girlfriend of four years no more - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Cursive · 03-05-2005, 08:48 AM

My good friend's girlfriend just broke up with him and hes really bummed out hardcore. He's 24 btw. Any advice on helping him out? I havent even talked to him yet because i dont really know what to say.

thanks

degrawj · 03-05-2005, 09:18 AM

Man, that is a really tough one. I remember when my g/f of 3 1/2 years broke up with me (i was positive we were going to get married some day), and it felt like my life had ended. Your friend is probably having a rough time trying to sort out his emotions right now. He might be feeling a whole combination of sadness/anger/confusion/apathy. The best thing you can do, from my own experience, is to keep him active by doing things with him. I don't know what your friendship is like, but whatever you two like to do, do it. Let him know that you're there for him, and that he can talk to you. See if you can get him to talk about what bothers him about the relationship ending, and then see if you can get him to talk about where he wants to go from here. Most of all though, and this is the most difficult part, the only thing that will truly end up healing the damage is time. It's been almost four years since my g/f broke up with me, and I'm still not 100% over it. So just hang out with him and be a good friend, like I'm sure you are since you obviously care about his welfare. Let him know that. It won't be easy, for you or for him, but that's what friends are for, right? Getting through the tough times. I hope that you're able to help him out cursive! Good luck.

ShaniFaye · 03-05-2005, 09:21 AM

I agree with degrawj and would like to add....for goodness sakes dont degrade the girl, or talk bad of her....its one thing if he does it.....its quite another if you do. IF by some chance they get back together and you've said bad things about her it wont be good for anyone involved

Strange Famous · 03-05-2005, 09:29 AM

pretty much just be there. right now he prolly needs someone to listen.

PayUp · 03-05-2005, 09:30 AM

Shanifaye and degrawj offer you some sound advice. If you get your friend to open up and talk to you...LISTEN. Theres nothin worse than trying to talk to someone and their brain is channel surfing.

vbuser · 03-05-2005, 10:27 AM

Let your conversation go naturally.

Say what you think is best.

Jackebear · 03-05-2005, 04:55 PM

Been there; I thought I would never get a girl again. My buddy got me out of town for a weekend. 2 nights in the big city, going to bars, clubs at night, patio bars during the day and basically got stupid drunk for 3 days. Wasn't a cure but it sure did help a lot and I have always appreciated him for helping me start to get her out of my mind.

SVT01Cobra · 03-06-2005, 11:38 PM

Hmm...Boxing classes?
Hitting a punching bag and getting a good workout is a good way to relieve stress.

Coppertop · 03-07-2005, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jackebear

Been there; I thought I would never get a girl again. My buddy got me out of town for a weekend. 2 nights in the big city, going to bars, clubs at night, patio bars during the day and basically got stupid drunk for 3 days. Wasn't a cure but it sure did help a lot and I have always appreciated him for helping me start to get her out of my mind.

Sage advice right there.

wolf · 03-07-2005, 04:20 AM

Just be there and don't let him get into one of those rebound relationships.

2sheds · 03-07-2005, 12:37 PM

spend time with him, even if he doesn't seem to want too. you don't even have to talk about the breakup - play xbox or something. i'm not saying you have to hound him or anything, but find ways to remind him that you are available. a lot of people will tell them that they are there for him, all he has to do is ask. i'm sure they all mean it too. the problem is in the asking - i think that's one of the hardest things to do, especially for your average guy. try to be the one that he doesn't have to ask.

cowgirl02 · 03-07-2005, 02:21 PM

Just be there for him. Dont bring it up, let him. When he wants to talk about it he will bring it up. It may take time, but eventually he will. Just be there for him and when/if he asks you what you think, tell him the truth and what you think. Just be honest!!!!

pules · 03-09-2005, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cursive

My good friend's girlfriend just broke up with him and hes really bummed out hardcore. He's 24 btw. Any advice on helping him out? I havent even talked to him yet because i dont really know what to say.

thanks

DON'T YOU DARE EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING WITH HER.....................................................................ok, unless she's hot.

Mattbastard · 04-08-2005, 06:17 AM

4 years heh?

That's quite a while, I'm in a 4 year relationship right now.

So, why'd she end it?

Stompy · 04-08-2005, 07:58 AM

My g/f of 4 years and I recently broke up.

Honestly, there's not much you could say/do that would make him get over it faster. It just goes away with time... at least, that's how I was. I was always hanging out w/ people after our breakup and most of the time I didn't feel like being around anyone.

I just gave lots of time to myself and played World of Warcraft a LOT

At first it's hard to get used to, especially after all that time together, but now, I'm glad I'm single

I can do whatever the hell I want and don't have to worry about anyone else, haha.

So, hm... I guess you can kinda tell him that after a few months, he'll be very very happy and that it will all make sense then, but yeah, 3 months ago, I don't think there was anything anyone could've said/done that would've made me feel ANY better.. short of winning a million dollars or somethin

03-05-2005, 08:48 AM	#1 (permalink)
Cursive Tilted	girlfriend of four years no more My good friend's girlfriend just broke up with him and hes really bummed out hardcore. He's 24 btw. Any advice on helping him out? I havent even talked to him yet because i dont really know what to say. thanks __________________ Never trust anything that bleeds for 6 days and doesn't die

03-05-2005, 09:21 AM	#3 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	I agree with degrawj and would like to add....for goodness sakes dont degrade the girl, or talk bad of her....its one thing if he does it.....its quite another if you do. IF by some chance they get back together and you've said bad things about her it wont be good for anyone involved __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

03-05-2005, 09:29 AM	#4 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	pretty much just be there. right now he prolly needs someone to listen. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

03-05-2005, 09:30 AM	#5 (permalink)
PayUp DILLIGAF Location: AZ	Shanifaye and degrawj offer you some sound advice. If you get your friend to open up and talk to you...LISTEN. Theres nothin worse than trying to talk to someone and their brain is channel surfing. __________________ Born to Lose.

03-05-2005, 04:55 PM	#7 (permalink)
Jackebear Insane	Been there; I thought I would never get a girl again. My buddy got me out of town for a weekend. 2 nights in the big city, going to bars, clubs at night, patio bars during the day and basically got stupid drunk for 3 days. Wasn't a cure but it sure did help a lot and I have always appreciated him for helping me start to get her out of my mind. __________________ Life's jounney is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn-out shouting, "Holy sh*t! What a ride!" - unknown

03-05-2005, 09:18 AM	#2 (permalink)
degrawj I'm still waiting... Location: West Linn, OR	Man, that is a really tough one. I remember when my g/f of 3 1/2 years broke up with me (i was positive we were going to get married some day), and it felt like my life had ended. Your friend is probably having a rough time trying to sort out his emotions right now. He might be feeling a whole combination of sadness/anger/confusion/apathy. The best thing you can do, from my own experience, is to keep him active by doing things with him. I don't know what your friendship is like, but whatever you two like to do, do it. Let him know that you're there for him, and that he can talk to you. See if you can get him to talk about what bothers him about the relationship ending, and then see if you can get him to talk about where he wants to go from here. Most of all though, and this is the most difficult part, the only thing that will truly end up healing the damage is time. It's been almost four years since my g/f broke up with me, and I'm still not 100% over it. So just hang out with him and be a good friend, like I'm sure you are since you obviously care about his welfare. Let him know that. It won't be easy, for you or for him, but that's what friends are for, right? Getting through the tough times. I hope that you're able to help him out cursive! Good luck.

03-05-2005, 10:27 AM	#6 (permalink)
vbuser Upright	Let your conversation go naturally. Say what you think is best.

03-06-2005, 11:38 PM	#8 (permalink)
SVT01Cobra Psycho Location: Somewhere, Missouri	Hmm...Boxing classes? Hitting a punching bag and getting a good workout is a good way to relieve stress.

03-07-2005, 04:20 AM	#10 (permalink)
wolf Ravenous Location: Right Behind You	Just be there and don't let him get into one of those rebound relationships. __________________ Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as Gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

03-07-2005, 12:37 PM	#11 (permalink)
2sheds Crazy Location: dfw - texas	spend time with him, even if he doesn't seem to want too. you don't even have to talk about the breakup - play xbox or something. i'm not saying you have to hound him or anything, but find ways to remind him that you are available. a lot of people will tell them that they are there for him, all he has to do is ask. i'm sure they all mean it too. the problem is in the asking - i think that's one of the hardest things to do, especially for your average guy. try to be the one that he doesn't have to ask. __________________ Depression is just anger without enthusiasm. It’s having an empty beer bottle but no one to throw it at.

03-07-2005, 02:21 PM	#12 (permalink)
cowgirl02 Tilted Location: Dallas, Texas	Just be there for him. Dont bring it up, let him. When he wants to talk about it he will bring it up. It may take time, but eventually he will. Just be there for him and when/if he asks you what you think, tell him the truth and what you think. Just be honest!!!! __________________ "If you judge people, you have no time to love them"- Mother Theresa No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile. *Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

04-08-2005, 06:17 AM	#14 (permalink)
Mattbastard Upright	4 years heh? That's quite a while, I'm in a 4 year relationship right now. So, why'd she end it?

04-08-2005, 07:58 AM	#15 (permalink)
Stompy Banned from being Banned Location: Donkey	My g/f of 4 years and I recently broke up. Honestly, there's not much you could say/do that would make him get over it faster. It just goes away with time... at least, that's how I was. I was always hanging out w/ people after our breakup and most of the time I didn't feel like being around anyone. I just gave lots of time to myself and played World of Warcraft a LOT At first it's hard to get used to, especially after all that time together, but now, I'm glad I'm single I can do whatever the hell I want and don't have to worry about anyone else, haha. So, hm... I guess you can kinda tell him that after a few months, he'll be very very happy and that it will all make sense then, but yeah, 3 months ago, I don't think there was anything anyone could've said/done that would've made me feel ANY better.. short of winning a million dollars or somethin __________________ I love lamp. Last edited by Stompy; 04-08-2005 at 08:02 AM..