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05-26-2004, 04:48 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Please touch this.
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Location: Manhattan
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Literature CHALLENGE! (elegiacal)
Can you write an elegiacal poem?
------- A poem in couplets (pairs of rhyming lines). Each line has 6 syllables (hexameter). The first and fourth syllables are long, with the rest short (dactylic). The third and six syllables are unstressed. Poetic haven't-beens Struggling as it seems All are of dire afflict Dactylic verse is strict (even I cant do it)
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05-26-2004, 05:03 PM
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#3 (permalink) |
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Location: Manhattan
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the third line is good, analog, but the rest have inconsistant stresses
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05-26-2004, 06:31 PM
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#4 (permalink) |
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Psycho
Location: the western part of new york
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just once i'd like to be
more than a memory fading away to black i will never come back did i do that right?!
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"You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world." - Tyler Durden |
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05-26-2004, 11:11 PM
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#5 (permalink) |
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Lennonite Priest
Location: Mansfield, Ohio USA
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Wanting to live forever
Needing much more Liquor Dancing fast in moonlight Missing her much tonight How's that.
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I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?" |
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05-26-2004, 11:47 PM
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#6 (permalink) |
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Location: Manhattan
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nah guys, watch the stresses. tekno came real close, but the stresses in the last line are out of place. Great attempt though.
Pan, watch the number of syllables too.
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05-27-2004, 02:37 AM
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#7 (permalink) |
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TFPer formaly known as Chauncey
Location: North East
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Ok, I think I did harribly, but I tried
 I posted it so I can see where I went wrong a little mmore clearly. It was fun to write though. Strangely we stagger in False and unattended sin stench of a spoiled pen cornered bleeding men false we ignore them all crazed uncouth and small
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~Esen What is everyone doing in my room? |
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05-27-2004, 03:56 AM
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#8 (permalink) | |
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Illusionary
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Re: Literature CHALLENGE! (elegiacal)
Quote:
Broken mind, Tortured haze Insight lost, Knowledge fades Highscool classes, Failing grades Aging helps, Timeless curve Taking more, Increased Nerve Spending Hours, Learning facts Fixing holes, Sealing cracks Current state, Growing strong Power play, Never wrong
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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha |
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05-27-2004, 07:52 AM
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#9 (permalink) |
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Location: Manhattan
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Chauncey, among other things, spoiled is one syllable
Tecoyah, the issue with your poem is that every third syllable is long.
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05-27-2004, 04:18 PM
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#10 (permalink) |
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TFPer formaly known as Chauncey
Location: North East
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ok I made that line 6 syllables
any better? Strangely we stagger in False and unattended sin stench of a spoiled ink pen cornered bleeding men false we ignore them all crazed uncouth and small
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~Esen What is everyone doing in my room? |
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05-27-2004, 06:28 PM
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#12 (permalink) |
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Location: Manhattan
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utter to yourself 'toc tik tik'
the first syllable 'sounds' longer, doesn't it? It has to do with the tense of the vowel.
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05-27-2004, 08:14 PM
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#13 (permalink) |
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Illusionary
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Got it....hmmm. bit drunk tonight.
Deeply felt pain, Remourse Broken mind, no recourse more along the lines?
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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha |
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05-28-2004, 10:36 PM
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#14 (permalink) |
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Location: Manhattan
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nah, your first line has the stresses mixed up and your second line has a long 3rd and 6th syllable
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05-29-2004, 03:47 AM
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#15 (permalink) |
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Illusionary
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Damn....ain't this a bitch
Not within, Gone again Swallow thought,Force my pen Lines of dots,Blank in ink Cramping mind, Forced to think.
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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha |
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05-30-2004, 10:05 AM
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#16 (permalink) |
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Location: Manhattan
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Your first line is good.. that's it.
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| Tags |
| challenge, elegiacal, literature |
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