maleficent

Let me preface this with entirely too many freaking weddings I've been in, has made me absolutely despise the entire process and what the bridezilla turns into.

In addition to the one I bitched about in Nik's journal...

Wedding 1. College Friend. Not even a close friend, I think she wanted 12 attendents and I was the 12th. Super ugly pink (I HATE PINK) flowered dress, with a fluffly crinoline with a pink frilly hat, and pink dyed shoes, plus pink fake pearls. Travel to Grand Rapids Michigan. Hotel. Total cost for the weekend, not including the lame ass showerS and the wedding gift. OVER 1000.00.

Bridesmaid gift: Cheap silver bookmark engraved with date of the wedding.

15 years later. DIVORCE. (I want a refund)

Wedding 2. My sister. Maid of honor. Stuck with planning not one but three showers because she wanted three showers, that meant three gifts. Super ugly blueish greensih garden party type dress (OH, you can wear it again -- uh huh I attend lots of garden parties) Fake Bake I had to get to pull off this dress the color was so hideous it made us look washed out. Seriously ugly hat. Hairdresser she brought in so we could all have the same hairstyle (that we paid for) My hair was so shellacked with hairspray, that it took three days to get a brush thru it. Dyed shoes that were so uncomfortable I threw them out as soon as I got to the reception (there wasn't one picture of me with shoes on)
Total cost for the weekend: about 600 dollars (I stayed at my parents house)
Brides maid gift: A framed portrait of the bride and groom (and I woudl want this why?)
Result: Still married but now I'm on the hook for niece and nephew gifts.

Wedding 3:
This one wasn't bad. This was a destination wedding, where I was the 'best man'. We went to Petit St Vincent, and the wedding happened on a beach, wearing a very light linen dress (I could haveworn whatever I wanted. and barefoot.
Total cost for the wedding: about 3000 dollars but that included 5 days at PSV. It also cost me about 100K miles to send down someone else who couldn't afford the airfare.
Attendent gift: Drinks at the hotel one night
Result: Still married, baby on the way.

Wedding 4 - Maid of Honor
Christmas eve wedding in Vermont:
Hunter Green (which is my favorite color) velvet dress with big puffy sleeves requiring cleavage that n o one could support (and I AM NOT flat chested) and a big assed butt bow (Not flattering) Green stockings (we looked like we were martians), and green dyed shoes (wich turned my feet green after walking thru snow. and a big green sparkley hair bow. Fake rhinestone jewelry and gloves. THankfully no hat this time. Travel costs and lodging (OH let's all stay at this 'super cute' lodge --which was 4x expensive as any hotel i nthe area.
Total cost for the weekend: 1 sprained ankle as I walked out of the 'super cute' lodge the day after the wedding and slid on an ice patch that the super cute hotel staff never bothered to put salt on. Food poisoning from the really bad breakfast that cost 20 bucks at this super cute lodge. and about 2400. not counting wedding gift. And this 'friend' was annoyed that we didn't take her out for a bachelorette night before the wedding. the 4 bridesmaids and me were all on the hook forthe 4 showers she had, plus a wedding gift
Bridesmaid gift: a cheapass photo album
Wedding result: Divorce.

Wedding 5 - The Second Wedding
OH dear god it was supposed to be simple. Grey satin dress in the middle of august that had grey feathers that went down the deep V in the back -which wer really fun whem my back started to sweat because the reception hall's air conditioning didn't work very well. I felt like a molting duck. floppy grey hat with same feathers, gray gloves that I coudlnt put back on when my feet started to sweat. Grey stockings with some frou frou at the ankle that I couldn't get to line up right (and they cost like 20 bucks, and we had to have 2 pair, just in case, and then the dyed shoes. Then there was travel to Kansas City, and hotel. I get there, only to find out that the bride only had one shower, so we needed to have a second shower for her (Ummm- this wass the second wedding - after shescrewed up the first one, not really entitled)
Total cost for the weekend: about 2000.
Attendent gift: not even a thank you
Result: Two weeks after the wedding, she was caught shagging the best mad... Wedding annulled.

I hate weddings. I have spent 1000's and 1000s of dollars on weddings over the year, and i can honestly say that it's all bullshit. If I could redo any of these weddings, I woulds tell the brides that sharing in the 'special day' is bullshit... Rational thinking people turn into shrews, if its that stressful, elope - -no one is seriously going to care.

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