and their development levels.

The problem with letting the kids decide for themselves is that they may not choose any. And whether they become believers ultimately or not, they need the religious background to understand a great deal of what's meant in our culture. Think about all the Christian (and Jewish) imagery that's used in everyday culture and conversation, and I'm talking secular culture. They wouldn't have a clue.

Although I'm a nominal Christian, the best definition I hear of a religion came from Rabbi Irwin Kusher, who said that a religion is a community of people who have agreed on a particular tradition and approach to worshipping God, the Creator, the Cosmic Muffin, whoever (my paraphrase). If you explain it to your kids that way, and get them some religious education through a reasonable sect that is pretty ecumenical, they'll turn out fine and have a good background in the culture. Like I said, they should at least learn the Bible stories for the sake of their culture, and four or five years in Sunday School should do that.

I suffered religious abuse as a child.
I didn't inflict it on my kids.

I remember as a child I believed in god. Afterall, someone installed in me that if I didn't I was going to a lake of fire for eternal damnation. Course, when you're a kid that kind of thing scares the crap out of you. This brainwashing as a kid made it difficult to see the truth... that I had been led to believe untrue things. I think religion should be kept away from children. Its a mind trap.

For those that may start going off about learning good morals... I can teach my kids good morals without ever setting foot inside a church or using god. I am an adult, I know right from wrong, and it isn't from the teaching of some bible pusher.

I have an atheist father and agnostic mother, and as such never went to church. They never brought the subject of religion up with me at all, and when my primary school had a Sunday School teacher come and talk to us once a week, I believed what I was told. As I got older however, I started to question what I was being taught and eventually decided I didn't believe it. I've been an atheist with agnostic leanings since then. (ie. I don't belive in a higher power, but I'll admit the possibility I could be wrong.) As far as I can remember, my parents never had any influence in it, and the decision was entirely my own. I don't think I was even aware of my parents' beliefs (or lack of them) until after I'd decided I didn't believe in God.

I'm happy with how my parents treated the matter. Now that I think about it, that's how they dealt with a lot of things, for example politics - they'd leave me to make up my own mind. Of course, they were happy to tell me what their opinions were and why if I asked them. They'd always explain the other side of the argument as well though, and encourage me to decide for myself rather than force their beliefs on me. Today, I believe I have a very open mind and I place the credit for that with my parents.

I have 3 kids, 17, 14, & 11. I fell away from any type of "organized" religion a long time ago. They currently go to a Lutheran Church (Missouri Synod, the Catholics of the Lutheran World) just to please the in-laws. I've told them they need to make up their own minds about God and the afterlife. I mean, what kind of God would sentence his beloved creation to hell for eating a ham sandwhich on a Friday during Lent? I mean, come on!

I also encourage them to read up on other faiths. I'm a firm believer in one God, many paths.

i think the most important thing that i will want to convey is that the love i show for them is a reflection of a greater love. specifics beyond that will depend on my wife's beliefs, etc... I think its good to have a community such as a church, that the child knows is a caring one. I'd make sure i checked out what kind of lesson plans were being taught though...i don't want my kids getting told that religion is about guilt, or feeling bad about themselves.