Getting your girl to quit smoking
 

I posted this in the Health & Fitness section when I found that the Advice board was gone, but then it occured to me that no one ever really goes there. Hopefully I'll get a better response on the General board.

Anyway, I'm a nonsmoker, and would never ever start smoking <i>ever</i>. I am, however, starting to date a girl who smokes. I usually don't date smokers, but sometimes you gotta make exceptions (if you saw her, you'd understand why I'm making an exception).

Naturally, I want to try and get her to quit. I already have a tactic of my own picked out that seems to be working (she at least doesn't smoke around me anymore), but just for curiosity's sake, I'd like to see what kinds of ideas you folks can come up with.

None of that "just tell her how you feel and mushy mushy mushy and feelings and emotions and in touch with your feminine side blah blah blah" crap, though. I'm talking subtlety here. Going right up to a smoker and telling them to quit usually just offends them anyway.

Tooth brush
 

I had one of those once. Told her she had to brush her teeth before she could kiss me.

Worked.

Well, you knew about her habit before going into a relationship with her. So I don't think you can really do more than ask her to quit.

When I started to get worried about my girlfriend starting to smoke more and more, I asked her to quit, and I told her it was really important to me. It worked, but I do have an awesome girlfriend.

well, if the mushy mushy stuff doesn't work, then here's a possible thing to do. if you are in college, and that college has a cadeaver lab (not all/many do), talk with the teacher and see if you can bring your girl friend in sometime (with the teacher present) and have him show you the lungs of one of the bodies. even if the person didn't smoke, there will still be black residue that will have built up in their lungs, and being able to actually see real lungs and the effects of smoke/air pollution on them might make her change. yay scare tactics!!!

Scare tactics don't work. People will do what they want to do. My dad had throat cancer from smoking, he died a few months ago. All my brother's friends were still smoking outside the funeral home. When I found out he had cancer 3 years ago, I was a smoker, and I kept smoking cause I needed it to calm me down. Unless you were a smoker, you have no idea what it takes to get someone to quit. It's a mental thing they need to do.

Cause you're only starting to date her, I'm surprised she's following through and submitting to some of your early "demands". Personally, I think if you're trying to change a girl 5 seconds into your relationship, that's just a sign of things to come and you should go find a girl who doesn't smoke. Yeah, yeah, she's hot, blah blah blah.

If you're thinking about doing any more than simply asking her to quit, I'd be shocked if it worked.

smoking = no kissing

I come from an entire family of smokers, and I know, when a person has been smoking for a while, it will take ALOT to convince them to quit. And hell, even when they want to quit, its not like she can just say, "OK, I'll quit," and it happens the next day, it doesn't work like that. Since you don't smoke, you can never understand how hard it is to stop. I don't think subtlety will work, but trying can't hurt, especially if she's a relatively new smoker.

unless your willing to make a concession of equal value or she hasnt been smoking for too long your probably going to have trouble with this one. It would be easier if you both could work together on fixing some of your bad habits so you could support each other and use one and others progress as inspiration. If thats not gonna be the case you need to realize you are asking her to change herself for your mutual relationship after you knew she was a smoker to begin with. Thats asking a lot from her. I think refusing to kiss her is the worst way to do it because you knew she was a smoker and she shouldnt be disciplined for going out with you. You could always try the "I care for you" approach but if that doesnt work I would say let her do what she is going to do. In every relationship you enter there will be habits that your significant other has that will bother you. If your willing to accept those habits and care for them for who they are your in a good relationship. If you make someone change after you enter a relationship with them your setting yourself up for a disaster.

There is roughly zero chance you'll "get" ANYBODY to quit smoking. It's something they have to do for themselves, or it won't work.

As somebody who smoked a pack a day for ten years, but has now been clean for 2 years 4 months 1 week 5 days 11 hours and 43 minutes (but who's counting), I can tell you for sure, it's way beyond "offended" when someone tries to pressure or manipulate you into quitting. I'm "offended" when somebody tells me they don't like my haircut. Having somebody try to make you quit is like a full-fledged assault on you as a person!

People who never smoked just totally don't get that. They think smoking's no big deal, and you could just put it down if you wanted to, must be you're either morally weak or you still want to smoke. They don't have the faintest grip on what it's like breaking a physical, mental, and habitual addiction that has actually become part of who you are.

if you smoke, i assume you are on fire, and take the appropriate actions. :D

Okay, so apparently I wasn't clear enough. I'm not asking for opinions here, only ideas. I was hoping for this to turn into something entertaining, perhaps even humorous. Clearly some people would prefer to get emotional about it. What is it with you TFP'ers and drama?

At any rate, just goes to show you how big a problem smoking really is if people are going to get all misty about it. :rolleyes:

Well.... my fiance smoked from the first day that I met her, though I did let her know that it was a problem with me, but she was going through some "problems" then, and when everything was hunky dorey, she promised to quit. Well.... more problems came and more problems left, but eventually she actually quit for about 2-3 months. Well... then she started partying with her sister, and now she's back on the regular habit. :(

Well... with my wedding now less than a week away, I've kindly informed her that "If you don't quit, we're not getting married"... though I think she knows that I'm actually joking and love her WAY too much to do that. I did try the "No Kissing" thing once, but I think it hurt me more than her. :(

Wish I had an idea that worked. Personally, I just wish she would stop with the rhe "stress" excuse..

You know, I even had a parent die from smoking, and I'm still not against it...If people wanna do something, it's their decision. I hate people getting up in other's business....

That being said, since you want to do exactly that, how about....

HIDE HER LIGHTER! That's always fun!!! Ha, ha, ha.

Replace her current brand with the $1.50/pack ones from Wal-Mart. Watch her choke those down!

Everytime she lights up, pull it out of her mouth and break it! Whoa-boy, she'll love you forever with that one.

Take it up yourself! And keep saying how -- cough -- she made you -- cough -- do it. *wheeze*

If anyone comes up with a fool proof way let me know, but I won't hold my breath!

Call her a witch and DUNK her everytime she lights up...

Hehehe..

FUCK Mr. Bloomberg...

EDIT: I meant up... And Thompson's is cheaper!!! (Private Finance Joke:))

I know you said not to get all emotional and to keep it "light" but the truth is this is no laughing matter! My ex smoked prior to us getting married. I asked him to quit and he did for 2 years. Then he started up again and "hid" it from me for 8 years. The problem is, one can't hide that he is smoking. He smelled bad and tasted bad. He was grumpy on the weekends. And he was lying to me and the children. Cigarettes are the most addictive drug out there. Just because they are legal, does not make them tolerable. If you don't like the smoking now -- you will like it even less when the "newness" wears off! Good luck.

If you knew she smoked when you started dating why should she have to quit for you?? If you like her accept her as she is.... faults and all, and if she does not smoke around you maybe you should be grateful for that instead of trying to find a way to MAKE HER QUIT!

Thats the problem with this whole fucking world. If we see something we don't like or is not up to our standards and beliefs we go after it and try to change to suit our needs.

ACCEPTANCE is maybe what you should be changing........your acceptance of others.

Let me ask you this, do you drink?? What if someone came up and asked you to quit drinking because they did not like it.......would you?? And don't give me that shit that it's different......IT'S NOT!

So try a little ACCEPTANCE if you really like this person, accept them for whom they are... not for what they may or may not do to please you.

Well thats my three cents worth :)

Thanks, KeyserSoze. That was really constructive. So tell me, why is it okay for a woman to expect a man to change but not the other way around? At any rate, let's keep this on topic, shall we? This is only for fun.

^^^^^
haha cause women know they have power over us, and they use it whenever they feel it neccessary to do so.

EDIT: they are called boobs. HAHA
had to throw in a joke for us guys.

Well then the remedy is simple enough: just don't allow women to control your life. It's not that difficult. :)

You know, my wife wants me to change, too. She keeps nagging and nagging and nagging, but I've been wearing this pair of underwear for 4 months and she can't make me change!

Anyway, tell her she has ass-breath when you kiss her. That'll work.

I don't think that is at all what KeyserSoze was saying. The point being made was that you went into this relationship knowing that she smokes...now you don't want her to. You are asking her to change something you knew about in advance.
If the roles were reversed how would you feel about it?
It's not a matter of a woman trying to change a man or vice versa it's a matter of accepting something she does that you don't like. Well, live with it or find someone who doesn't smoke. If she wants to quit then great...that's different - support her, help her. Denying her hugs and kisses, attention or trying to make her feel bad about her habit isn't going to help...if anything it will drive her away.

there you go... in a nutshell. I've not read any other posts in this thread except this one.

All the bad habits I had before my wife and I started dating.. I still have today.. why? because I told her I had them for a reason and when I want to change them I will not you telling me to... and the same works for her habits and issues.

Actually, I didn't know about the smoking until after a couple dates.

You don't really have a right to force her to quit smoking.
It wouldn't work anyway. Quitting smoking is a bitch, and it only works when the smoker REALLY makes up their own mind.

Let her know how you feel, but don't expect anything.

I'm quitting right now. It isn't that much fun. Had the pull real bad two days ago, nearly crashed my motorbike.

Along the same line as breaking her cigs. Steal them. See a pack in her purse, make thm dissapear. Make smoking financially unfeasable. It worked for me with my ex when we started going together.

Come on people... How many of us know girls that have gone out with assholes, or losers, some bloke that has obvious flaws? I'll tell you... all of us.

If it's one thing a girl likes it's a 'renovator's dream'. I know this isn't going to go down well with you ladies, but nearly every girl I've known well has admitted to going for the guys that have something about them that needs to be fixed.

There's 3 things that I'm passionate about: wakeboarding, my mates, and horse racing. There's only one girl I've ever gone out with that hasn't tried her damndest to minimise/expel these things from my life. The last girl i went out with was so obvious in her attempts to get me to give these things up that in the end it came between us.

Girls try to get us to change all the time, and many see it as a challenge, so why not have a go at getting her to quit. Good luck bro... I've had no success from about 3-4 goes at this. In the end i was convinced that the more i tried to get them to quit, the more they seen it as an act of defiance and a symbol of their individuality. Let us know how you go, but i'm backing you out...

Ah I love generalizations....that all women are out there trying to change their man. Sorry but as in all other aspects of life there are exceptions to the rules. There are chicks who do this and there are just as many that don't - same goes for the men too.
I speak from experience as the person I was with for over seven years ended up stifling me by trying to change me and deny me the things I liked to do. It became a little prison with the warden trying to be in complete control. No way, not for me as I believe that with any good relationship you need to allow your SO to be their own person and to have their own interests and time to themselves.
This gets way off the original topic but please do not try to pidgeon hole all women into one category as it happens to us too!

Give her something else to stick in her mouth, if you get my drift.

Pfft, right, I've known girls, they weren't women, that try to change their guys. I've known boys that try to change their girls. No one person is free from it. I'm not free of it, nor is my fiancee. We've both been willing to accept what they are doing. Like Minx said, don't classify all females as someone who wants to force you to change.

I like the word 'generalising', as a comeback it's so ambiguous that it really doesn't say much at all...

I refuse to believe that its 50:50 in the women who do/don't try to change their partners. Also, not for one minute am i saying that it's always bad. For example, I'm convinced most women are far better organisers than most men and therefore will often try to change their partners to be more like them (good thing!). By the way, that's just an example.

I bet you anything their are guys reading this that will back me up, but just wont post it on here.

Minx, I'm sure you don't do it, and that's awesome, but the majority of women do, for better or worse. And as you said, there are many guy pulling the same line.

And yes, i do believe i have the right to state this opinion, as i have known/had relationships with/had close friends who had relationships with many women and i have seen this many more times than i haven't.

Thing is with this one, you can't see where i'm coming from and i'm not going see where you're coming from, age old stumbling block. One of those 'agree to disagree' things...

Okay...we agree to disagree on this one! :)

Cool... ;)

Anyways, made a choise yet HFrankenstein?

Make her addicted to heroin and the tell her she can't have a fix if she smokes. Works every time.

Wasn't aware I was supposed to be making a choice. Choice of what? Of a method for trying to get her to quit? I've just been asking for nonsmoking every time we go out to eat and I threw out the cigarette lighter in my car. Subtlety, remember? :)

Yep, thats what i meant. If you come up with a fail-safe then bottle it and sell it... many people out there in ur shoes...