Milky

Any tips?

rlynnm

What was the nature of the relationship? the breakup? Please elaborate...

__________________
The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know.

Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.

supersteph2747

If he broke up with me and I didn't want to, I spend a day or two getting drunk, eating garbage, and have a bitch-fest with my friends. Then I pull myself up by the seat of my pants, realize that HE'S the one who messed up and get back on with my life. Dating other guys doesn't usually happen for a bit longer... it's hard putting yourself in that position when you've just been burned. If I'm the one that does the breaking up I get drunk once to celebrate, then I go back on the prowl. :-)

__________________
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.

SiN

exactly what I was going to say

__________________

Supple Cow

Simple question, simple answer:

You live your life and don't look back.



That doesn't mean pretend it never happened, but it does mean not to spend any time reminiscing for no good reason. It will hurt for a while even without you moping around rubbing salt in the wound. You'll find what you're looking for in front of you, not behind you.

__________________
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
(Michael Jordan)

taboo

try to focus on things you've wanted to do or get done for a while that bring you satisfaction, and that you've kept putting off--you get a feeling of accomplsihment, and forget the past slowly...stay busy and focus on something you want to achieve

hunnychile

Staying busy is good advice.

Also, getting a pedicure and manicure doesn't hurt at all! Try not to do the "bitch fest" too much tho- that gets old fast & close friends might say it's ok, but in truth, they won't wanna hear it more than once.

__________________
"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

BlueBongo

I guess that depends on how much you care about someone...?

Usually when a relationship gets to this point, friend/lover/etc, and the relationship becomes negative I just cut that person out, if everything can't be worked out in some way.

I guess I look at this differently than a lot of people though... you can't help someone that won't help themselves, and if they aren't motivated to take care of themselves and their own life... then how can they help/care about someone else? I don't think anyone should sacrafice themselves for the sake of others.

And this line of though is how I, and my high morals, are prepertually single So maybe it's not the best thing to ask me.

But generally, I learn what went wrong..and if it can't be fixed, I move on and try to learn from those mistakes. But that is something I do on every level, not just for relationships. I'm sort of cold for just cutting things out of my life, but so far I've been the better for doing so.

__________________
"Things can only get so bad before they have no choice but to get better.."

rlynnm

well I guess with the lack of any further information, I'd say allow yourself to be sad about it but don't dwell on it, find things/actvities/people to busy yourself with..and I guess with moral issues aside, good companionship, even if it's momentary, will help rid your mind of your former relationship.

__________________
The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know.

Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.

jillian

im not going to say what i do... i wouldnt recomend it

serlindsipity

im curious about how long you were together as well as how involved you guys were. perhaps a good night out with the girls would help, or even a night in with ben and jerrys. a bit hard to decide wihtout more detail.

__________________
My third eye is my camera's lens.

shesus

More information is definitely needed. I would say a good rule of thumb is to stay busy. Pamper yourself and do things that you couldn't/didn't do during the relationship. A nice bubblebath, manicure, pedicure, facial, etc. Go shopping if funds allow and stay close to people who care. I second the stay away from too much bitching. That does get old...quickly.

Stay positive and realize that it was not meant to be. These experiences make you stronger Cry if you need to, but don't obsess. What's done is done.

__________________
Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

jillian

after any break up i tend to visit bars and clubs quite frequently... i like to go out and forget about whatever drama is going on... im not on a man hunt or anything but most of my one night stands happen after a break up

Guinevere

When my mind is whirly over a guy and I just can't get it to quiet down, I take a long, hard walk and talk to myself. (Yeah, people will think you're an odd one as they drive by and see you chatting to yourself.) I call them 'my come to Jesus walks.' The fresh air and exercise clears my mind enough to let me be more honest about the situation. It's damn near impossible to lie to yourself, right? I can feel myself release the sadness and anxiety I feel over the relationship as I walk and talk. It's been amazingly effective and theraputic and if I feel myself whirling again--I hit the bricks.

Sharon

I have a few very good male friends who take me out on fun, friendly dates during breakup periods. It restores my faith in men and reminds me that there are other great men out there.

TivaBella

I spend as much time with family & friends as possible and try to stay busy. However, if I feel like crying - I cry.

I agree with the ideas above about keeping busy and pampering yourself but the advice I would give you is to allow yourself to be sad for as long as you need to be. I don't mean dwell & wallow - just don't deny. I have tried keeping it in and pretending to be strong and it just made everything harder in the long run.

Believe me - the happy periods each day get longer and longer as time goes on.

__________________
It's all falling into place. Of course that place is nowhere near this place.

Buffy - "Gingerbread"

Meditrina

When I broke up with the boyfriend before I met my husband, i called my sister right away so I would not call jerk face back. Then I got reacquainted with myself and my family. 10 days later I went out with a friend I had lost touch with and was so relaxed and having fun, that I was able to meet my now husband.

Take some time and do things for yourself, with your family and with your friends. Learn from your past experience and take that with you into the future.

__________________
"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

Miss Ina

A few weeks ago I got dumped by my boyfriend of a year, so all of your comments have given me some good advice.

As for me, I usually deal with a break-up by crying a lot, then spending lots of time with my friends. Especially in the first few days, I don't want to be alone. We're not doing anything special and I'm not with them to talk about my ex or the break-up. I'm just having fun with my friends like I always do. It reminds me that I'll always have my friends, even if boyfriends leave.

__________________
The word "time" split its husk; poured its riches over him; and from his lips fell like shells, like shavings from a plane, without his making them, hard, white, imperishable words, and flew to attach themselves to their places in an ode to Time; an immortal ode to Time.
—Virginia Woolf, Mrs Dalloway

savvypup

Great - I just posted a similar thread elsewhere, so this has been a huge help.

Hubby & I seperated 1.5years ago, but I'm living in limbo. We have a <3yr old daughter he we both adore.

Myself - tried keeping busy, but it's really hard. I know it's the best thing to do, but I get depressed and just want to go and hide under the sheets. I never use to want to be alone, but theres been times where I sit back at night and think, this time to myself is great. The thought of him dating freaks me out. Can't get away from him because he calls twice a day to speak to our little girl.

It's harder when you have that tie (daughter)

Just try and spend time with family and friends - don't cut them off as I did. I'm slowly reconnecting and it's the best thing for me. Unfortunately, most of my friends are in steady relationships or married, so that makes it a little difficult and sad at social events (if I decide to go)

__________________

ciao bella!

hagatha

I always find it funny that when friends are in a relationship I never hear from them, and I have been guilty of that in the past as well, but when everything goes to shit you see them constantly. Do we ever make as big a deal out of the loss of a friendship as we do the loss of a romantic partner?
Are there ever forums on how to deal with a friendship break-up? I've never felt so hurt as when a good friend decides the friendship isn't working. Are friends just there to fill the void until we find a romantic relationship?

Sugarmouse

i always try to remember why it ended, and also that lifes a journey not a destination, you most likely learnt a lot, about yourself,love and life...to apply to the next part of the journey.
yes friendship breakups are difficult too.but i nevr fidn them quite so difficult.probably because to be close to someoen sexually is one step further.

__________________
Sugarmouse=Festered

ash

get really drunk j/k smile and appreciate all you have

__________________
"somepeoplesay"

hagatha

.....
yes friendship breakups are difficult too.but i nevr fidn them quite so difficult.probably because to be close to someoen sexually is one step further.[/QUOTE]

Now I would beg to differ on that point. Being sexual does not necessarily equal the emotional intimacy that a close friend can offer. I have yet to be as emotionally connected to a man (and I'm speaking from a heterosexual perspective obviously) as I have been to my female friends. When you think about it, many friendships outlast romantic liaisons sometimes by decades and isn't that worth holding on to even more?

AT13

Go buy a puppy.

AT13

Better yet...get a great vibrator. Forget about the puppy because when you're done with it, you can't just stick it in a drawer ;-)

shyr_15

talk with friends...cry your heart out. then move on. do things that you enjoy (dancing, swimming, camping, mountain climbing, traveling), anything that would take your mind away from him. that way you will be able to avoid being depressed.

__________________
www.bullfrogspas.com