Help on Letter to the editor. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Hektore · 04-13-2007, 12:48 PM

Hello TFP, I'm looking to submit a letter to the editor for my college newspaper. I have mediocre writing skills at best so I'm hoping some of you will be willing to help me be clearly understood and not sound like an idiot. Here is the letter:

Quote:

There is a debate that could have and should have taken place before the vote about whether or not the new gender minorities seat created in student government is truly needed on this campus. The debate is taking place now on the college forums, and for anyone interested in hearing both sides of the issue I would suggest going there. I have not seen a single individual reply that the students of the LGBT community do not deserve representation because they are members of said community. Wherever the “closeted homophobia” on this campus is, I have not found it yet. The April 9 editorial illustrated perfectly what has already become one of the greatest problems facing not only this college, but the entire country. This problem is not about the rights of “X” minority group, nor is it about apathy toward political duties. It is an unwillingness to genuinely understand and work with those who hold an opposing viewpoint. We are all to quick to vilify and slander the other side of a politically divisive issue in an attempt to discredit them rather than try to understand why they hold a certain belief. Real progress and needed social change arise out of open debate and understanding. Understanding is something I saw no attempt at by the [Paper Name] editorial board and I believe that we as as student body should expect more.

For those curious curious it is in response to an editorial, about which the paper said "Unsigned editorials published in the commentary section reflect the opinion of the Paper Name as determined by the editorial board." The editorial was about a vote which had recently take place on our campus over the addition of a "gender minorities" seat to the voting student government body. The article basically spends half a page claiming that anyone who would vote against the proposal is a bigot and homophobe. To give you a quick quote

Quote:

Forty-eight percent of the 463 votes cast by students declared the [College Name] community's opposition to social equality, resistance to social change, desire to supress a significant and growing minority voice and their closeted homophobia.

Yes I voted against it, hence the letter. If you want to know why we can talk about it in PM's or if there is serious interest by more than a few, I'll write it up in my journal. Yes, I go to a tiny liberal arts college.

ngdawg · 04-13-2007, 07:12 PM

" new gender minorities seat created in"...'new' and 'created' are more or less redundant-use just 'new' to convey the creation of the seat.
" seen a single individual reply"...again, redundancy as 'single' and 'individual' are the same thing.
I'll post a version of the letter later.

My corrected version up to the point where it's just fine as is:
The vote about whether or not the new gender minorities seat in student government should have been debated before taking place. Currently, on the college forums, there is debate and anyone interested in hearing both sides should take a look. I have not seen a single reply that the students of the LGBT community do not deserve representation based on being members of said community. Wherever this stated ‘closeted homophobia’ on campus might be, I have not yet found it.

The_Jazz · 04-14-2007, 06:42 AM

The passive voice is not your friend.

Hektore · 04-14-2007, 02:31 PM

Thanks ng, I like the way yours reads much better than mine.

Jazz, remember how I said I was a mediocre writer? What is the passive voice? I've somehow never actually been taught anything about writing. At some point during my education just making me write longer papers more often became equivalent to teaching me how to write. Not that it isn't my fault for not knowing, I just never had to learn. I'm going to go hunting for information now but if you could point me in a reliable direction, I'd be appreciative.

The_Jazz · 04-14-2007, 03:13 PM

Ah, that explains a lot actually. The passive voice is a way that people use to increase their writing volume.

That last sentence is passive voice.

Active voice (the preferred) would read "People use active voice to increase their writing volume." Basically, active voice means that the subject of the sentence comes first followed by the active version of whatever verb is being used. When people use "to be" fillers (is, are, am, etc.), spotting passive voice becomes easier.

Hektore · 04-14-2007, 07:55 PM

So, If I were to change the sentence from:
"Understanding is something I saw no attempt at by the [Paper Name] editorial board and I believe that we as as student body should expect more."

to:
"The [[/i]Paper Name[i]] editorial board made no attempt at understanding and I believe that we as a student body should expect more"

Then it would be in the active voice?

From what I've read the passive voice develops frequently in scientific writings because of the convention of not using personal pronouns. I always have trouble writing, in any voice, when I'm in places where thate guideline doesn't apply. I'm curious, why is that active voice better than the passive? Voice doesn't seem to make any difference to me.

ngdawg · 04-14-2007, 08:55 PM

Probably more like:
The [Paper Name] editorial board made no attempt at understanding the issue or investigating why the vote went as it did, yet states that the students were the ones who lax in their understanding.
As you have it, it's not clear what 'more' the students should expect.

Hektore · 04-15-2007, 07:47 AM

How about this:

Quote:

The vote about whether or not the new gender minorities seat in student government should have been debated before it took place. On the college forums, the debate is taking place now and anyone interested in hearing both sides should look there. I have not seen a single reply that the students of the LGBT community do not deserve representation based on being members of said community. Wherever this stated ‘closeted homophobia’ on campus might be, I have not yet found it. The April 9 editorial illustrated perfectly what has already become one of the greatest problems facing not only this college, but the entire country. This problem is not the rights of “X” minority group, nor is it about apathy toward political duties. It is an unwillingness to genuinely understand and work with those who hold an opposing viewpoint. We are all to quick to vilify and slander the other side of a politically divisive issue in an attempt to discredit them rather than try to understand why they hold a certain belief. Real progress and needed social change arise out of open debate and understanding. Understanding is something the last issue's editorial made no attempt at before it implied that the 223 dissenting voters were simply bigots.

Better/worse? Still needs work?

ngdawg · 04-17-2007, 01:23 PM

MUCH better

04-13-2007, 07:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	" new gender minorities seat created in"...'new' and 'created' are more or less redundant-use just 'new' to convey the creation of the seat. " seen a single individual reply"...again, redundancy as 'single' and 'individual' are the same thing. I'll post a version of the letter later. My corrected version up to the point where it's just fine as is: The vote about whether or not the new gender minorities seat in student government should have been debated before taking place. Currently, on the college forums, there is debate and anyone interested in hearing both sides should take a look. I have not seen a single reply that the students of the LGBT community do not deserve representation based on being members of said community. Wherever this stated ‘closeted homophobia’ on campus might be, I have not yet found it. __________________ Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em. Last edited by ngdawg; 04-13-2007 at 07:16 PM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

04-14-2007, 06:42 AM	#3 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	The passive voice is not your friend. __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

04-14-2007, 02:31 PM	#4 (permalink)
Hektore Junkie Location: Greater Harrisburg Area	Thanks ng, I like the way yours reads much better than mine. Jazz, remember how I said I was a mediocre writer? What is the passive voice? I've somehow never actually been taught anything about writing. At some point during my education just making me write longer papers more often became equivalent to teaching me how to write. Not that it isn't my fault for not knowing, I just never had to learn. I'm going to go hunting for information now but if you could point me in a reliable direction, I'd be appreciative. __________________ The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.

04-14-2007, 03:13 PM	#5 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	Ah, that explains a lot actually. The passive voice is a way that people use to increase their writing volume. That last sentence is passive voice. Active voice (the preferred) would read "People use active voice to increase their writing volume." Basically, active voice means that the subject of the sentence comes first followed by the active version of whatever verb is being used. When people use "to be" fillers (is, are, am, etc.), spotting passive voice becomes easier. __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

04-14-2007, 07:55 PM	#6 (permalink)
Hektore Junkie Location: Greater Harrisburg Area	So, If I were to change the sentence from: "Understanding is something I saw no attempt at by the [Paper Name] editorial board and I believe that we as as student body should expect more." to: "The [[/i]Paper Name[i]] editorial board made no attempt at understanding and I believe that we as a student body should expect more" Then it would be in the active voice? From what I've read the passive voice develops frequently in scientific writings because of the convention of not using personal pronouns. I always have trouble writing, in any voice, when I'm in places where thate guideline doesn't apply. I'm curious, why is that active voice better than the passive? Voice doesn't seem to make any difference to me. __________________ The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game. Last edited by Hektore; 04-14-2007 at 07:58 PM..

04-14-2007, 08:55 PM	#7 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	Probably more like: The [Paper Name] editorial board made no attempt at understanding the issue or investigating why the vote went as it did, yet states that the students were the ones who lax in their understanding. As you have it, it's not clear what 'more' the students should expect. __________________ Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

04-17-2007, 01:23 PM	#9 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	MUCH better __________________ Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.