Ask Hal. The revival.
 

So, a long time ago, I started the "Ask Hal" thread. It was a hit and many members started a thread of their own to mimic it. Well, I'm starting it up again.

Ask me a question and I guarantee I will tell you the most truthful answer that I know.

The blog entries that I have read on TFP seem very similar to TFP journal entries. What should make the content of one unique from the other ?

is this going to be moved to TFP nonesense at any stage?

Why do you still wear legwarmers when you'd look so much better in fishnets?

Do you still have that funky top hat?

I am going to buy 8 Linksys wireless router that also serve as wireless access points. they have 4 port gigabit switches in them. Can I daisy chain them through the wired switches, or do I need to run a cat 5 from the main router/switch to each one?

Do you stay in contact with any of the models you met from your Matt's days?

Grancey: You can post whatever you want in your blog. It doesn't have to be different than the journal if you don't want it to be.

dlish: Maybe... if the questions get out of control.

jewels: Because leg warmers remind you of when you could still get laid without trying.

QuasiMondo: Yes I do, but NY summer makes it impossible to wear.

Psycho Dad: You can daisy chain them, or hook them all up to the main router. They should work either way.

Daval: No, I had a few on AIM but they never log in anymore. Besides, I'm across the country.

How big is your penis, in millimeters, to no less than two significant digits? (new people need to know these things if us old-timers already do.)

MSD, I have never held a ruler up to my penis. That is the absolute truth!

When are you going to tell us more stories about working at Matt's? Those posts were awesome!

Now that you are older and wiser, which is the more relevant pursuit? The pursuit of love or pursuit of career goals?

Daval, I have more stories, but they're not as vivid or "in the moment" as the ones in my Porn: From The Inside threads. They're more bragging than anything.

ngdawg, I would say that career goals are dominating my attention at the moment. I see potential in myself, and I would be remiss if I didn't tap into it. Besides, I live in Manhattan now.. if I don't push myself to advance in my career, then I'll be broke in no time.

Hal, what would be your fantasy dream casting for a remake of Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope? (Bonus points for including production crew.)

Baraka_Guru: I am not that big of a geek, but I am enough of a purist to not want a remake. I actually don't pay too much attention to actors to be able to formulate a competent list.

You're a man of ambition. You have a few ideas floating around about business ventures. Do you plan to materialize any of them--even without competent partnership/help (be it brain, manpower, money)? Like the Tilted Cafe? What's the game plan?

KellyC: If Uncle Scrooge could dive, swim and surf in his pile of money, I can only skin board. I have a solid business plan that I would like to get off the ground with relatively few invested resources, however I am waiting for the time to manifest itself. Rest assured that I am still a very ambitious guy, but I have been focusing on staying afloat with my job and my relationship lately. There will be a day when it comes easier for me, and on that day I will begin.

Hal. Who put the bop in the bop sho wop?

Hal, is it that Ohio State fans made Jim Tressel arrogant yet unexciting, or did Jim Tressel make Ohio State fans arrogant yet unexciting? And how many games will Tennessee win this year?

Daniel: Wesley Willis did.

The_Jazz: Jim Tressel is definitely the culprit. And 5.

if you had to pick one male celeb to perform oral sex on until orgasm, who would it be?

Hal..when is the last time you blushed?

This made me think of one...

When you picture a bag of dicks, what do you see?
Is it like a plastic bag and they're all mushed in there like chicken parts with a date written on it in Sharpie to keep in the freezer?
Or is it like a paper bag, and they're sticking out like baguettes kinda like you went shopping?
Or what...?

Do you and your lovely wife ever travel east of the city? :D

Can I answer that one Bacchanal? As soon as I read that I pictured a paper bag full of penis... then you put that as one of your choices. Pretty funny if you ask me.

Hal, do you ever dream of just leaving everything behind and just running away some time?

Hey Hal, how do you take your coffee?

Crack: Brad Pitt

ring: A couple weeks ago, during the weekend.

Bacchanal: I picture a zip-lock bag full of realistic-looking dildos.

Meditrina: Haven't YET...

blahblah454: Yes, I do. A lot.

Craven: Light and sweet, please.

Do you watch any television? If so, then do you watch any teenage prime time soaps/reality shows?

I live in Manhattan too, but Manhattan, Kansas, not NY. I just felt like contributing...

Everyone talks about the gentrification of Brooklyn and how much it sucks that neighborhoods like Williamsburg are ruined because all the trustfund artsy kids moved in and ruined it. But honestly, I'd have never hung out there before then. In fact, I'd be too concerned about dodging bullets than having a good time.

Do you like Williamsburg?

What one thing would you like to see out of the members of this fine forum?

punkmusicfan21: I try not to watch too much television, but I recently moved and decided to get a premium channel package. Now I only watch the movie channels and the HD channels. I don't watch anything religiously, but Secret Diary of a London Call Girl is on my DVR.

The Faba: I have a question for you - does Faba mean "fat bastard"? I think I heard that somewhere.

Manic: People can bitch all they want about the gentrification of Williamsburg, but it hasn't yet reached the degenerate point that the entirety of Lower Manhattan has. When I don't need to walk more than 5 minutes to the nearest GAP or H&M no matter where I am at, then the city has lost its soul. Williamsburg is OK in my books. Its not dead yet.

ColonelSpecial: The one thing I would LOVE to see from members is the initiative to create content for the site. Take twistedmosaic for example; He's like MacGuyver and he documents his little contraptions and modifications and posts them here. Or you could take clavus's example and see how he used to post his funny little anecdotes and people LOVE them. I also make it a point to post stories and articles that I write. Its all in an effort to make this place more interesting and unique.

Halx: Faba actually is an Austrian name that is a twice corrupted variation of the Faba bean. Interestingly enough if the word had not been altered the end result would have remained the same in English.

My question is 'What color are your bathroom towels, and do they match the rest of your bathroom?

How do you pronounce your handle? Is it "Hal-X" or "Halcs?"

What's your absolute favorite pair of shoes?

atreides: just call me Hal

Plummie: I wear a pair of Ecco hiking boots every day for the last 4 years. I bought them to impress a girl who later turned out to be engaged. Still, $200 well spent for the mileage I've gotten.

Dear Hal,

Will I ever be a lesbian?
Like a real lesbian.
Not some powder puff 'it's cool to sleep with girls lesbian.'

Love,
mixedmedia

I can answer this one.

if there is a god: yes

Edit: My question

Becides NY and LA, is there a city in the US that you would like to live?

Let me just clarify two things for you Crack:

1. The question was for Hal.

2. I wouldn't be the kind of lesbian who would let you watch.

mixedmedia: I don't think you will ever be a lesbian because the fantasy of having me keeps you totally straight.

Crack: I would love to live in San Diego. Great weather and lovely locals.

Halx, do you play any musical instruments?

biznatch: I own a guitar, but to claim that I play it would be a gross overstatement. I couldn't make a pleasant sound with it if you held a gun to my wife's head.

Wait... There is a kind of lesbian that WILL let me watch?!?

Sure. And I bet if you try real hard you can even find some on the internet.

Damn you, damn you all to hell!:lol:

Edit- Hey wait did you edit while I was posting?
-----Added 27/7/2008 at 03 : 12 : 57-----
What about if the gun was to your head?

Hal,
Is there a loophole in the no-child-photography clause big enough to cram a link to my new baby pictures through, other than soliciting anyone who cares to PM me for links to them?

Hal,

There is a magician who can do five simple tricks. Change a coin from a quarter to a penny, change a card, make a rose appear from his hand, guess the picture you drew, and connect rope together and take it apart again. He does all of these things, but cannot do anything else. You find out, however, that he is doing this all with legitimate magic; not a trick but really making it happen with magic.

Is this person more impressive then Albert Einstein?

Tully: Same outcome.

twistedmosaic: You can post links to the pics.

pmf: There is no such thing as real magic and if there were, he wouldn't be using it to perform cantrips. He still wouldn't be more impressive though, 'cause he could be out saving the world and instead was just trying to impress me.

Hal, I expected a better answer then that! Imagine.

EDIT: Thanks. I'm happy.

I edited it.

You should learn Free Fallin'. Anybody can play that song, and it will protect you from crazed gun-toting guitar lovers.

I suppose I should ask a question.

Suppose I gave you the ability to change one thing about the world around you. It can be anything you can imagine, but you can only do it once and there's no taking it back. What would you change?

What's your favorite place to visit in Manhattan?

Martian: I would make everyone a LITTLE more honest. Something tells me that the world would be more efficient if they were. I'm not saying everyone should drink the truth serum, but I believe the marker on the sliding scale of honesty should be moved a couple notches up for everyone. Of course it would make poker completely uninteresting. I'm willing to make that sacrifice.

jewels: I enjoy the parks. They might be mostly man-made, but they offer a bit of calm and relaxation in the middle of the pandemonium of the city. My favorite is the Sheep Meadow in Central Park.

We have just found another of Halx's superpowers... he can edit his post without leaving behind a "Last edited:" mark. Whoa.

Have you ever visited a nude beach, and if so, how was the experience for you?

Redlemon: If you edit the post within 5 minutes, you don't get called out for it. And no, I have never visited a nude beach. I would like to, but I'll settle for a topless one.

Dear Hal,

Have you ever danced to a James Brown song?

love,
mixedmedia

and if so, would you post the video please?

mixedmedia: I can't claim to have danced to James Brown before, but I'll give you a good show if you put on Get On Up and give me a spotlight.

jewels: You can be there to tape it.

Hal: you're married?

biznatch: Yes, for over a year now.

Congrats, I had no idea.

Favorite team sport? Favorite team? (refer to my avatar if you want extra points)

How'd you meet the mrs?

Do you think the Dodgers will win the West with Manny?

Only the men ask you about your penis, why do you think that is?
There is significant wiggle-room in your answer; for instance, you could have measured your penis length by a method other than a ruler, or a girl could have measured it for you. I suspect that your answer does not meet your initial guarantee.

And, since I'm a guy... at what age did you realize that you had significantly more penis than the average man, and what led you to that realization?

Have you ever had a sword fight with Milton Berle?

pmf: My favorite sport.. its a tie between Basketball and Baseball. Depends what season it is. My favorite teams are the Lakers and Dodgers. I'm from LA.

KellyC: I harassed her in World of Warcraft.

RickB: Lets wait until Sunday to answer that. I think we have a damn good chance, we just have to get our middle infield back.

Redlemon: My penis is a TFP meme. I don't think anything of it when someone mentions it. I also have no idea how long it is because it has never been measured. I probably realized it was a significant size when I was about 17. Nothing like an older woman to let you know how you match up against other guys.

Poppinjay: No.

Why am I still in love with her?

How come I have known you for almost 5 years and we still have not met in person?

What makes you think only men ask about it? :suave:

What's more important in a job : perks, or salary?

What is the meaning of life? :)

Any sci-fi weapon, what would you use? (Can be from games, movies, etc)

Where have you been the last 10 days?

WK: I cant answer that. I was surprised to learn that you could love at all.

ironpham: Because you wont get your ass up from NC.

mixedmedia: Ask ME a question! ME ME ME ME ME!

krystalogik: I am gonna have to go with salary. With a good salary, you can create the perks yourself.

Merlocke: 42.. and money.

Spartanx9: I would like to use the Porkulator from Hexen.

ratbastid: WK's question sorta killed the mood. I had to give it a rest and let more light hearted questions accumulate.

Dear Hal,

Have you ever cried at the movies?

Love,
mixedmedia

You'd rather have a Porkulator than an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device??

Or do you consider that not to be a weapon despite its gun-like form factor?

mixedmedia: Gladiator ... don't say it.. I know.

ratbastid: Dude, I could seriously hurt myself with an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. The Porkulator is definitely the way to go.

How did the naked party go?

I like Obama over McCain, but I'm seriously concerned about the extra-large target that will be on Obama due to his race, assassination-wise.
Would I be doing myself and the country a disservice if I abstained from voting for Obama, as a sort of protection for him?
Is that naive thinking?

Can you sing?

Should I grow my hair out or shave my head again?

I have an overwhelming crush on a girl in my class but she is not super interested.. yet; I also live in a dorm of theatre girls who are all very... loveable. The dorm girls being more willing to rehearse some love scenes.

Do I take the easy lay up or go for the buzzer shot (oh being sexist).

Katyanna: That is next weekend

Fremen: It does seem like the wrong reason to vote (or not to vote). Why not assume both could die in office? Obama from assassination and McCain from being so damn old. Then look at their VPs and decide.

jewels: Everyone can sing. You just don't want to hear me do it. I'm dead serious about that.

WK: I'm actually missing seeing hair on your head. The shaved bit is frustrating because it tells me that you're holding back from moving on in life. Don't ask me how I just suddenly became a pragmatic.

pmf: Go for your priorities. I'm jealous of your situation and might go for the easy lays, but you might be looking for a challenge. If you can handle going without for a few, I say shoot for the moon.

Hal, do you have your own business? If not, are you thinking of doing it? What type of business?

There's an 80's party next weekend.
My SO is either going as Flavor Flav or Robert Smith.
I can't find a cheap Dead Milkmen shirt, so my idea got shot.
What's a good chick look for an 80's party within budgetary reason?

*winks* Attempting to challenge you a bit.

Hal, tomorrow you find yourself unable to continue with TFP for whatever reason, lack of donations, lack of time, personal conflict etc.

What would you do? Would you simply pull the plug? Would you pass it on to someone else? How would you pull yourself out of it?

Molly Ringwald. The answer is always Molly Ringwald. (sorry, go for it Hal)

Would you rather walk everywhere for the rest of your life, or drive a benz everywhere?

biznatch: I dont own my own business, but I would very much like to. I'd like to do a number of things in my life. I'd like to bring the TFP into the physical space with a salon of sorts. I'd like to own my own lounge. I'd like to run an online retail store. I actually have business plans for these, but no money to pursue them.

noodle: I wanna see you pull off Joan Jett in a vinyl vest.

Katyanna: Well, you're talking about a drastic event because I've got a job that can pay for it and I know a few members who I can simply ask and they would be glad to help support it. If the TFP was going down in flames, it still has one very valuable asset, which is search engine presence. I could then sell the site for a good amount of money and use that money to start a business, as mentioned in my response to biznatch. I would create a real life Tilted Cafe. However, I don't think I'll ever do anything to jettison what we have here.

pmf: I'll take the Benz please. As much as I'd prefer an M5. I'm not one to lay off the gas.

If I could find one, Hal, I'd be alllll over it. Unfortunately, no one has their ahlloween costumes out yet. And Floridians avoid vinyl like the plague.
It chafes. Maybe I can find something.... good call.


Where is your favorite place to be? You know, to just... be.

noodle: The Sheep Meadow in Central Park, NYC. I can lay out there all day and watch everyone sunbathe and throw frisbees ... its a good relaxing place.

I shaved my head by the way...



How would you feel if they made another 'Lethal Weapon' film?

What's the most disgusting thing you've ever seen?

What's the most beautiful thing you've seen?

For the record, I got totally cock-blocked (in regards to the girl in class) and thought I had no chance of recovering. And then I did.

Do you hate guns?

WK: I wouldn't care.

ratbastid: Picture of a dude who has crashed his motorcycle.. whole bottom half of his skull was missing. Ew!

jewels: Ahem.. dare I say a girl in mid-orgasm.

pmf: No. I have never fired one though. I plan on it.. there's a firing range a few blocks from where I live. Maybe I'll have an opinion then.

So, how do I add some spice and excitement to my life?

333halfabeast: You can always hang out with me. I just went to a naked party this weekend. If that doesn't seem exciting, I don't know what is. Otherwise, I suggest taking up a dangerous hobby, like teasing mongoloid "special" kids.

Hal: How much day to day administrating/moderating do you personally do, vs more policy making and general input and letting your ensemble of loyal minions hit the buttons and do the dirty work?

lol, thanks for the offer. I have enough party time things to do. My friends and I club hop a lot. I need something a little more fun without the inebriation.

hal, what is the penalty for people who post in this thread without asking a question? :hyper: