Anonymous Member

I need to know if anyone has ever been in a situation where an opportunity presented itself to meet someone very special, but you screwed it up? Over three years ago, I was at a sports clinic, for some physio I needed. A couple of visits in, I saw this beautiful therapist I hadn't seen before. Very early on, it became very apparent that she was interested in meeting me. Lucky me, right! Well, unfortunately, all this attention tapped into some self confidence issues I thought had long since been resolved. I'm a lot older than she is, and should have had it together a lot better than I did, but it seemed that the closer she got, the thicker the walls around me became. Pretty pathetic, I know! The worst of this whole episode was one night, when I was speaking to the receptionist, and she came around to see me, and I simply froze. The last time I saw her, during that time, she was again at the front desk, and I blew past her, as if she was invisible. The sad thing is that I had no idea I was being such a jackass. I always considered myself a nice person, but since that time, I'm no longer sure. She's moved on, but I seem to be weighed down with all this shame and regret. An easy out would be to tell myself "I didn't know what I was doing", but that only seems to make it worse, since I never got the opportunity to show her my true self.
I want to be clear that this isn't about the regret over not 'hooking up' with a gorgeous girl, but more about not being able to respond positively to someone reaching out to me.
I am, therefore, asking if anyone is able to admit to a similar situation, and, tell me how they were able to move on. I would greatly appreciate any and all advice.
Thank you.

Raghnar -ITA-

print this post and read it to her (not literally)

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English N00b - Please help if you have time and correct my errors

fresnelly

Would it help you if I proposed that she wasn't as interested in you as you may have thought?

I gather that she is a therapist in the same office as the one you meet with, yes? In that case, It's highly unlikely that she would be truly romantically interested in a patient/client of the office. Attracted on some level perhaps but not enough to cross the professional line.

As a therapist, she may be naturally friendly and open to strangers (especially patients at the office) but you perceived that mere forwardness for desire.

Appreciate that feeling of connection for what it was and move on. It would never work anyways.

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Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life

FelixP

fresnelly has a good point. I've been through this. All you can do is make it up to the girl that comes along. Take it from someone who dwells in the past: it will get you nowhere, unless you count drunk dialing her and then masturbating after she hangs up on you "getting somewhere".

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Free will lies not in the ability to craft your own fate, but in not knowing what your fate is. --Me

"I have just returned from visting the Marines at the front, and there is not a finer fighting organization in the world." --Douglas MacArthur

Sadman

Thank you, for the input. Both of you (fresnelly & FelixP) are probably right. I wasn't really looking for anything 'romantic', to be honest. It's, basically, dealing with the fact that I turned into an ass, when all someone was trying to do was be very nice.

I'm not even sure that I would, even, be capable of becoming involved with someone like her.

You are correct, though. It is time to move on. Hopefully, I can learn from this episode, and try to be a little more mature, in dealing with people and their emotions.

Thanks, again!

Wes Mantooth

Yeah I've been there before. Sometimes you just get so caught up with...well everything involved with having a crush. You think there is no way she'd like the real me and you feel pressured to impress and once that happens everything just starts getting awkward and out of control. Suddenly you're doing and saying stupid things (that still make you cringe 15 years later) or worse do nothing out of fear of screwing up. She either gets annoyed, insulted or just bored waiting for you to make a move and the whole thing falls apart. We've all been there.

Personally I think judging your own character based on an awkward experience with a crush is just wee bit too harsh. Hell if I was being judged by the stupid things I did around attractive women...well its late and I can think of anything to go there but you get the point. Anyway the awkwardness I felt around attractive women has almost completely disappeared since my early 20's, why? Learning and growing from my past mistakes. Each time I found myself in that position it got easier because I tried not to do the stupid things I did the last time around and eventually it just started clicking for me.

Best of luck.

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Sadman

Thanks for the reply, Wes. This whole episode sucks. It just seems that when the walls around you come down, and you see what you allowed to slip away, you end up with a different set of problems. Every pretty girl I see still conjures up memories, of her. It's like "Man, if only I'd........etc."

Realizing that other people were in the same boat will, hopefully, allow me to take a breath, and try to be a better person. It just seems weird to me, that you can be so awed by another person, even though they do their utmost to connect with you, that you lose all sense of reality.

Thanks.

Take care!

Jetée

There was a time that I was once traveling on the local county bus on some obscure random sunny day, going somewhere outside the city limits for I forget the specific reason at the time, but anyway, there I was. A youth on the bus. As I neared my approaching destination, getting ready to stand, in walks this absolutely gorgeous, vision of brunette perfection, not movie starlet-striking, but so altogether comely, girl-next-door-looking, a very cute student, by the looks of it (university age). Instantly floors me to bend back down to my seat.

I was so starstruck by her hidden beauty, it seemed nobody else noticed her but me; or maybe, I just came to key in on her intently that anyone else who happened to be onboard simply just vanished from my peripherary. I missed my stop. I knew this. Realized it a few seconds later, and thought to myself, "If I'm already going to be walking back, what's a few extra miles?" So, I stayed on until the end of the line, where she got off, and I didn't know quite how to proceed in introducing myself, if at all.

She promptly exited, exchanged a few words with the driver, assumingly thanking him, but it was in a foreign Eastern European dialect that might been Greek, Belarusian or something I had no idea of what it was in actuality, and my just sank. How could I convey my instant-smittenness to a woman if she is not able to grasp my meaning's intent past the remarking 'Hello'?

So, in the end of this tale, I just stood there while she walked off into the distance carrying her books, meanwhile I was still nervously contemplating whether to run after her or not. It was agonizing to admit defeat to yourself, just because you think you know you can't get through to the person on the other side. I've since learned, and hold to this day, you always gotta try, man; by God and by mind, if you have your heart set on something, you have get to reach out and go get it.

If only I had a lifeline that day.

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As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves.

—Mohandas K. Gandhi

Sadman

Thanks for the post, Jetee. The sad thing is that there have been other prospective relationships, in the past, that I have screwed up. Nothing has sucked the life out of me, like this one has, though. Hopefully, after this episode, and if God ever grants me one more chance to connect with a woman that perfect, I'll be better prepared to 'man up.'