formerScientist

I'm ready to ask my gf to marry me but she wants me to ask her father's permission first. This is fine with me but there is a small problem: her parents live out of town so if I arrange to meet with her father she's going to get suspicious (I want it to be a suprise). My question is, am I an ass if I ask for her father's permission via email? I'd call but I'm afraid if her mother finds out she'll be unable to keep the secret...

maleficent

It's charming and old-fashioned and very sweet to ask for her father's permission first. Especially since it's what your intended wants you to do.

If you've been seeing her for a while, it's probably not going to come as a big surprise.

I wouldn't ask for permission via email. that's just too impersonal. However, telling Dad in an email that there's something important that you would like to discuss with him, when is he available is acceptable. Oh, and you'd like to keep this between you two for now.

That's so neat -- good luck and Congrats bunches

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formerScientist

Thanks.

We've actually only been dating for 8 and a half months but I guess when you know, you know. You know?

She's changed my whole life and I can't imagine being without her...

EVIDENT

I agree with maleficent, email him and say I need to get in thouch with you, and please keep this private.

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lurkette

Maleficent has the idea - email him and ask him to call you, and ask him to keep it a secret from her mother for the time being. Then be prepared to pop the question pretty quickly, minimizing the amount of time for anyone to spoil the surprise.

Best of luck and congratulations!

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clockworkgreen

Be prepared for him to grill you pretty hard about asking his daughter to marry you after only 8.5 months.

How old are you? Have you met her father before and are you guys cool? Is she bugging you to ask her? Can she imagine being without you?

My wife wanted me to ask her dad, but I didn't. Once you're together longer, you realize it doesn't matter if you get someone else's permission.

formerScientist

I'm cool with her father. I'm 24 and have a good career (software engineer for a heathcare company). I know that they'll approve. Asking is really just a formality because they love me as much as I love her.

So I just did it and got my answer of yes. I couldn't wait any longer.

Time to go get that ring...

skier

Congratulations!

How are you going to ask her to marry you?

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macmanmike6100

Email him to just give him a heads-up...tell him that you want to speak with him personally about something important and that you'd like to know the best time to call.

Telephone would do fine, especially since I think that her mother could keep a secret like that. Good luck and please keep us posted!

onetime2

Cool! Good luck with the next step.


My girlfriend wanted me to do the same before I asked her. I just couldn't do it because her father is so controlling and tries to take credit for everything she does. She gets a very nice raise at her job and it's "you wouldn't have been able to get that job if I didn't buy you a car" Meanwhile she never asked them for a car and could have gotten one herself but they decided to buy her one (I suspect because she was spending less and less time at their house and they wanted to keep her close to them). When she does well in anything he always tries to make it about him. No way in hell was he going to do this about our marriage. I could easily picture him saying "Well you never would have gotten married if I didn't say yes when he asked me."

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formerScientist

I haven't decided how I'm going to ask her yet.

Prince

I think it's pretty neat...I am happy it worked out for ya.

I never asked my wife's father for his approval. For one thing, I find it really demeaning, and on the other hand I was quite aware of the fact that he didn't want us to get married. So...

Anyway, best of luck.

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maleficent

It's so nice to read about someone's good news. Makes the shitty stuff seem so much less so. Congratulations!

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89transam

There was a post about this a while back, but Ill write what i wrote in there.

I know of a guy that set up a camera on a tripod, set the delay and ran over to get in the pic with his girl. He timed it just right, poped down on one knee and proposed. He gets her reaction on film.

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Redgirl

Wow, now that was a really sweet way to propose! *sniffle*

And good luck, formerScientist!! I'm happy for you!

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Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Tuffy_McGee

I'm so happy for you!! *sniff*

lisa

Whow FormerScientist, a big congrats to you -- wish you both lots of happiness!!!



btw, i didn't know "asking the permission of the father" was still such a big tradition... here where i live -Belgium- that's not really the case (hm, not that i'm aware of off course... or maybe my dad has scared them all away )