Gah my parents want half my paycheck? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Jesus Pimp · 09-06-2003, 05:58 PM

I just graduated college and working an ok job making 12 bucks an hour while looking for a real job. Anyway my mom comes up to me today and tells me I need to give her half my month's wages for living at home. I'm like wtf? Factor that in with my student loan payments I'll have like 200 bucks left over each month. She proceeds to tell me that l'd be the same if I were living on my own. To think she wants me to save my money. I feel really bad. Sure I want to help my parents a little while living at home but this is ridiculous. What do I do?

sexymama · 09-06-2003, 07:13 PM

Maybe it would be a good idea to acknowledge the cost to your mother and negotiate a reasonable rent -- something you can afford and that she thinks is reasonable. I have found that the best way for me to get my needs met is to listen first -- paraphrasing what the other person is saying prior to making my point. (Mom, you are saying it is very expensive to have me living here. I can understand that. I also have a student loan to pay and the desire to save to move out on my own, so can we negotiate a rent that will work for both of us?) Then seriously consider saving money to move out on your own. It sounds like you are both ready for a break from each other. Good luck!

RoadRage · 09-06-2003, 09:04 PM

She brought you into this world, and she can take you right out of it too.

Living at home, eating food out of their fridge, probably getting laundry service too, is it cheaper than getting it elsewhere? If not, it's time to move out. If so, kiss Mama and tell her you love her when you hand her the money.

mingusfingers · 09-06-2003, 09:34 PM

Are they that short on cash? I could understand if they really needed it.

Rodney · 09-06-2003, 10:43 PM

Listen to SexyMama. Mom has got a bee in her bonnet that says, "Son should contribute to household." And she has another one that says, "Son should save." And probably yet another, secret one that says, "Son should get the hell out of here and make life easier for me." But she isn't putting it all together in her head: if you pay her half, you can't save, and you can't move out. Walk through the logic with her, and maybe she'll compromise. Of course, if she just says, "Get a second job," you're up shit creek. _Then_ you have to explain why it's hard to look for a good job while holding down two bad ones.

Cynthetiq · 09-06-2003, 11:24 PM

she also could be saving for you... taking the money that you don give her and save it for you to give it to you in the future.

pay them if you stay. it keeps everything and everyone above board. there is no free ride.

if not, pack up your stuff and find someplace to call your own.

Lebell · 09-06-2003, 11:59 PM

Sexymama has some good advice there. You're turning into an adult and now the challenge is can you deal with your mom AS an adult and not a child.

*and so passes another milestone*

Good luck!

GoldenOuroboros · 09-07-2003, 12:29 AM

When I came home from down south and didn't have a job, didn't pay rent, but now I'm paying and helping my mother out that way.. doing a few chores around the house lowers my rent too.. so alls cool

quantumburnz · 09-07-2003, 01:20 AM

rent sucks... that's all I have to say

cheerios · 09-07-2003, 01:59 AM

not to be nosey, but how much does a check average for you? I rent a 2 bedroom apt for 850 in cali, I've seen similar places go from 400 to f'in expensive in various places around the country, so I figure we're about "average"... so... if she wants more'n about 3-400 a month, it's time to start negotiating. offer to buy your own groceries, for example. a month of ramen may suck, but it'll save ya some dough. Offer to do chores to reduce rent, also. consider it a second job. check out apt prices, make sure it wouldn't be cheaper to move out (and remember power, water, phone, and the rest of it when you think about how much it'd cost. plus deposit!!)

Jesus Pimp · 09-07-2003, 04:02 AM

I meant a month's wages not half my paycheck. Right now I make about a grand or a so a month. She wants half of it. She told me so she can use it to pay for my sister's rent in NYC (she currently going to school up there). Add that with my student loan payments and other expenses and I'm seriously fucked. At that rate I'll never move out. Thus why I'm working and saving to move out right now. I don't want to get stuck here.

Cynthetiq · 09-07-2003, 07:18 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lebell

*and so passes another milestone*

Good luck!

doesn't that hurt?

if it's all to "help out around the house" negotiate a position and then say you are saving money and moving out. Make it a goal. Figour out how much money you will need (first months & security) some money for moving and buying furnishings like plates and cutlery

saucy knave · 09-07-2003, 01:09 PM

Well, I'm in just about the same position...I just graduated from college and I'm living with my dad. He really does need my help financially, so I have no problem giving him $300/mo towards our rent/utils.

I also have student loan payments...gah! Luckily, I have been able to negotiate smaller monthly payments with the loan mgmt company, since they understand that new graduates will often begin with low-paying jobs. I highly recommend that you do the same.

Good luck...there's some good advice for you in this thread!

Rodney · 09-07-2003, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jesus Pimp
I meant a month's wages not half my paycheck. Right now I make about a grand or a so a month. She wants half of it. She told me so she can use it to pay for my sister's rent in NYC (she currently going to school up there). Add that with my student loan payments and other expenses and I'm seriously fucked. At that rate I'll never move out. Thus why I'm working and saving to move out right now. I don't want to get stuck here.

Okay, sounds like she actually _doesn't_ want you to move out. She wants you to stay home and help the family -- ie, contribute cash that she can divert to your sister. Does she want you to stay at home until you get married, or something?

If that's the case, and you want to save money to move out, maybe you'd better look into that second job I joked about earlier. And not tell her about it.

Holo · 09-07-2003, 02:06 PM

*drops 2 cents*

If you can I would move out as quick as possible. No point in paying as much to live with your parents under their rules still than to get your own place and be your own master. My mom tried to up my rent to $300 a month at one point at the urging of her asshole bf...I trucked my ass outta there and moved in with my friends for the same amount. Don't pay full price to live with your folks...that's crazy.

Nimbletoe · 09-07-2003, 02:13 PM

I can see why they are charging you, I don't see why they are charging that much. I'd move out.

jbrooks544 · 09-08-2003, 10:30 AM

like it or lump it.

Either agree to what she wants or go your own way.

The absolute best thing for you is to pay your own way - whether it is at home or by moving out and paying your own way. You are an adult now, you can do what you like. She is within her rights to ask what she did. You will thank her later when you are not a 38 year old bedwetter living at home and 1/2 a step from being a hobo. Good luck.

Minx · 09-08-2003, 02:15 PM

I guess I can't comment until I ask a few questions.....do you buy your own groceries and prepare all your own meals or do you join in on the family meals? Do you have to pay your own share of the heat, water, gas, phone, cable, etc? or is that included in your "rent". Do you have your own vehicle that you pay insurance/registration and gas for or do you use your parents? Did you have to pay for all your schooling, books, supplies, clothes, etc etc etc before entering college or was this supplied for you?
I guess what I am saying is that if you think you have it hard....move out. Try it and see if you think what you Mother is asking for is fair or not.

Leviathan[NCV] · 09-08-2003, 02:32 PM

Well, to be honest 500 a month is definately cheaper than living on your own...

Just food for thought.

GakFace · 09-08-2003, 04:21 PM

here's my question. Doesn't your sister have a job to pay for HER rent? Cause I'd sure as hell be on my sister's ass if I was in your situation.

Double D · 09-08-2003, 11:51 PM

Four words: Get a second job.
(Pay your mom--save the second job money to move out--then move!)
Good Luck!

Jim Kata · 09-09-2003, 04:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by RoadRage
Living at home, eating food out of their fridge, probably getting laundry service too, is it cheaper than getting it elsewhere? If not, it's time to move out. If so, kiss Mama and tell her you love her when you hand her the money.

Amen....I'm assuming that your parents helped you out the best that they could when you NEEDED them, so its time to pay them back (both ways).

Quote:

Originally posted by Double D
Four words: Get a second job.
(Pay your mom--save the second job money to move out--then move!)
Good Luck!

Amen again...You are young, working two jobs shouldn't be a problem. And that will be a good amount of extra money if you can manage your money right.

Quote:

Originally posted by GakFace
here's my question. Doesn't your sister have a job to pay for HER rent? Cause I'd sure as hell be on my sister's ass if I was in your situation.

If you are making some major sacrifices (i.e. help paying for her rent instead of saving up for yourself) then she should be making some sacrifices as well. Such as getting a job while going to school. Yeah no one wants to do it, but that is a bit of BS if you have to pick up the slack on her part.

Good luck.

rogue49 · 09-09-2003, 04:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Leviathan[NCV]
Well, to be honest 500 a month is definately cheaper than living on your own...

Just food for thought.

THAT is an understatement.

Rent
Gas
Electricity
Phone
Food
Furniture
Cable
Water

This doesn't include anymore living expense,
it may be time for another job.

Cynthetiq · 09-09-2003, 05:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by rogue49
THAT is an understatement.

Rent
Gas
Electricity
Phone
Food
Furniture
Cable
Water

This doesn't include anymore living expense,
it may be time for another job.

too true.. it's all the incidentals that just catch you and add up to tons...

don't forget insurance if you have a car, car payment, maintenance, parking, possible tickets (not that you get them but they happen and they toss your budget in the crapper when you don't expect them.)

cowlick · 09-09-2003, 06:47 AM

You are an adult living in your parent's house. As an adult you shouldn't expect your parents to free ride your life anymore. Why not move out on your own. They'll be no more rules.

Slims · 09-09-2003, 10:07 AM

Well, you are out of college, so it is only reasonable that your parents want you to pay rent.

They should ask for a flat fee though, like 300/month or something rather than 'half'.

If I were you, I would just say "your right, you are charging me what it would cost me to live on my own.....bye." And I would go get my own place since I am an adult now.

Hey wait a minute, if you are working 40 hours/week then your parents are asking for 640/month which is way too much for a room. Just go get your own place.

Oh, and tell her to tell your sister to get financial aid instead of being a burden. I didnt' want to burden my parents, so that's what I am doing even though they were willing to pay.

jujueye · 09-10-2003, 01:36 PM

I know I went through this myself. But think of the extra perks youre getting, and then negotiate with her. Maybe .32 to .39.
After all, home loan officers will not let you spend more than .40 of your income on housing......(heh heh) Still, she may see you buying fun stuff and eating out and getting cds.... She honestly is helping you out by getting you to realize that this will be a permanent part of your future. A part that sucks, but still, a part of it. Negotiate, then start being real careful with it.

09-06-2003, 05:58 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jesus Pimp The Original JizzSmacka	Gah my parents want half my month's wages? I just graduated college and working an ok job making 12 bucks an hour while looking for a real job. Anyway my mom comes up to me today and tells me I need to give her half my month's wages for living at home. I'm like wtf? Factor that in with my student loan payments I'll have like 200 bucks left over each month. She proceeds to tell me that l'd be the same if I were living on my own. To think she wants me to save my money. I feel really bad. Sure I want to help my parents a little while living at home but this is ridiculous. What do I do? __________________ Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard. Last edited by Jesus Pimp; 09-07-2003 at 04:03 AM..

09-06-2003, 07:13 PM	#2 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	Maybe it would be a good idea to acknowledge the cost to your mother and negotiate a reasonable rent -- something you can afford and that she thinks is reasonable. I have found that the best way for me to get my needs met is to listen first -- paraphrasing what the other person is saying prior to making my point. (Mom, you are saying it is very expensive to have me living here. I can understand that. I also have a student loan to pay and the desire to save to move out on my own, so can we negotiate a rent that will work for both of us?) Then seriously consider saving money to move out on your own. It sounds like you are both ready for a break from each other. Good luck! __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

09-06-2003, 09:04 PM	#3 (permalink)
RoadRage Stay off the sidewalk! Location: Oklahoma City, OK	She brought you into this world, and she can take you right out of it too. Living at home, eating food out of their fridge, probably getting laundry service too, is it cheaper than getting it elsewhere? If not, it's time to move out. If so, kiss Mama and tell her you love her when you hand her the money. __________________ Join TFP Team SETI 43K workunits complete, 34 members, more of each needed.

09-06-2003, 09:34 PM	#4 (permalink)
mingusfingers Psycho Location: uhhhh	Are they that short on cash? I could understand if they really needed it. __________________ Still Looking

09-06-2003, 11:24 PM	#6 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	she also could be saving for you... taking the money that you don give her and save it for you to give it to you in the future. pay them if you stay. it keeps everything and everyone above board. there is no free ride. if not, pack up your stuff and find someplace to call your own. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

09-06-2003, 10:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	Listen to SexyMama. Mom has got a bee in her bonnet that says, "Son should contribute to household." And she has another one that says, "Son should save." And probably yet another, secret one that says, "Son should get the hell out of here and make life easier for me." But she isn't putting it all together in her head: if you pay her half, you can't save, and you can't move out. Walk through the logic with her, and maybe she'll compromise. Of course, if she just says, "Get a second job," you're up shit creek. _Then_ you have to explain why it's hard to look for a good job while holding down two bad ones.

09-06-2003, 11:59 PM	#7 (permalink)
Lebell Cracking the Whip Location: Sexymama's arms...	Sexymama has some good advice there. You're turning into an adult and now the challenge is can you deal with your mom AS an adult and not a child. and so passes another milestone Good luck! __________________ "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU! Please Donate!

09-07-2003, 12:29 AM	#8 (permalink)
GoldenOuroboros The Cheshire Grin... Location: An Aussie Outback	When I came home from down south and didn't have a job, didn't pay rent, but now I'm paying and helping my mother out that way.. doing a few chores around the house lowers my rent too.. so alls cool __________________ Can you see me grin grin grrriiiiinnnning?!

09-07-2003, 01:20 AM	#9 (permalink)
quantumburnz Tilted Location: Tucson, AZ	rent sucks... that's all I have to say __________________ University of Arizona Tucson, AZ Computer Engineering

09-07-2003, 01:59 AM	#10 (permalink)
cheerios Banned Location: 'bout 2 feet from my iMac	not to be nosey, but how much does a check average for you? I rent a 2 bedroom apt for 850 in cali, I've seen similar places go from 400 to f'in expensive in various places around the country, so I figure we're about "average"... so... if she wants more'n about 3-400 a month, it's time to start negotiating. offer to buy your own groceries, for example. a month of ramen may suck, but it'll save ya some dough. Offer to do chores to reduce rent, also. consider it a second job. check out apt prices, make sure it wouldn't be cheaper to move out (and remember power, water, phone, and the rest of it when you think about how much it'd cost. plus deposit!!)

09-07-2003, 04:02 AM	#11 (permalink)
Jesus Pimp The Original JizzSmacka	I meant a month's wages not half my paycheck. Right now I make about a grand or a so a month. She wants half of it. She told me so she can use it to pay for my sister's rent in NYC (she currently going to school up there). Add that with my student loan payments and other expenses and I'm seriously fucked. At that rate I'll never move out. Thus why I'm working and saving to move out right now. I don't want to get stuck here. __________________ Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

09-07-2003, 01:09 PM	#13 (permalink)
saucy knave Tilted Location: West Siiide	Well, I'm in just about the same position...I just graduated from college and I'm living with my dad. He really does need my help financially, so I have no problem giving him $300/mo towards our rent/utils. I also have student loan payments...gah! Luckily, I have been able to negotiate smaller monthly payments with the loan mgmt company, since they understand that new graduates will often begin with low-paying jobs. I highly recommend that you do the same. Good luck...there's some good advice for you in this thread!

09-07-2003, 02:06 PM	#15 (permalink)
Holo A Real American	drops 2 cents If you can I would move out as quick as possible. No point in paying as much to live with your parents under their rules still than to get your own place and be your own master. My mom tried to up my rent to $300 a month at one point at the urging of her asshole bf...I trucked my ass outta there and moved in with my friends for the same amount. Don't pay full price to live with your folks...that's crazy. __________________ I happen to like the words "fuck", "cock", "pussy", "tits", "cunt", "twat", "shit" and even "bitch". As long as I am not using them to describe you, don't go telling me whether or not I can/should use them...that is, if you want me to continue refraining from using them to describe you. ~Prince

09-07-2003, 02:13 PM	#16 (permalink)
Nimbletoe Junkie Location: Michigan	I can see why they are charging you, I don't see why they are charging that much. I'd move out. __________________ Go Pistons!

09-08-2003, 10:30 AM	#17 (permalink)
jbrooks544 Addict	like it or lump it. Either agree to what she wants or go your own way. The absolute best thing for you is to pay your own way - whether it is at home or by moving out and paying your own way. You are an adult now, you can do what you like. She is within her rights to ask what she did. You will thank her later when you are not a 38 year old bedwetter living at home and 1/2 a step from being a hobo. Good luck.

09-08-2003, 02:15 PM	#18 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	I guess I can't comment until I ask a few questions.....do you buy your own groceries and prepare all your own meals or do you join in on the family meals? Do you have to pay your own share of the heat, water, gas, phone, cable, etc? or is that included in your "rent". Do you have your own vehicle that you pay insurance/registration and gas for or do you use your parents? Did you have to pay for all your schooling, books, supplies, clothes, etc etc etc before entering college or was this supplied for you? I guess what I am saying is that if you think you have it hard....move out. Try it and see if you think what you Mother is asking for is fair or not. __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

09-08-2003, 02:32 PM	#19 (permalink)
Leviathan[NCV] Well... Location: afk	Well, to be honest 500 a month is definately cheaper than living on your own... Just food for thought.

09-08-2003, 04:21 PM	#20 (permalink)
GakFace Go Ninja, Go Ninja Go!! Location: IN, USA	here's my question. Doesn't your sister have a job to pay for HER rent? Cause I'd sure as hell be on my sister's ass if I was in your situation. __________________ RoboBlaster: Welcome to the club! Not that I'm in the club. And there really isn'a a club in the first place. But if there was a club and if I was in it, I would definitely welcome you to it.

09-08-2003, 11:51 PM	#21 (permalink)
Double D Junkie Location: Chicagoland	Four words: Get a second job. (Pay your mom--save the second job money to move out--then move!) Good Luck!

09-09-2003, 06:47 AM	#25 (permalink)
cowlick Insane Location: Seattle	You are an adult living in your parent's house. As an adult you shouldn't expect your parents to free ride your life anymore. Why not move out on your own. They'll be no more rules. __________________ "It's a long story," says I, and let him up.

09-09-2003, 10:07 AM	#26 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	Well, you are out of college, so it is only reasonable that your parents want you to pay rent. They should ask for a flat fee though, like 300/month or something rather than 'half'. If I were you, I would just say "your right, you are charging me what it would cost me to live on my own.....bye." And I would go get my own place since I am an adult now. Hey wait a minute, if you are working 40 hours/week then your parents are asking for 640/month which is way too much for a room. Just go get your own place. Oh, and tell her to tell your sister to get financial aid instead of being a burden. I didnt' want to burden my parents, so that's what I am doing even though they were willing to pay. __________________ "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

09-10-2003, 01:36 PM	#27 (permalink)
jujueye alpaca lunch for the trip Location: in my computer	I know I went through this myself. But think of the extra perks youre getting, and then negotiate with her. Maybe .32 to .39. After all, home loan officers will not let you spend more than .40 of your income on housing......(heh heh) Still, she may see you buying fun stuff and eating out and getting cds.... She honestly is helping you out by getting you to realize that this will be a permanent part of your future. A part that sucks, but still, a part of it. Negotiate, then start being real careful with it.