How to Make Brownies for the US Military
 

This is priceless.


LINK

LINK to the RECIPE (warning: PDF)

Yeah, it's easy to laugh at how anal all of this is until you've eaten over a thousand of those meal components and realize with mild awe that they're always edible. I've learned never to take food as a given unless it comes out of one of those brown bags. Our rations are gnarly; best on Earth.

I've probably choked down at least thirty of those brownies.

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Here's a fun story about military nomenclature:

For awhile I worked in the "gun shop" of my unit and thus was in charge of the utterly ridiculous paperwork involved with ordering weapon parts. Just for giggles, I got a little ballsy one day and started making up requests for all sorts of things, including "FLUID, SOUL-CLEANSING, WHISKEY, 750ML BOTTLE, SQUARE, GLASS, TWIST TOP, JACK DANIELS BRAND, OLD NO. 7." and other mildly amusing line items that the company commander signed off on without even reading. You should have seen my arms room, bro... I had authorization for phased plasma rifles, crack rocks, and one pet La Chapacabra. Careful wording of the initial items on an official-looking, properly-formatted document is a great way to really screw with people in the military.

Hey, just what you see pal.

Ewww. Brownies made with shortening.

Fucking hilarious, Charlatan. Yeah, we used that exact line a few times whenever somebody requested something with improper nomenclature.

Yeah, but they're edible for like 8 years if you keep the package intact.

I think I'd rather make my own with butter when I feel the hankering for a brownie. :)

Or had to read and implement government regs... this is definitely 'funny cause it's true'.

Given the circumstances, I have no issue with using shortening. If I were a soldier eating rations, I'd probably weep to see a brownie. Any brownie (and that was not a euphemism). I'd weep for different reasons if I opened my kit to find a mouldy brownie.

Yeah. Aren't you lucky. You had those yummy MREs. I, on the other hand, had to choke down canned C-rations. Woe be to the hapless young Airman that found the Ham and Lima Beans in his C-rat. He was going hungry. Conversely, if you found the pound cake in your meal, then you found gold. You could trade that one can of pound cake for an entire meal. My dog tag chain still has my last remaining P-38 hanging from it.

That's funny... I carry a P-38 on my ID tags, too. It's more like a good luck charm ("In Stomach We Trust") than a useful tool.

ohh god... the days of Naval supply.

one number wrong on your NIN and instead of a gross of pens you received 55 gallons of refrigerant oil.


my old supply officer use to like to tell the stories of submarines having airplane wings show up on the pier and the air force Base in arizona that has a 22 ton anchor leaning up against one of the hangers that says "check your stock numbers"

"Not for pre-flight consumption"

Well, MREs had a few entrees that were similar to the C-rat torture. Before my time there was something called the "five fingers of death." Few Joes I knew liked the meatloaf. My personal favorite was the 2000ish circulation of the veggie bag containing the bean burrito a.k.a. "Mexican Pop Tart."

Do any of you have an address or two for me to send cookies and brownies to the troops?

I have friends who mentor a Sunday school group of kids who would love to share their baked goods with our Soldiers.

And before anyone barfs, these kids are real good bakers!!!! Any other tips would be cool to know beforehand.

Thanks.
hunnychile

Hunnychile, you always have a way of making the least-productive threads productive. :thumbsup:

The compliment goes back at ya!

Good vibes tend to resonate. :)

My understanding of it is that they frown on that sort of thing hunny. baked goods tend to not withstand 1000 degree iraqi heat. but i know their are groups who send care packages out.

Marines Care Package Project: List of Items Needed by Marines in Iraq and Afghanistan check that out.

WTF?

...


So, yeah, please stop sending the troops baked goods. If they eat one more stale chocolate chip cookie, they're going to come home and PTSD the shit outta their wives. It is bad enough that most of the ready-to-eat food over there is junk garbage (Oreos, Otis Spunkmeyer double-chocolate muffins)... they don't need to get it from home. Troops value non-food items such as baby wipes, permanent markers, and good sport sunscreen more.

But what do I know?