ElwoodBlues

My girlfriend sent me this IM conversation that an ex-friend of mine was having with her. Am I wrong to be angry?

Guy: id like to fuck in as many different kinds of cars as possible
Guy: that'd be cool
Girlfriend: yea
Guy: kinda like a collection
Girlfriend: see you do think about it
Girlfriend: i wanna have sex in a car
Guy: i have had sex in a car
Girlfriend: i havent
Guy: her fathers car
Girlfriend: ive only...had sex in a bed
Guy: i havent
Guy: ok
Guy: ill have sex with you in a bed so i can have sex in a bed
Guy: and you can have sex with me in a car
Guy: so you can have sex in a car
Guy: ok
Guy: its a date
Guy: or
Guy: a few
Guy: dates
Guy: ...
Girlfriend: hahaha
Guy: tomorrow
Girlfriend: what about tomorrow
Guy: sex
Guy: after everyones gone
Girlfriend: you couldnt have sex with me.....we're friends
Girlfriend: i dont think i could just have sex with someone

I know this seems I little immature, its just an IM conversation. But the thing is I was best friends with this guy for 3 years, I know how he works, and I know what he's hoping to get from conversations like that, even if it may seem facetious.

I know my girlfriend won't have sex with him, but it royally pisses me off that he's trying this shit, knowing that we're together.

Thoughts, opinions?

__________________
I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut em up." -Mitch Hedberg, '68-'05

Bauer's the man.

tenchi069

Not sure about your "friend," but the fact that your girlfriend sent you the message is a good thing. It shows she is either uncomfortable with the way the conversation turned, didn't want to "hide" anything from you, or both, which shows you that she really does care. As for your friend, my advice would to either confront him about or just ignore him and never have anything to do with him. Let us know how it goes for ya.

__________________
ERROR- PLBSAK
Problem Lies Between Seat and Keyboard.

Nancy

I think that you should definitely confront him... otherwise he might continue this behind your back!

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

spazaddict

For sure confront him.....but do it with a wooden baseball bat

Yalaynia

Just for my own piece of mind I would ask how the conversation started. The first line sounds like an answer to a question that she asked him. Wait for a response and if you get "well its no big deal" or "nothing to worry about" ", if thats truly the case then she handled it on her own. I would raise the question of why she did the old cut and paste of the conversation, rather then just telling you look soandso made sexual advances towards me I asked him to stop and would like it if you would just talk to him and ask him to stop.

__________________
I couldnt think of anything to put here , but I guess anything would do

Strange Famous

I'd be kind of pissed off with your friend.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

ratbastid

NO you're not wrong to be angry. But I wouldn't go doing anything about it just yet.

Talk to your girlfriend. See if she feels like you should talk to him. She's obviously got all it takes to cool him out on her own, so maybe she'd rather you just let sleeping dogs (so to speak) lie.

wilbjammin

Lock your girlfriend in a box to protect her from this ever happening again.

Err... wait, no, that's not it...

Guys that mess with other guy's girlfriends are bad news. I'd probably put some distance between myself and that friend. I don't think that I would want people like that in my life.

__________________
Innominate.

MSD

I see this from a different point of view. My freinds always joke around like this, and if they did somehting like this, I'd see it as just another joke.

I understand that you may not be in the same situation as me, so I'd talk to your friend and just state bluntly that you don't find it funny that he's asking your girlfriend to have sex with him. Tell him that you dont' want friends who you can't trust. Thank your girlfriend for letting you know what happened, and that you appreciate being with someone who you can trust. Ask if there was any more of the conversation, and whether he was acting serious or if it was something they were joking about that turned inot somehting that sounded really bad out of context.

dami³

Well it's an IM conversation, and he's your friend so he was probably just goofing around - as btw was your girlfriend - real question is why did she show you the IM? Did she think it was funny or ... ?

lisa

No, I don't think it was her intention to get you jealous, guys don't usually need much help on that one

About your friend..... yeah, I think I would be angry too, but it does strike me as a bit odd that he has never had sex in a bed!? Still, if this is his way of trying to get your girl into his bed, I meant car, he probably still has a long way ahead of him.... solo-riding!

diddagirl

I think you do have a right to be mad at your friend. Seems like he may have crossed the line with this joke.....

__________________
"Is it so small a thing to have enjoyed the sun, to have lived long in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done."
-Matthew Arnold

bparker805

I get the feeling your friend was making a move on your lady... That was some shadey conversation. Being a guy and thinking like a guy, I would use a line like that to start the process... I hope that your friend was just fucking around though and that everything turns out ok. Good luck.

motdakasha

There is no such thing as a "wrong" feeling. An emotion is subjective. However, what is appropriate or inappropriate (behavior/interaction) varies greatly depending upon the culture, situation, and people involved.

__________________
=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

dami³

No comment

SAM821

"KICK HIS ASS, SEABASS"!!!

arch13

The begining of that conversation is missing. Putting aside my common comment that AIM has never produced an actual conversation of meaning and that it's devoid of everything that human communication inherantly is, i'd still point out that that converstaion started somewhere and your girlfreind went along with it. Where did it start?
Also, i see several chances for her to remind the idiot that she's with you, and she passes all of them by. Would she commonly let a guy say that much sexual innuendo to her without stoping him with a reminder that she's taken?
I'm not commenting on your SO here. but rather pointing out that it doesn't look like an innocent conversation from either side.

Unless of course AIM conversations are so deviod of meaning that it doesn't bother someone to talk about things in a manner that there own mind would never let speak or do in person.

__________________
Seen on an employer evaluation:

"The wheel is turning but the hamsters dead"
____________________________
Is arch13 really a porn diety ? find out after the film at 11.
-Nanofever

slimcr

for real, i suggest several of us meet you somewhere and go over and kick the shit out of your friend.....

"its go time"

Prince

I think I am the only one who's wondering if this is your girlfriend trying to make you jealous.

The beginning of the conversation is missing, and regardless of what the guy said, it would seem from what's left that she may have initiated it. She's definitely asked him a question or something that's led to this part of the conversation.

And to be perfectly frank with you, she doesn't seem to be that offended.

Are they good friends? If not, I don't know why they were talking about sex to begin with. That's always bad news...

But to answer your question: I think so, yeah.

__________________
Who is John Galt?

motdakasha

I don't think it's a jealousy thing, but it could be a "warning" sign. How do you feel your relationship is with her? Has your connection to her diminished recently? Have either one of you been really busy and haven't been able to make time for the other? Is it her way of saying, "you're neglecting me?" Or "let's try something new--let's do it in the car?" I wouldn't say it's a call for help, but I think it is a signal for something. Of what, I'm not sure... you'll have to ask her to figure it out.

Communication.

__________________
=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

lightning

I think its alright to be angry. I wouldn't trust the guy anymore...
It is good that your girlfriend handled it like she did.
(Take her out in your car, soon)

toxic515

I.M. gives them both an interesting tool... Plausible denial. In other words it's entirely possible to blow the whole thing off as a joke if anyone takes it wrong, or use it as a tool to get a piece if it all works out. I'd say the bit was inappropriate at best, flat out subversive at worst.. and yeah, I'd be irritated. She brought it to you for a reason, whatever that was.. It was completely within her power to keep the information from you completely. She's looking for some sort of reaction from you.

__________________
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies
like a banana.

filtherton

I was just going to tell you to keep an eye on your "friend" because it seems like he's fixin to be your ex-friend/new enemy.

but if she's your girlfriend, why wouldn't that be the excuse for why she can't sex-up your mutual friend.

It is interesting too that she left out the conversation prior to .

Seeing as how that's not something most people would generally offer up without any provocation, you have to wonder what was said before that.

moonstrucksoul

definately a bullshit move on your former buddies, part.
i would tell him off.

__________________
no signature required

skysooner

Yes, you are right to be angry. I wouldn't even treat someone's girlfriend who I don't know like this. A friend's girlfriend is much, much worse.

hellasnow

seems like you need to find out who your "real" buddies are. good for her for sending that to you, seems like you can trust her. i'd be stoked on that

__________________
"when life looks like easy street.....
theres danger at your door." (JG)

blockmaan2000

Dude, that guy needs a good kick in the nuts!!


block

ApexgriN

I would emailed him the conversation, laugh, and tell him he's a dork.

I think a lot of the alpha responses suggested would only encourage him, but if you show that you and your girl are in it together, and you can just laugh at his "pathetic" attempt at moving in on your girl, he'd buzz off. Don't play it like you're threatened, play it like it was a long shot on his part.

__________________
-
apexGrin

analog

Absolutely.

Yeah man, i have several VERY good friends, and we both I AND their gilfriends will pretend to flirt and talk about doing each other. You may have gotten some bad "out of context" type thing here. Just go talk to the guy after talking to your girl, it may be a big misunderstanding.

Sho Nuff

*bitchslap *

__________________
I know Nietzsche doesnt rhyme with peachy, but you sound like a pretentious prick when you correct me.

shannon

i think a lot of people here have brought up really interesting things to notice on your girlfriends side of things that would lead me to think that maybe the conversation was a joke, or that she isn't innocent in the matter. i think you need to talk to her if this is bugging you. and i'm wondering too why she sent you the msg? did she want to make you pissed at the friend? is she pissed at the friend?
i think you have a right to be pissed, of course you can feel however. but you don't have the right to be pissed forever. you have to do something about it, and i would tend to lean towards conversation before kicking the guy's ass.

__________________
"When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. And when I look up I just trip over things"

cj2112

I'd discuss this with her at length. I would be curious to know what brought about this discussion. I would then discuss it w/ the ex-friend, and hope that ends it.

raeanna74

She said "Girlfriend: see you do think about it" Something doesn't jive right there. I can't place a finger on it but my instincts tell me there's more to this story than meets the eye. I think it would be wise to talk to your girlfriend. I don't know that it would be wise to say anything to your friend yet. I would maybe keep an eye on him and your girlfriend as well. If either of their habits change or they stop talking to you as much I would get worried. Save this conversation for future reference should anything go wrong but don't overreact. I get the feeling that she may have gotten uncomfortable with the direction that the conversation took but she was willingly discussion sex to begin with. I'm not a guy but as far as I know talking about sex with a guy kindof makes him think it might be ok to WANT sex with you. My suggestion, ask the girlfriend what came before and then just take a wait and see stance until you know what's really going on.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

analog

There's a huge difference between WANTING to have sex with someone's girlfriend, and whether or not you'd ever act on it.

In my group of friends, there was a girl, R, and a guy, C, who were together. EVERYONE joked about wanting to bang her, and we all had many good laughs- most especially C. How flattering is it that all your buddies want to bag your girl? Of all of us, though, there's not 1 who would EVER try anything. Flirt like hell, but all in fun, and never actually act on it. C is like my brother. We're very tight. I've made more jokes about bending R over than I have about almost any other girl. He knows it's just an appreciation thing, and it's all in good fun, and with all due respect. C is about the most honest, good-hearted, decent guy I've ever known. And honestly- if he one day said to us, "guys, no more with the R humor, ok?" We'd all immediately stop. Not all friendships are solid enough to recognize respect. Maybe you don't know this friend as well as you think you do, and he's just playing around.

macmanmike6100

consider it totally cool that your girlfriend let you see the convo; she's not going to do anything (as you said) and yes, I'd be pissed with the guy too, but when I get feeling angry about shit like this, I think "but look who's getting some!"

oblar

i think it depends on the guy. Because I know i do some fairly strange things around girls, but it doesn't mean I would do anything with them.

although, if your friend is just joking around, he would have no problem talking to you about this conversation and in fact, would probably find it funny if you brought it up.

i would definatley consider it a good thing your girlfriend has shown you this, and I wouldn't worry about her at all. She obviously trusts you a lot to show it to you.

__________________
"All that we can do is just survive.
.All that we can do to help ourselves is stay alive." - Rush

Plan9Senior

No friend of mine would ever speak that way to a girl I am dating. If they did, there would be some problems. I think the question should be.. why is your girlfriend talking to him about sex. Guys are guys, and its pretty much all we think about, however:
See, from the start of that convo it seems as if you are missing the most important part... and that is how they got to talking about sex. Notice how your girlfriend says, "see you do think about it"? That means they were talking about sex before the part that she conveniently showed you. Who knows if she is the one that initiated the talk and her feeling guilty about it made her send part of the conversation to you. Dunno, possibly I am reading too much into it, but girls can be more devious then us .

My advice is to say fuck em both. Be single. From your worries, I can venture to say you are pretty young anyhow and certainly shouldn't be wasting time with having a girlfriend at your age.

deve

hmmm yea the same thing happened to me, I left for thanksgiving break and one of my friends that was always a little weird around my girlfriend tried to finger her the day I left. So, I would definitely let him know how angry it made you--you dont want something like that to happen....ever.

-Devon

HFrankenstein

Dude, check it out: other guys want to do your girl, and she doesn't care. Dude, marry her.

__________________
When in doubt, sauerkraut.

saleenobsessed

I would probably be upset. but i would trust her.