ex issue revisited - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

themanic1 · 10-28-2003, 12:25 AM

ok, so i'm getting out of an incredibly involved relationship. multiple years and a lot more than that, even. no kids, nothing like that, but enough that i was completely and totally emotionally invested. but now that's over. and i'm considering getting back with an ex.

we dated many, many years ago when we were both kids (i wasn't even 20 yet, and i'm in my late twenties now). she's grown in the years we've been apart and so have I... both in good ways. we've gotten together a couple times now and can pretty safely say that we still have feeling for each other. she's incredible in bed, a complete and utter freak of kink which is something i've missed for as long as she and I have been apart. she's smart, cultured, artistic, witty... pretty much everyone that this most current ex wasn't. essentially she's my ideal mate. now for the bad...

first off, we live kinda far apart. a state apart. neither of us is looking to relocate so if anything is to come of this, it's going to be long-distance for the forseeable future. and while that's good for you kids in college, it's different at our age. another thing is the timing. i am trying to figure out if it's just a rebound i'm going through here or if i really, truly and honestly still do love her. i think i do, but i wanted to know how many people have been in a similar position and have had it turn out fine.

i think the important things to note here are that a: we are grown up now. so a lot of the teenage angsty drama doesn't apply anymore and b: the timing of it all. i got out of this huge relationship on a wednesday (basically) and the saturday before that, she ended a 3 year thing with her boyfriend too. so is it a case of two rebounds or could it be ... dare i say, fate?

themanic1.

analog · 10-28-2003, 01:11 AM

Depends. How long has it been since the breakup? Give yourself around 6 months if you want to be totally sure. In the mean time, date other girls. If the feeling subsides, it's lack of companionship, not the girl herself, that's bothering you (read: rebound). If, however, you go out with some other girls and you still long for your long-lost, then maybe it's mean to be.

And anyone can relocate if you want to badly enough, not just us "college kids"- and actually that itself can be tougher. Try not having an established career and having to go somewhere and start without anything holding you up. That's tough.

Good luck to you, keep us updated.

skysooner · 10-28-2003, 06:10 AM

I have been through this multiple times in the past (although at a younger age). I'm not saying it can't work as you are both more grown up, etc., but it is a good bet that you are both experiencing rebound issues. The distance, in this case, can be a good thing as it will give you some time and space away from the relationship to really determine how you feel. While I have never been successful at this, my attempt were with girls I dated at age 16 and then later at 22, so it wasn't the same case at all. We both hadn't grown up in that time. Good luck with it.

Dale Kemp · 10-28-2003, 10:46 AM

As I said to the girl whose dad is coming out of his shell shock after loss of his wife, it takes 1 year for every 5 years of the relationship to emotionally recover.

Many men just rush into another relationship to relieve the pain. And it does relieve the pain, but you haven't processed the pain, and healed yet. So you aren't emotionally healthy, or able to really give you love or commit to someone new. Your ex is also un-healed apparently.

It's a little sad you jumped in the sack with one another on the rebound. Eventually, that will probably result in your not being able to get back together for a long term or marriage relationship.

But you can be really helpful to one another by being friends in this journey of life. Talk to her about how it felt with her, why it was so good, what went wrong, and what has happened since. Even how missing her hot, kinky loving affected your relationships since.

Maybe with enough emotional honesty, and sharing this healing time together, you might even find a way to truly love one another again. At worst, you'll give yourselves a chance to become life long friends, which is a true gift. Unless the sex you've shared gets in the way for one or the other of you.

Good luck, and be patient with yourself. You've been hurt, and you need time to heal.

10-28-2003, 12:25 AM	#1 (permalink)
themanic1 Upright	ex issue revisited ok, so i'm getting out of an incredibly involved relationship. multiple years and a lot more than that, even. no kids, nothing like that, but enough that i was completely and totally emotionally invested. but now that's over. and i'm considering getting back with an ex. we dated many, many years ago when we were both kids (i wasn't even 20 yet, and i'm in my late twenties now). she's grown in the years we've been apart and so have I... both in good ways. we've gotten together a couple times now and can pretty safely say that we still have feeling for each other. she's incredible in bed, a complete and utter freak of kink which is something i've missed for as long as she and I have been apart. she's smart, cultured, artistic, witty... pretty much everyone that this most current ex wasn't. essentially she's my ideal mate. now for the bad... first off, we live kinda far apart. a state apart. neither of us is looking to relocate so if anything is to come of this, it's going to be long-distance for the forseeable future. and while that's good for you kids in college, it's different at our age. another thing is the timing. i am trying to figure out if it's just a rebound i'm going through here or if i really, truly and honestly still do love her. i think i do, but i wanted to know how many people have been in a similar position and have had it turn out fine. i think the important things to note here are that a: we are grown up now. so a lot of the teenage angsty drama doesn't apply anymore and b: the timing of it all. i got out of this huge relationship on a wednesday (basically) and the saturday before that, she ended a 3 year thing with her boyfriend too. so is it a case of two rebounds or could it be ... dare i say, fate? themanic1.

10-28-2003, 10:46 AM	#4 (permalink)
Dale Kemp Crazy Location: New Mexico	As I said to the girl whose dad is coming out of his shell shock after loss of his wife, it takes 1 year for every 5 years of the relationship to emotionally recover. Many men just rush into another relationship to relieve the pain. And it does relieve the pain, but you haven't processed the pain, and healed yet. So you aren't emotionally healthy, or able to really give you love or commit to someone new. Your ex is also un-healed apparently. It's a little sad you jumped in the sack with one another on the rebound. Eventually, that will probably result in your not being able to get back together for a long term or marriage relationship. But you can be really helpful to one another by being friends in this journey of life. Talk to her about how it felt with her, why it was so good, what went wrong, and what has happened since. Even how missing her hot, kinky loving affected your relationships since. Maybe with enough emotional honesty, and sharing this healing time together, you might even find a way to truly love one another again. At worst, you'll give yourselves a chance to become life long friends, which is a true gift. Unless the sex you've shared gets in the way for one or the other of you. Good luck, and be patient with yourself. You've been hurt, and you need time to heal. __________________ Trueheart

10-28-2003, 01:11 AM	#2 (permalink)
analog Banned	Depends. How long has it been since the breakup? Give yourself around 6 months if you want to be totally sure. In the mean time, date other girls. If the feeling subsides, it's lack of companionship, not the girl herself, that's bothering you (read: rebound). If, however, you go out with some other girls and you still long for your long-lost, then maybe it's mean to be. And anyone can relocate if you want to badly enough, not just us "college kids"- and actually that itself can be tougher. Try not having an established career and having to go somewhere and start without anything holding you up. That's tough. Good luck to you, keep us updated.

10-28-2003, 06:10 AM	#3 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	I have been through this multiple times in the past (although at a younger age). I'm not saying it can't work as you are both more grown up, etc., but it is a good bet that you are both experiencing rebound issues. The distance, in this case, can be a good thing as it will give you some time and space away from the relationship to really determine how you feel. While I have never been successful at this, my attempt were with girls I dated at age 16 and then later at 22, so it wasn't the same case at all. We both hadn't grown up in that time. Good luck with it.