child custody?

[blktour]

So I have this co-worker that came up to me today and explained a issue she is having... I need TFP's help..

So K (co-worker) ended up going out with another guy that works here. named S. they were together for about a couple of months, and they ended up sleeping with eachother. K ended up being pregnant. So now they have a kid, but this guy S doesnt want to be with her. so now they are on 50/50 terms, without any courts. so they chose to have S have the child every other weekend. ( you can tell he doesnt want this kid, but he just doesnt want to pay child support.)
I know both of these people well enough to know how they are as far as ethics go..
K is 22 and S is 24.. ( just so you know.)

now the issue is that K wants to take her daughter away from S and wants to know what she can do and what are her options becuase she is fed up with him.
why you ask?

well S talked another co worker to go over th his place, and talked her into giving him oral. he talked her into it by sweet talking her.. ( the girl was dumb if you ask me. if she didnt want to, she didnt have to.) and get this, the daughter of S and K was in the next room.. ( she is about 2 years old.)

so now that girl has a restraining order on him, becuase of it.

the reason she knows is becuase a boss told her becuase that girl called work to call in becuase she was hysterical about it, and that boss called K to make sure the daughter was ok.

how does look to the judge if they go to court, and she fights for full custody?

is there another way that this can be handled that i may not know about?

any tips?

[The_Jazz]

This situation seems bizarre and convoluted to me. I also think we're missing some critical information. Restraining orders aren't handed out because someone got sweettalked into oral sex, regardless of whether or not there was a toddler in the next room or even present. Restraining orders are for people who are acting inappropriately aggresive towards those that take out the aforementioned restraining orders.

So you're missing a piece of the puzzle there for sure. Something else happened that you don't know about or haven't mentioned.

I point this out because that something else could be critical.

The choices are "court involvement" or "no court involvement". It seems to me that they tried the latter and it didn't work. Now the mother is trying the former. It's an either/or situation, so I really don't see another option.

Either the mother can talk the father out of custody and paying support or she can't. Again, it seems like an either/or to me without more information.

[river_ratiii]

Unless the father REALLY openly says he doesn't want time with his child DO NOT let the mother stop visits.

Too many kids get messed up when adults behave badly in these situations.

People make excuses for their actions, like the child doesn't want to be with (mom/dad) or dad/mom doesn't want to be with the child, but when you dig deeper, it's usually one parent trying to get back at the other.

If the father only sees the child on alternate weekends he should be paying child support anyway. That's not only a legal issue, but a moral one too. He needs to make sure he contributes to his child, no matter what he thinks of his ex.

[robot_parade]

K needs a family law lawyer. She could also try to 'go it alone', but I wouldn't recommend it. Get a professional. The lawyer can go through her options based upon her situation and the laws of her state. She should start documenting now, if she hasn't already. Simply a notebook with a written record of 'S did such-and-such at such-and-such a time, and other person X was present.' The blowjob incident will probably not go over very well with a judge, especially if it is backed up by testimony of the woman who gave the BJ. Most judges, upon hearing that, will happily throw the book at S. On the other hand, most judges are going to very much be in favor of having both parents involved in the kid's life, so getting sole custody is fairly unlikely, unless K comes off as a complete loser in court. Most likely it will be a shared arrangement, somewhere between '2 weekends a month' and 'half time for each parent'.

Regarding the child support - if he's got visitation every other weekend, he damn well still owes child support. Just spending a token amount of time with the child does *not* magically make child support responsibilities go away. At least in most states I've heard about, child support is based upon a percentage of time the non-custodial parent spends with the child.

I agree with The_Jazz about the restraining order - something else must have gone on there. If she can get the BJ-giver to go to court and tell the truth about that situation, that would be good.

As for what river_ratii said - unless K has a court order, or S is a danger to the child (preferably documented), or S refuses (preferably in a documented way) to spend any time with the child, she should *not* refuse to let him see her. Judges frown on that big time.

Get. A. Lawyer.

[Bill O'Rights]

Wait-a-hold-it.

The child was in the "next" room? So what? It's not like the child was in the same room with them. Or am I missing something? If adults cannot have sex, because there is a child in the next room, then nobody would ever have any siblings.

Restraining Orders given for being talked into a BJ? Nah...I don't think so. There's a lot more to that. Restraining Orders are not issued lightly. He did a lot more that just talk her into a blowjob.

I'd say that there is lot more to the whole soap opera. You must have missed a couple of episodes.

[ziadel]

Originally Posted by Bill O'Rights

The child was in the "next" room? So what? It's not like the child was in the same room with them. Or am I missing something? If adults cannot have sex, because there is a child in the next room, then nobody would ever have any siblings.

Bill beat me to it....The guy got a blow job? *gasp* While the kid was in another room (not present). I'm not getting it either...

[kurty[B]]

Coming from the "guy's" perspective in this same exact situation (much less bullshit, well, maybe not, I don't know what the mother tells her friends).

Just because the mom says the guy wants nothing to do with the child does not mean that is the case (it may or may not be), but that's not the case. And every other weekend custody does not substantiate NOT having to pay child support on the guy's part. Check with Alaska State Child Support laws, but in Colorado, even if I had my child half of the time I would still owe the mother a large chunk of money each month because of her income. If I made the same as her, and had the child half of the time I MIGHT not owe anything in Child Support. If he claimed that having every other weekend custody was enough to justify not paying child support the mother needs to get a lawyer and get the courts involved ASAP. All she needs to do is go to the court, submit to have a case started for Allocation of Parental Responsibility and Child Support and then let the pissing match begin there. If the father already has court appointed every other weekend custody that should not stop until the courts say otherwise.

Having sex with a child in the other room is not a crime, and being talked into a BJ in your own home is not just cause for a restraining order (maybe being talked into receiving a BJ while sitting at a fancy restaurant is justification for a night in jail). There is certainly more to the restraining order than a BJ. Now, if the child was in the room while this was going on, that's a bit of a different story.

My recommendation to you is to let your co-worker know she needs to get a lawyer and get a case started with the courts. My other recommendation to you is not to associate blame to a third party without hearing that party's side of the story. If you have actually heard the father say "Yeah, I don't even want a part of my child's life, I just don't want to pay child support", then yes, he's a jerk and shouldn't have any custody rights for the child, but if that's is what the mother said and you have never talked to the father about it I would ask the mother to make sure she NEVER says anything like that in front of or nearby, or within audible distance of the child! That's the beginning of one fucked up upbringing if she is saying things like that in front of the child.