What would you do if... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

pokahotass · 06-06-2003, 07:12 PM

a little while back I was at my boyfriends house and I found a condom wrapper in with his clothes when I was putting away his laundry. I asked him about it and he told me that it must of been one of his friends using his room. He swears up and down that it was not him. My instinct instantly told me that he wasn't being honest( Why would one of his friends stash a empty wrapper in with his clothes?) but I let myself overlook my gut feeling. Then a couple of weeks later I went into his drawer to get a picture of us so I could frame it for him.( It's our year anniversary on the forth of july, I thought it would be a great gift.) when I was looking for the picture i found two of the same condoms in a box that came with three in it. So now I know that it had to be him. None of his friends would go into his things. He'd raise hell. I haven't said anything to him yet. He's the type of guy that freaks out if you ask him about things like that and causes so much DRAMA so he doesn't have to answer. it can get kinda ugly.
Now I can't help but think about it all the time. I'm really in love with him, but I'm not interested in staying with him if he has cheated and can't even admit it. It's not the cheating that gets me it's the lying to my face part that drives me nuts. He'll never openly admit it. I want to find a way to make him tell me without realizing that he's telling me. This whole thing is making my stomach sick. Does anyone have any advice?? Thank you ladies for taking the time to help a girl out

SiN · 06-07-2003, 01:13 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by pokahotass
I haven't said anything to him yet. He's the type of guy that freaks out if you ask him about things like that and causes so much DRAMA so he doesn't have to answer. it can get kinda ugly.
..... I'm really in love with him, but I'm not interested in staying with him if he has cheated and can't even admit it. ..

Run, Run, Run.

sweetie, no self-respecting woman deserves this bullshit.

Good Luck.

sierra2774 · 06-07-2003, 06:57 AM

I would confront him with it first, just to see if he will admit it, But I agree that if he does it once, he will do it again. I know it is hard when you are attached to him emotionally, but noone deserves being lied to and cheated on...So get rid of him.

pokahotass · 06-07-2003, 10:18 AM

I don't know why I'm being such a pussy about this. I'm never shy about speaking my mind. Last night when he was i my bed I couldn't stop thinking about it. Then I almost threw up on him. This is serious booty-funk.

darksparkles · 06-07-2003, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by pokahotass
He's the type of guy that freaks out if you ask him about things like that and causes so much DRAMA so he doesn't have to answer. it can get kinda ugly.

my boyfriend's like that, too... only he actually answers. i'd worry about the not actually answering thing.

i've heard of guys jacking off in condoms before, but if that was the case with yours why would it be in his coat pocket?

confront him. if he gets mad, he's protesting too much. there's reason for you to be suspicious and he should realize that.

Minx · 06-07-2003, 09:14 PM

If this guy is screwing around on you he deserves to be ditched. He's proving himself to be not only untrustworthy but a liar as well. You can do better than that!
I hope all works out for you.

raeanna74 · 06-08-2003, 04:44 PM

Something about what you said made me concerned. That he causes so much DRAMA so that he doesn't have to face the question. This sounds manipulative and immature. If it makes you that afraid that you don't want to even ask him about his infidelity then that kind of behavior would be grounds enough to break up. I understand the kind of love that makes you want to stay. I say get out before you are married and even more committed. Once you are committed he'll get worse. You can count on it. Confront him over the phone maybe even if you need to but don't let it go and if he winds up and becomes Mr Drama then I would say get out. If it's not true and he truely loves you the way you love him he will be willing to face your fears and do all he can to calm them. Don't let him put the guilt trip on you. If you can share with a close friend of family first before you confront him so that you have someone to go to in the aftermath. Don't live with it or let it go. Hugs, prayers and good luck.

*Nikki* · 06-09-2003, 06:35 AM

Been there. Done that.

He is lying and trying his hardest to cover it up.

The only way to deal with this is to talk to him about it.

Xeen · 06-10-2003, 09:29 AM

Yeah, at least give him the chance to explain or repent or whatever... but I suspect he'll do neither

mindy · 06-14-2003, 07:01 AM

Several years ago I stopped by my b-friends house unexpectedly. I found a USED condom in the bathroom trash. He swore it was one of his friends and I stupidly believed him... Later I found out it was his. Older and much wiser now...

BlueBongo · 06-14-2003, 09:18 AM

I feel that if someone lies to you and never admits it, though you know they've lied, you need to cut it off.
I was a pathological liar in HS and know how both sides of that coin look... not pretty seeing how much the lie will eat at victim and tear them apart while also tearing the liar apart as well.

I have given trust to freely to people, and I have been walked on and lied to myself. I feel someone should earn trust, and when someone lies to you that is far from earning trust.

But those are just my 2 cents or .218 pesos.

Angel · 06-15-2003, 09:37 AM

I think it is clear from the information that you have provided that he has been unfaithful to you. He had the opportunity to come clean and admit his faults and make it right and chose not to. He chose to lie to you instead.

Now had he made a "mistake" and came clean, (things can often times be worked out with much communication and dedication to making the relationship work) then I can see giving him a chance at the relationship. (less the drama factor) However, he CHOSE to lie!

I have zero tolerance for liars. But how I feel is not going to change anything for you. Ultimately it is what you are willing to accept in a relationship that is going to determine where you go with this.

Ask yourself a few questions...
1) Is this the kind of relationship you want?
2) Can you live with knowing that this occurred and left unresolved?
3) Do you deserve to be lied to?
4) Do you want a lifetime of "drama" and fear induced silence?
5) Should you sacrifice your pride, dignity and self respect for a "man" who treats you in such manner?
6) Do you deserve REAL love or this?

I wish you the best.

blueskies · 06-15-2003, 10:05 AM

I really don't have an answer for you. You gotta do what feels right to YOU. I'm so sorry you are going through this. But, I think most people can relate on one end or the other. Me, on both. My husband and I are going through something similar right now. (the liar thing) Unfortnately its me this time. Not him. I've never cheated on him though nor would I ever. He has done this to me however ... but, the act didn't bother me. Its how I found out. Anyway, thats besides the point. You do what is right for you. If you can live with what has happened (and will probably happen again) then stay. Otherwise you really need to take a deep breath and move on. I wish you well ...

Lydia

pokahotass · 06-17-2003, 05:23 PM

Thank you so much for sharing with me. I haven't been able to log on lately. (My computer crashed) Just wanted to let all of you know that the situation has been resolved. I told him to beat it. And I'm still smilin'

Xapphire · 06-18-2003, 05:56 AM

Good for you pokahotass. *hugs*

G0dd3ss · 06-18-2003, 09:08 AM

Way to be a strong woman!!!

pokahotass · 06-20-2003, 04:13 PM

Thank you. you girlie's rock!!!

bondagegirl · 06-21-2003, 09:42 PM

yipee! woo hoo for you!

06-06-2003, 07:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
pokahotass Upright Location: my teepee in seattle	What would you do if... a little while back I was at my boyfriends house and I found a condom wrapper in with his clothes when I was putting away his laundry. I asked him about it and he told me that it must of been one of his friends using his room. He swears up and down that it was not him. My instinct instantly told me that he wasn't being honest( Why would one of his friends stash a empty wrapper in with his clothes?) but I let myself overlook my gut feeling. Then a couple of weeks later I went into his drawer to get a picture of us so I could frame it for him.( It's our year anniversary on the forth of july, I thought it would be a great gift.) when I was looking for the picture i found two of the same condoms in a box that came with three in it. So now I know that it had to be him. None of his friends would go into his things. He'd raise hell. I haven't said anything to him yet. He's the type of guy that freaks out if you ask him about things like that and causes so much DRAMA so he doesn't have to answer. it can get kinda ugly. Now I can't help but think about it all the time. I'm really in love with him, but I'm not interested in staying with him if he has cheated and can't even admit it. It's not the cheating that gets me it's the lying to my face part that drives me nuts. He'll never openly admit it. I want to find a way to make him tell me without realizing that he's telling me. This whole thing is making my stomach sick. Does anyone have any advice?? Thank you ladies for taking the time to help a girl out __________________ "I was thought to be 'stuck up.' I wasn't. I was just sure of myself. This is and always has been an unforgivable quality to the unsure." -- Bette Davis

06-07-2003, 06:57 AM	#3 (permalink)
sierra2774 Addict Location: Northeast Ohio	I would confront him with it first, just to see if he will admit it, But I agree that if he does it once, he will do it again. I know it is hard when you are attached to him emotionally, but noone deserves being lied to and cheated on...So get rid of him. __________________ "Every tomorrow brings new opportunities, challenges we must address...A chance to affirm all our wishes and dreams, to seek beauty and true happiness."

06-07-2003, 10:18 AM	#4 (permalink)
pokahotass Upright Location: my teepee in seattle	I don't know why I'm being such a pussy about this. I'm never shy about speaking my mind. Last night when he was i my bed I couldn't stop thinking about it. Then I almost threw up on him. This is serious booty-funk. __________________ "I was thought to be 'stuck up.' I wasn't. I was just sure of myself. This is and always has been an unforgivable quality to the unsure." -- Bette Davis

06-07-2003, 09:14 PM	#6 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	If this guy is screwing around on you he deserves to be ditched. He's proving himself to be not only untrustworthy but a liar as well. You can do better than that! I hope all works out for you. __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

06-08-2003, 04:44 PM	#7 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	Something about what you said made me concerned. That he causes so much DRAMA so that he doesn't have to face the question. This sounds manipulative and immature. If it makes you that afraid that you don't want to even ask him about his infidelity then that kind of behavior would be grounds enough to break up. I understand the kind of love that makes you want to stay. I say get out before you are married and even more committed. Once you are committed he'll get worse. You can count on it. Confront him over the phone maybe even if you need to but don't let it go and if he winds up and becomes Mr Drama then I would say get out. If it's not true and he truely loves you the way you love him he will be willing to face your fears and do all he can to calm them. Don't let him put the guilt trip on you. If you can share with a close friend of family first before you confront him so that you have someone to go to in the aftermath. Don't live with it or let it go. Hugs, prayers and good luck. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

06-09-2003, 06:35 AM	#8 (permalink)
Nikki ~~~~~~~ Location: Charleston, SC	Been there. Done that. He is lying and trying his hardest to cover it up. The only way to deal with this is to talk to him about it.

06-10-2003, 09:29 AM	#9 (permalink)
Xeen Psycho Location: UK	Yeah, at least give him the chance to explain or repent or whatever... but I suspect he'll do neither __________________ ~~ Xeen ~~ This court rules that religion must stay 500 yards away from science at all times.

06-14-2003, 07:01 AM	#10 (permalink)
mindy Upright	Several years ago I stopped by my b-friends house unexpectedly. I found a USED condom in the bathroom trash. He swore it was one of his friends and I stupidly believed him... Later I found out it was his. Older and much wiser now...

06-15-2003, 09:37 AM	#12 (permalink)
Angel Naughty Just Right Location: Euphoria	I think it is clear from the information that you have provided that he has been unfaithful to you. He had the opportunity to come clean and admit his faults and make it right and chose not to. He chose to lie to you instead. Now had he made a "mistake" and came clean, (things can often times be worked out with much communication and dedication to making the relationship work) then I can see giving him a chance at the relationship. (less the drama factor) However, he CHOSE to lie! I have zero tolerance for liars. But how I feel is not going to change anything for you. Ultimately it is what you are willing to accept in a relationship that is going to determine where you go with this. Ask yourself a few questions... 1) Is this the kind of relationship you want? 2) Can you live with knowing that this occurred and left unresolved? 3) Do you deserve to be lied to? 4) Do you want a lifetime of "drama" and fear induced silence? 5) Should you sacrifice your pride, dignity and self respect for a "man" who treats you in such manner? 6) Do you deserve REAL love or this? I wish you the best. __________________ In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus

06-15-2003, 10:05 AM	#13 (permalink)
blueskies Upright Location: Houston, Tx	I really don't have an answer for you. You gotta do what feels right to YOU. I'm so sorry you are going through this. But, I think most people can relate on one end or the other. Me, on both. My husband and I are going through something similar right now. (the liar thing) Unfortnately its me this time. Not him. I've never cheated on him though nor would I ever. He has done this to me however ... but, the act didn't bother me. Its how I found out. Anyway, thats besides the point. You do what is right for you. If you can live with what has happened (and will probably happen again) then stay. Otherwise you really need to take a deep breath and move on. I wish you well ... Lydia

06-17-2003, 05:23 PM	#14 (permalink)
pokahotass Upright Location: my teepee in seattle	Thank you so much for sharing with me. I haven't been able to log on lately. (My computer crashed) Just wanted to let all of you know that the situation has been resolved. I told him to beat it. And I'm still smilin' __________________ "I was thought to be 'stuck up.' I wasn't. I was just sure of myself. This is and always has been an unforgivable quality to the unsure." -- Bette Davis

06-18-2003, 05:56 AM	#15 (permalink)
Xapphire Crazy Location: Dallas TX (close enough)	Good for you pokahotass. hugs

06-18-2003, 09:08 AM	#16 (permalink)
G0dd3ss Crazy Location: O-H-I-O	Way to be a strong woman!!! __________________ It's best not to be too moral...you cheat yourself out of too much life. - Maude, Harold and Maude.

06-20-2003, 04:13 PM	#17 (permalink)
pokahotass Upright Location: my teepee in seattle	Thank you. you girlie's rock!!! __________________ "I was thought to be 'stuck up.' I wasn't. I was just sure of myself. This is and always has been an unforgivable quality to the unsure." -- Bette Davis

06-21-2003, 09:42 PM	#18 (permalink)
bondagegirl Muy loca en la cabeza!! Location: San Diego. Ca.	yipee! woo hoo for you! __________________ "Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today."