My Escape Plan
 

Funny and true: http://www.marryanamerican.ca/

Thanks to Spinelust for finding my escape plan!

I'd marry ya, Crompsin!

It is legal for two dudes to get married up here, after all.

I love THIS Magazine...

http://www.marryanamerican.ca/aboot/agenda.php

Don't get caught up on the conversions.... you know, Fahrenheit vs Celsius, pound vs. kilogram, and all that.... but, most important, remember that 1 Canadian beer = 2 to 3 American beers.

...and be sure to bring your hat that you've been sporting on the boards, Crompsie. You won't survive your first Canadian winter without it.

Baraka... he won't need that hat. He has Martian's love to keep him warm.

Sheeeeit, I survived Afghanistan. I'll be okay without Martian's love.

...

That's right, Baraka... it takes me around 3 American beers to get stupid... which means it'll take me 2 to get absolutely retarded in Canada!

No offense, Martian. I don't need another hairy ass in my life.

Side note: I love all you guys.

Man, if I had a nickel for every time I'd heard that...

Awww I'm disappointed they aren't taking applications anymore.

):

Too bad, it was a rather great plan.

I know. I could have found me a hot Canadian. ):

Have we told you how we keep warm during winter nights?

0.o

Blankets?

Um... yeah. :paranoid: We use...blankets. To keep warm.

It sounds like you've visited Canada before.

Or that was a lucky guess.

Well, isn't that disappointing? I was hoping it was something more exciting. (; But, blankets work!

Don't forget this part. Oh, and we like to share blankets. We're nice like that. ;)

Awww Isn't that nice? You Canadians have such good hospitality. (:

Does the Canadian beer/American beer ratio mean that it's easier to get a Canadian drunk? Because, that would really help with the trying to find a hot one. =P

I should hardly think such a fetching young lady would need to get a Canadian drunk in order to win him over.

Drinking beer is a major Canadian past-time, right up there with hockey and doughnut eating. Thus, we're somewhat hardened to it's effects.

EDIT - And for any American women who are wondering how Canadians keep warm, I'd be more than happy to provide a demonstration. Y'know, for educational purposes.

Martian... what are you going to do with that meat thermometer?!

Trust me, if he doesn't have some problem, he's not interested in me. (;

I would hope that Tequila, then, would have the same effect on Canadians as it does Americans?

(About that demo...)

Heh, there's a whole exchange rate of alcoholic effects, I'm sure.

In terms of beer, Martian is right: Canadians would have the advantage. (i.e. Americans coming up here to drink our beer might get drunk at twice the rate.)

However, tequila might be the equalizer. Though I'll have you know I like my tequila neat. The salt and limes just get in the way.

I may have to start a study on this...

But, I think they make a person taste better. =P

Just let me know next time you expect to be in the Toronto area and I'll be more than happy to show you some Canadian hospitality. If you know what I mean.

Quiet, you. You had your chance.

But they are not accepting new applications... ;)

Canadians are my favorite aliens.

I only know one Canadian personally. And she's a few french fries short of a Happy Meal. Unlike the ones I've seen on the forum.

Wow, I felt like I was watching Brittany and Goby banter from Jarret's Room on SNL for a minute there. This thread is so non-sequitur, but incredibly funny. For example.
What wit. This is the only proper response to the smart ass 'blankets' comment. Hilarious.

I agree on the tequilla, neat is the only way to go. I'd actually drink it more often if doing so didn't require me to be in range of a toilet for the next 4 hours. That stuff is brutal on the excretory system.

I like kanucks. I'd marry one.

will... I think Martian's offer still stands.

His offer of marriage was sadly to Crompsin, not me.

(There's a sentence I never thought I'd write)

Yes... but he's on the rebound after a harsh rejection from Crompsin. Now is the time to strike.

I could never marry willravel. We'd fight over the closet space too much.