The dumbest thing I have ever heard cross human lips.
 

I work at a gas station. I get my fair share of idiots there (i.e. can't figure out the pump, can't find bathroom, can't find the CANDY RACK), but this one girl just floored me. I may have heard dumber, but this stuck out because she tried to use sophisticated words without knowing how.

"That egg roll I ate did not suffice me to any avail."

Okay, let's take a look at a couple of those words, shall we?

suf-fice: v. to meet present needs or requirements.

This word has been used completely incorrectly. She was not the special need or requirement, her hunger was, so why did she leave out the integral part about hunger?

a-vail: v. to succeed.

She already made it clear that she wasn't filled up by the egg roll, why did she feel the need to put the last 3 words in? That's being redundant and just plain stupid.

That concludes my rant. I'm sure people will call me a dick because i should worry about such things. But i'm sorry, things like that just irk me. If you are in any doubt whatsoever in how to use a given word, don't use it.

[/rant]

It is annoying to hear people abuse difficult words to seem smarter or posher, but I almost banged my head at the wall when a high school graduate applying for a really difficult to get in college/university program asks what's "empirical". Ok, it's a loan word in Finnish, but c'mon...

What I get annoyed with is naming old foods with the latest cuisine trend term to make it sell better. In here, what use to be called a milkshake is usually uncorrectly called a smoothie or better yet, a lassi.

Lewis Black, the comedian, said trying to figure out why people say stupid stuff is the reason we have brain aneurisms. His example was taken from a conversation he overheard the ending to. Try and figure this out, "If it wasn't for my horse, I would have never spent that year in college."

Wow, that consequently does disconcert my self!

:D

I often see this on Cops. Why do the witnesses always say
"...and I proceeded to..." (I went)
or "..to his current location." (over there)
C'mon, who are you kidding? You dont really speak like that.

Do you think the average person in South Central L.A. uses this language like this:

locate (find)
survey (search)
commenced (started)
originated (came from)
outset (begining)
persue (chase)
failed to (didn't)
apprehend (arrest)
take unawares (surprise)
determine (find out)
ascertain (be sure)

& military people do it
"the ordinance vehicle in front of which I am currently standing" (this car)
They dont locate thier posteriors a sofa & proceed to partake in a cold alcaholic carbonated beverage" They sit at home & have a beer.
Give me a break.

Some people definately need to extract their craniums from rectal defilade.

Oooh, now you're getting me started. "COPS"isms just piss me off.

The phrase "rate of speed" is one of my favorites. Rate of speed!? "He was proceeding down the thoroughfare at a high rate of speed." == "He was driving fast down the street."

Oh, and "At this time". What's wrong with "now"? Speeches that start with "At this time I would like to..." can be at least seven words shorter.

"rate of speed" hahahaha! thats a good one! (I don't get Cops) Thats very funny! Try and figure out what exactly "rate of speed" means....it makes no sense at all!

This thread reminds me of one of my lecturers who would stand up in front of the class and explain over an hours worth of material in the most complex language possible. I usually walk out of the theatre thinking wtf i didnt understand a word of that.

When i actually go home and look over the material, i find that i could explain the concepts in a quarter of the time using simple language.

oh i laughed out loud at the rate of speed too!

all I've got to say is
know your audience.

I would say I have a decent vocabulary, but as Rogue said, you have to now your audience. When you are writing a paper use the "sophisticated" language, (just make sure you spell it right, and use it right).

Anywhere else, blow it out your ass and talk like the rest of us. People who don't make me embarassed for them.

"Every so often, I try to masturbate a large word into conversation, even if I'm not really sure what it means."

A very fat woman at work was giving me a bunch of crap because I spent $4,000 on a mountain bike. She told me it was stupid of me to waste the much money on a bike. I responded that it wasn't a waste of money, but an investment in my health.

...she then responded with the absolute stupidest thing I've ever heard:

"Well, what's yer health gonna getcha???"

:rolleyes: Actually, lack of it got her fat husband sent to an early grave.

I understand.


Some people were just born to fail.

I was at a vegetarian Chinese resturaunt a few weeks ago. This old white lady asked one of the waitresses where they were from. She said Taiwan. Then the old lady then asked her "Oh yeah? Do your relatives have SARS?" The waitress said no. I rolled my eyes and was like WTF?

It's not the worst thing I've heard, but it embarrasses me to no end to hear the bone headed President of the USA using the word Nucular instead of Nuclear. 'Hi, I'm in charge of the most powerful country in the world and I can't even use the english language rightly.'

I take far more offense at poorly written English than poorly spoken English. Unfortunately this takes away from my enjoyment when reading e-mail and BBS posts.

l33tsp34k is at times easier to read. *shudder*

To excrusiatingly pontificate purposely by some enamorate linguistically challenged persons dictates extraordinary ineptitude and is a predicated by indifference within itself.

Where is ARTelevision when you need him.

Why call a spade a spade when you can call it a manual earth manipulation implement?

CRI (Cranial-rectal inversion) is a major problem amongst todays population. Very sad, really.

Do you mind if I use that in real life? That is comic gold.

we are forced to learn these words; well i was anyway, so we must use them.

i dont use big words most of the time simply beacuse i dont remember what most of them mean

the rate (of change) of speed is acceleration. (haha)

Amen to that.

It's not so much as using words they don't know, it's the improper typing of words they have used all their lives. Anyone who uses "u" and "r" makes me sadface, because you know it takes extra effort to find that one letter instead of just typing out the real word.

The Darker Fire Within

My friend's girlfriend won't let him go out without her. He always have to call her to tell her where he is, and if he's off somewhere, but not at work, she calls him at least once a hour telling him to go home. And they don't even live together. But the real problem:

When she disappears for a whole day, and he asks where she's been, she says he isn't allowed to ask that.
Because it's part of her INTEGRITY.

I hate her.

madsenj37: actually, lewis black is who inspired me to start this thread. "Don't think about that sentence for more than 2 minutes or blood will shoot our your nose."

bad grammer and misuseage of words vocally is something that i can deal with, but the stupid useless computer slang that mashes the laguage into gibberish pisses me off. I just went to the winamp website the other day because i got a new computer and wanted the 3 version, even the staff cannot spell there, the staff reviews of the skins are all spelled wrong and filled with stupid slang and nonsensical crap. i was very weirded out

How is computer slang any different to all the mistakes you just made YourNeverThere?

lol ys i agr w/ u, it r so stoopid ^^

You made me spit coffee through my nose!

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!" - Ralphie, The Simpsons

I have too many examples of poor language usage to list. I teach at the university level, and it is astonishing that many of these kids get into college at all.

I also can't stand seeing words spelled incorrectly. Typos are one thing, but when people type "loose" when they mean "lose", for example, I want to hit myself in the head with a hammer.

Reading a lot as a child has given me a pretty extensive vocabulary. I have a tendency to use words like "flummox" and "disseminate" in a normal conversation.

Suffice to say this does a wonderful job of messing with people who aren't used to SAT words.

I'm nonplussed.

"Embiggen is a completely cromulent word"

Quite a bit of snap-judgmentalism.

Okay, this thread started out simply enough. Dumb people who use big words incorrectly to sound smart. Then it went off on a tangent against anyone who ever uses big words. I am sorry but I consider myself a smart person. I mean I am not big headed or conceited or anything. I know the meanings (albeit not always the spelling or pronunciation) of many big words. Dictionary.com is my best friend. My point is I never intentionally talk down to people but I also am not going to dumb down my words just because YOU don't understand. Its times like this I like to point out the highest grade of english I ever passed was 8th grade.

Sorry, Derwood, but that's muddy thinking. A brief examination of the problem will suggest a more appropriate target for your hammer.

i know i cant type, the apostrophe butten on my keyboard does this:è for some reason, other than that, making up totally new words like nonsenseical and misuseage isnt as bad, thats just the way i talk i guess, and sorry i didnt spell the number three or capitalize the letter i. I was complaining more about the shortening like lol or rofl and all of that, i am sure that anyone on the internet has seen it so i didnt think that i had to define it further, anyway, thats just my opinion.

Jigga what?

I went out to breakfast with a girl I just started talking to. When the waitress asked, "How do you want your eggs?"

The girl I was with said, "Cooked."

I laughed so hard that I almost passed orange juice through my nose!!

Suffice it to say that we didn't go out after that.



Glad

One of my friends was getting married so a few of us went and had a few(several) drinks at a nearby bar before we headed to the church.One of my friends,to put it bluntly,was not the sharpest knife in the drawer,but none the less was a hell of a nice guy.

As we entered the foyer of the church,an usher was asking the people if they were friends or relatives of the bride or groom in order to designate which side of the church to seat people on. When the usher asked my buddy,"bride or groom," without even breaking stride, my buddy offered, "no thanks,"and walked past the usher who had the most dumbfounded look on his face you could imagine.

To this day we still laugh our asses off at that comment.

My wife callls me the English Nazi, and I can't figure it out? I'm always correcting my children and her for double negatives and "ain*t"-- I can't even type the word. Between people speaking incorrectly, and writing incorrectly, it drives me crazy. And now, cutting words down even more for chat and IM, I'm pulling my hair out. To me, speaking incorrectly is the dumbest thing a person can do.

These [drunk] girls outside my apartment the other night were looking at a dead bird in the street. I really wasn't paying attention until i heard on of them say: "You know it is good luck to step on a dead bird."

I must have missed that one.

But then they all proceded to step on the bird.

tsk. idiots

oh crap.. i starting laughing right here in my office! dontcha just love having friends like that, the ones who can make you laugh without even knowing it???

as far as using 'dontcha' in lieue of 'dont you'.. here's your hammer. :p

I don't think I really got the gist of this topic but I want to add a comment. I don't mind when anyone uses big words to speak, as long they know what they are talking about and can define what they are saying and can translate to anyone that doesn't understand.

I think it's very uncool when someone speaks to no ends using huge words that not even they understand or can spell. Not only is it annoying to the person reading or listening to them but it makes them look real foolish and unintelligent.

when speaking or writing, one must speak to the audience without compromising the rules of grammar or syntax...

Is that why you do not start your sentences with uppercase letters?

I was at a college the other day, looking at a map of a building. It had the first floor, second floor, third floor, and the FORTH floor. This was at a college and posted on the building in more than one spot! Hey just because it is a word doesn't mean its used correctly!!!

actually, i think she did use suffice correctly...

"that egg roll i ate did not suffice."

its kinda implied that it did not suffice her hunger, wouldnt you say? =)

[EDIT]: "me to no avail" <--- God knows how she came up with that :D

"I am invisible" - Mike Tyson (in an attempt to put some of his prison high school education to use)

"More and more of our imports are coming from overseas." - George W. Bush

"Not in French, English, nor Mexican". - George W. Bush

Kind of sad that our President ranks right up there with Mike Tyson with the most stupid quotes of the decade. What happened to the deep thinking, thoughtful presidents like Washington, Lincoln and Roosevelt?

I'm really smart. Just thought I'd mention it.

At the prenatal care center yesterday, my fiance was filling out her initial paperwork about her previous illnesses. One question was:
Have you ever had sexual intercourse?

I laughed so frickin hard at that, that's the dumbest question to ask in prenatal care center.

I hate it when people cannot use words correctly and leave off the 'ly' at the end of words that are supposed to have it.

Also I have done a lot of public speaking and it irks me when speakers cannot handle one moment of silence and fill them all with "um", "uh", and "I".

Also a friend of mine who has had some college even insists on using double negatives all the time and "aint". That drives me crazy.

I think that my biggest English grammar problems come from using too many double negatives. I don't know why I do it, either. It's just the way I talk...I know better when I'm typing things, for some reason. Go figure.