Jimellow

I'll start off this thread with my #1 social pet peeve.

It relates to compliments, and the response that follows their distribution.

As an example, I'll create a fictional scenario where I talk to a friend, who compliments me after a rewarding discussion:

I simply HATE when people reply to a meaningful "thank you" with a glib "no problem." To me, such a reply basically nullifies the meaning of everything they said previously; and furthermore makes me suspect that they really don't give a shit and were just saying what they did because it was expected of them, as if they were filling a role instead of being a true listener.

This is currently my #1 annoyance in regards to social interaction. It is very frustrating to have a seemingly deep and meaningful discussion only to have it all made meaningless by a reply that indicates that the other person didn't mean anything they said, but instead were filling their expected role as positive influence and commentator.

Perhaps I am putting too much emphasis on the two closing words being used, but to me, for someone to say that at the close of a discussion that has been otherwise pretty deep and rewarding leaves a sour taste in my mouth. If they use "your welcome" it can be applied to both my thanks, and also their recognition that I appreciate them being there to talk to. But "no problem" is unacceptable, and it really bothers me to hear it used.

What are some of your social pet peeves?

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Daoust

[QUOTE=Jimellow]

Perhaps I am putting too much emphasis on the two closing words [QUOTE]

Methinks so.

"No problem" is just one way to say "you're welcome" without using the words. I agree wholeheartedly that the person you were talking to should have said "you're welcome" as it seemed most appropriate, but my feeling is that you are getting upset over something that was lost in translation. If it were myself in your position, I would understand what they meant by "no problem"

My social pet peeve is people who worry too much about offending other people. I offend other people on a daily basis. It happens. Some people are just too friggin' sensitive. They need to change, and I'll remain callous and insensitive.

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777

Back when I was younger, I heard this phrase a lot:

"We're always accepting applications."

I want to know if they're hiring, since in the time it took me to fill one ap, I could be filling another for a gig that IS hiring. And if they're not hiring, then say so, and save us the time. Unless they really like a large pile of applications in their office.

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Roger Zelazny

Rodney

This one bugs me: somebody asks you a question about something factual and, as you're maybe halfway through the answer, sees somebody else they know and interrupts you to ask them the _same_ question. Uh, excuse me... my answer didn't measure up? You didn't hear what you wanted to hear? Why did you ask me in the first place?

I plead guilty to being sometimes long-winded, but jeez...

docbungle

The term "Pet Peeve" annoys the crap outa me.

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bad jane

i'm guilty of this. and to be honest, i never thought about how hearing "no problem" might make the other person feel the conversation was meaningless. i'm also guilty of "any time."

in reality, i'm just feeling uncomfy with your thanks and saying you're welcome is like admitting i've done something that deserves gratitude when i don't feel i have.

a personal social pet peeve? people who get personal before i know them. it drives me nuts. i get this way from little things like calling me by my first name as well as stuff like why i got divorced. if i introduce myself as jane, by all means call me jane. if i introduce myself as jane doe, i'm giving you the option of calling me jane or ms. doe. but if i introduce myself as ms. doe--please, do not call me jane. and whatever you do--don't call me by a pet name. i'm not your sweetie, baby or pumpkin. i just met you. it's none of your business why i'm not married, why i got divorced, why i don't have kids etc.--please don't ask. polite conversation is asking if i'm married, divorced, have kids. it is not polite conversation to be asking why i'm not married, why i got divorced or why i have no children.

Jimellow

Yea, I can relate to that. The other party has to say something in acknowledgement, but "no problem" just seems really glib to me.

Even "your welcome" can come off as "no problem" in that they DO have the same meaning, and are just worded differently. I actually am not sure what response I would like to hear, and utter silence would just be akward.

I guess it is just tough for me to find closure to such meaningful and rewarding discussions. Of course, the way the phrase is said also is important. If the other party says "your welcome" or "no problem" meaningfully, then it is much more likely to "stick" than if they look away and quickly chirp "no problem."

I have a female friend that calls all the guys she knows "honey." At first, this makes the guy feel great, until he hears her calling other guys "honey" also.

People I don't know that ask probing questions are annoying to me also. I am not a very open/gossipy person.

Another thing is when I am invited somewhere or to something, and a different friend later invites me somewhere else. I'll say something like, "Sorry, I already have plans." To which they will reply, "Really? What are you doing, and with who?" If I wanted to divulge that information, I would have in my initial reply, and thus there is no follow-up needed. There is also no reason for them to know, aside from being nosy or having gossip material. I think in general people are too nosy and should mind more of their own business, and less of mine.

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ngdawg

Random touching from strangers. Say excuse me and I'll move.
Strangers telling me 'smile, it can't be that bad'. How would they know? I actually had a salesman tell me that a week after my brother in law died....

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Daknjak

I don't know if these are so much social peeves or just annoying to me, but when someone has to fill an entire stretch of talking with the word "like" I know far too many people that all it is is:

"So I did this thing, and it was like well really like weird, and I like don't know why I like didn't just leave."

That is the worst, second only to when people say:
"Me and my friends" It should always be "My friends and I" You always put them first, and yourself last when talking about yourself and whoever else.
That just bugs the shit out of me, and I will correct them if I hear it. (which probably annoys them also. To that I say tough shit)

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slimshaydee

I guess it's when people you're having a conversation with start talking to others around you in a different language.

n0nsensical

You must have some very meaningful conversations for "no problem" to make one seem meaning-less; most conversations in general seem to be pretty meaningless without needing a glib "no problem" to point that out. Which provides for a great segue to my pet peeve: small talk, and meaningless conversations. "Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?...That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence."

Ok, I will admit silence in conversation is awkward to me too. But I seem to be pretty bad at filling it. Why am I the one who has to fill it, anyway, what's the other person doing? Then I'm the one who's not interesting.

I will also admit I'm sometimes guilty of asking followup questions to get the details of what people are doing, though I don't like to do it because I know the other person might not like it. I just don't want to miss out on anything, and sometimes I'm looking for something interesting to do. How better to find it than by asking what interesting things someone else is doing? It's unlikely I'll be offended by the mere fact that they didn't tell me about it in the first place. If it's something personal, I know not to push it any farther and leave them alone.

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avernus

I hate it when two people start talking to me at the same time. Who do I listen to? The person I find most interesting?!?

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Jesus Pimp

I hate it when I'm waiting for the subway train and I'm standing like near the edge of the platform, people for some reason insist on walking in front of me when they could easily fall onto the tracks. Walk behind me you idiot.

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guthmund

I have a few..

1- I think my guy is second cousin to JP's guy. The guy, who disgusted with my slow ambling, races past me in the Wal*Mart aisle. Even though this guy has the entire aisle and several other thousand square feet to cross through, he always takes path with the closest possible contact with me--close enough so that when he brushes by me, I can feel his righteous anger. He's got somewhere to go, he's in a hurry and I just happen to be blocking the most efficient path to the Ding-Dongs.

2- the 'yeah' guy.

"I'm looking for a book..."
"Yeah."
"...but I don't know the name of the author. I was thinking..."
"Yeah?"
"...maybe you could help me..."
"Yeah!"
"...find it."

3- People who don't acknowledge me when I do something nice for them...like hold the door. I get to work early, which means I open the door. As a courtesy, I stand aside and hold the door open for everyone (why you would line up outside a college library at 7:30 is beyond me, but there's always a sizeable crowd). More often than not, I get absolute silence as they file by me. Not even a cursory glance and head nod to say, "Hey, thanks for holding the door for me. Even though I won't verbally express my gratitude, this brief eye-contact and head nod should adequately cover it."

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Rlyss

My biggest peeve is people who can always get a better deal.

You know the type - I'll buy an MP3 player, for example, and show it to someone. They look at it and say 'Hey, that's cool'. Then they ask how much it was, and I tell them, and no matter what, it's always 'Oh man you got ripped off' or 'I could've got it for you cheaper' or something like that. I bought a pair of earphones last week for 10 bucks, and my flatmate went on and on about how he knows somewhere I could have bought them for 9.

And a similar thing: last year I bought a car and my brother's friend happened to stop by a few days later and wanted to see the car, so I showed him. The first thing out of his mouth was 'Oh yeah, Mistubishis suck, they always break down, you should've bought a Honda'.

God I hate those people

StanT

Feigned familiarity and friendship drive me nuts. Just because I tolerate your dumbass at work doesn't mean I'm your best friend. Just because we are neighbors doesn't mean I want to socialize weekly. I'm perfectly capable of finding people who's company I enjoy, some of us are perfectly happy being antisocial.

I also don't care to be touched, if we didn't have the same last name somewhere along the line, keep your hands off.

ngdawg

OH GAWD yes!!! I usually say 'You're welcome!!!' as the ignoramuses(ignorami?) go past...yet, I continue to do it, go figure (maybe it's the self-satisfaction of thinking, yes, I AM nicer than those people)

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Jinn

I couldn't think of a pet peeve until I saw this one. FUCK YES. You know, I bought it already.. its great that you think you could have gotten it cheaper but that doesn't help me one fucking bit right now does it? Did you just want to make me feel like a cheese for paying too much for it? Well fuck YOU!, you're the cheese...

(..and you know what, I don't think they COULD'VE gotten it cheaper, they just want to sound like they're some badass with connections.. and to that.. FUCK YOU!)

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abaya

Ready? Here goes...

I can't stand it when I'm walking on the sidewalk, and someone is walking towards me (in a group or alone), and they are completely unaware of their surroundings. Usually they are wearing headphones and oblivious of the world around them, and I end up having to move around them to avoid a collision (I end up on the grass for a few steps around them). I've tried being the one who doesn't move, and I end up running into these people because they aren't looking ahead of them to see if they are in someone's way. This PISSES ME OFF, because it's very inconsiderate.

I also feel uncomfortable when someone is talking about personal issues in a very loud voice. One of my closest friends does this, right in the office hallway, and I feel like I'm part of a news broadcast of her life.

On the phone, long silences and/or one-word answers also frustrate me, but I work to get over that since it seems to be a gender thing (guys do it more than girls).

Another thing, I can't stand seeing college-age guys who have no variation in their clothing. I walk to campus every day and I see carbon-copies of college guys: baseball hat (occasionally skewed to one side, which is extremely stupid-looking), polo shirt, long brown shorts, and either flip-flops or New Balance shoes. No individuality at all. Same goes for girls: this season it seems to be very short jeanskirts. I also can't stand the sound of girls shuffling along in flip-flops, as if it's cool to shuffle your feet. PICK UP YOUR FEET.

And of course, the overuse of the word "like"... even my friend getting an MD/PhD at Harvard does this in conversation, and once I get to the saturation point, I stop listening to her. Same goes for people who talk in chunks longer than 5 minutes at a time (without stopping to see if I'm even listening or interested). I like conversation that goes back and forth, not listening to a monologue.

Baby-talk of any kind. Especially to animals. I spent 7 weeks in close quarters this summer (in Zambia) with a fellow student who talked to animals, Africans, and children in this baby-talk voice. It was the most disrespectful and annoying thing I've ever heard and it made me want to throttle her daily.

A messy floor and/or table. Especially my own. It makes me feel claustrophobic and slovenly.

[Funny, a lot of this behavior comes from people that I am very close to... but I still love 'em.]

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lurkette

I hate when people keep talking to you, ignoring the cues that you need to be elsewhere, or would just like the conversation to end. One of the pizza delivery guys from the local place will talk your ear off, even after you start closing the door. He'll tell you how much he loves your porch, or how the owner of the restaurant isn't Italian, he's really Argentinian, etc. And I have another friend who will just talk on and on long after your eyes have started wandering and you've started shifting your weight, and you can't interrupt him - he just keeps talking.

I also hate bad grammar. Like "Can I help who's next?" from the cashier or "How's everything tasting?" from a waiter. And it's like fingernails on a chalkboard to see signs that emphasize things with quotes, like

Have a "nice day"

or

"Please" use other door

I also hate it when people try to cut in front of you in line and make it look like they just didn't realize you were there.

....

And those goddamn wrong-number-dialers!!
(2 points for identifying the source of the quote - ratbastid, you can't play.)

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JustJess

Oh, oh ohhhh... where to begin. Pet peeves... the source of much directionless anger in my life, since I can't actually smack the shit out of these people.

Jumping on the bandwagon of people and personal space - The entire sidewalk is empty. Why do they have to walk past me (I am standing to one side) so close I'm worried they'll knock into me, and sometimes I actually have to dodge them?

Tourists. Sorry, visitors... I know that big tall building is fascinating, but you've just stopped in the middle of a walkway and you're in my fucking way, so MOVE. People in general who just randomly stop and otherwise screw with the flow of traffic. I am guilty of this occasionally.... but still.

Tailgaters/cutters. Clearly, the car in front of me isn't going any faster/the light is still red/etc. Go away. Now. And stop honking.

Motorcyclists. I have no problem with them being a little louder, for safety reasons, Yes, I've heard all that. But @!#$!@%$!#@%, it is not necessary for you to race your piece of shit motorcycle up and down my block at 40 miles an hour (I live in the city) and have it geared so that the muffler is so loud, you literally rattle my dishes and make it impossible to even hear a TV or continue a conversation, you cocksucking fuckheads.

Ahem. Sorry.

And lastly... People who don't know how to do their jobs and continually expect me to do it for them and so call me every 10 minutes all damned day. Grow up or get a different job if you're that fucking incapable.

Aahhhhh.....
That's better. Thanks!

Edit: I know, this is supposed to be about social pet peeves... for me, these are all things that polite people do not do.

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joemc91

I needn't say more.

When I am in the middle of a conversation with someone or a group of people and someone interrupts with something that has absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand or they jump in without listening to what everyone else is saying. Sometimes I am embarrassed for them.

My #1 pet peeve in public: People walking down the street with their heads down. Whatever happened to standing up straight? This was an even bigger problem on campus. It felt like lots off individuals who didn't want to talk to anyone.

Answering an unimportant cell call while talking to someone in person. I can understand if it's work or the SO, but if it's just your friend and you aren't expecting a call? Come on.

That's it for now.

Bacchanal

On the other side of that, I hate when people try to tell me how to do my job. I work with mutuel tellers at a dog track, and if I have to fix their machine, they should just back up and let me do my job. I've been at it for 6 years now, so the teller that started last month should just shut his mouth about what he thinks would work better.

Also, echoing farther above, I tend to hold the door for people most of the time. ALOT of the time they don't even acknowledge that I did it, and that gets on my nerves like crazy. I always say "you're welcome" loudly. Hopefully that makes them feel like an ass, but I doubt it.

People who argue on cell phones in public. If I'm going to get in an arguement over the phone, and I'm in a social setting, I'll tell the other person that and hang up. Nobody wants to hear my fight.

Far too many people on the road.... From too slow, to tail-gating, to cutting me off.

People who act like they're concerned about you, and as soon as you start telling them why you're acting the way you are/look down/whatever... they've got something else to do/pay attention to.

People who let their kids do anything they want anytime, but especially in public. The zoo is the perfect place to see such things.

Sage

Hrm....

Asshats who play their music way too loud in their car. If I wanted to listen to your music, I'd be in your car now wouldn't I?

People who smoke in public. I swear, there should be a corrall every city block, in the middle of the street, for the smokers to go. I so like what California has done- if I wanted to suck carcinogens, I'd go huff gas or something.

Those really really really annoying people who seem to be channeling Paris Hilton and take their ridiculously small dogs everywhere with them. Now, it's one thing if you're handicapped in a wheel chair and you're 70 years old and have a poodle to keep you company- you're probably not going to be walking through the mall with a dog. BUT I see way, way too many people come into the store where I hang out (which is in the middle of downtown Asheville) with "wittle cutsie pie." I wonder how many of these dogs are suicidal...

Oh, one more thing. PEOPLE WHO ARE ALWAYS SAYING THEY CAN'T DO "X" BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY!!! God, one of my best friends does this and I HATE it!!! It's totally OK if you don't have enough money to order food with me, or to go to the movies with me, but don't TELL me that!! Just say "no, thanks" when I ask! What really gets up my left nostril about it is that he *does* have enough money to do all this stuff, and he spends money on comics and games and such so I know he's not broke. Sometimes he'll even say he can't afford to do X (for example, go in on ordering a pizza) and then HE'LL DO IT ANYWAY later- like when the pizza comes and there's too much say "well, yeah, I can give you $3 for a few slices." AARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!

People who type in all caps in the global chat of MMORPG games, like "LVL7 CRUSHER LOOKING FOR TEAM!!!!" Jesus Christ, I learned all caps was bad about my second day of using AIM FIVE YEARS AGO!!

Oh yeah, and I totally second the tourists thing... I HATE tourists....

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jorgelito

Pet peeves eh? Hmmmm........

Ridiculously large restaurant portions - I really don't need it. I also don't want to bring it home because I don't find leftovers to keep very well, or I don't want to carry my food around with me for the rest of the day/night. Why can't restaurants make smaller portion meals (provide choice for those of us who don't need a huge meal)? Also, I find that because the portions are so large, I can't order variety or try new things - the appetizers and desserts are meals unto themselves!

Cell phones. Without a doubt. At least in here in America where it seems borderline obsessive. When I was in Europe, people actually talked to each other and had conversations and interactions. Cell phones in line, in cars, in movie theaters, in class, in church, on the airplane, in the bathroom (you've got to be kidding me).

Loud car radios - I was driving with a friend once and couldn't hear an emergency vehicle coming because the car next to us had the stereo on so loud - needless to say, the firemen were pissed at us.

Lack of Common Courtesy - I guess this is a generic gripe. I just see people are more and more selfish, rude, and inconsiderate (at least in the cities). People don't hold the door for each other (except the posters above ), people don't say "please", "excuse me", or "thank you" anymore. No one gives up their seat on a bus for the elderly, handicapp etc. Everytime I do, people freak out like it's the strangest thing or something. We barely even ackowledge each other. Look how many people are hostile to others even in this thread - we can't even tolerate tourists (who bring money to our economy and may even admire or respect what we have). We can't even share the road or sidewalk because we have become so sensitive and feel entitled "to our space". I wonder if it's an American thing. One thing I've noticed after traveling abroad is that we are too damn uptight.

Ah, pet peeves are fun...

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Carno

I find it annoying when people get all torqued off about their little pet peeves. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean I should give a shit.

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abaya

Dude, no one's forcing you to read this thread or give a shit. It's just a place for venting, like most threads on TFP.

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Mr Honest

They are just insecure m8. Seriously they are. No friend would want to make their friend upset about what they have just spent their money on. You can advise a friend BEFORE they buy but after it's too late.
They are insecure because they want you to feel unhappy and they accept you having something they don't by saying it's crap or you were ripped off.
Fools

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Mr Honest

just a little push and the problem is solved but you miss your train while they clean up

On a similar issue.
I am at the train station on the platform. It is free of people 30 metres either side of me (I like my own space!). So why will a person stand 2 metres away from me? Grrrrrr

Talking loudly into your mobile phone in public. Yes thanks, I just love your tedious loud voice in my mind.

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guthmund

Ignorami... I like that.

I guess, what irritates me the most about it is that they expect me to hold the door for them.

This afternoon, I was sitting at the reference desk, which is right in front of the door and this lady in a hover-round (the little electric wheel chair with a horn) actually sat outside the door looking at me--waiting for me to get up and open the door for her even though there's a handicap 'button' right next to door that opens it automatically. There's no way she missed it as the button was right next to her head. So, I opened the door, no small feat since there's no handle for me to grab it from the inside. I got nothing-- no "thanks," no polite nod...nothing.

The really sad thing was that there were people waiting behind her to get in. They could have just as easily pushed the door open a bit to get her going, but they just stood there waiting for me to play the door-man.

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Cynthetiq

using your fingers to eat your food.

exceptions: ribs, crabs, sandwiches, breaded and fried food, some pizzas....

but you do not try to catch the errant rolling pea by pushing it into your thumb onto your fork or spoon.

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maleficent

The one that makes me insaner than I already am is -when someone - who has no clue about at all -tells me with 100 percent degree of certainty that I will love something - -or I will have a good time if I do something -- dude.. I don't know what I like half the time --how will you presume to know what I will and won't love... just cuz you love something -- doesn't mean i will.

that and grammar nazi behavior...

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Poppinjay

First, let me give big hallelujah to <b>Jesus Pimp</b>. I'm just a ol country boy, but learning mass transit etiquette is a big thing with me (got rushed today in DC at L'enfant Plaza by asswipes).

My biggest pet peeve is smokers. Now I know this goes at odds with Jesus Pimp, but please, let me explain. I DO NOT go nazi on smokers. I don't mention it, I don't chastize. But, getting off the metro, after a rain, on a hot day, the humidity makes a nice smelling stew of hell in front of the Hoffman Building, where all the ashtrays are. My head still hurts, and I had about 20 minutes of nauseau after getting into our third floor walkup. I'd rather stick my head up a Springer ho.

World's King

People that don't fuckin' talk. You're out of the house. You're surrounded by people talking. Open your fuckin' mouth and say something.

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pig

People who don't wash their hands after they handle their business. Especially in public restrooms.

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maleficent

If everyone else is talking, it would be rude to interrupt...

/me is an annoying non-talker...

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stevie667

I say no problem all the time, mostly because i'm very modest and shy. If i do say your welcome, then you can be damned sure that i mean it.
On a similar note, i'm a man of few words (mostly out of choice, i can ramble lots otherwise), and the people who try to get me to talk more or tell me not to use certain words/phrases (no offence anyone) can go away, fast.

I hate hate HATE people pointing out i chew my nails. Yes they may be right down to the quick on bad days, but they're healthy none the less, so fuck the hell off. I don't need lectures on why i shouldn't bite them. If you don't like how my fingers look, thats your problem, not mine.

permanently happy people, you know the ones. They don't have anything that will get rid of that smile, their life seems to be going fine, they've never had anything bad happen, no mental scaring and seem suprised when you get pissed off at their happyness. Granted i may be a tad sadistic, but i despise their very existance, they need to be horribly mutilated. That'll wipe the smile. Why do they always try to cheer me up or tell me the world isn't so bad? That pisses me off.

Dappy women. I won't go beyond that, i'll have a rage induced heart attack.

Basically, everything i do i hate in other people, kind of a bit of a problem really, because i do lots wrong.

*end rant*

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Carno

While I did see the irony in posting that in this thread, I was being serious

And hell, just today it happened. Some crazy bitch got all pissed off because I cracked my knuckles. Instead of keeping it to herself, she just had to tell me how much she hated it when people did that and how gross it is

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AVoiceOfReason

The use of profanity in places where all involved are not consenting to hearing/reading it. In a forum like this, it's optional if someone wants to see it; at a ball game or in the mall, it's not optional if I want to hear it (I never do). The same decorum should apply to cursing as it does to racial slurs--in some crowds where you know everyone and know none care, then fire away if you are of such a (small) mind.

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asaris

Actually, I found it was much worse in Europe. I remember that, at times, at be at a bar with some people, and they'd actually spend the whole time text messaging with someone else. I mean, I might be really boring, but if you're ostenibly at the pub with me, at least be polite...

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who get upset at my smoking when it's their own fault that they're standing so close to me. One time I was walking down the street, chatting with someone and smoking. A girl joins our conversation and 10 minutes later, she's talking about how rude I was, smoking near here. I mean, I understand that smoking bothers some people, but hey, not smoking bothers me. How about some equal consideration?

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"Die Deutschen meinen, daß die Kraft sich in Härte und Grausamkeit offenbaren müsse, sie unterwerfen sich dann gerne und mit Bewunderung:[...]. Daß es Kraft giebt in der Milde und Stille, das glauben sie nicht leicht."

"The Germans believe that power must reveal itself in hardness and cruelty and then submit themselves gladly and with admiration[...]. They do not believe readily that there is power in meekness and calm."

-- Friedrich Nietzsche