E-Mail Snooping; give your opinion - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

CityOfAngels · 09-01-2003, 11:30 PM

Ok, I didn't know which thread to put this on so please don't complain.

I have been having some serious trust issues with my girlfriend (many of you know in my "heartbroken" thread). Well, there's this guy who would buy her expensive clothes, shoes, flowers, etc. whenever they would hang out. He's but-ass ugly so I knew she wouldn't jump his bones, but still; it's obvious that he wants her, and her going along with him just gives him the notion that he has a chance.
So, with that and another situation in which she went to a prom outside of our city with another dude (before we were officially together) and he ended up molesting her while she slept, I asked her to promise me to never hang out with any guys without me being present. She did.
So, she'd come back with new clothes once in awhile, and I'd ask where she got it from and it'd either be "my parents gave me the money" (her mom works in a sweatshop and her dad in a cheesy motel, so that's pure bullshit) or "my girlfriend took me out and bought me stuff with her boyfriend's credit card!" (I thought that was bullshit from the get-go but had no proof). So, my trust issues with her growing, I end up checking her E-Mail, and find out she was planning on meeting up with the guy who buys her stuff while I was at work. She even gave him my phone number so she could talk to him from my phone!

I know it was wrong for me to check her E-Mail....but if I didn't I wouldn't have found it out. What's your opinion?

P.S. Don't give me, "ignorance is bliss" 'cause I believe "ignorance is artificial."

rival · 09-01-2003, 11:44 PM

City, I told you this in your last thread. Your relationship is already over, you just haven't realized it yet. A good, heathly relationship does not include lying and snooping. Get away from this girl before things get worse.

im2smrt4u · 09-01-2003, 11:50 PM

You shouldn't have to snoop around in the first place. Confront her about it. If you can't talk it out with her, maybe you shouldn't be with her.

It seems very shallow if she would dump someone because another guy buys her stuff.

wario · 09-02-2003, 12:13 AM

You made her promise never to hang around any guys without you being present? Sounds a little possessive to me, even if you really are just doing it for what you believe is her best interest.

GoldenOuroboros · 09-02-2003, 02:03 AM

Yeah, I didn't realise it was so bad.. just say goodbye and find something a lil healthier..

And I agree with Wario on the possessive business

Silvy · 09-02-2003, 02:16 AM

It sounds like a relationship gone horribly wrong to me.

Talk to her about it, tell her how you feel, and don't forget to include the part that says you have a difficult time trusting her.

I'm sorry to say, but I think it it not possible (or even worth?) saving...

I wish you all the strength in the world! Confront her.

oberon · 09-02-2003, 03:24 AM

I'm afraid I have to agree with rival. Dump her like a bad habit. She's obviously not interested in you anymore...

motdakasha · 09-02-2003, 05:33 AM

You should have confronted her instead of resorting to illegal activity. Don't invade other people's privacy, even if they are lying. That's what communication is for. And I agree with rival. Get out now.

Averett · 09-02-2003, 05:35 AM

Wow, this is pretty bad.

End it. Both of you deserve to be treated better, and to treat somebody better. You're both at fault. The trust is gone. Move on and find somebody that you can trust, and who can trust you.

bundy · 09-02-2003, 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by rival

City, I told you this in your last thread. Your relationship is already over, you just haven't realized it yet. A good, heathly relationship does not include lying and snooping. Get away from this girl before things get worse.

heed this advice.
its hard, but end this now... before it hurts you, and her even more.
trust is inherent in a good relationship... there is none here.

jbrooks544 · 09-02-2003, 07:38 AM

If you were married to someone I could understand checking the email - but it sounds like you are pretty young and are just in some typical high school situation. You need to realize that you are acting a little obsessive and that jealosy is starting to get the best of you. As you mature and get more experienced in relationships and get more confident in yourself, then you will feel less jealosy and learn to cope with it better, etc. The only thing you can try to do is keep your feelings and actions within the "normal" range and not let your jealosy and obsessive nature warp you any further. If you want to stay with this girl then just tell her "hey, I can't help but feel jealous when you do ______" I would feel better if you didnt' do that. As long as _______ is reasonable then she will either agree or not. I she doesn't comply then say " see ya!" and move on. If you keep getting uncomfortably jealous and obsessive it isn't healthy. Some is ok and normal so just keep everything open. Personally, I would realize - "hey, I"m not gonna marry this girl, so I'll just have fun with her while I can. Your main issue is feel confident with yourself. If you were more sure of yourself then you wouldn't feel so jealous.

Thraeryn · 09-02-2003, 08:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CityOfAngels
P.S. Don't give me, "ignorance is bliss" 'cause I believe "ignorance is artificial."

I refuse to give you any advice, as it's clear you're purposely choosing not to listen. I advise the rest of you to take the same stance; it's patently obvious that our words are going in one ear and out the other.

Regziever · 09-02-2003, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by motdakasha
You should have confronted her instead of resorting to illegal activity. Don't invade other people's privacy, even if they are lying. That's what communication is for. And I agree with rival. Get out now.

That pretty much sums it up!
Get out before it ruins you man.

Lebell · 09-02-2003, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Thraeryn
I refuse to give you any advice, as it's clear you're purposely choosing not to listen. I advise the rest of you to take the same stance; it's patently obvious that our words are going in one ear and out the other.

I agree. From what I've read of your problems, you've been given good advice that you just can't or won't take.

Akuma7g · 09-02-2003, 11:31 AM

If you don't have trust you don't have anything.

EleqTrizi'T · 09-02-2003, 05:03 PM

I'm a bit of a rogue..

But before you end your relationship like you SHOULD, I'd confront the guy for a good old fashioned fist fight. That'll learn him. Make him uglier.

mrquackers · 09-02-2003, 05:18 PM

Wario, motdakasha and rival have summed it up best. You've broken any chance of trust developing. You likely scared her further away by insisting she not see any other men without you around. And given your comments in the other thread, this relationship was over some time ago.

Get out. The only consolation you'll have is that you ended it on your terms, instead of being on the receiving end of a breakup.

09-01-2003, 11:30 PM	#1 (permalink)
CityOfAngels Oh shit it's Wayne Brady! Location: Passenger seat of Wayne Brady's car.	E-Mail Snooping; give your opinion Ok, I didn't know which thread to put this on so please don't complain. I have been having some serious trust issues with my girlfriend (many of you know in my "heartbroken" thread). Well, there's this guy who would buy her expensive clothes, shoes, flowers, etc. whenever they would hang out. He's but-ass ugly so I knew she wouldn't jump his bones, but still; it's obvious that he wants her, and her going along with him just gives him the notion that he has a chance. So, with that and another situation in which she went to a prom outside of our city with another dude (before we were officially together) and he ended up molesting her while she slept, I asked her to promise me to never hang out with any guys without me being present. She did. So, she'd come back with new clothes once in awhile, and I'd ask where she got it from and it'd either be "my parents gave me the money" (her mom works in a sweatshop and her dad in a cheesy motel, so that's pure bullshit) or "my girlfriend took me out and bought me stuff with her boyfriend's credit card!" (I thought that was bullshit from the get-go but had no proof). So, my trust issues with her growing, I end up checking her E-Mail, and find out she was planning on meeting up with the guy who buys her stuff while I was at work. She even gave him my phone number so she could talk to him from my phone! I know it was wrong for me to check her E-Mail....but if I didn't I wouldn't have found it out. What's your opinion? P.S. Don't give me, "ignorance is bliss" 'cause I believe "ignorance is artificial."

09-01-2003, 11:50 PM	#3 (permalink)
im2smrt4u Beer Aficionado Location: Rancho Cucamonga, CA	You shouldn't have to snoop around in the first place. Confront her about it. If you can't talk it out with her, maybe you shouldn't be with her. It seems very shallow if she would dump someone because another guy buys her stuff. __________________ Starkizzer Fan Club - President & Founder

09-02-2003, 02:03 AM	#5 (permalink)
GoldenOuroboros The Cheshire Grin... Location: An Aussie Outback	Yeah, I didn't realise it was so bad.. just say goodbye and find something a lil healthier.. And I agree with Wario on the possessive business __________________ Can you see me grin grin grrriiiiinnnning?!

09-02-2003, 02:16 AM	#6 (permalink)
Silvy paranoid Location: The Netherlands	It sounds like a relationship gone horribly wrong to me. Talk to her about it, tell her how you feel, and don't forget to include the part that says you have a difficult time trusting her. I'm sorry to say, but I think it it not possible (or even worth?) saving... I wish you all the strength in the world! Confront her. __________________ "Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace. " - Murphy MacManus (Boondock Saints)

09-02-2003, 03:24 AM	#7 (permalink)
oberon Quadrature Amplitude Modulator Location: Denver	I'm afraid I have to agree with rival. Dump her like a bad habit. She's obviously not interested in you anymore... __________________ "There are finer fish in the sea than have ever been caught." -- Irish proverb

09-01-2003, 11:44 PM	#2 (permalink)
rival Crazy Location: Pittsburgh, Pa	City, I told you this in your last thread. Your relationship is already over, you just haven't realized it yet. A good, heathly relationship does not include lying and snooping. Get away from this girl before things get worse.

09-02-2003, 12:13 AM	#4 (permalink)
wario Insane	You made her promise never to hang around any guys without you being present? Sounds a little possessive to me, even if you really are just doing it for what you believe is her best interest.

09-02-2003, 05:33 AM	#8 (permalink)
motdakasha Hiya Puddin'! Miss me? Location: Silicon Valley, CA	You should have confronted her instead of resorting to illegal activity. Don't invade other people's privacy, even if they are lying. That's what communication is for. And I agree with rival. Get out now. __________________ =^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

09-02-2003, 05:35 AM	#9 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Wow, this is pretty bad. End it. Both of you deserve to be treated better, and to treat somebody better. You're both at fault. The trust is gone. Move on and find somebody that you can trust, and who can trust you. __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

09-02-2003, 07:38 AM	#11 (permalink)
jbrooks544 Addict	If you were married to someone I could understand checking the email - but it sounds like you are pretty young and are just in some typical high school situation. You need to realize that you are acting a little obsessive and that jealosy is starting to get the best of you. As you mature and get more experienced in relationships and get more confident in yourself, then you will feel less jealosy and learn to cope with it better, etc. The only thing you can try to do is keep your feelings and actions within the "normal" range and not let your jealosy and obsessive nature warp you any further. If you want to stay with this girl then just tell her "hey, I can't help but feel jealous when you do ______" I would feel better if you didnt' do that. As long as _______ is reasonable then she will either agree or not. I she doesn't comply then say " see ya!" and move on. If you keep getting uncomfortably jealous and obsessive it isn't healthy. Some is ok and normal so just keep everything open. Personally, I would realize - "hey, I"m not gonna marry this girl, so I'll just have fun with her while I can. Your main issue is feel confident with yourself. If you were more sure of yourself then you wouldn't feel so jealous.

09-02-2003, 11:31 AM	#15 (permalink)
Akuma7g Tilted	If you don't have trust you don't have anything.

09-02-2003, 05:03 PM	#16 (permalink)
EleqTrizi'T Insane	I'm a bit of a rogue.. But before you end your relationship like you SHOULD, I'd confront the guy for a good old fashioned fist fight. That'll learn him. Make him uglier.

09-02-2003, 05:18 PM	#17 (permalink)
mrquackers Exhausted Location: Northeastern US - please send help!	Wario, motdakasha and rival have summed it up best. You've broken any chance of trust developing. You likely scared her further away by insisting she not see any other men without you around. And given your comments in the other thread, this relationship was over some time ago. Get out. The only consolation you'll have is that you ended it on your terms, instead of being on the receiving end of a breakup. __________________ "If you're walking on thin ice, you may as well go ahead and dance."