A Girls' Guide to Geeks

[xepherys]

Granted this was last maintained in 2000, the blurb seems pretty accurate.

LINK

A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys


By Mikki Halpin and Victoria Maat

So, your crush on the bass player from Vibrating Sandbox has finally died a whimpering death and you're wondering where to go from here. All the sinister dudes are either dating a series of interchangeable high-school riot girls in baby doll dresses and an overdose of manic panic, or permanently shacked up with some bitter old lady who pays all the bills. Which will it be, a wifely prison or a humiliating one night stand? Into this void of potential mates comes a man you may not have considered before, a man of substance, quietude and stability, a cerebral creature with a culture all his own. In short, a geek.

Why Geek Dudes Rule

They are generally available.

Other women will tend not to steal them.

They can fix things.

Your parents will love them.

They're smart.

Where The Geek Dude Lurks

While they are often into alternative music, geek dudes tend not to go to shows too often. Instead you'll find them hanging out with their friends, discussing the latest hardware revolution or perfecting their Bill Gates impressions. You know how some people wear t-shirts with their favorite bands on them, thus showing that they went to certain shows? Well, geek dudes wear t-shirts with the logos of different software companies on them, thus showing that they are up on the latest, um, releases. A small, though convivial, rivalry may be detected here amongst the geek dudes. Try wearing one yourself and see if he strikes up a conversation.

Of course the best way to meet a geek dude is through the Internet. All geeks harbor a secret fantasy about meeting some girl in cyberspace, carrying on an e-mail romance in which he has the chance to combine an activity he is comfortable with, computing, with one he is very uncomfortable with, socializing. To many geek dudes, cyberdating is just an advanced form of some kind of video game, but they are frustrated by a lack of players. Their lack is your strength.

Imprinting

You might notice that these men harbor some strange ideas about how the world works and some particularly strange ideas about women. There is a reason for this. Because they've had limited interpersonal experience, geek dudes must look elsewhere for behavior models. Lacking a real world social milieu, geeks often go through a transference stage with such narratives, and try to model their interactions on them. Thus, certain media images and themes come to have an overly cathected, metaphorized reality to them, while the rest of us view such programming as mere entertainment. Case in point, our next topic...

The Trek factor

If you're not up on your Star Trek, you can forget about getting or keeping a geek dude. And I'm not just talking vintage-era Captain Kirk and Spock either. You've got to be up on your The Next Generation, your Deep Space Nine, your Babylon 5. Armed with your own knowledge of Federation policies, you can better gauge when and how to act. The sexual politics of Star Trek are pretty blunt: the men run the technology and the ship, and the women are caretakers (a doctor and a counselor). Note the sexual tensions on the bridge of the Enterprise: the women, in skin tight uniforms, and with luxuriant, flowing hair. The men, often balding, and sporting some sort of permanently attached computer auxiliary. This world metaphorizes the fantasies of the geek dude, who sees himself in the geeky-but-heroic male officers and who secretly desires a sexy, smart, Deanna or Bev to come along and deferentially accept him for who he is. If you are willing to accept that this is his starting point for reality, you are ready for a geek relationship.

Once You've Nabbed Him

Of course, catching that geek guy is only half the battle. Keeping him by your side is another story altogether. I was privileged to speak with Miss Victoria Maat, who not only got herself a geek guy but was also clever enough to marry him just a few short months ago. She interrupted her newlywed bliss to give us a few tips on the care and feeding of a geek man:

Geeks are sensitive and caring lovers and husbands. If you can hang with the techno-lifestyle, they make the best mates. They are the most attractive people, not flashy or hunky, but the kind who get cuter and more alluring over time (I told you she was a newlywed). Definitely give geeks a chance.

Geek Cuisine

Geeks tend towards packaged, junk foods since they prefer to work and think and aren't all that into cooking for themselves. Make sure that your geek understands that you are not merely a replicator, and provide him with home cooked food. A batch of chocolate chip cookies will let him know that you love him. You do have to monitor your geek for weight gain; however, remember that most of their days are spent sitting and staring at a monitor.

Geek Lifestyle

The geek dude has long work habits and tends to bring his work home with him. He seems permanently connected to his hard disk. You must at least appear interested in his work. Generally, a solid understanding of the computer is a must; if you cannot master this, you should at least be able to talk the talk. Remember most geeks are anal and they get stressed about details which appear insignificant. Be understanding, put on your best Deanna Troi face (see above) and empathize.

To relax, geeks love to play the latest computer games. Let him play Myst or Chuck Yeager's Air Combat for hours if he wants to. Act concerned if he's stuck or has just been ambushed by three MiGs. My geek loves to try to help people on the Internet who say that they are stuck in Myst. He comes up with clever riddles instead of directing them point blank. Geeks also like to go to sci-fi and Japanese animated movies, again, a basically harmless vent for your man.

Geek Buddies

Many geeks extend their work friendships into what they jokingly refer to as RL (Real Life, also known as "that big room with the ceiling that is sometimes blue and sometimes black with little lights"). The greatest thing about your geek's buddies is that you can feel secure in setting them up with your girlfriends. They may feel awkward around females at first, so don't overwhelm them. In time they will come out of their shell and realize that you are into the same things they are.

Post-It Note

I thank Victoria for the above advice. I must say that when she read my draft of the piece, before writing her section, she asked her husband which one he thought she was more like, Deanna or Beverly. Howard, the devil, immediately replied that he had always thought Victoria was actually most like Ensign Ro Laren, a cute character with a slight authority problem who is always had trouble (this is fairly apt). This exchange is interesting for several reasons:

Howard had already thought about who she was most like.

He could summon up characters from seasons past with ease.

Victoria actually knew who he meant.

Folks, I think this marriage will last.

One Last Thing

Because they have been so abused and ignored by society, many geeks have gone underground. You may actually know some and just haven't noticed them. They often feel resentful, and misunderstood, and it is important to realize this as you grow closer to them. Don't ever try to force the issue, or make crazy demands that he choose between his computer and you. Remember, his computer has been there for him his whole life; you are a new interloper he hasn't quite grasped yet.

Geek dudes thrive on mystery and love challenges and intellectual puzzles. Don't you consider yourself one? Wouldn't you like a little intellectual stimulation or your own? We thought so.

[genuinegirly]

hehe! This is great. I'm going to have to share this with a few friends.

[Tophat665]

Jump on this quick, ladies. Geek standards are rising now that we know Asia Carerra is one of us.

[TotalMILF]

As I have stated before....

I <3 Geeks!

[Plan9]

*reads this article carefully*

Yay, I'm not a geek anymore.

[JustJess]

I'm going to have to write a primer for dorks, too - also a solid source of smart, cute, loving, and overall awesome partners.

[PonyPotato]

I think I prefer nerds.

Geek hygiene and eating habits.. bleh.

[Shauk]

whatever, i'm a geek. I work for an ISP, i'm geeking out on TFP and my hygene and diet are fine (they used to suck but thats a different story stemming from just being listless and depressed and without any desire to get anywhere in life)

I stopped watching star trek after the end of DS9, voyager could never hook me.

I'm single and geeky and somehow I doubt it has anything to do with being a geek. I could be wrong.

ok well maybe it does have something to do with it.

[Jenna]

I'm a geek.

[Baraka_Guru]

Okay, okay, what's the difference between a geek and a nerd? Pros and cons in contrast?

[host]

Originally Posted by Shauk

whatever, i'm a geek. I work for an ISP, i'm geeking out on TFP and my hygene and diet are fine (they used to suck but thats a different story stemming from just being listless and depressed and without any desire to get anywhere in life)

I stopped watching star trek after the end of DS9, voyager could never hook me.

I'm single and geeky and somehow I doubt it has anything to do with being a geek. I could be wrong.

ok well maybe it does have something to do with it.

My nephew by my first marriage is an IT hardware tech, nearly your height, as geeky as they come. During an IT slowdown, over ten years ago, he moved to Hong Kong. He is called "Giant *****" there now, is happily married to an Asian woman and is the father of one child. He has enjoyed there, the work, food, society, to the point that he has only returned here, two or three times, to visit.

Just something to think about, if you're not thrilled with the way your life is, presently....due to terminal geekiness....

[Shauk]

oh I may not be thrilled about the way my life is at the moment but i'm moving a little closer than hong kong to take care of my problems

Originally Posted by jennaboo4u

I'm a geek.

but you're a fucking HOT geek, which is entirely against the laws of the universe. It's not right.

dear world at large, fuck paris hilton, this woman right here is should be your standards.

[Jenna]

Originally Posted by Shauk

but you're a fucking HOT geek, which is entirely against the laws of the universe. It's not right.

dear world at large, fuck paris hilton, this woman right here is should be your standards.

Well thanks... I'm not accepted by other geeks though. I don't know why.

[Baraka_Guru]

Originally Posted by jennaboo4u

Well thanks... I'm not accepted by other geeks though. I don't know why.

They think you are a spy.

[noodle]

I'm with an ubergeek.
I think he's surpassed the average geek and moved into a realm where he can game for hours on end, work all week long in a job I can barely understand where he creates and controls minon programs to do all his work for him and then has incredible taste in music, food, and his hygeine is incomparable. He'll come to be around 6am on Saturday morning after working all day Friday and playing Eve or whatever he's into that week, with a painfully scruffy face and bloodshot eyes, wake up around noon, hit the gym, shower, shave and take me to a four star restaurant and concert five hours later. It's pretty amazing. But man, is he EVER a geek. People laugh at him and his coworkers when they start talking about problems at work because the level they are at is beyond most in the company. They're all geeks.

I love my geek.

[PonyPotato]

Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru

Okay, okay, what's the difference between a geek and a nerd? Pros and cons in contrast?

In my opinion (and experience), geeks have incredible knowledge in a single subject, usually related to computers/star trek/star wars/pick a subject here.

Nerds, however, are "book smart" (that's really the only way I feel I can adequately describe it). They're good at learning and retain details about a whole range of subjects and use that knowledge.

Dorks are socially awkward.

Most people who describe themselves as one or the other are a combination of the above. I'm a nerd (love learning about anything), but I'm a horse geek and I can be dorky in some social situations. Does that make any more sense?

I dated a big computer/WoW geek for a while and just got sick of the "mountain dew, chips, not actually MOVING more than a few inches" thing every day. I'd rather date a nerd who I can pull a book away from than have to compete with a computer ever again.


edited to add: I'm not against geeks, nor do I assume all have the same hygiene & diet (just going by the article! haha), I just prefer nerdy guys. My nickname for a long time was "geeker" so it's not like I'm foreign to the geek culture.

[Plan9]

Originally Posted by www.Dictionary.com

NERD –noun Slang.
1. a stupid, irritating, ineffectual, or unattractive person.
2. an intelligent but single-minded person obsessed with a nonsocial hobby or pursuit: a computer nerd.

GEEK -noun Slang.
1. a peculiar or otherwise dislikable person, esp. one who is perceived to be overly intellectual.
2. a computer expert or enthusiast (a term of pride as self-reference, but often considered offensive when used by outsiders.)
3. a carnival performer who performs sensationally morbid or disgusting acts, as biting off the head of a live chicken.

DORK –noun Slang.
1. a stupid or ridiculous person; jerk; nerd.
2. Vulgar, "Penis."

[Baraka_Guru]

merleniau, okay, this makes sense.

I guess that makes me a nerd. At the same time, I'm a somewhat of a computer geek, and a bit dorky in new social situations.

Yeah. I'm pretty nerdy. My hygiene is pretty good, but I cut my own hair.

EDIT: Crompsin, I don't think dictionary definitions work for these words because of the changing nature of the culture. Dictionaries are often far behind when it comes to this stuff.

[Plan9]

Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru

Crompsin, I don't think dictionary definitions work for these words because of the changing nature of the culture. Dictionaries are often far behind when it comes to this stuff.

Just for comparison.

Trust me, I know... we live in an age where "How are ya, motherfucker?!" has become a personal greeting of endearment.

[Baraka_Guru]

Originally Posted by Crompsin

Just for comparison.

Good. No sense having someone bite off chicken heads just to prove a point.

[Plan9]

What?! Don't push me! I'LL DO IT.

I'll fuck it THEN I'll bite it's head off.

Jazz'll never let me live it down!

[Shaindra]

Some men play at action. Some men do action. I'm finding the doers to be a lot more fun than the players.

[xepherys]

I play AND do... for instance, I PLAY Call of Duty 4. Then the next day I go out on a mission and DO Call of Duty 4. Where do I fit in that scale?

[Plan9]

Dunno, kinda hard to be a badass when you take video games seriously.

...regardless of the fact you go out the gate with your real '203 loaded.

[xepherys]

It's not like I'm a fobbit... I can be badass. Even IN video games. I regularly hand our Navy guys' asses to them in Halo! Hmpf! Speaking of which... did you listen to the fobbit song I posted in the Entertainment thread? I can't believe I never heard it before last week. Man, Afghanistan sucks...

[Shaindra]

Originally Posted by xepherys

I play AND do... for instance, I PLAY Call of Duty 4. Then the next day I go out on a mission and DO Call of Duty 4. Where do I fit in that scale?

That's different. You're walking the walk. I guess I just have this thing about guys who talk all badass about...games. Yanno? It's a game. Enjoy it. But just because you've virtually killed thousands means precious little.

(So says the level 70 Paladin who PWNs in PVP...LOL!)

[PonyPotato]

Originally Posted by Crompsin

Dunno, kinda hard to be a badass when you take video games seriously.

...regardless of the fact you go out the gate with your real '203 loaded.

How about if I take board games seriously?

I'M SENDING MY ROOK TO SMASH YOU.

(Better watch out for a big castle-looking thing.)

[Shauk]

a term of pride as self-reference, but often considered offensive when used by outsiders.

thats so.... um


saying the geek is the new "n" word..

[Tophat665]

Just by the by, Dork is also the whaling industry term for a whale's penis.

The Code of the Geeks (v 3.1.2)

-----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK-----
Version: 3.1.2
GB/H/O d++(--) s+:++@ a38>39
C++$()U-->+ P+ L>++ E-- W++(-) N+ o(--) K+ w+$>+++ 
!O !M V? PS+(+++) PE-(+) Y PGP- 
t+ !5 X R(+++) tv-- b++++ DI++ D--- G
e* h---->--- r+++ y+++**
------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------

Originally Posted by Shauk

a term of pride as self-reference, but often considered offensive when used by outsiders.

thats so.... um

saying the geek is the new "n" word..

Nerdy?

What's up, my geek?

[savmesom11]

I too am a geek lover. altho my SO is more of a nerd, nevertheless I am more of the pretty princess type girl and it's amazing how deep our connection is. When we first started dating my girlfriend were like, WTF?!?!?!? I wouldn't trade him for any other type of guy there is. Plus geeks have spent so much time researching the human body (i.e. porn, sexuality forums) that I didn't have to teach him a thing! Raaaaawwwwrrrrrrr!

[Shauk]

Originally Posted by savmesom11

I too am a geek lover. altho my SO is more of a nerd, nevertheless I am more of the pretty princess type girl and it's amazing how deep our connection is. When we first started dating my girlfriend were like, WTF?!?!?!? I wouldn't trade him for any other type of guy there is. Plus geeks have spent so much time researching the human body (i.e. porn, sexuality forums) that I didn't have to teach him a thing! Raaaaawwwwrrrrrrr!

god, i knew my massive porn collection would help me some day.

[robot_parade]

Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru

Okay, okay, what's the difference between a geek and a nerd? Pros and cons in contrast?

A nerd is someone whose life revolves around things like science, computers, and math.

A geek is someone whose life revolves around things like science, computers, and math, but likes it that way.

:-)

Originally Posted by jennaboo4u

Well thanks... I'm not accepted by other geeks though. I don't know why.

Are you a hot chick? You probably make guy geeks uncomfortable because they don't know how to interact with hot chicks. You make them feel funny in their nether regions, and they don't know how to deal with those feelings. Well, technically they do know how to deal with those feelings, but they have an instinctive knowledge that humping your leg won't work out well for them.

The grrl geeks probably hate you for your hawtness.

By the way, did anyone else notice the original article conflates Babylon 5 and Star Trek?

[Tophat665]

Are all nerds as good as you?
Yes, yes they are.
Why?
Because all jocks ever think about is sports, but all nerds ever think about is sex.

[Shauk]

Originally Posted by robot_parade

Are you a hot chick?

I've never laughed so hard at someone asking if water is wet before.



/signed -President of the Jennaboo4u fan club