Dajamany

It all started with a bright light,
Born like everyone else, supposed to like life.
I just wanted to be me, not "like mike".
Now since my world spun every night’s a fight.
Then i met this girl, she sent my life for a whirl,
then tossed my love to the floor in one swift hurl.
An endless drama, with no exit,
Horrible actors, no script & no direction.
Men & women seem plastic upon inspection.
All following the same trends in one large collection
& i’m feeling rejection, i’m not one of them.
Everythings confusing, i don’t know where to begin,
i try to control myself, fighting with sin.
Can’t get it all out when i write with this pen.
There’s no light at the end, i can feel it already,
It’s like carring too much load, it’s heavy
& my back’s about to collapse from the pressure.
Brains utterly confused, all that i view is a stresser.
Life itself is pain, i gotta maintain,
but all of this mental anguish is drivin me insane.
This shit’s plain, all the color is faded,
Happiness and joy are gone, everything’s jaded.
An awaited arrival of somebody new
was good in the beginning till everything turned blue,
then changed to black & now i can’t change it back.
Everyone i know complains about how strange i act,
A ranged attack, cause nobody will let you know
what they hate about you till they get what they want & go.
I see this world like nobody else
you can say that i’m stupid or blame it on my mental health.
At times i don’t believe love for me can ever exist,
i’m scared to death when my whole reality twists,
& spins til i’m dizzy as a top,
I can’t tell whats real, clairity’s at a stop.
Every door is locked, there’s no progression.
Trapped in a bland world with limited selection.
In the business section, i read of people who succed,
but none of this really interests me.
I’m stuck in my struggle, my trouble,
but noone else really cares how i hustle
to survive, I’m not exactly proud to be alive.
I would’ve rather never seen that bright light in my eyes,
none of these feelings would be tearing apart my heart,
because without the light i wouldn’t have to Face The Dark

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"The wind is the moon's imagination wandering. It seeps through cracks, ripples the grass, explores the unknown. My love is my soul's imagination. How do I love you? Imagine."

HiThereDear

I like this, its filled with great fragments which you should pick out when you revise. also, the whole poem tries to maintain this measured but quick, frenetic pace, which I think you should try to build up to instead, a crescendo - maybe by breaking this up into three stanzas, with the breaks between these two lines: "& i’m feeling rejection, i’m not one of them. / Everythings confusing, i don’t know where to begin,"
and the third one beginning at: "Every door is locked, there’s no progression".
This way the second stanza, which goes internal to you and describes the turmoil within can be more quick paced to add to the description and sentiment.
Anyways, these are just my suggestions which probably aren't something you should pay too much attention to. I like the work though, keep it up.

Dajamany

thanks for the feedback, yeah this piece is completly unrevised so it's a little rough right now.

__________________
"The wind is the moon's imagination wandering. It seeps through cracks, ripples the grass, explores the unknown. My love is my soul's imagination. How do I love you? Imagine."

ForgottenKnight

I like it! There is soo much in there that I can relate to, especially right now. Thank you very much for sharing it!

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"People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"

J.R.V.A.

Thanks .. Kinda reminded me of rap, but better..

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And as she plays,
her sweet song of laughter
floats through the air
and warms my heart