Why on earth would anyone get married?

[angela146]

WARNING: This may be one of the most emotionally painful things you have ever read... I'm not joking. It's very bittersweet.

Why get married?

• so you can pick up his dirty socks every day for the rest of your life
• so you can hold her hair while she pukes
• so his mother can tell you how much cleaner her house was when he was growing up
• so you can get screamed at every 28 days... like clockwork...
• so you can spot treat her underwear
• so you can experience the joy of taking care of a 250 pound, 46 year old sick child who looks exactly like your husband
• so you can hear him snore
• so there is a designated person you could be having sex with but arent't at the moment
• so you can have someone tell you to eat healthy, cuz God knows you didn't get enough of that growing up
• so you can hold her while she cries her eyes out every once in a while
• so you can hold him while he cries a tear or two... twice
• so you will never be able to make a decision on your own
• so you can try and fail many times to get her to make a decision on her own
• so you will have someone else in the house who's always wrong, even when he's right
• so you can argue with each other about whether to have children
• so you can argue with each other about how to raise your children
• so you can argue with your children
• so you can tell your wife not to tell your daughter in law that she kept the house so much cleaner when your son was growing up
• so you can watch the man you love get old, fat, deaf and grouchy
• so you can watch the woman you love remain just as pretty as she was all those years ago
• so, someday, you can stand beside his hospital bed and hold his hand as you tell the doctors to...

If you love each other, you'll understand...

[Spidey]

You are missing on all the good parts.
I'll just add a few

- Good Companion for the rest of your life
- Someone who understands you more than anyone else who you can depend on when everyone is against you
- LOVE.
- Having a family.
- Someone who will always be by your side when you are feeling down.

[Double D]

So one must be married to do these things?

[Cynthetiq]

if you want to know what's really missing from marriage... ask any gay person...

no rights when the person dies
no rights to medical information
no rights to a number of medical benefits

I'm sure that someone can name more.

I love my wife I hate cleaning up after her... but take the good with the bad.

[Spidey]

Originally posted by Double D
So one must be married to do these things?

No but i'm just saying that there are those benefits.
I mean you can't seriously tell me that when you were single you didn't get an empty feeling inside you which was dying for a caring loving soul.

[Double D]

Originally posted by Spidey
No but i'm just saying that there are those benefits.
I mean you can't seriously tell me that when you were single you didn't get an empty feeling inside you which was dying for a caring loving soul.

I was lonely at times yes, but I've been just as lonely married as not. Loneliness comes from within.

[FlorentinoAriza]

ain't marriage beautifull

haven't regretted it a day

[cowlick]

* So when you come home from a hard day, your best friend will be there to smile with you.
* So you can plan and execute adventures of a lifetime with someone whom you'll be able to reminisce with for a lifetime.

Marriage is grand if you've chosen someone you love and someone who loves you.

[jimk]

so your kids don't have to wonder why they have an "alternative" arrangement at home. as if being a kid isn't hard enough, right?

[johnnymysto]

Angela146, I get the meaning behind your post, and I love it. Thanks for reminding me what I've got to look forward to. Some of those points made me laugh, cuz that's what me and my wife do!

[Double D]

Originally posted by Forks
you can whine and cry about how married life isnt for you because you had a bad relationship but the truth of the matter is that you should have been more selective to begin with.
you reap what you sow.

Firstly, this thread's title is *why on earth would anyone get married?* So it was my belief that one could cite his/her personal reasons for their choices, as well as commenting on marriage in general.

I'm not sure Forks, if you are using the general *you,* like all of us, or *you* as in a person in particular.

I'm happy for the married people that are happy being married.

I just feel a little constrained by some traditional practices of the institution. I dislike being called a *wife* for example. It sounds so anonymous, as in *Joe's wife* or * the wife* or *your wife.*
I dislike some of the traditional roles, such as women still doing the majority of the housework though what, 75% of mothers work outside the home?

I guess some stereotypes get under my skin but conversely, I married for a very traditional reason. I got pregnant outside of marriage. I choose not to abort. When it was financially feasible-- that is when I finished graduate school, I got married. I did it so my son wouldn't be a *bastard.*
That's it. American society still places a stigma upon children born out of wedlock, and I wanted my son to be known securely, legally & without confusion as the son of my husband & me.

I agree with Cyn as well, that people of the same sex do not have the luxuries afforded traditional couples.
It's hard for anyone to reap what they sow, if they are not allowed to sow in the first place.

Finally, I do love my spouse--maybe not in a traditional, starry-eyed way, but there are many kinds of love and devotion. I didn't and don't need the state & church to sanctify our union to enjoy all of the qualities of a united relationship.

[Cynthetiq]

we didn't get married by a justice of the peac, judge, or religious person... Notary Public

looking at the Icelanders who don't do traditional child thing as DD has stated, they do naming convensions such as if I had a son it would be named Jon Cynthetiqson or daughter, Jane Cynthetiqsdottir, which keeps the tradition of who the child's parents.

As far as stereotypes... Skogafoss doesn't cook, clean, or do any of the traditional home making things. I do most of it she gets some of the chores, and still I usually am still involved in those too. I get tired of it sometimes, but usually it's something that is for me and I'm very self sufficient anyways.

She's my best friend and we're enjoying experiencing life as a team.

[HeAtHeN]

... because I love my wife and want to be with her until the day I die.

[koolaid]

This is something I have thought about for the past 6 years. It does make a huge difference always having someone to lean on and lean on you. The tough part is feeling the pain of two people.

[dannoxxxx]

I like the part about feeling the pain of two people.....cause i really believe that. Another thing about marriage and any long term union is that the person you marry may not be the person you end up with years down the road. People loose their jobs, get sick, injured and grow old. This affects people in different ways and often changes people - some for better, some for worse. I know love is supposed to be this strong bond and in sickness and in health but i dont believe that those vows are strong enough for couples to endure some of the unexpected changes that will occur. But the ones lucky enough to stay connected and happy with themselves and eachother.....what more could you ask for!

[angela146]

Originally posted by Double D
So one must be married to do these things?

No, you can do most of them if you aren’t married… but this kind of stuff doesn’t happen *as much* in *most* non-married couples. It’s the commitment that builds trust that leads to a greater intimacy, allowing us to lower our guard and be our real selves, knowing that the other isn’t going to leave.

The question was, “why get married?” For me, this is the stuff that is the *reason* for doing it, not all the other stuff like having sex. Flipping it around, if you don’t find this list appealing, don’t get married, because this is the essence.

All of this, of course, is IMHO…

Gays, lesbians, polyamorus folks and other non-traditionalists get married all the time. It’s just that society doesn’t *recognize* their marriages. This is a defect in society, not the marriage.

Despite the whims of society, it is the couple (or group) that defines the marriage. Christians write their own vows. Jews have a Ketubah they agree to and sign. Those who aren't religious have the freedom to define marriage even more freely. Gays, lesbians and polyamorous folks have the most freedom to define marriage *because* society doesn't recognize it.

No, you don't need the official seal of societal approval on a marriage in order to do all of this stuff but... you do need the essential element of a marriage (long-term mutual commitment) to do most of them... You can pick up his socks if you aren't married... but if you know that you will be picking up his socks *for the rest of your life*, you are married, paper or not.

[angela146]

please delete this, it was a duplicate

[rogue49]

Sounds wonderful.

I can't wait, and believe it or not
I'm envious.

[anti fishstick]

eeek i didn't find this list appealing. :-x maybe someday.... i will. heh.

i'm envious as to not being able to understand.

[XenuHubbard]

I've been married since the seventh of July.
Will have a proper Chinese wedding next year.
I've done at least half of the list already.
(But I don't turn into a baby when I get sick. I become like a cat, biting anybody coming close, refusing treatment.)

And hey, it would be easy to make a similar list describing friendship.

While marriage never was important to me, it had to be done.
Otherwise I wouldn't be considered as part of the family, and it would be impossible to stay together.

I guess in the end, my answer is this:
Finding a girl you want to go to bed with is real easy.
Finding a girl you want to wake up next to is real hard.
Once you do, you have a purpose in life.
Especially for somebody as nihilistic as me.
And to continue to wake up next to that person, for the rest of one's life, is worth any sacrifice.

[angela146]

Originally posted by anti fishstick
eeek i didn't find this list appealing. :-x maybe someday.... i will. heh. i'm envious as to not being able to understand.

It's basically that if you are really deeply in love with someone, you even enjoy the unpleasant thing about them.

For me, I love arguing with him, caring for him when he's sick, having him yell at me (and making him feel better) and... I *love* seeing his dirty socks on the floor in the bedroom in the morning. It's a reminder that I have this guy in my life who doesn't feel like he has to impress me. His socks are a "remnant" of his presence when he isn't there.

Besides, and this may gross you out, the smell of his dirty clothes get's me all tingly. There's this masculine scent that... it's like he's in the room.

Yeah, I know, but if you ever recognize these feelings, throw a net over the guy who inspires them in you...

[meff]

Hmm. alot of that doesn't apply to my marriage *shrugs*

I guess we're dong pretty good then

[sapiens]

Originally posted by Double D
I didn't and don't need the state & church to sanctify our union to enjoy all of the qualities of a united relationship.

It is certainly true that you do not need to be married to reap nearly all of the benefits typically associated with marriage. Still, there was something powerful about getting all of my friends and family together and making a public commitment to my wife. It felt significant. I felt very close to my wife. It wasn't about the state. It certainly wasn't about the church.

On a related note, I was married in a town far away from my friends in family. Their willingness to endure the costs to come to my wedding was appreciated. I felt like each person who came was there for me, and I will be there for them if and when they need me.

[josobot]

"Why on earth..." because here on earth we are mortals stuck on the road of time. And raising and loving children in a family is something to die for.

[veruca]

it's true, when they say marriage is differant...i can't explain it..lol..it's like when people ask you how love feels...you tell them they will just know. we got married, and i thought that marriage was just a legal union, and nothing would change, i was wrong. somehthing happens when you make that commitment. there is something about standing up in front of God and your family and making the vow to cherish someone. everything changes, the way you fight...because you know that you can't just walk out anymore, you have to make it work...and the way you behave in public, there is a smugness that marrieds have...i love being married it's fun

[numist_net]

Originally posted by HeAtHeN
... because I love my wife and want to be with her until the day I die.

Im with him on this one. No matter what, it is definitely worth it, and I'm not even married...

[Easytiger]

Thanks, angela146. I'm getting married in about three months' time, and I can't wait.

[rodgerd]

Originally posted by Spidey
No but i'm just saying that there are those benefits.
I mean you can't seriously tell me that when you were single you didn't get an empty feeling inside you which was dying for a caring loving soul.

Being married (or not) has nothing to do with it.

Being with someone does.

[Minx]

Why on Earth would anyone get married?

Easy answer....to be with the one they cherish and can't bear to be apart from.