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Old 08-03-2003, 06:17 PM   #10 (permalink)
butthead
Loser
 
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Quote:
First off are you willing to say what medication your on because it sounds like something somewhere doenst fit and if its the pills that are agitating your anger you might benefit from something else.
My medication is Klonopin. If the Klonopin is exacerbating my anger (paradoxical reaction), that is something I am willing to deal with. Klonopin is a benzodiazepine, similar to drugs like Valium and Xanax. Klonopin is designed for seizure control, due to its long half-life, but I am using it to prevent panic attacks and to help control chronic anxiety (very effectively).

For those who do not know, in a nutshell, benzodiazepines inhibit neurotransmission in certain areas of your brain like the amygdala, which are the origin of panic reactions ("fight or flight") and behavior during social interaction.

Before Klonopin, I used to be afraid to get into fights. I would shake knowing one was coming, but now it seems as if I am made from iron. I think this new absense of anxiety might explain my new willingness to seek out people to hurt. I don't know.

Before Klonopin, when I was living with my mom a few months ago, I suffered very severe violent manic episodes, often requiring hospitalization (the "loony bin" sucks). The last night I was at my mom's house I was in a pretty weird manic state. I was going to burst into my mom's bedroom at around 3 AM with a knife and stab her boyfriend to death. I told a friend about this over AIM and within 5 minutes cops are knocking at the door, guns and handcuffs ready.

Since taking Klonopin I cannot clearly remember having a manic episode (although, I may have had a manic episode anywaym, Klonopin GREATLY affects my memory). On the whole, my outbursts have lost much intensity. They used to be really bad. I used to burn myself, things, try to burn other people, try to stab other people, making plans to stab a cop at the expense of getting shot, etc. They used to be really scary.
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