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at my wedding, people bought their own clothes. i checked with the bridesmaids who would be buying their gowns on what they could afford and then found gowns in their price range. they weren't ugly, but like all bridesmaids gowns--never gonna wear it again.
they also paid for transportation, but no other expenses for the weekend as they stayed with me and i covered food as well. also paid for their nails, hair and jewelry. i opted out of the wedding shower thing as we didn't need things to set up house. and we decided to have a combine party rather than a bachelor/bachelorette party for each of us--and we paid for all expenses related to that as well.
all told, they spent less than $200 each to be in my wedding (for the entire weekend). the males spent a little less as tux rentals were cheap. no one seemed to mind. had anyone balked at the cost, i wouldn't have minded them saying no or if possible would have covered it for them.
as for gifts...we didn't do gifts for the wedding party (or each other for that matter). i asked them not to get us anything, though two of my bridesmaids who were college friends did buy me some lingerie for the wedding night!
not sure what i'd say if i was asked to be in a wedding. i'm not a big fan of them since my divorce, but depending on who asked i might do it anyway.
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