Could you spend your life with someone whose occupation...
 

Could you spend your life with someone whose occupation you did not respect?

For me: NO. I couldn't spend my life with someone who, for instance, was a fur trader or processor.

Or if they worked some secret government job where they couldn't tell me the details and it was possibly something totally unethical or something that the world needed to know (<--- in my opinion, anyway.)

Or if they were veal farmers, baby pig slaughterers, goose liver processors, or some inhumane thing like that.

I would definitely not be able to spend my life with a prostitute, if that's what you mean. I struggle to see why you don't respect people of particular occupation, though. It seems that you have no respect for anyone of industry that disagrees with your personal ethics. Firstly, I believe anyone working in this country is owed a certain degree of respect regardless of occupation. People who work keep the country going. Additionally, it's not as if people working in said "unethical"/"inhumane" fields chose to work in that industry. Do you think "baby pig slaughterers" dreamed about slaughtering pigs when they were 9 years old? People in less-than-ideal occupations are simply victims of circumstance, very much like I'm not the famous-war-hero-singer-actor-billionaire-CEO-pilot I once dreamt I would be. You yourself can probably be categorized in the same manner (do you have your dream job?) From this perspective, you should be able to indentify with those individuals on some level and allow them respect for what they do. Many of those people you dont respect work hard every day to feed their families. Said points aside, even if everyone did work in their ideal occupations, and "goose liver processors" did "some inhumane thing like that" by choice>> By showing them no respect for their own decisions and ethical standards, you do not foster an environment in which individual opinion is respected. That is, if you think their value system is crap, what makes yours so much better? Even out of religious context, the "golden rule" applies. I'm not advocating extreme relativism here. Respect others if you care to be respected.

vjssy: I don't think lindalove is talking about respecting an individual in a given field, I think she is talking about spending her life with someone in a field she doesn't respect... I would think those two things would be quite different... You yourself drew the line somewhere with prostitutes and then go on to argue against drawing a line anywhere.

There are many things that would stop me from spending my life with someone and a job that I couldn't really relate to or respect would definitley be one of them. Even if my significant other had a job that simply didn't leave enough time for me could potentially be a deal breaker. You are going to spend a lot of time with this person hopefully and if they have a job that disagrees with you, it will affect how you feel about them.

vjssy, there are people who choose forcefeeding ducks as an occupation. In fact, there was an article in this month's Bon Appetit about the treatment of ducks who are forcefed. The people who founded the business the author of the article visited CHOSE to open the business. And they get paid very, very well for it. Similarly, I know people in the mink farming business. It's good money, and that's why they got into it.

Personally, I have no ethical concerns with those occupations. The forcefeeding of geese, ducks and other fowl does not bother me because well, I like pate, and if I'm going to eat it, I need to be okay with how they do it. When I do eat pate (not often), I do try to choose from suppliers who treat the fowl in a more humane manner (like the supplier Bon Appetit profiled). I also don't mind fur, because as anyone who has been around mink can tell you--they're vermin. If you release mink into the wild, they will prey on everything in the immediate vicinity, and it's especially horrible if they're not a natural predator.

I'm sure there are occupations that would bother me, but those are not among them.

Maybe it's a little hypocritical on my part, but I think that a person's personal ethics are more important than what they do for a living. I couldn't spend time with a person's who's views on what is right and what is wrong is vastly different than mine. A job is just a job sometimes, a means to a paycheck, as long as they are hard working, i'm not sure it matters what they do for a living.

Could I live with someone who couldn't control their temper and got into fights regularly? More than likely no... Could I live with someone who worked for a democrat? Perhaps... :D it's just a job - it's really not part of who they are... not being able to control their temper is part of who they are.

You've read one to many Tom Clancy novel. :icare:
It's been 17 years since I was in the Air Force, and held a top secret security clearance. There are still things that I cannot discuss, to this day. It's not as "cloak and dagger" as it sounds. The world didn't need to know then, and it certainly doesn't need to know now.
I like to think that if Mrs. O'Rights had held your beliefs, she'd have missed out on a pretty kickassed kind of guy. Of course...I may be a little biased. ;)

Nah, not at all :icare: You are a pretty kickassed kind of guy--at least in my book!

It'll often come down to how the person respects themselves in that occupation. I can respect jobs and workers for which I want no involvement, but it wouldn't necessarily bother me to be in a relationship with someone who was.

However, if they have a weak rationale, or make any excuses to live with it, I'd expect a crisis at some point. "If I didn't do it someone else would." *Alert!*

Someone who works as a bill collector, for instance. I know the job needs to be done, and I've had them on staff myself, but the methods and battles can take their toll. If someone has a handle on it, sticks to their ethics (compatible with my own), fine, but it's quite possible they'll have their own issues with it or with what attracted them to it and that will eventually spill into our relationship.

If it's something I have an actual distaste for, say lobbying for tobacco companies or televangelizing, something where their doing a good job means direct and measurable damage to others, and they're moving forward and not out of the business, then no, that would be a deal breaker. They're either on a different ethical plane from myself or they'll blow at some point.

Cyrnel brings up an interesting point. My SO has at various times been unhappy with her career(s). The zenith of her unhappiness was while working in development for orphanages. Odd, but the total lack of the management to even offer up an auto-de-fe to their mission infuriated her. So she was very hard to be with, and felt that at times her task of raising money to provide these kids with homes was unethical.

Now she does shady government work and is happy. Well, it’s not shady, I just don’t understand it. I do know it’s beneficial to Native Americans.

If somebody were happy being a veal maker, I don’t think I’d be in that relationship. And no, I don’t eat veal.

Mmmmm veal.

Not a big fan of foie gras though, maybe I just need higher quality.

I try not to let my own biases leak into these things when it comes to job. I do care about character/personality which is why I could be happy with a stripper and very unhappy with someone with a PhD.

Based on your list of 'no's' it seems you have a lot of battles you want to fight out there.

I agree with the sentiment that its about attitude more than profession. If I were with someone who was a veal farmer but only because they couldnt get a job with their Biology degree and wanted to make sure it was done humanely, that's totally different from someone who's a veal farmer because they like hurting animals. That point is somewhat moot because I personally dont think any "food preparation" in existance is inhumane, so I wouldn't have a problem with either of the two.

In life (and with this question) I'm always more curious about WHY someone does X then how they actually manifest X. The methodology and not the interface, if you will.

I have had the fortune of meeting trappers. They are the hardest working people I know. They don't complain, they always have a hand to lend when you need them, and they are always happy to see you (I think it is because working a trap line is fucking lonely work).

Now, never having met a female trapper has biased my opinion, but I could very well see myself with a caring person that just so happened to skin animal carcasses.

I can't live with someone who is not happy and does not like themselves. That is a deal-breaker for me. That, and cheating.

I think I am too jealous of a person to be with a stripper. It would drive me crazy, I think.

Oooo...Veal Parmesan? A good Veal Parmesan? Nothing better on this, or any other, world. :D

I just try not to think about it too much.

To my taste, chicken paremesan has always been tastier. Especially if you take the time to pound it with a meat clever until it's flat.

Having a daily commute by a veal farm, where they put the tiny cages on display right by the road, I figured I could make that sacrifice rather than think about those poor animals.

Sure, my relationship is with the person, not their job title.

Now if their job title said "assassin" that might make me a little nervous sleeping at night or eating that "special dinner" she prepared, but otherwise, it's all good.

I could likely not have a relationship, however, with someone engaged in serious criminal activity.

But veal is yummy. :) And i don't get the baby pig thing, is there something we need the pig to be a baby for? To think i've missed out on a perfectly good baby-pig dish.

I think i'm pretty flexible, ethically, so it'd be difficult to have a profession i'd disagree with.

If we're talking profession, you can rule out things like drugs- pretty much anything illegal. Oh, and I wouldn't be with a person in the military, but that has nothing to do with respect.

I dunno. What people say and what they do can be pretty different. The last girl I dated was the most money motivated, most capitalistic person you could imagine, but we got on well

hmmmmmmmmmm, well, this is an interesting thing to bring up.

As an example... My husband works at Microsoft ... his job isn't really changing the world or making a true impact like say... a social worker's job does... but he's good at it, he works hard... so i respect that and him for working so hard...

A job is a job. it's money.
Hypothetically, If my S.O had to work at a Veal processing plant, i would be okay with that... if he said "i love seeing animals suffer" that would be my breaking point. Do you see the difference??

i don't agree with veal, heck i don't even eat red meat. But i'll make a beef hamburger for my husband... Why? because they are *my* ethics, not his. He's a great person and very kind, but he eats meat... and i don't. It's not a big deal... because we're separate people.

The thing about ethics is that you can only hold yourself to them, not the whole world.

sweetpea

Not that I am a microsoft fan, but microsoft as a whole has had more world impact that all the social workers combined. For good or for evil is always the question :D

world impact yes. :) And most of the time i think it's for good.

I mean, aside from the software.. Look at what the Melinda Gates Foundation has done in the world. The Gates' are an excellent example of doing something positive with one's money.

that being said... the kind of impact i value in my own career is different than getting a faster Windows XP model, but i stil respect that he works hard :)

sweetpea

*CLAP *CLAP *CLAP :)

My ethics are pretty flexible, but even then..

It's a job. It's a mean to an end. The guy working the slaughterhouse probably doesn't do it because he gets his kicks slipping on various cow parts. He does it to put food on the table. I can respect that.

I'd just make the disctinction between morals and respect. I don't have to respect the job, but if her job is killing people for a living, then no.

I could'nt live the rest of my life with someone who did'nt find the wholesale slaughter of animals attractive.

I couldnt be married to a cop or a fireman....while I respect those careers greatly, I could not take the stress in my life of waiting for that "call" or "visit" at 2 am to tell me something had happened to the love of my life because of some cracked out drug head with a temper and a gun or a fire gone wrong.

I don't do anything bad, but I couldn't tell you anything I did at work, and might have to travel to far away places for weeks at a time.

I don't really define people by the work they do though. I'll agree with some other people and say I couldn't be with a 'working girl' or police officer(I like to speed). I wouldn't want a girl to work 16 hour days, 6 days a week either.

Depends on what it was.

My girlfriend is a Vet... nothing wrong with that.

I'm a DJ and bartender. She doesn't like it at all. Says, all DJs or bartenderd are whores and sleep around. Mainly cause just after the guy at the door they are the most important person in a bar/club. Girls flock. I guess it's more of a trust thing with us.


I can't think of anything that I wouldn't be okay with. Criminal. I'd ask to help. Other than that... if it was that bad of a job... no one would do it.

Pretty much every girlfriend I've had during and since my time in the porn industry has had a tough time coping with my exposure to many hot, naked chicks. I don't blame them, really. It's easy to say "go get some self esteem" but seriously, I was a young hormone-crazed (still am) male surrounded by sex! My current girlfriend now would have a serious problem if I got back into it, even out of pure necessity.

Personally, I don't believe in morals, nor in any judgement either here or then. The things that make me uneasy are those that infringe upon my place as a masculine alpha-male. So, basicly, I couldn't date a prostitute or porn star. That's about all*. Government assassin? Knock 'em dead, honey! Lawyer? Let's buy a 3rd world country together! Furry animal scalper? You left a little spot on there side there...

As long as you treat eachother with respect, and never cross the lines of the relationship, it's all blood, guts and gravy.

* Assuming all that's being done is essentially condoned by law.

Well, I don't respect, among other things:

* People who run telephone soliciting campaigns aimed at selling poor people or senior citizens insurance policies that don't pay except on lawsuit, and the people that write such policies. Or anyone who knowingly tries to sell a worthless product to the weak and/or ignorant.

* Lobbyists and lawyers and politicians with conditional loyalties: if you pay me, I'll do your job the way you want it and screw justice/the law/the people.

* Insurance executives who sell vaguely worded policies that allow them to not pay in the case of natural disaster -- even though the policyholder was assured he was "fully covered." Saw a Katrina special about that on CNN; they screwed so many people.

The thing is, these and many others like them are _legal jobs._ But in order to do them, you have to prey or misguide other people, albeit legally. If a person could do a job like that, why would I want to spend my life with them?

So baby seals or calves or bunnies aside, I'd avoid anyone who was successful in a profession or business that rewarded them for being ethically challenged, ruthless, or otherwise callous... for the very good reason that a person who could do that probably wouldn't be a very nice person at all.

I dated a boy years ago who was a musician. We dated long enough. Everyone would tell me how amazing a guitar player he was, but I never really got it. I'd go to gigs but it never really kicked in for me. Guess I wasn't listening.

Anyway one day he says to me, "You don't believe in me do you?" And without hesitation I said, "No."

Well I'm doing just fine myself right now but the boyfriend I didn't believe in,.. well he's doing just great making a living as a guitarist. A great living actually. And no I'm not Avril Lavigne.

Morally, I just couldn't live with a televangelist.

I cannot really think of an occupation that I don't respect. When I first met my husband, he was unemployed. I was happy when he got a job, I didn't really care what it was. Then after we got married he lost his job and had to take whatever he could. Almost 12 years later, we are still married. As long as he is providing for our family, and doing it legally, I don't care what he is doing.

I can't think of many jobs that I'd find repulsive enough that I wouldn't want to be with a woman in that job.

However, I can say I respect a person more for how they choose to do their job than for what job they have. Grace has a difficult, respectable job, and does it well and with a positive attitude. I admire the work ethic and the attitude more than the profession.

Gilda

Y'know, my hubby and I were talking about this the other day. I got sucked into my 4,357th viewing of Married to the Mob and we were talking about that and The Sopranos and about the fact that I could be perfectly happy married to a mobster, s'long as he treated me well.

*shrugs* Hell, as long as I'm treated well, I don't give a shit what my partner does for a living. It might be a "head in the sand" attitude, but I am what I am.

If my husband were like some of y'all who've posted here, he'd have never married me... I've been a stripper, I'm a recovered/recovering drug addict who has taken money for sex... prostituting myself for drug money wasn't as hard the second time as it was the first. *shrugs* I'm fortunate that he sees past the choices I've made (including my choices on how to earn income) to the woman at the core of who I am.

Some jobs I may not choose to do myself, but I have to respect those who do them. We all have our contributions to make.

The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Well I wouldn't decide to not spend my life with someone based on their occupation. However, I would expect my partner and I to by compatible eithically and morally. As such, someone with similar morals to me would be unlikely to end up working in an unethical job if they had any kind of choice about it.

Since beggars can't be choosers i'd take a mobsteress or baby seal clubber about now. I wouldn't prefer somebody who's job is their only life. People ask "what do you do?" my work isn't my answer, that's simply a way to pay for things i do. If they'd draw the right lottery numbers "What i do" would be "spend money".

I came to love and respect my mate before he was in his current field. I don't think I could have left him even if he chose something like clubbing seals. But then again, would I have come to love and respect someone who was capable of clubbing seals? *grin*

.....fully agreed.....