To Drink or NOT to Drink?
 

I have to stop drinking. I realize this will be extremely hard but I have to. Thing is, I'm not an alcoholic in the sense that I don't drink every day... usually just on the weekends, but the problem is this: I drink to excess, to the point where I get blackouts and I become somebody I don't like.

I have a GF but when I get drunk I mess around with other girls and I don't treat her well. That has happened countless times. Yet when I'm not drunk I treat her well. I also get blackouts which suck because I don't remember anything the next day. That happens almost every time I drink/ get drunk now.

I have something really great going with my GF. We have a really strong connection yet I push it away when I get drunk, because I think part of me; the shadow side perhaps, is hellbent on self-destruction. I don't want to self-destruct. I want to live.

I know this will be incredibly hard. I'm a performer and drinking is part of the social fabric of what I do. We get free drinks all the time. But I have to stand up and say NOOOOOOOOOO...

And I know I'll be judged because the handful of times I have attempted this in the past I have. A friend whom I quite like didn't wanna hang out with me because he wanted to get pissed and silly. That made me a bit sad, but what am I to do?

We're moving to Berlin and I think I will attend A.A. there. I need to fight these demons.

And before you say, "why not just be a social drinker? just have one or two?" ... because I won't want "just" one or two. It'll become more and more... I am the sort that needs total abstinence... because I'm an extremist.

Anyway, any thoughts or reactions would be great. I really need to fight this.

You don't have to drink every day to be an alcoholic.

So yeah, your best bet is to give A.A. a try. Best of luck.

Tough choice, but sounds like you're on the right track. Just remember these reasons when your friends (and "friends") are pressuring you to drink again.

Good luck to you!

The first step is the recognition of a problem.

The second step is to knock that shit off.

The third step is to do something constructive.

because im an uncreative tool, i'll just quote a movie here.

"I'm fuckin' bored, man! And boredom's the first step on the road to relapse." -Jay

you have to do something to keep yourself busy, it makes things much easier.

One thing I consider all the time is if your friends drag you down in any way, it's time to find new friends as well. This is probably why I only have a handful of people I consider "real" friends, but I know they will go the length for me, and I would and have done the same for them.

So maybe you should consider new friends if some of your mates get bored when you are yourself.

Best method of control is limiting your money.

Take your ID and 20 dollars cash.

Lack of funds will keep you from being to wasted.

Being a performer - it's really hard when the drinks are on the house. Our lead-singer is an alcoholic, so we as a band has made a commitment to stay sober - something that actually pleases most venue owners (There are a few who would rather like us to drink - and then subtract the drinks from our payment as they save money that way), and let us keep a high quality performance - all night through.

If the rest of your group/ firends have problems accepting your choice - then it's not YOUR problem. Those friends will be gone from your life in the next 10 years anyhow - don't get stuck with a drinking habbit that severly impairs your future life.

Alcoholism isn't just drinking to excess... it's the inappropriate use of alcohol when you do drink. There are MANY, MANY weekend or part-time alcoholics. It's the old excuse "I'm only a drunk when I drink!"

Two things here... your self-destructive behaviour IS going to cost you your girlfriend, and many future relationships if you don't get help. Soon. Secondly, the blackouts are a very serious indication that you need to do something. NOW.

Get to AA. It is the most non-judgmental organisation you will ever find. EVERYONE there has your problem, has lived through what you're going through (and probably worse), and wants 1) to control their disease; and 2) support the others going through this. And that guy wasn't really your friend... he was your drinking buddy. Avoid them.

You definitely have a handle on this aspect. As an alcoholic, I can tell you that cutting down won't work. Cutting off is easier than cutting down.

What you do need to do, if the drinking occasions are career-mandatory, is enlist some friends who will run interference for you and support you. Start with your girlfriend, confess you problem, and get her to watch out for you. Get a few others who will make sure you're sipping softdrinks, coffee/tea, or juices at these functions. You'd be surprised how common it is, and how unnoticeable it will be. Many of my colleagues and friends DON'T know I don't drink.

BTW... a better solution, at least in the short-term, is to avoid all together any social gatherings where drinking is the norm.

Finally... hang in there. Realising you have a problem is the first step. Seeking help and support is the second. Put your faith in whatever you need to get you through this (AA refers merely to a higher power). I never gave up drinking forever... just for today (27 years, 1 month, and 17 days ago, but who's counting, right?). I can joke about it now, but I know the demon is still lurking there, and I like my sobriety too much now to ever take that first drink.

Good luck, and know our thoughts are with you!

The best thing about your problem is that you recognize you have one...and admit it. I hope you don't wait till you move to Berlin to go to AA. They are everywhere and have the help you need right now.

Having spent most of my life living with an alcoholic, I can assure you that you're addiction will have a negative affect on everyone you love. You need to rise above it NOW, before you loose your self respect.

Your job will make it hard...but nothing about quitting will be easy. You have to want it!!

I'm really happy to see folks suggesting AA. A lot of times, whenever I mention any sort of 12 Step group, it's immediately shot down. Fact is, they work. Whether your higher power is God, your inner spirit or a rocking chair, the Steps work.

My concern when I read this was if Berlin even has an AA. Quick search on Google shows you're good to go.

My other concern is if you're full of shit and just used a generic story to promote your band via your username.

Regardless, I worked in music in the early to mid 90's. It was then I was introduced to cocaine, amongst other substances. I got to the point where in order to perform, I needed coke. Otherwise, I was a mess. So there is the chance you'll have to walk away from your current career. I had to - it's strictly a hobby for me now. But I've been in rehab with plenty of musicians, artists, teachers, doctors, nurses, etc. They were able to kick their demons (as far as I know,) and move forward. So it is possible.

Check out some recovery forums. Also hit Amazon and stock up on some books. Smother yourself with support via friends, family and the interwebz. Good luck.

I'm an alcoholic but I'm not an AA member. Never have been. But I've been to 1 meeting (it was a friend's "birthday"), and that was enough to sell me on it. I have NEVER in my life walked in to a place that was so welcoming, so non-judgmental, so supportive, and so diverse. There were, literally, street people, cops, professionals (a lawyer & a nurse that I knew personally), the affluent and the penniless. And they were all equals. It works. And so do the related Al-Anon & Al-Teen groups. When I was doing financial counselling, I sent more than one person there, and they mostly had the same reaction as I did from the first meeting.

And if the group doesn't suit you, try another. There tend to be lots of different groups, and each may tend to have a different "flavour" to it, but they are all there for the same reason. Use them, lean on them, so you can learn to stand by yourself, and maybe support someone else.

If you can't drink (or _______ fill-in-the-blank) without self-control or self-restraint, then you need to stop and/or do whatever takes to keep yourself from continuing to be your own worst enemy.

You seem to already realize that you become someone whom you abhor when you drink to excess.

You seem to already realize what is at stake when you drink to excess.

You seem to already realize that you can't drink without excess.

You seem to already realize the solution / answer to your dilemma.

A.A. can save your life.

:thumbsup:

woods: I found the OP's blog. This looks like a legit cry for help to me.

trikeaband: Good on you for taking the first step, and best of luck in getting well.

Good luck. Not drinking sounds like a good plan to me.

That's great then.

When I replied, he had yet to complete registration.

Trikea: do you mind if I post a link to that September 27th video?

AA requires you to give up control to some sort of higher power. If you would prefer to retain your autonomy while beating you addiction, I suggest you give this program a try:
Rational Recovery | Welcome to Rational Recovery

I thought there was another one too that was along those lines. But I can't seem to find the link. I'll post it if I come across it.

This is a wonderful decision. You've recgnized that it's interfearing with YOUR life and YOUR values, and now you're doing something about it. I really hope it goes well. Good luck!

Look at different treatment options should you go that route. I have spent a lot of my life around people with drinking problems and each persons problem is different as is the degree of seriousness.

AA is usually the first stop for everyone who is need of help but in my opinion far from the best. But that is a subjective assessment given my knowledge of alcoholism and how it affects everyone differently and for different reasons.

Try an appointment(s) with a trained professional (addiction councelor, behavioural psychologist etc) first to see if you can pin point why you do what you do. Knowing the root of your drinking habits will be the first step in deciding if you have a drinking problem and the severity of it.

If you do go to AA to check it out, go with an open mind. You may be told that since you are there, that in fact you have a drinking problem. Only you know that for sure. Attending is not an admission.

But like I said, with the experiences I have had, try and find out first what and if you have some problems causing you to drink. Spend the money one on one with a professional.

Trust me, you owe it to yourself.

These are all great suggestions and I urge you to give them a try. It sounds like you are at that point where it will make a difference.

I am not attempting to make you feel badly about who you are, but you have realized that you behave in a way that shames yourself when you have been drinking. I suggest for you to take the time for one exercise. You may want to sit down with your girlfriend and work on this together, she will become a part of this healing process. She certainly may want to look for the same support alongside you to understand your condition, and to feel better about herself.

Take a piece of paper, or your computer even. Write down all of what you seek to change in yourself. All of those reasons you have identified to not drink anymore. Write down what a jerk you may be when you are drinking. There may be more to it than you realize if you work on this with friends and loved ones and I suggest that to you. Print, copy etc. Put it in the case of whatever band gear you have, put a copy in your wallet, post it on your fridge, laminate it into a little card if you have to. Think about these things any time you consider drinking. Consider how much better you are without it.. you may feel like a piece of junk human being after drinking and realizing the pain you have caused but I am guessing you are probably a decent guy!

You can do it, and you should be proud of yourself for taking the first steps.

Trikeaband has not returned to TFP since posting this question.

I thought that might happen lol.

Say what? If somebody is being told that at an AA meeting, then the meeting is something else in disguise. There's no judgement or declaration or diagnosis.