Captain Nemo

Even though the responses have pretty much covered everything, I feel compelled to weigh in. Anyone care to guess what the responses would be like if the situation was reversed and the wife had asked this question in the Ladies Lounge? Why is it always assumed that the guy has to trust more?

This whole scenario reeks of bullshit. I can not imagine any scenario in which I would feel comfortable with letting my wife go to another state to see an old boyfriend who inspires her more than me. Oh, and let's not forget that it's OK because she will be staying with his girlfriend. Come on, give me a break. How many women out there would feel comfortable with having an ex of their partner come visit?

That would go over like a lead ballon in my house. Now, for the possibility of a threesome, Gar you might be on to something..........

hellasnow

thanks for all the replies

__________________
"when life looks like easy street.....
theres danger at your door." (JG)

hellasnow

damn hit return

anyway thanks for the replies

i never said that they went out while we were apart. interesting how that came into play. might have been how i worded it.

we've talked it over quite extensive since i posted this and haven't had time to come back and post.

she's told me if it bothers me this much that she would not go. it's basically my choice. problem is i do trust her otherwise i would not have married her. i don't trust him he is the problem in my mind. yes she is willing to go but i truly believe that she will not go if i don't want her to. this is where it becomes my problem: jealousy or insecurity. but my gut says more and thats why i've posted, my gut says no.

true if she's going to cheat she'd do it anywhere, again her i'm not worried about.

anyway thanks for the feedback and even the face slaps. i'm not to much of the controling type i love my wife very much and want her to be 100% happy. i'm just trying to explain to her how guys can be even if they've seemed like angles for years, gut says he'll take a try at her.

it is easy to see who has been burned by a situation like this and who has not and who has gone with it and everything work out fine....food for thought

__________________
"when life looks like easy street.....
theres danger at your door." (JG)

tooth

I hope she has decided to not go because she understands and respects your position. Rather than not going because she doesn't want to fight about it.

Basically, is she she going to resent you for not letting her go? Or does she really not want to go now, because she realizes that you have a point?

I am glad for the both of you that she has decided to forego the trip. There just may be some more work to do.

gts877

My wife and I had the "I trust you but don't trust him" discussion a few years before we got married, when she wanted to go visit an ex. If she really has no intentions of screwing around with this guy then you have noting to worry about. Trusting him really doesn't come into play because if she is truly faithful to you, then even if he does try something she won't allow it. I'd say let her go, but my own experience and relationship may cloud my vision.

legolas

it's just my opinion that in a relationship if you don't have 100% black or white trust it is weak and will crumble. if you don't fully trust them then you will question actions and will have to be around them 24/7 to know what they're doing and then it becomes a control issue.

it's of course just my opinion.

__________________
"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

arborsoldier

Dude,

I'm sort of there with you. My wife loves this "country" dancing and I really don't care for it. I've let her go to the club on several occasions, and no reason to not trust her, but it tears me up inside, especially when I know she is dancing with other guys. I'm trying to be real understanding and "cool" but it has come to several heated discussions. A weekend away? I'm not so sure I would go for it, but you'll need to make the final decision.

Good Luck

thebellman

Well I'm sorry if someone else already suggested this, reading 6000 posts isn't always fun, but I think that you should also realize the fact that, if she was going to fool around on you, she probably wouldn't tell you where she was going, and who she was going with. Myself, I would have a really hard time letting her go, just like you are, but hopefully knowing that nothing's gonna happen if she tells you what she's doing will make it better. Also, you might want to ask her to meet the guy before she goes, just so you can know who he is and if you want you could give him some "she's mine" sort of hints. Just an idea

pinkie

I agree.

I have a male friend who may be visiting me in the spring, but I wouldn't want to jump on a plane to go see him anytime in the next year unless my husband came with me. That just smells a little fishy to me. Maybe you guys are young or something, but since you have a kid, it just sounds like your relationship is too important to be bringing a third party, on her side, of the opposite sex, into the mix. Especially if it would be a private trip made without you there too. No way would my husband ever do anything like that to me, and vise-versa. I hope I don't sound too strict or harsh. I guess it’s just something I’m passionate about. I wouldn’t want to even put myself in the possible position to have something “uncomfortable” happen, but that's just us.

I feel the need to add that if she’s turning this around into a “You don’t trust me” ordeal, then that would send the warning flags full mast for me. That type of defensiveness and lack of compassion is something I don’t have to ever deal with in the relationship I’m in, and am damn grateful for that.

pinkie

Also, to me, not going just because she new it might make you feel uncomfortable would fall into the category of common courtesy and respect. Not to mention love. Compassion and devotion say, "I care about how this makes you feel more than what I want to do."

It's not like he's sick, and only has a short time to live.

foscon

does she seem to have the attitude that shes going hell or high water? or with only your approval?