slushi123

So guys, below is the verbage I plan to put in my performance review comment section. I work in a Help Desk and need help to polish up and to see how it would sound in the eyes of HR. I want to come across as somewhat humble but impactful. Also I am looking for specfic verbage that I can alter or suggestions for grammer changes as well. That will also be a helpful response to this thread. These are just few areas I felt I needed to address but dont want to come off to defensive either!



"Some of the other factors tied into aux time that I have been involved with are conference calls, CAB meetings, vendor call back circuit issues, and helpdesk calls over the weekends. Additionally, during the work week there have been several occasions I was out of soc collaborating with the various functional teams (SAO NT, UNIX or Data Engineering) regarding current events and event management outages. These instances were verbally communicated to management during a recent biweekly meeting.



There have been several instances of the instability of the Ework Application that rona took place while telecommuting; I communicated these instances to management via email as soon as I became aware of them. Instability of the Ework Application is a known issue and has also been agreed upon by other colleagues.



On numerous occasions I have received favorable feedback (verbal and written) by cross functional teams (TTS groups) commenting on my continued "great service" and "great performance". Basedon receiving such merits, I strongly believe that I am performing as well as other colleagues on our team.



"Affected CI” and “location information” are required details which are necessary to generate a Remedy. I generally include these details in this section of Remedy. If there are specific instances on which I overlooked including this information, it was an oversight. Please make me aware of any future instances as soon as they are discovered, and I will promptly correct them.

I thorougly enjoy working with the team, and I am open to criticism and constructive feedback. I will continue to strive to exceed goals. I look forward to the upcoming challenges this year has to offer. "

The_Jazz

Don't apologize for anything. Based on your last thread, you're on your way out the door anyway, so don't give them a reason. In other words, drop the last sentence in the next to last paragraph.

Without knowing what's on the rest of the evaluation, it's hard to know if you're coming across as a needy bitch or not. I would self-edit for that.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

slushi123

Will Do.

HOw does this sound. I made another correction for 3rd paragaph.

On numerous occasions I have received favorable feedback (verbal and written) by cross functional teams (TTS groups) commenting on my continued great service and great performance. Based on receiving such merits, I have achieved and gone beyond what’s expected on my normal day-to-day on my many instances such as the TAP program; Turner Asia – Co Chair, attending MAC Summer Series (portrays interest in pushing company forward in diversity, and go above my ability to work with the EA group and survey applications.

---------- Post added at 03:30 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:29 PM ----------

Guys, All please chip in review and suggest. Thank You in advance.

The_Jazz

You need to do some serious editing for grammar across the board. In your last post, you have an incomplete sentence (last one) and failed to close parentheses as well. You also seem to habitually misuse capitalizations.

Beyond that, most of this is jibberish to me, but that's because I have no idea what it is you do - nor do I really care. If the technical stuff is necessary, then so be it.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Jinn

Do you need to put anything into a Comment section at all? This all sounds like things you should say when you have a face-to-face to go over your review with your manager(s). It all seems like caveats and explanations, which should really be provided only if your managers have an issue with something on your review. Odds are, they won't care about this minutae unless you're failing to meet your objectives, and in that case delivering this in person will be more to your benefit, I think.

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

The_Jazz

Jinn, this will probably help explain what's going on, in case you missed it.

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/tilted-...-politics.html

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Jinn

Yes, Jazz, yes it did.

My advice is now even more strongly, don't put this in your review. You seem to worsen the situation with your ... 'writing style.' Do your job and document every time one of these con calls or WAN outages happens and your response to it. The only way to improve your situation is to have a comparable file listing each instance and what you did to counter any claims that something happened and you didn't do what was expected.

FWIW, I'm not sure this is 'corporate politics' inasmuch as 'doing what you are paid to do and documenting the same.'

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

slushi123

First Off I have to Thank Jazz, becuase he has really been there every step of they way with me in this and literally held my hand. So Thank You Jazz! Im just trying to hang on as long as I can untill I can find another job.

Jinn - I feel it is important to say something in order to diffuse the situation some. The ponits I have mentioned here are the only ones that he addressed of of concern on my review. He says in some instances Im doing a good job but he will come back and say there are times Im not at my desk for unspecfied reasons but this is not true becuase I am at the other groups desks related to outages we work on and are responsbile for as mentioned my first post of this thread.

Also the job at hand pays the bills but im not getting any encouragment to get out there and apply because Im so saddened them im not leaving on good terms here. Im a good person and I only mean well and work hard. I feel he is just building a case but in a bad way. That hurts and impedes me from being able to apply to other deparments. It cloulds my mind.

Anyway back to this, I can either reply directly to him in an email or just add it on the review, since this is seen by others. If I send directly to him I take the risk of him not sharing, deleteing and not even caring. I feel partialy comfortable to add on the review since I am comming off as humble and have now fixed my grammer mistakes with your help.

Please review once more and tell me if the overall content comes across as well. I want to be done with it so I can move on! I want to focus on a strategy of somewho encouraging myself to LOOK for another job and just apply.

I really am grateful for the members of this forum.

redsneaker

Not sure if you have turned this in yet or not, but, if not, make sure to spell check!