Strange things you've put your cock into
 

What kind of things have you tried to fuck, apart from women?

I've heard stories of fruit, raw whole chickens, warm liver etc. but has anyone ever tried it?

orange. It was... interesting

I've heard stories of lunch meat and such ... don't know how true they are. I would be hesitent to rub meat on my meat. But, since the subject was brought up, here's a link I found: Masturbation Stories . Klick the links on the right hand side for more stories. Some of these I don't really believe, and there's very few I would suggest anybody does. Some of them sound dangerous. But, there are more than a few that concern sticking it in things. Good reading for all :)

I'm more of a hand type guy myself. It's really the only thing I use my left hand for (besides typing). If I want a little "strange", Ill go with the right sometimes, but I just wont get me off.

Ive tried putting on a condom and humbing the side of a couch once, but I just got tired of it and went back to the hands.

I'm always down to try something new though ;-). Anything work real good?

IIRC Playboy had a message in the forums ~ a year back about someone using a hollowed banana wrapped in tape and stuck in the microwave for a few seconds. That sounds like it might work out ok....

This is among the best thread titles ever.

foam core with a whole in the middle. (young & lonely)

WOW! I love this place....woooo...shit! Okay okay I'm done now...man. You guys are sumfin else.

Asta!!

One time I fell asleep on the couch, naked (there had been much drinking that night), and when I woke up, I felt someone licking my cock, and for a split second, I thought that it was some chick wanting some more sex, then I looked up and it was my male dog doing the licking.


Otherwise I'm a hand sort guy.

I can't help but think of the pickle slicer joke when I see this thread. That and American Pie.

I tried to fuck a bunch of snow (I was like fourteen) and it kept melting :-( I was sad, I had to go back inside and finish with the hand and warm back up.

The only thing I've had sex with other than a woman is la poñeta.

:thumbsup: As a youngin' I would masterbate by making sweet, magical love to a folded pillow. Yeah, those were the days........... :thumbsup:

got a glass, put afew socks inside eachother... put the socks in the glass... to make something fleshlight like... lol, it didn't work


when i was smaller i used could do toliet paper rolls... but now i can't fit it inside those

an ex-girlfriend

This message has been deleted.

Taken from another site:
 

The plantain vagina in my opinion has to be the best homemade male masturbation device that I have ever used. Forget about buying expensive artificial vaginas that are out on the market. Most of them hardly work at all, they don't satisfy, and they will lighten your wallet! Unfortunately, men don't have the sensual luxury women have in that they can use a myriad amount of vibrators, dildoes, double dongs, and even cucumbers to get off on. Sure, men can stick a dildo or butt plug up their asses, but if they are not inclined towards the anal arts, then what's the use?

The plantain vagina is not only natural, but it's inexpensive! The plantains go for about 3 or 4 per U.S. dollar. Plantains can be found in the United States in Hispanic (Latin American) bodegas (a Spanish store) or markets, and if you live near either a Puerto Rican, Cuban, Mexican, Dominican community you will always find tons of plantains so cheap that you would think they're giving them away!

For our randy British wanker cousins, you chaps can go into any West Indian market in your UK towns to find plantains. All West Indian people like Jamaicans, Barbarians, Bahamians, and even Brazilians eat and love plantains. Similarly in the US, and Canada plantains can also be found in West Indian / Jamaican markets if you have them in your towns. Many regular super markets also carry plantains, and I have even seen them at a "Lucky's" super market in Orange County, California when I was visiting that part of the country.

To start,7 let's get some things straight.

According to the University of Florida, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, plantains are classified thusly:

"Plantains are hybrid bananas in which the male flowering axis is either degenerated, lacking, or possesses relicts of male flowers. Plantains are always cooked before consumption and are higher in starch than bananas."

The fruit you want to get for the plantain vagina is not the common banana that is eaten as is. Common bananas are too small and would break if you put your cock in them. You want to use the fruit that is usually cooked – but in our case, we are not going to cook it, but instead we are going to look for one that is at the right stage of ripeness to make your vagina. The following list underneath can give you an idea of the right plantain to pick at the perfect stage.

Green Plantain: Not the one to use! Starchy with a taste more comparable to a potato. Use in recipes that require a starchy vegetable taste. Pulp is ivory color and firm and too hard for a vagina like feel.

Yellow Plantain: This is the one to use for the plantain vagina! Yellow skin may be freckled with black spots. The pulp inside is semi soft to soft and it can be easily pushed out.

Black: Not the one to use! Too soft and yucky looking. The black stage ranges from heavy black spotting to a fully black plantain.

So, as a reminder we want to use the yellow plantain with freckled black spots. This plantain has the right amount of ripeness to fool your cock into believing that it's in a real pussy!

Ok, so now we know which plantain to get! Follow these instructions to create the ultimate in natural masturbation technology!

1. Go to the market and look for plantain that is fairly large in size. Pick a plantain that you can visualize your erect cock fitting snuggly inside. Make sure the plantain is somewhat ripe. If not too ripe, take it home and put it in a brown paper bag so that it could ripen for about a couple of days. Wash the outside of the plantain with some mild soap if you want. Dry it with paper towels.

2. The plantain should be ready to use when the outside skin is not too green or not too black. It should be somewhat yellow with a little black spots here and there. It should also be somewhat soft to the touch.

3. The banana leaf consists of a long, tube-like structure called a sheath. Your cock will go inside the sheath. To accomplish this, you cut the end tip of the plantain that is large enough for your cock to fit into. Not too loose, and not too tight that your cock won't fit into it. When you have cut the end to a size that you think will fit your cock, you then squeeze out the plantain pulp. Gently squeeze the pulp starting at the front and work your way towards the top. It's a good idea to squeeze the pulp out in sections using a soft squeezing motion. We don't want to break the plantain skin.

4. When all the pulp has been squeezed out, your plantain vagina is ready to use. Since you are going to be pumping it furiously we recommend that you punch a few little holes towards the top of the plantain. The reason we do this is for some of the air inside the plantain to escape when you are thrusting in and out. If the holes are not punched, there will be air pockets, and the plantain will have a tendency to break.

5. How do you use the plantain vagina? First, lube your cock. The walls of the plantain contain a deliciously slippery natural substance that feels like the inside of a real vagina. All you have to do is wet your cock with a little water or spit. Saliva is the best lubricant to use, although one can use KY or Astroglide mixed with a little spit. Believe it when we say it – this will be one of the best orgasms you will ever have. It's simple, you lube your hard cock, then you insert it into the opening of the plantain. At this moment, you slide your cock into the sheath as if you had a condom on. After this you will use both your hands to move the sheath up and down your cock until you feel like your are going to climax. The orgasm is unbelievable!

One can also run the plantain skin under hot water to emulate the temperature of a real vagina. This is optional. In addition, one can place the plantain skin between a mattress or anything that will hold it in place. By doing this, your hands can be free, and you can pump it in the usual way you fuck a pussy.

Don't be alarmed if your cock is covered in some of the plantain pulp. The pulp contains natural enzymes and proteins that will only lubricate and nourish your cock.

Please let us know how your plantain vagina worked out!

plantain?? not a bad idea :thumbsup:

pinkie, I hope you copied and pasted that from somewhere. :p

I never even knew plantains existed until that.

WTF? Plantain? Isn't that just a fancy name for a banana? :hmm:

Asta!!

the title of the post was "Taken from another site: "


lol, pinkie your a ladie, right?

I wholeheartedly agree, even though its my thread (!)

Although I never tried it I heard of a thing called Trucker Pussy (hmm, sounds nicer than the german word Fernfahrermöse;) ). You need a Thermos Flask and raw minced meat for it.
I think you can imagine how it works...

I agree with that.

Plantains? I may never be able to pass quickly through the produce aisle even again.....

a baseball mitt, when I was really young!

Personally, I can vouch for the cyberskin artificial vagina that I have owned for a year now. Very cost effective and very realistic sensattions. I would never go back to experimental fruits, although the plantain sounds interesting.

Past experiences involved, without success, various fruits such a melons and cantaloupes. I thought about liver or beef fat but was too worried about having to explain a bacterial infection.

I once tried mango skin. It turns out that mango has some of the same properties as poison oak and I did get a poison oak type rash that was really embarassing. I treated it with cortisone cream, which turned out to be a very good lubricant.

The grossest thing I ever read about was a guy who removed the wings from houseflies and kept them in a little box. he would immerse himself in the bath water with the exception of his exposed erect penis. He would put the flies on the tip above water level and the agitation of the flies would get him off.

I heard about a guy who liked to put a running belt sander in his couch for vibration, lie on his stomach naked and get it on between the cushions. Unfortunently the belt sander got ahold of his "head" and decapitated it.

This is one of those crazy stories that you hear with no reliable source. I'd say stay away from power tools with moving parts!

LOL!

The only thing my cock has ever been in, besides a vagina, is good ol' Rosy Palms.

I are the smartest!

And aside from my hand I have tried the banana thing and a girl gave me one of those artificial latex sleeves that are supposed to simulate a woman. I'll just stick to my hand.

Of course I'm a girl, but I saw it before, and it made me think of it when I saw this thread. :D Do a search for it, you'll find lots of articles...

"Strange things you've put your cock into"

My ex-girlfriend's pussy. Seriously; so many strange cocks have been in there that I had to say a few prayers before I jumped back in there.

When I was younger, much younger, I used to use a plastic, quart sized, toy milk bottle. I'd get in the bath, fill it half-way with water, turn it upside down and over my cock. I'd then squeeze the bottle. It was pretty good at getting me off quickly. The bottle had a wide mouth, so I didn't have to worry about getting stuck in it. Ah, youth....

Oatmeal... once and it didn't do anything for me...


But it did make my skin nice and soft!

I heard of a similar thing to the plantain.

You use a large courgette, put it in the micro till it's warm and soft.
Take out the core, put ONE hole in the top.
As you push into it, take your finger off the hole, then as you pull out, close the hole again. It's supposed to give it a sucking action.

Got photos? Ever work for Curque de Soleil?

:) :)

Peace,

Pierre

Pinkie,

I must, once again, refer to you as the guru sitting on top of the hill giving us males the knowledge we need. You're amazing.

And a grocer as well, who knew? :) :)

Peace,

Pierre

So much for me ever buying fresh produce again. Can't we just keep our sex toys and food supply separate?

lmao! :lol:

speaking of masturbation stories...http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html
Guts was written by Chuck Palahniuk, author of Fight Club and Choke. It's a rather disgusting story so be careful when reading...

ive never used anything but my hands or the good old vagina.

Uh, my hand.

But check out these 2 guys: http://www.phallic.org/watermelon.gif

I love Chuck Palahniuk...

I'm curious about who ate the oatmeal afterwards.... I would have expected some brown sugar with it at the very least! :p

I can't remember if I ate it or threw it away... probably the latter.

Um, Janey, you should be careful what you wish for! :) :)

Or as Pinkie would say, would you like some plantain with that?

Peace,

Pierre

Omega, thanks for the lovely animation - unfortunately I think it'll stick in my mind forever :hmm:

While drunk, I've stuck my peepee into several strange things (of the human variety, that is!) over the years

Not really weird but, one time my wife was sleeping and her mouth was hanging wide open. While I was looking at her, the little light bulb went on. You all know what my plan was. Well, I decided to stick my finger in her mouth first to see what her reaction would be. CLAMP! Holy crap! She was biting so hard I couldn't get my finger out. My finger was bleeding by the time I managed to pry it loose. She never woke up and I'm sure she wasn't awake because I told her about it the next day and she thought it was hilarious. It was very scary and I learned my leason. I was almost minus my most valuable member.

Oh my...on the one hand, I'd say that would be awful, but on the other hand, I'd say that would serve you right.

Ouchie. :lol:

Vacum cleaner (would not recomend....ever), Super soaker water fill hole, and a watermelon.

I kinda liked the watermelon but you need to make sure you make the hole the right size. It is also very sticky...I am not sure if I want to put this into writing but hey give it a try if it sounds interesting.

I shouldn't have to say this, but I will as a pubilic servive anouncement. Always exercise extreme caution if you are going to microwave some fruit for humping. They can get *very* hot. I would suggest sticking your thumb into the hole first. The last thing one want is burns on his penis.

Also, there is too much friction to use tube socks plain. Stick a latex glove (you can get a box of 100 gloves for like $10.) in the middle of the sock. The fold the glove down over the sides of the sock and pour a little lube in it and you're good to go.

The strangest thing I've used however... A fake rabbit fur.

omg... i can't believe i read that....


::cringes and turns away from pc::

i tried to warn you.

once you started though, you couldnt stop could you? i know i couldnt...it is mesmerizing.

Ever notice how it seems that every bottle that has ever been manufactured is never the right size? Its like a safety feature they never mention.

Anywho, I found a juice bottle thingy (soft plastic, screw on lid), and top top is shorta shaped like >< with a cap on top
so you cut off the part with the threads, making sure you wont get caught on anything, then you poke a hole in the bottom of the container, giving it just enough suction to make it interesting.

Yeah, us guys are crazy.

A vagina...

What? Vaginas are weird...

:p

......I...can't believe...I read that. That's...horrible...and... a really well written story...and just horrible.
I always knew there was something wrog with those guys from the Navy....

(very early, unreleased Weird Al lyric)

i would have to agree with the couple that said their ex-girlfriend. she was the most strangest thing that i've stuck my pipi in.

their best friends ;)

a sock, and I tried a folded pillow once, the orgasm was good, but it took ages, and made a lot of noise.

A vacuum cleaner?? WOW!! Wouldn't try it even if I was paid.

holy shit. That "guts" story was gross. My stomach is hurting from just reading it.

:lol: Yeah it is. I cant say i've done any raw chickens, just stuck with the hand so far but who knows maybe i'll find myself alone with a raw chicken one night. :hmm:

Heh... the hole in a computer subwoofer when I was like 14. Turn the bass on high and start some loud music. Ahhhhh...

A hollow banana peel works GREAT!


I also tried: vacume cleaner, orange, bananna, cantelope, between the couch cushions, there probally was more, but I cant think of them now

^ Just for shits n giggles last time I was at the grocery store I looked at all the banana's. Not a one of them looked big enough for me to actually fit my dick in it without it peeling open even if I wanted to. I don't see how guys can do that.

Asta!!

Light Socket

And here I thought that the carrot was bad. Then I got to the end. Ugh.

that story was un-fucking-believable!! cool!

Hand guy myself but to each his own I guess.

I'm allergic to bananas :(

goddamn. Didn't it get clogged up?

just read that article.

I am at work and honestly I think I am gonna throw up. I am turning all red and sweating trying not to.

ugh.

Guts is so great. I read that about a year ago. i love that story...and just for the record, its not THAT sick. He was reading that to promote one of his books (diary i think...) and they were having people pass out at nearly every reading, by the end of the tour he'd have to give a disclaimer and then on top of that stop before the really bad parts and warn people and tell them that it was their chance to leave.

ah yes guts....hee
I love chuck
choke is another place where he tells some less sick masterbation legends although it probably is my least favorite work of his.(one has to do with a vacuum cleaner.)

Lol, I couldn't help but to laugh while reading these posts. Very interesting, too bad I don't have a penis. But if I were a man and had a penis, I think I'd use one of those gelly candles in the cup, those feel almost like the real thing. I'd go to the store and always stick my fingers into them, just can't help it. :-p

A dog.




Don't worry, it was dead.

I guess there is a bigger world out there......

I think I'll stick to the pussy and hand.

I stuck my dick in my wife's wine glass. It took a creative way to stand but she was able to go down on me and lick wine off of me at the same time. It felt great and she loved it.

Some wild stories on here....

AS for myself, can't say that I've stuck it into any wierd places. My hand and vaginas for me.

Interesting reading though.

oh god, i laughed to hard, my sides hurt.

this takes the cake on TFP! congrats!

i feel compelled to start a thread now!

A rubber chicken.

Clairabelle in the back seat of a '39 Chevy----damn that girl was built like a G.I. can with both ends kicked out...:D

Hmm, Weirdest thing was when I was little(er) I got about half into a extra large (by what i've seen usualy) spa bubble jet thing. Twas awsome :D.

Hand.

Here's a little rule i go by "Don't put your dick where you wouldn't put your hands"

I read a post earlier in the thread about toilet paper rolls, And i have a vague memory of me trying that as a kid..It was only that one time, I figured..If i try to fuck this, It's gonna probably take some skin off.

So I just read that "Guts" story, here at work.. closed it 2 times.. but couldnt go on without finishing.. I fnished.. I dont get grossed out by much of anything but all I have to say about that is ouchie and I dont know if there can be a strong enough disclaimer before people read it.

There are some extremely creative people here... Lot's of good ideas here, ummmmmmmmmmmmm, gotsta go!

In my younger days I would take one of those cheap blow up floaties, the kind that go around the arm, lube it up and put it between the mattress and the box springs.

a sandwich baggie between the cushions of the couch ...

A friend of mines sister.

God she was a nutcase.

made a sex toy out of one of those computer wrist rest things, took the cloth outer part ogg, hollowed a bit of the gell stuff out and lubed up and went at it :D

worked surprisingly well exept for the size and the stickyness of the gell material :S

Ive only ever used my hands as far as sticking my dick into anything goes. But I have kinda just held it infront of a jet in a fancy bath or hottub and its kinda like a water vibrator.

I also just finished reading that Guts story... Im a little sick right now, I am so thankfull as a kid I never stuck my dick anywhere but my hand. I also have to ask, was that Guts story true?

inbetween the couch cushions. that actually hurt.

My parents had on old glass half gallon milk bottle in their basement. I used to put vaseline inside the opening and fuck the bottle. It was great. Plus my load went right into the bottle. Nice, easy clean up!!!

When i was young i teid many things... hand, swimming pool jet (that was the best i remember), douche bag with lube (just the right size, and rubber too!), bottles (only once), Banana peel (works well), and of course.. my most recent addition .. the wife (By far my favorite)..

but i guess my experiemtal days are over (or are they just starting .. the wife and i are fairly creative).

hehe

OMG.

i thought you were all exagerating...

that guts story is horrid...

i feel kinda sick now...

i might go throw up...

Remember the pillow dolls that were wrestlers? They had Ultimate Warrior and Macho Man Randy Savage. I had a Hulk Hogan pillow doll and I cut a hole between the legs and made love. All positions too! I wasn't fantasizing about Hogan! I was thinking about my history teacher. I was thirteen and it lasted for about a month or so because I ruined it. It had a voice chip in it so when you wrestled it or twist the arms it would say something like "Ooooh, your breaking my arm!" I remember plugging away at it and hearing, "Ahhhh, pile driver!"


I feel a great weight has just been lifted off my chest! :lol:

Sorry, but I don't buy the Guts story. Pool pumps are 400 PSI, isn't that what he said? Bullshit. If people died from them every year, there is no way they would be on the market. It would also be very difficult to get a seal around your asscrack as it's not nearly the same size nor flatness. A seal would never happen, and if it did, it would be easy to break.

There's really no need to debunk a story when there's no attempt made to claim it's true. I'm surprised that people had to ask, although maybe they just don't know who Palahniuk is (in which case they're very deprived.)

Now there's sound advice! :lol:

This thread rocks.

I have used couch cushions and between mattresses, also a folded pillow. Bought a latex vagina thing once was okay.

Pillow and once stuck it in the opening of a humidifier, got real wet, but that was about it