Going back to the Ex.. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Samari · 10-23-2003, 06:27 PM

So I'm sure this has been posted before but I was wondering how many people have actually gone back and had sex with their ex's?

I'm bringing this up because I resently found out that my Ex is interested in me again (It's been about one year and she just broke up with her boyfriend)

Now I'm pretty sure that this is just a sexual thing and doesn't mean she wants a relationship. Our relationship before ended on good terms so it's not like we cheated on eachother or anything.

What do you think? Should I go back and spend the night with her or is it a bad idea? What's been your experiences?

StormBerlin · 10-23-2003, 06:44 PM

Probably a bad idea. One of you will get emotionally involved.... and that wont be pretty. Plus, most potential new girlfriends wont like the fact that you slept with your ex after you guys broke up, but this from a female perspective. Plus, if she is the one who gets emotionally attached and you want to date someone else, and therefore have to start sleeping with her it may get ugly.

present_future · 10-23-2003, 06:54 PM

About 3-4 months after a nasty breakup with my ex-girlfriend, I found out that she was looking to get back together. Several of my friends told me that they would lose all respect for me if I went back to her after the way she treated me. I heeded their advice and she has since become a whore, getting with every guy she can.

tikki · 10-23-2003, 07:57 PM

I'd do a fucking backflip if i could go back to her.

i8one2 · 10-23-2003, 08:23 PM

Once! but in my heart even before that return, we both knew the real relationship was over. We did give it a go a while longer, but in the end it was just a sad good bye for us both, all over again.

mistered · 10-24-2003, 03:15 AM

If you can honestly do it and leave the emotional attachment out of it, go for it. If not, you're headed for big trouble. Be honest with yourself! If you can't handle it, don't go down that road again.

DEI37 · 10-24-2003, 04:15 AM

If you're both currently single, and broke up previously on good terms, who's to say that a real relationship couldn't come out of this. And even at that, if she does become a "fuck buddy," when you guys find an emotional relationship with someone else, you can just stop that, and go back to being friends. Personally, I don't see a big problem with it, although you would kind of want to be on your guard. If the sex was good before, and that's what she's after now...I don't think I'd turn it down. But, that's just me.

skysooner · 10-24-2003, 06:49 AM

It is hard to have sex with an ex that you have shared a relationship with. The old feelings can return almost immediately. I have never trusted these and gone with my gut on most occasions. On one rare occasion, I had sex with an ex that lived around 200 miles from me (I had transferred colleges). She had cheated on me in the first relationship. The sex was just as good as ever, and I had some vague thoughts about getting back together. I was handed a gift in a way. She called me up about a week later and told me that she had just had an outbreak of herpes, and I should get checked. It turned out that she was still in her incubation period after getting initially infected when we had sex. I got checked and was clear. However that was a pretty clear signal to me for the future.

yournamehere · 10-24-2003, 11:26 AM

Bad idea.
You broke up for a reason, remember?

That's Experience talking. I was in an "on again; off again" relationship for years. Bad stuff, that.

Live and learn.

mb99usa · 10-24-2003, 11:34 AM

If its just sexual and you both are interested go for it. I'd be very careful if one of you is looking to re-connect emotionally.

I went back to a girl after being apart for a year and we did much better the second time around. We had both matured in the time apart.

We eventually broke up again but had a great relationship for a long time.

jvwgtr · 10-24-2003, 12:56 PM

I've almost always had sex with an ex.
Sometimes more often than when we were together!

Usually people try to justify it as a "transition period", and as long as you're both mature about it, it can be relatively uncomplicated.

The Dr.Drew types generally argue "You're still together!!Stop putting off the actual breakup!"
But depending on the person, it's generally less complicated than it sounds.

Plan9Senior · 10-24-2003, 12:58 PM

Ex's are ex's for a reason. Don't ever go back, it will never be the same no matter how much you want it to. You also cannot have a casual sex relationship with somebody that you loved once. Chances are that one of you will get emotionally attached then hurt.

There are plenty of women you can be with, please don't tell me that your EX is the only one you can bang

SabrinaFair · 10-24-2003, 01:06 PM

As a voice of experience (and maybe a certain TFP-er who shall remain nameless can back me up on this one...) NOT a good idea. You can say you're just fuck buddies, you can say you're just having a good time, but someone's going to get emotionally involved and it will get ugly.

Samari · 10-26-2003, 01:53 PM

Thanks everyone for the input. I think the majority of the comments I've heard from you guys and from close friends has been not to go back. I'm just going to try and stay away from her. DEI37's comment was what I had in mind when I was thinking about it...but that just seems too perfect. I'm happy right now and I want to keep it that way.

nextlevel1 · 10-26-2003, 11:12 PM

Well I know the survey here says not to go back and I do believe in that to a certain extent.

Me and this girl dated for about 3 years and things were great but around the 2 1/2 year mark we really started having some issues with control and other people. The 3 year mark we broke it off and I can say that I was devestated but I moved on. Well about 6 months later we started talking and hanging out again and we worked alot of loose ends out. Anyways needless to say I have now married that girl and we are now older and more mature than we were then and I think we are having the time of our life and things are so great . Weve been married for 1 year and bee together for a grand total of 6 years.

I do want to stress in all ways not to go by my outcome on this because I have seen it much worse and in your case and many others . I guess I just got lucky?!?!You have to watch your back on things like this and you have to weigh all the odds out and your feelings. Your feelings are number 1 and dont go out and get them hurt again.

World's King · 10-26-2003, 11:33 PM

Oddly enough, I just made a date with an X.

I'm not sure exactly why. I hadn't really talked to her in like year then she sent me an Email inviting me to her Halloween party. It was a blast to see her again. She look far better then she ever did when I was with her. I just spoke to today and we decided to go out and get drinks this week. I'm scared shitless. I broke it off with her because I had feelling for another girl. Well, it's been a year and I haven't been with anyone since. I'm ready to try it again. I think.

macmanmike6100 · 10-27-2003, 12:07 AM

if you ended on good terms, and you both understand what's going on, go for it.

i had sex with my ex and we were very clear on the matter: it was just sex between very good friends. still, she ended up getting emotionally attached but I was able to diffuse it easily enough

good luck and let us know

Dnz · 10-27-2003, 12:08 AM

Bad idea.

Why repeat something that didnt work.

10-27-2003, 07:12 AM

In my experience, if the break-up was mutual, you usually get two or three free booty cards.. After that, you run the possibility of re-starting your romantic relationship for all the wrong reasons.

petergriffin24 · 10-27-2003, 07:21 AM

I've gone back and had sex but never gotten back with any of them, hey they're good for something!! Especially when they break up with you and fuck you and try to get back with you haha!! EVIL!!

crayzeeredhead · 10-31-2003, 12:01 PM

okay i have gone back and i have gone back for sexx recently even not too recently but my soon to be ex hubby and i have broken up and gotten back together 4 times and counting(atleast until the divorce)!! do i love him still Hell yes!! do i love the sexx Double HELL yes!! but i dont think it fixed any of our problems which is why we are broke up again!!

Averett · 10-31-2003, 12:04 PM

Um.. wow.

Hey when did we start putting an extra x in sex? Did I miss the newsletter? Crap.

TinniT · 11-05-2003, 07:45 PM

Same boat here. I am no where near the actual realm of having sex with my ex, but i am trying to reintroduce ourselves to eachother by limiting the past that we knew of eachother.

When i met my ex-g/f, I was a junkie in denial of several bad habits. Now ive turned my life around, and actually have a job, am legal in the sense of recreation and have started goign back to schoool.

I *know* I was tremendously at faul tin our previous relationship. it was very much on again and off again. Going into the relationship, there was a bit of illusion of the person I was and the person she saw. I was quite immature, and I was her first long-term boyfriend.

While I was persuing others, i was also persuing her in the last attempt at being together. I had cleaned myself of illegal habits, but I was not very understanding of her nature. We also did not argue properly.

In my experience, I have had sex with two exes that turned back into sequel relationships. One was great, but ended bad (my drug addiction), and the other was me no longer being an addict, and my girlfriend bringing up trends of the past that I had followed in arguments for thigns I was doing.. (a la dirty laundry.)

I am trying to reintroduce msyelf to her now as the changed person that I am, very subtly, and nowhere near emotinally physical as we once were.

If you have a clean head, and a clean mind, and she isn't loco, i say give it a shot. The absence and relationship of hers might have given her insight to know who you were.

Besides, if you don't do it, you might regret losing "the one."

JimmyTheHutt · 11-07-2003, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by tikki
I'd do a fucking backflip if i could go back to her.

Jackie Chan style, even...
Veritas en Lux!
Jimmy The Hutt

motdakasha · 11-07-2003, 04:15 PM

I did once and I hate myself for doing it. Never again.

Repeat after me: Sex with Ex, Bad.

thejoker130 · 11-08-2003, 04:53 PM

The situation came up for me once. Then the little voice of reason in the back off my head bitch slapped me and said "Don't you do it you stupid fuck-tard!" I figured I should heed its advice.

Baldrick · 11-08-2003, 05:03 PM

After a year, you've probably already gone through the tough part after the breakup. Why go through it again? You know it's bound to happen...

If it's over, move on in my opinion...

Samari · 11-08-2003, 05:20 PM

Hey lot's of interesting stories guys...anyways yeah I pretty much tried to avoid her and now we have only spoken a few times since I last posted on this subject. She's too emotionally unstable right now for me to deal with.

Hrothgar · 11-10-2003, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dnz
Bad idea.

Why repeat something that didnt work.

Maybe the conversation was terrible but the sex was incredible.

Seaver · 11-10-2003, 10:44 PM

Ex-Sex is some of the best sex you'll ever have.

That being said its not making-love. It's pure sex, you're both out to get your cookies, you're allowed to be more concerened with yourself thus you both end up haveing better sex.

But its definately not making-love. The sex is great but is short term. One person ALWAYS falls back into thinking you're together.

If you both are in it only for sex, great. If she actually wants to get back together with you stay the heck away

10-23-2003, 06:27 PM	#1 (permalink)
Samari Upright	Going back to the Ex.. So I'm sure this has been posted before but I was wondering how many people have actually gone back and had sex with their ex's? I'm bringing this up because I resently found out that my Ex is interested in me again (It's been about one year and she just broke up with her boyfriend) Now I'm pretty sure that this is just a sexual thing and doesn't mean she wants a relationship. Our relationship before ended on good terms so it's not like we cheated on eachother or anything. What do you think? Should I go back and spend the night with her or is it a bad idea? What's been your experiences?

10-23-2003, 06:44 PM	#2 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	Probably a bad idea. One of you will get emotionally involved.... and that wont be pretty. Plus, most potential new girlfriends wont like the fact that you slept with your ex after you guys broke up, but this from a female perspective. Plus, if she is the one who gets emotionally attached and you want to date someone else, and therefore have to start sleeping with her it may get ugly. __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

10-23-2003, 06:54 PM	#3 (permalink)
present_future Take my hand Location: Everywhere, but nowhere	About 3-4 months after a nasty breakup with my ex-girlfriend, I found out that she was looking to get back together. Several of my friends told me that they would lose all respect for me if I went back to her after the way she treated me. I heeded their advice and she has since become a whore, getting with every guy she can. __________________ The only thing I'll ever ask of you... you gotta promise not to stop when I say when.

10-23-2003, 07:57 PM	#4 (permalink)
tikki Justified Location: West Lafayette, IN	I'd do a fucking backflip if i could go back to her. __________________ Take notice. Take interest. Take me with you.

10-23-2003, 08:23 PM	#5 (permalink)
i8one2 COMPLETED and A TRAINER Location: BEAN_TOWN	Once! but in my heart even before that return, we both knew the real relationship was over. We did give it a go a while longer, but in the end it was just a sad good bye for us both, all over again. __________________ LEATHER, LATEX and LACE "SSC" "Nothing That Gives Pleasure is Bad" Quality is for those who know what they want and are at peace with what they have. "S/M is about emotion; the erotic tension between my impulse toward something and my resistance against it."-- Virginia Barker

10-24-2003, 03:15 AM	#6 (permalink)
mistered Tilted	If you can honestly do it and leave the emotional attachment out of it, go for it. If not, you're headed for big trouble. Be honest with yourself! If you can't handle it, don't go down that road again.

10-24-2003, 04:15 AM	#7 (permalink)
DEI37 Go faster! Location: Wisconsin	If you're both currently single, and broke up previously on good terms, who's to say that a real relationship couldn't come out of this. And even at that, if she does become a "fuck buddy," when you guys find an emotional relationship with someone else, you can just stop that, and go back to being friends. Personally, I don't see a big problem with it, although you would kind of want to be on your guard. If the sex was good before, and that's what she's after now...I don't think I'd turn it down. But, that's just me. __________________ Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

10-24-2003, 06:49 AM	#8 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	It is hard to have sex with an ex that you have shared a relationship with. The old feelings can return almost immediately. I have never trusted these and gone with my gut on most occasions. On one rare occasion, I had sex with an ex that lived around 200 miles from me (I had transferred colleges). She had cheated on me in the first relationship. The sex was just as good as ever, and I had some vague thoughts about getting back together. I was handed a gift in a way. She called me up about a week later and told me that she had just had an outbreak of herpes, and I should get checked. It turned out that she was still in her incubation period after getting initially infected when we had sex. I got checked and was clear. However that was a pretty clear signal to me for the future.

10-24-2003, 11:26 AM	#9 (permalink)
yournamehere Invisible Location: tentative, at best	Bad idea. You broke up for a reason, remember? That's Experience talking. I was in an "on again; off again" relationship for years. Bad stuff, that. Live and learn. __________________ If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors: "If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too." It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

10-24-2003, 11:34 AM	#10 (permalink)
mb99usa Keep on rolling. It only hurts for a little while. Location: wherever I am	If its just sexual and you both are interested go for it. I'd be very careful if one of you is looking to re-connect emotionally. I went back to a girl after being apart for a year and we did much better the second time around. We had both matured in the time apart. We eventually broke up again but had a great relationship for a long time. __________________ So, what's your point? It's not an attitude, it's a way of life.

10-24-2003, 12:56 PM	#11 (permalink)
jvwgtr Completely bananas Location: Florida	I've almost always had sex with an ex. Sometimes more often than when we were together! Usually people try to justify it as a "transition period", and as long as you're both mature about it, it can be relatively uncomplicated. The Dr.Drew types generally argue "You're still together!!Stop putting off the actual breakup!" But depending on the person, it's generally less complicated than it sounds.

10-24-2003, 12:58 PM	#12 (permalink)
Plan9Senior Banned Location: Orange County, California	Ex's are ex's for a reason. Don't ever go back, it will never be the same no matter how much you want it to. You also cannot have a casual sex relationship with somebody that you loved once. Chances are that one of you will get emotionally attached then hurt. There are plenty of women you can be with, please don't tell me that your EX is the only one you can bang

10-24-2003, 01:06 PM	#13 (permalink)
SabrinaFair Junkie Location: Louisville, KY	As a voice of experience (and maybe a certain TFP-er who shall remain nameless can back me up on this one...) NOT a good idea. You can say you're just fuck buddies, you can say you're just having a good time, but someone's going to get emotionally involved and it will get ugly. __________________ "With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." -Desiderata

10-26-2003, 01:53 PM	#14 (permalink)
Samari Upright	Thanks everyone for the input. I think the majority of the comments I've heard from you guys and from close friends has been not to go back. I'm just going to try and stay away from her. DEI37's comment was what I had in mind when I was thinking about it...but that just seems too perfect. I'm happy right now and I want to keep it that way.

10-26-2003, 11:12 PM	#15 (permalink)
nextlevel1 Upright Location: louisiana	Well I know the survey here says not to go back and I do believe in that to a certain extent. Me and this girl dated for about 3 years and things were great but around the 2 1/2 year mark we really started having some issues with control and other people. The 3 year mark we broke it off and I can say that I was devestated but I moved on. Well about 6 months later we started talking and hanging out again and we worked alot of loose ends out. Anyways needless to say I have now married that girl and we are now older and more mature than we were then and I think we are having the time of our life and things are so great . Weve been married for 1 year and bee together for a grand total of 6 years. I do want to stress in all ways not to go by my outcome on this because I have seen it much worse and in your case and many others . I guess I just got lucky?!?!You have to watch your back on things like this and you have to weigh all the odds out and your feelings. Your feelings are number 1 and dont go out and get them hurt again. __________________ "To be old & wise, you must first be young & stupid."

10-26-2003, 11:33 PM	#16 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	Oddly enough, I just made a date with an X. I'm not sure exactly why. I hadn't really talked to her in like year then she sent me an Email inviting me to her Halloween party. It was a blast to see her again. She look far better then she ever did when I was with her. I just spoke to today and we decided to go out and get drinks this week. I'm scared shitless. I broke it off with her because I had feelling for another girl. Well, it's been a year and I haven't been with anyone since. I'm ready to try it again. I think. __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

10-27-2003, 12:07 AM	#17 (permalink)
macmanmike6100 High Honorary Junkie Location: Tri-state.	if you ended on good terms, and you both understand what's going on, go for it. i had sex with my ex and we were very clear on the matter: it was just sex between very good friends. still, she ended up getting emotionally attached but I was able to diffuse it easily enough good luck and let us know

10-27-2003, 12:08 AM	#18 (permalink)
Dnz Tilted	Bad idea. Why repeat something that didnt work.

10-27-2003, 07:12 AM	#19 (permalink)
smithja0423 Guest	In my experience, if the break-up was mutual, you usually get two or three free booty cards.. After that, you run the possibility of re-starting your romantic relationship for all the wrong reasons.

10-27-2003, 07:21 AM	#20 (permalink)
petergriffin24 Insane	I've gone back and had sex but never gotten back with any of them, hey they're good for something!! Especially when they break up with you and fuck you and try to get back with you haha!! EVIL!!

10-31-2003, 12:01 PM	#21 (permalink)
crayzeeredhead Tilted Location: here& there but here today	okay i have gone back and i have gone back for sexx recently even not too recently but my soon to be ex hubby and i have broken up and gotten back together 4 times and counting(atleast until the divorce)!! do i love him still Hell yes!! do i love the sexx Double HELL yes!! but i dont think it fixed any of our problems which is why we are broke up again!! __________________ For everything there is a neverending cycle- birth, death, rebirth. Evil can and will not exist without good and visa versa. You also reap what you sew. There is a sliver of truth in every saying -those are a few!!

10-31-2003, 12:04 PM	#22 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Um.. wow. Hey when did we start putting an extra x in sex? Did I miss the newsletter? Crap. __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

11-05-2003, 07:45 PM	#23 (permalink)
TinniT Crazy	Same boat here. I am no where near the actual realm of having sex with my ex, but i am trying to reintroduce ourselves to eachother by limiting the past that we knew of eachother. When i met my ex-g/f, I was a junkie in denial of several bad habits. Now ive turned my life around, and actually have a job, am legal in the sense of recreation and have started goign back to schoool. I know I was tremendously at faul tin our previous relationship. it was very much on again and off again. Going into the relationship, there was a bit of illusion of the person I was and the person she saw. I was quite immature, and I was her first long-term boyfriend. While I was persuing others, i was also persuing her in the last attempt at being together. I had cleaned myself of illegal habits, but I was not very understanding of her nature. We also did not argue properly. In my experience, I have had sex with two exes that turned back into sequel relationships. One was great, but ended bad (my drug addiction), and the other was me no longer being an addict, and my girlfriend bringing up trends of the past that I had followed in arguments for thigns I was doing.. (a la dirty laundry.) I am trying to reintroduce msyelf to her now as the changed person that I am, very subtly, and nowhere near emotinally physical as we once were. If you have a clean head, and a clean mind, and she isn't loco, i say give it a shot. The absence and relationship of hers might have given her insight to know who you were. Besides, if you don't do it, you might regret losing "the one."

11-07-2003, 04:15 PM	#25 (permalink)
motdakasha Hiya Puddin'! Miss me? Location: Silicon Valley, CA	I did once and I hate myself for doing it. Never again. Repeat after me: Sex with Ex, Bad. __________________ =^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

11-08-2003, 04:53 PM	#26 (permalink)
thejoker130 Insane Location: slippery rock university AKA: The left ass cheek of the world	The situation came up for me once. Then the little voice of reason in the back off my head bitch slapped me and said "Don't you do it you stupid fuck-tard!" I figured I should heed its advice. __________________ WHAT MORE CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN? ------------------------------------- I like you. When the world is mine your death will be quick and painless.

11-08-2003, 05:03 PM	#27 (permalink)
Baldrick We are everywhere... Location: Barrie, Ontario	After a year, you've probably already gone through the tough part after the breakup. Why go through it again? You know it's bound to happen... If it's over, move on in my opinion... __________________ You can be young only once, but you can be immature for the rest of your life...

11-08-2003, 05:20 PM	#28 (permalink)
Samari Upright	Hey lot's of interesting stories guys...anyways yeah I pretty much tried to avoid her and now we have only spoken a few times since I last posted on this subject. She's too emotionally unstable right now for me to deal with.

11-10-2003, 10:44 PM	#30 (permalink)
Seaver Junkie Location: Fort Worth, TX	Ex-Sex is some of the best sex you'll ever have. That being said its not making-love. It's pure sex, you're both out to get your cookies, you're allowed to be more concerened with yourself thus you both end up haveing better sex. But its definately not making-love. The sex is great but is short term. One person ALWAYS falls back into thinking you're together. If you both are in it only for sex, great. If she actually wants to get back together with you stay the heck away __________________ "Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas