s3b

i feel a little silly posting about this, but ive been reading some other posts, and a bunch of you have some amazing things to say/advice.. so i thought i would give it a shot.

Im currently studying abroad in England for my 3rd year in college. I lost my virginity 1st year in college.. except it was sort of a SHAFTED situation. i was a real bitch because we basically made out for 2 hours, then i decided i was ready to have sex.. and we literally went at it for about 2 minutes and then i asked him to stop .. because it was just so BLEH. yeah yeah, i know i should have just saw what happened.. . well we tried again the next night (a few different positions, none for more than a min or two).. but basically BOTH NIGHTS i asked him to STOP and neither of us came, or anything of the sort.

so that was TWO YEARS AGO. since it wasnt a "REAL" or a GOOD sexual experience, i always joke im still 1/4th a virgin (yeah yeah, its not true). but i guess there was no problem for me emotionally then b/c i knew he loved me, and i cared for him.. but turns out a week after i ended up breaking up with him (so i basically had the upperhand.. and no worries?)

FOR MY SITUATION NOWWWWWW.... 2 weeks ago i ended up making out with my brit friend's best friend (they are british.. so from here). he got my number from our mutual friend..and we've kept in touch texting for the past two weeks here and there (the big thing to do here in europe). well now the thing is.. in a few days he will be visiting...

Lately I've been feeling I'm ready to have sex again. Or to try for a "good"/"normal"/satisfying sexual experience. The only thing that I am worried about, is "getting attached" or just, well.. feeling used or what not afterwards? I dont know, ladies.. what do you think? I've been trying to debate whether I'd be ready to just have "casual sex" with this guy.. but take into consideration that we DEF would not date or become an item after this weekend, or anything like that. It would just be living in the moment. I guess what I'm scared of, is that after we have sex.. I would need for some .. kind of emotional .. comforting. (for lack of better word) Just perhaps, well I don't know if I'd be chil with him being "BLAH" afterwards??? What are GUYS usually like? I guess thats super general and depends on the guy. I'm 20 and he's only about to turn 19 in January (I CANNOT BELIEVE IM GOING FOR A YOUNG GUY BTW HAHA) ... also just worried because hes still just this goofy, immature, kid who makes me laugh? AHHH.. i dont know. help? Sorry i ramble so much...

maleficent

you are the only one who can answer the question as to whether or not you are ready for casual sex or not...

Feeling used? Honestly, only you can make you feel that way... If it's a mutually pleasurable experience... no one is getting used... You really have to find out for yourself what your expectations are out of this guy... and for yourself...

As for his age? it's a year -- so what... are you looking to get married? do you want a lifelong commitment wiht him? There's a lot to be said for someone making you laugh and in my book - that's a key feature.. because it's either there - or it's not... and if it's not there... well he better be rich or hung like a stallion... because when all is said and done - what's the point of... anything... without laughter.

I went thru my 20s, not so much doing the casual sex thing, but even with two engagements (very long story) I never saw myself as a getting attached emotionally, I wasnt the hold me... love me... send me flowers on my birthday type, bring me soup when i'm sick type... I never felt he had to spend the night because it's what he thoguht he wanted or was the 'cost of doing business' because other women wanted it.

Sex was great but it was just that - it was sex... relationships were mutually exclusive... I had really good friendships that I got the warm fuzzies from.

Now that my 20s are way in the distance.. I'm not so sure i feel that way anymore. I wouldn't change anything i've done... except maybe not let myself get so old...

It's your life... you know what's right for you... and more importantly you know what you need...

Good luck and if you are going to have sex this weekend - be responsible - protect yourself

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TheBrit

I suppose there may be cultural differences (although I wouldn't know, I've not been sexually active in America.) I suppose in answer to your question, it entirely depends on if the guy is sane or not. You should be able to tell if he's neurotic, or likely to be really clingy, etc.

little_tippler

I'm not sure if you ARE a person who gets emotionally attached easily, or if you're just not sure what your reaction will be if things happen.

For me, I AM one of those people who gets emotionally attached easily. I knew from the word go that I couldn't have casual sex, or rather didn't want to, as I'd just feel horrible after - sex for me can never just be physical. Nevertheless, I have been in a few situations where it was pretty clear that if I did have sex with them, it could just be a one-off and nothing else would come of it. Sometimes when you're hooked on someone, it really doesn't matter anymore, you just want to live in the moment and dare to hope maybe he won't turn out to just walk away after it's done. I've gambled, and had good and bad outcomes.

I think if you like him and enjoy his company you should go ahead and do what you feel like doing. Maybe you should stop trying to over analyze the situation and just go with what you feel. It sounds like you are already quite attached to him. Think that even though it might not turn into anything more than a casual encounter, that it might go the other way. Just let it happen. And you don't have to feel used or guilty - unless you're expecting more from him and he doesn't offer you what you've made clear you want. If you haven't made it clear, then he wasn't using you, he was just doing what he felt like doing too...

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Sugar&Spice

If you are this worried already about being emotionally attached I wouldn't do it. Once you can decide for yourself if you are okay with him getting up and leaving afterwards then I'd say go for it. But realize that he will probably be doing the same with other girls and you have to be 100% okay with him having sex with other girls.

What are guys like after sex? That really depends on the guy. I think if he is generally a nice guy then he may spend the night and maybe even a little cuddling will be involved, but do not expect it. From my experience, guys like to cuddle just as much as we do!

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-Speak your mind even if your voice shakes

dlish

if you think your being used, then maybe your doing this for him, and not for yourself. why is it that only women feel like they are being used and not the other way around?

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- Filthy

s3b

just to comment back, and perhaps to clarify..

that was what a friend brought up, which was actually a very valid statement. currently, im not attached.. he's just too far away, and not what i am looking for. too immature, and basically still just a goofy kid. but yes, i guess it would be "mutually" USING each other, therefore neither party is really being "used". i guess im just worried .. or wondering whether ill be emotionally okay about it all.

i think if we did spend the night together, we'd probably spend the next few nights shacking up too. he'll be here friday night until tuesday morning and i think we're actually going to the train station together/ hes going home and im going to visit a friend in london. so im not worried about it being a "one nighter" or him walking out.. but just well the silly worries of if he falls asleep and i start to feel insecure about what happened.. and plus i have a twin bed and EVERY GIRL KNOWS HOW MUCH IT SUCKS TO have to sleep in a twin bed with a guy! its basically being pressed up on the wall all night. haha.

i guess, any suggestions of.. maybe.. coping? i think everything ppl have said so far has helped a lot in differnet ways.. just helping me see different perspectives and what not. okay ill stop rambling. THANKS AGAIN TO EVERYONE WHOSE REPLIED SO FAR!

spindles

You won't be the first person to have sex and/or sleep on the floor if the bed gets too small.

Is he coming to stay at your place, whether you have sex or not? If you don't have sex, where are you expecting him to sleep?

If the only choice is to share your bed, then that does raise his expectation that you will ,indeed, have sex. If you do want to "see where things go" without commiting, perhaps you should organise him some alternative sleeping arrangements (couch etc.) - these don't stop you having sex, but it means things can go either way - and he has to work a little harder to get in your pants!

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who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?

s3b

his best friend goes to school here.. and ive got an extra set of bedding and a huge floor. =D his friend was going to be gone on friday night, so i offered my floor to him, but plans changed and hes got the option of both my room and his best friend's room to sleep in.. so there ARE other options. its funny b/c although im thinking maybe/yes sex.. im like HE BETTER NOT BE expecting that shit. hahahaha.

Mantus

Girls deliberating about having sex always reminds me of shoping at Ikea.

(I am sorry but I wrote a novela's worth of replies to this thread but they all ended up witty, sacastic as well as totaly and absolutely unhelpful but after wasting over twenty minutes trying to write something useful and uterly failing I HAD to post something for my effort! Thanks. Good luck to you s3b!)