soma

I've been burned in the past and usually keep my problems to myself. Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend and I revealed I didn't really have anyone to talk about my problems with. She was surprised and thought it was really strange. To tell you all the truth, I usually talk more about my problems on this forum than with my friends. I like being able to get advice from real people without running the risk of being gossiped about.

Who do you talk to when you have problems in your life?

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Having Girl Problems?

Xerxys

No one........ I sort them out ...... then ignore them if they just cant be helped. I have become captain don't care!!

Magpie_1

Most of my problems I consult with my best friend of seven years. If I am unable to talk to her I usually talk to my old college roommate of two years or my mother. They are all really good at helping me work things out.

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"Art is what you can get away with."
- Andy Warhol

levite

I have a small inner circle of friends that they jokingly call my "life club." It's my best friend of eight years, my other best friend (he's like my brother) of close to twenty years, two other close friends, and my chavruta (study partner-- it's a very deep relationship in traditional Jewish circles) of four years. I can literally talk about anything with any of these people, and they will not judge, they will accept, they will help, and they will never betray a confidence. I would trust any of them with my life, and I know they would say the same in reverse.

I guess I should now add to the list my fiancee. I trust her the same way, and I was able to tell her very personal things very soon into our relationship. I'm still not used to calling her my fiancee, but I am sure getting used to being comfortable trusting her.

At various times in my life, I've also had therapists I've talked to, which has been very helpful-- I would recommend it to anyone and everyone. But I am not seeing any therapists right now. I've done a lot of that, and I feel pretty able to handle anything that comes along right now, just me, my fiancee, and my life club.

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Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

surferlove007

I talk to my mom surprisingly. James also, we almost always talk about everything, unless one of us is being stubborn. I've found just writing down my problems really help to get them out of my system too. Such as in the blogs.

little_tippler

There's not really one single person I talk to about all problems. Depends on what the problem is about. Also, even if I added all my close confidants together, they wouldn't collectively know the entirety of my problems. Some things I keep to myself completely. I have two friends who I tell most things, one I have known for 24 years, the other I have known for 16 years. I also talk to my mom about problems, depending on what they are.

I don't think it's strange to not confide your problems in others. In fact, I think it's becoming increasingly normal to not make close bonds with others and to live relationships on the surface for the most part. I don't think it's a good thing though. It's terrible to not trust anyone. But I know how you feel and I protect myself a lot too.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Cynosure

My mom has been one of my life-long best friends. My mom was one I talked to often after she and my dad divorced, which occurred when I was 10. My mom was one I talked to often as I was going through a difficult adolescence. My mom was one I talked to often as I was going through the rocky latter years of my first marriage, which ended in a divorce after 9 years. My mom was one I talked to often after my divorce, when I moved over 1,000 miles away, from my home state, and lived alone to pursue my IT career. My mom was one I talked to often during my tumultuous relationship with a beautiful yet highly dysfunctional girlfriend, who I once lived with for over a year before the inevitable, awful break-up. My mom was one I talked to often during the rocky start of my 2nd marriage. My mom was one I talked to often during the dot.com bubble burst, when my IT career went spiraling downward and I suddenly went deep into debt. And so on, and so on.

And now.... and now my mom, who still lives (with her husband) over 1,000 miles away from me and my present-day family, is dying of cancer. (She had breast cancer that has now spread to her heart and liver.) And, so, soon – about 3 or 4 months from now (according to the doctors) – one of my life-long best friends will no longer be available for me to talk to.

PonyPotato

My best friend (in Ohio) is usually the person I like to share the most with, but unfortunately she isn't always available to talk to. I have a couple of other friends in Ohio I sometimes share problems with, and my mom sometimes as well.

It's hard, because I can't talk to my boyfriend about problems with my boyfriend. And he doesn't like me talking to other people about our problems (especially not my mother), nor writing online about them. So if my best friend is unavailable, I don't have anyone to talk to. It sucks.

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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

Dammitall

Nobody, really. I keep things to myself too often... that's my main problem.

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If one million people replaced a two mile car trip once a week with a bike ride, carbon dioxide emissions would be reduced by 50,000 tons per year. If one out of ten car commuters switched to a bike, carbon dioxide emissions would be reduced by 25.4 million tons per year. [2milechallenge.com]

snowy

My advice flowchart:

1) My significant other, unless it's a problem with him, then skip to no. 2.

2) My mom. She's a great sounding board, and the best when I'm just looking to vent and don't actually need advice.

3) My roommate. He's always good for giving me perspective on a problem.

4) The TFP. There's usually some good advice to be had around here.

5) My best friend. She is always a short phone call away, as she lives about 45 minutes away. We try to have some face-to-face girltime, just us, every couple of months where we hash stuff out. We take turns talking about shit that's going on. We've been doing this for years, though it used to be on a weekly basis.

6) Martian--if he's online! But he's never online anymore.

I don't often keep problems to myself. I usually consult with someone to help me solve them. Hooray for friends!

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

canuckguy

Love the flow chart!

I have a similar setup that i use when i am in need, depending on what the problem is...etc

1. Mentor - I have a business/career mentor that I am very close with, he was a manager I had years ago but still keep in touch with. We've become good friends but I look to him for advice and coaching on all aspects of life but leave the trivial stuff to my friends and others. He is brilliant man who i would not waste his time.

2. Friends - different friends for different problems...

3. Girlfriend - she is an amazing women and i use her more for venting than problem solving. she is so level headed and direct it helps me understand when i am confused...which is often.

I have to admit that i am that person for most of my close friends who value (i hope?) my opinions and ideas. I think mostly because i am good listener.

ironpham

I have had the unhealthy problem of keeping everything bottled up until very recently. I've only started revealing problems to one person over the past month or so. And, she's just a friend that I've met and gotten to know over the past 3 months or so. Go figure...

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SIGNATURE.

JamesB

Hmm .. I generally don't talk - but if / when I do, I like to post on here .. or go for coffee with one of my closest friends - Anne - whom I dated briefly.

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-- apt-get install spare_time --

ShaniFaye

Dave first and foremost.....and my mama, there is nothing I cant talk to either of them about

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

anti fishstick

my confidante used to be my most recent ex, including before we were together. i tend to tell my problems to a significant other, if i have one. if not, then i go to friends.. i tend to hide behind the internet a lot so i'll talk to friends i know online. i've been making some new friends lately, starting fresh from a clean slate... and i'm finding that i can talk to them.. it's refreshing.

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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

Willravel

I like to write down a problem, forget about it, and then come back to it maybe a day or two later with some perspective. It really helps me a great deal.

After me, there's a few really close friends that I confide in, but unfortunately one of them is currently in the UAE serving in the US Navy, which makes him difficult to communicate with.

thespian86

my best friend Matthew. Sometimes Ashleigh.

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EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

soma

I'm so jealous of those of you who can talk to their parents. I've had a pretty horrible relationship with my parents for my entire life. Interesting posts though.

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Having Girl Problems?

QuasiMondo

More often than not, I end up talking to myself. The way I see it, if I tell my problems to somebody else, it's an implicit solicitation for their advice, which you may not be ready or willing to accept. This causes problems should you choose not to take their advice because they may feel slighted because you ignored their advice after you bent your ear about it.

I'm too stubborn to take somebody else's advice unless I explicitly ask for it, so I'd rather avoid the entire mess and rant to myself in an empty room.

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Cameron originally envisioned the Terminator as a small, unremarkable man, giving it the ability to blend in more easily. As a result, his first choice for the part was Lance Henriksen. O. J. Simpson was on the shortlist but Cameron did not think that such a nice guy could be a ruthless killer.

-From the Collector's Edition DVD of The Terminator

Magpie_1

I know. Some times I even try to talk to him online but it seems he is nowhere to be found.

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"Art is what you can get away with."
- Andy Warhol

SabrinaFair

I'm a very lucky woman, in that one of my best friends in the world is my next door neighbor. So it's very easy to pop over to ask advice or just vent my frustrations. She's considerably older than me (11 years), so I value her perspective and experience. We've spent countless hours over coffee and cigarettes working through our respective issues. I really don't know what I'd do without her.

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"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata

Tully Mars

I have a close friend in Oregon. He and I bounce BS off each other- kids, family, work, politics etc... Probably one of the few people in my life I've had a phone call with that lasted longer then 20mins. It's not unusual for us to spend an hour plus on the phone once a week or so since I moved south.

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I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

abaya

I have come to realize lately that I am a person that everyone else comes to talk about things that they can't talk about with anyone else. I used to think that was okay, but then I started realizing that I wasn't even that close to some of these people, and I started to feel used. I liked to listen and try to help people out, and for whatever reasons, people feel they can tell me (in particular) everything, but the favor was not really returned. I was not confiding anything in them, nor did I want to. I have lost a lot of my patience with the whole pattern and am now trying to cut back on my "counseling" sessions for other people, unless we are very close and things are genuinely reciprocal.

THAT said, my Go-To people are:
1) Husband (ktsp)
2) Geographically-local close friends (which are changing at the moment, since we move internationally again on Sunday), which consist of maybe 3 individuals
3) Geographically-distant close friends, which consist of maybe 5 individuals
4) My dad (but almost never my mom, because she isn't safe to confide in--even though I seem to be HER only confidante, so that relationship is thoroughly off-balance)
5) Occasionally TFP, although not as much these days. I used to "vent" quite a bit on TFP, but I think I grew out of it, or I'm not sure what happened. I prefer to keep things a little more to myself these days than I used to when I was in my early-mid 20s, I guess.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

savmesom11

I am usually the go-to person myself. Fortunately I have my own circle whom I can lean on for support too.

1) My sisters
2) My mom or aunt
3) a few select friends/coworkers
4) My mentor

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* I do not believe that struggles are a sign of life falling apart, but rather a step of life falling into place. *

LordEden

After reading onesnowyowl's post I realized that I to have a flow chart. I use to have alot more female friends that I could hash out things with, but now that list is down to nothing. This is my flow chart:

Myself - I usually sit by myself in my room and talk aloud while I try to sort out what the underlying problem is and if there is a easy solution. I talk to myself alot.

My best friend (male) - Most of the time if I can't get a clear perspective from myself so I grab a bottle of rum and head to my friend's apt. We drink and I vent to him. He usually has a different perspective on my problem which can lead me to a new idea/direction on my problem.

My best friend (female) - If it gets to this point then it's most likely about a woman. The above friend has worse luck with women than I do. So it's off to my female friend to help me wrap my brain around why this woman is causing so much trouble in my life (9/10 it's cause she is crazy and I've fallen for her). She usually tells me to pick better girls (I can't, I'm a crazy magnet) and helps me work it out.

My old chef - If it's not about a girl and I need a "strong arm" I talk to my old chef. He is skilled in the art of knowledge gathering and how to handle things. He's older than me and has alot more life experience than me. If he can't help me, I'm screwed.

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Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

Esoteric

Heh, that's my problem also. I don't discuss shit with anyone really, and sometimes it builds up and I explode. I realize it's my fault but it's a character flaw that I just cannot seem to change even though I'm trying my best.

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From a head full of pressure rests the senses that I clutch
Made a date with Divinity, but she wouldn't let me fuck
I got touched by a hazy shaded, God help me change
Caught a rush on the floor from the life in my veins

Daniel_

I talk to myself and try to be Socratic and work out what is rational.

When it all gets too much I try to find some time to be alone and watch the clouds or the sun on the water until the noise in my head subsides.

I grew up being taught that hand wringing and fear do not solve any problems, and that facing things head on eyes open will enable you to make the most out of situations.

However I do still under extreme stress suffer from what St Hunter called "THE FEAR", and when it strikes I tend to get short tempered and upset my closest friends.

I have however given up using alcohol to shut up the beast - that wasn't a good plan, although I tried it for four years as a student, and another couple when I kicked out my first wife.

The Beast in my head is frightened of music.

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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
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