Smak talking inanimate objects
 

I know almost everyone (probably everyone) talks to themselves. But do you ever (and I mean somewhat regularly) smak talk things that piss you off?

Like the story that made me think to post this; I was camping with friends and a bee somehow managed to get into my sandal and was stinging. This led me to rampage (dance) around cussing the shit out of the bee and trying to get it out.

Then that made me realize I do that to other things too. Like the toothpaste not coming out? I might say something like "I know you're hiding in their you little fucker, come out before I make you" or some crap like that. Made me lol once I consciously realized I did stuff like that.

I think it probably came from playing online competitive computer games. Smak talking the other players even though they can't hear me. Now I do it to NPCs too :D

Doorknobs, cars, tools, computers, anything that isn't working right now I totally cuss out. And I'm starting to do it in front of people more and more :D not just when I'm alone. I think by the time I'm a senior citizen they'll think I'm insane.

Anywho, do you do this?

3 words, anger management therapy.

heh, its the opposite. It relieves anger. When I say that stuff I say it in an almost an ironic way. And it relieves stress. I mean, I know the toothbrush isn't real and can't hear me...

I do that all the time. Mostly to my computer. Microsoft Word just got a piece of my mind concerning picture placement.

I'm suddenly reminded of that quip '98% percent of people, when they walk into a pole, blame the pole'.

I do this all the time, my wife apparently, does not. She cracks up at me scolding inanimate objects. I'd say it's fine, unless you start getting angrier when they don't listen.

ahaahahaaha

Yeah, I'll be worried if that happens. It probably will eventually. Just give me another 40-50 years. Although by then I probably wouldn't care. Anyways, awesome post. :thumbsup:

---------- Post added at 04:52 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:51 PM ----------

Microsoft (et al programs) is on my fake hit list of inanimate objects to assassinate.

I do it sometimes when things really are going wrong and there's no good reason for it. It feels good. It's cathartic. And it's inanimate. No one gets hurt.

omg BG best reference to this thread evar.

edit aww they didnt show them beating up the copy machine tho :)

I've been known to beg internal combustion engines to start; but I'm always nice to them.

All the time. Usually starts with "you piece of fucking shit" and it goes from there. A momentary guilty pleasure.

not necessarily inanimate objects, but large groups of people engaged in really really dumb things make me go "are you fucking serious?" all the time. like these two dudes at my uncle's strip club kept competing for this stripper's attention. or when little kids fight over a mcdonalds toy when there are people who would kill each other for the food thats getting ignored. or when the speakers at my desk wont blast music evenly until i reshape the input cord for about half an hour while swearing at it the entire time

Needs more explanation :) especially the first one.

(mind you I've never been to a stripper club nor never plan to)

The lady that lives inside my Tom-Tom gets the brunt of my anger a lot of the time. I tend to yell "what the fuck is WRONG with you?!" at her a lot. I don't tend to yell at things that I don't ascribe a personality to... like a pole, or a wall. But the cats, my car, other drivers that cannot hear me, characters in movies, directors of movies, my dishwasher, the POS washer and dryer, my computer... it's all fair game. S gets really frustrated and weirded out at me when I talk to the cats like they can understand me, e.g. "If you wouldn't sit there, I wouldn't step on you, you little motherfucker! Don't get pissy at me!"

I went to one once. It was a few years ago. It's approximately 10 to 12 times more depressing than the average night club, if that's any indication.

I also talk to my GPS, the voice it's set to is "Serena" and I address her by name. I did the same as you when I had a cat, dumb things like when he was sitting on the radiator swatting at the doorknob and whining at me because he wanted to go outside, "If you wanted to go outside, you should have evolved opposable thumbs."

You celebrated "What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day", too?
It was last week, the 3rd of March. My cat emptied out the under-sink cabinets.

HAHAHA I do that to my GPS also - I frequently threaten her with, if you tell me to go that way one more fucking time i'm shutting you off - that's it! etc only to turn her back on a little later when I'm lost again. "turn left" NO TURN LEFT!

I apologize to stuff I bump into.
Also, I scream like it's the end of the earth while playing online first-person shooters. They qualify as inanimate, in my book.

This morning, as I was trying to wrangle a 25 pound feline off my kidney, I caught myself saying, "Move your fat ass. I don't know what you're bitching about; you sleep all day and I'm the one that has to get up and go to work... Move!"

I'm not sure that cats or dogs qualify; but there is a reason that my dog will answer to "butthead".

well as for the stripper thing, the basic premise is that you throw 1$ bills on a stage that a bunch of very lonely dudes or people celebrating a bachelor party crowd around. the stripper will see the money in front of you and perform a dance "just for you" for about 30-40 seconds or may even grab you by the back of your head and attempt to drown you in her boobs. the two dudes i was talking about were throwing down 5$s at a time and it got to a point where the stripper was just looking at them back and forth like it was an auction to see who would outbid the other to get the first performance. the ironic part is that they spent more money than an actual lapdance costs which is longer and for more personal.

the speakers: theres this desk in our squadron where we take turns sitting and taking phone calls and sending out emails from our commanding officer which happens to have a bomb-ass stereo system... actually it probably used to be a bomb stereo system in the 90s but year upon years of blasting stuff like drowning pool, marilyn manson, etc... have made them shit-tastic. so bad in fact that the speakers will only play on half of the desk if the input cable is touched at all. people have tried superglue, tape, and other wonderous adhesives to get the cord to stay in the shape where it'll play from both sides to no avail. i think next year we're actually going to break down and all chip in something like 20 bucks a piece to get KISS concert sized speakers

There is a small, deep sided white bowl.

From time to time, I called it, "YeFehBassah!"
Worst times were when I called it "YeFehYeFehFEHHHHHHHHHHHBassAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" This translates into less and more intense forms of You 'King Bastard.

The Crime: I like harmony when washing my pots and pans. I have the nearly ideal draining rack. Everything fits it except this bowl, which, whatever position I try to put it in, not only rolls and tumbles off the rack, but takes it neighbouring crockery with it.

At long last, I decided to simply lay it down, where it can do no more harm, on one of the kitchen surfaces. So at last I've Won. One of the sideplates told me that the bowl says that IT had has won. Even said that it has scored a moral victory, because it has never smack-talked Me.

But that's crockery for you. Passive aggressive buggers, the lot of them :grumpy: If only they could follow the example of my stainless steel oil-drizzler - but that's for another thread :)

I do this with EVERYTHING. Cars, electronics, traffic lights, that crack in the sidewalk that trips you even though you walk past it everyday. Its kind of a no-harm stress relief, and its kind of fun too.

sometimes i curse someone out that has sent me a nastygram email. not in writing, back to them, mind you, but at my desk, out loud, where nobody at all can hear it. it saves me a lot of getting-bitched-out sessions by saying it instead of writing it. i think that counts

do plants count as inanimate objects?

Yes I do this!

Its usually when im trying to install/repair something..whether it be the car, fridge, washing machine, etc. And if im having a hard time or stumped...I cuss like a mofo at the piece. Its more of a stress reliever...kinda like venting. It does help Ill tell you that. When others are around I try to keep the cussing to a minimum.

Developed this cathartic habit from my Dad who reprimanded every inanimate object that caused him strife. "Peckerhead" was his favorite explitive. He would do it in "Korean", too. Needless to say, I had spent a full hour this past Saturday, expressing myself while cleaning. Giving a voice to my frustration makes me feel better and helps me sort things out.