Jet Setter - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

CheapBastid · 07-21-2003, 12:09 PM

Back when I was a Jet Setter I was sitting in first class with a Frenchman and an Italian. After a few cocktails, we began discussing our home lives.

"Last night, I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."

They both smugly looked over at me and the Frenchman asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"

"Once," I replied.

I could see them fighting to suppress their laughter at the inferior American. "Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"

"As the alarm went off she asked me if I could cancel my flight, and hungrily begged me not to stop."

CheapBastid · 07-21-2003, 12:10 PM

Flying cross country in a passenger jet, we ran into terrible weather. The plane was pounded with rain, hail, wind, thunder and lightning. Passengers were screaming, convinced the plane will crash and death is imminent.

At the height of the storm an amazingly attractive young woman leaps to her feet and exclaims, "I can't take any more of this! NO! I won't just sit here, strapped into a seat and die like an animal. If I'm going to die, let it be feeling like a woman. Who here feels man enough to forget our doom and make me feel like a woman?"

I slowly rise and start walking towards her, smiling. As I stride down the aisle I slowly take off my shirt, and she can see my rippling abs, bulging biceps, powerful pecs and massive shoulders. I stand before her, cast my shirt onto the floor and exclaim, "Here, iron this."

CheapBastid · 07-21-2003, 12:11 PM

I once was on a plane where I was served by an obviously homosexual male flight attendant. At one point, he bounced over to where I was sitting leaned over and bubbled,

"The Captain has asked me to announce that he will be landing the big scary plane shortly, so if you could just put up your little trays, that would be great."

I did as he had instructed but the woman sitting next to me did not. A few moments later, our 'happy' flight attendant came back and said to her:

"Ma'am, perhaps you couldn't hear me over the throbbing engine, but I asked you to please put up that little tray of yours so that the Captain can land the plane."

She still wouldn't comply. Now he was getting a bit angry and asked her again to put up the tray. She then haughtily turned to him and said:

"In my country, I am called 'Princess'. I take orders from no one."

Our flight attendant replied:

"Reeeealy? Well, in MY country I'm called 'Queen', so I outrank you, bitch. Put the fucking tray up!"

CheapBastid · 07-21-2003, 12:14 PM

Back when I was an Airline Pilot I flew through a bad Hurricane. I did my best to skirt the edge of the storm, but it was a pretty rough ride just the same - rough enough that I ordered the flight attendants to strap themselves into their seats for about half an hour, and many of the passengers were putting the little plastic-lined barf bags in their seat pockets to good use.

When the turbulence finally stopped, the flight attendants unbuckled themselves and I used the intercom.

"Well, folks, that was quite some ride, wasn't it? But we came through it, just the way we always do, and I'm happy to report that it looks like the remainder of our trip should be much calmer. On behalf of myself and today's crew, I'd like to thank you very much for your calmness and cooperation, and extend our best wishes for a pleasant stay in Boston."

The intercom clicked a few times and unbeknownst to me, remained on when I spoke to my co-pilot

"Jesus Christ - what a bitchin' ride!!! Boy - I sure could use a cup of good strong coffee and a blow job right about now."

As a stricken stewardess dashed up the aisle to the cabin to let me know that my intercom was still on, a little old lady in first class called after her...

"Don't forget his coffee."

hawkeye · 07-21-2003, 10:10 PM

PayUp · 07-22-2003, 05:14 PM

last one is the best

Regziever · 07-22-2003, 11:00 PM

Hehehe!! Good jokes! Liked the last one best!

07-21-2003, 12:09 PM	#1 (permalink)
CheapBastid Tilted off balance... Location: the last place you'd look	Jet Setter Back when I was a Jet Setter I was sitting in first class with a Frenchman and an Italian. After a few cocktails, we began discussing our home lives. "Last night, I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me." "Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man." They both smugly looked over at me and the Frenchman asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?" "Once," I replied. I could see them fighting to suppress their laughter at the inferior American. "Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?" "As the alarm went off she asked me if I could cancel my flight, and hungrily begged me not to stop."

07-21-2003, 10:10 PM	#5 (permalink)
hawkeye back from sabbatical Location: Mosptopia	LMAO __________________ You're not fat, You're just a giant ball of love, covered in anger.

07-22-2003, 05:14 PM	#6 (permalink)
PayUp DILLIGAF Location: AZ	last one is the best __________________ Born to Lose.

07-22-2003, 11:00 PM	#7 (permalink)
Regziever Sexy eh? Location: Sweden	Hehehe!! Good jokes! Liked the last one best! __________________ Life is shit, Death is even worse, So what's the point of killing yourself? /Ignatius Camryn Paladine

07-21-2003, 12:10 PM	#2 (permalink)
CheapBastid Tilted off balance... Location: the last place you'd look	Flying cross country in a passenger jet, we ran into terrible weather. The plane was pounded with rain, hail, wind, thunder and lightning. Passengers were screaming, convinced the plane will crash and death is imminent. At the height of the storm an amazingly attractive young woman leaps to her feet and exclaims, "I can't take any more of this! NO! I won't just sit here, strapped into a seat and die like an animal. If I'm going to die, let it be feeling like a woman. Who here feels man enough to forget our doom and make me feel like a woman?" I slowly rise and start walking towards her, smiling. As I stride down the aisle I slowly take off my shirt, and she can see my rippling abs, bulging biceps, powerful pecs and massive shoulders. I stand before her, cast my shirt onto the floor and exclaim, "Here, iron this."

07-21-2003, 12:11 PM	#3 (permalink)
CheapBastid Tilted off balance... Location: the last place you'd look	I once was on a plane where I was served by an obviously homosexual male flight attendant. At one point, he bounced over to where I was sitting leaned over and bubbled, "The Captain has asked me to announce that he will be landing the big scary plane shortly, so if you could just put up your little trays, that would be great." I did as he had instructed but the woman sitting next to me did not. A few moments later, our 'happy' flight attendant came back and said to her: "Ma'am, perhaps you couldn't hear me over the throbbing engine, but I asked you to please put up that little tray of yours so that the Captain can land the plane." She still wouldn't comply. Now he was getting a bit angry and asked her again to put up the tray. She then haughtily turned to him and said: "In my country, I am called 'Princess'. I take orders from no one." Our flight attendant replied: "Reeeealy? Well, in MY country I'm called 'Queen', so I outrank you, bitch. Put the fucking tray up!"

07-21-2003, 12:14 PM	#4 (permalink)
CheapBastid Tilted off balance... Location: the last place you'd look	Back when I was an Airline Pilot I flew through a bad Hurricane. I did my best to skirt the edge of the storm, but it was a pretty rough ride just the same - rough enough that I ordered the flight attendants to strap themselves into their seats for about half an hour, and many of the passengers were putting the little plastic-lined barf bags in their seat pockets to good use. When the turbulence finally stopped, the flight attendants unbuckled themselves and I used the intercom. "Well, folks, that was quite some ride, wasn't it? But we came through it, just the way we always do, and I'm happy to report that it looks like the remainder of our trip should be much calmer. On behalf of myself and today's crew, I'd like to thank you very much for your calmness and cooperation, and extend our best wishes for a pleasant stay in Boston." The intercom clicked a few times and unbeknownst to me, remained on when I spoke to my co-pilot "Jesus Christ - what a bitchin' ride!!! Boy - I sure could use a cup of good strong coffee and a blow job right about now." As a stricken stewardess dashed up the aisle to the cabin to let me know that my intercom was still on, a little old lady in first class called after her... "Don't forget his coffee."