dendron

I love my fiance more than anything but I feel shes hiding things from me and when she says I love you she usually says it without and feeling in her voice. What can I do to make certain that she loves me as much as I love her.

Mango

You can't.

Polyphobic

I am not aware of any surefire method of determining how much someone loves. It's one of those things that is hard to quantify. Your first line shows to me that you already have an idea that your love is not being reciprocated. Maybe you should have a talk with her? Honesty is sometimes the best route.

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<--The great infidel-->

dendron

I love my fiance more than anything but I feel shes hiding things from me and when she says I love you she usually says it without and feeling in her voice. What can I do to make certain that she loves me as much as I love her.

Peetster

What did she say when you told her these concerns?

What? You didn't tell her?

Start with communication.

Peetster

Merged these identical threads.

absorbentishe

First and foremost, talk to her. If she agreed to marry you, then I guess she loves you. Not many women (or men for that fact) would want to through with it if they weren't in love. But just tell her your feelings, and you'll be able to work it out.

If she won't talk, make her walk on a bed of hot coals, or something to prove it. (just kidding)

skysooner

You guys really need to start talking more, and I'm not talking about how is your day talking. Talk about feelings, emotions, what makes you tick inside as a person. Tell her about the things that happened as a child to make you who you are (good and bad). There is absolutely no way to know if someone loves you just through tone of voice or their facial expression (maybe they had Mexican that day and that expressions is indigestion). It is only through really honestly knowing someone that you know in your heart and not from what someone says.

doncalypso

Sorry to burst your bubble, son... but sounds to me like you committed the mortal sin of saying "I love you" to her first before she ever said it to you (or else you're too eager to let those three words out of your mouth and now you're not a challenge to her anymore).

Hold back on the "I love you" mushy stuff for a few weeks (or a few months), and only show your affection for her through actions. If she does love you she'll begin to verbalize it more, but right now maybe you're the one who's saying it so much that there's not need for her to say it.

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Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

bender

Bingo.

Prince

If she loved you, you'd feel it. And if you felt her love, you'd know. And if you knew, you would not have to ask.

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Who is John Galt?

Aladdin Sane

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but aren't love and sex two very different things?
This board is about "Sexuality," not love. Shouldn't this thread be somewhere else? Like Relationships perhaps? Mod?

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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

i8one2

Trust, if you don't trust her...there are areas you and yours need to be discussing as adults and not hold back, shit! Can you just imagine getting married and still thinking the same thoughts you have NOW? So it into the open, ccommunicate...I why do you feel this way. Also another discussion topic for you and her.

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LEATHER, LATEX and LACE "SSC"
"Nothing That Gives Pleasure is Bad"

Quality is for those who know
what they want and are at peace with what they have.

"S/M is about emotion; the erotic tension between my impulse toward something and my resistance against it."-- Virginia Barker

dendron

I dont know what to do guys she just seems like she wants to be close sometimes then others she just doesnt have any consideration for my feelings. More advice would be greatly appreciated.

thespian86

A good way is to ask her <laughs for no reason>

She should show it I guess

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EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

sexymama

Talk!

Listen to your gut -- like it or not, none of us can tell you what to look for, say, or do -- you have to follow your own heart.

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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

Buk

It may not even be anything wrong with her, it may be you...

Isn't love fucked up

sispille

Believe it or not, some women (men too) get married because they think they have to, that it is the next step. There are a million other reasons to get married, too. Love just happens to be one of them. As many have already offered: talk to her.

If it's love, you can be open about anything, especially your insecurities. The best marriages are the ones where partners can talk and help each other out (of their own heads.) Good luck.

dendron

thx sispille

:::OshnSoul:::

What does your heart tell you?
Sit quietly for a long while and listen.

Charlatan

The powers that be requested that all relationship issues be put into Sexuality rather than living or other Forums.

Other than that, you are correct.

hossified

get her drunk....than ask her some questions. You may be surprised by the answers

Redgirl

I was just talking about this last night with a friend of mine who's going through a divorce. Her husband ALWAYS says "I love you" at the end of every phone conversation with her. But his actions have said "I don't love you".

My husband and I hardly ever say I love you, but we show each other every day by our actions that we do love each other.

I'm just pointing out that those words can be pretty empty if there's no action backing them up. What do her actions say to you?

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Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

wilbjammin

Typically, I think there are reasons that people love each other.

What is your reason to love her? Why would she love you?

Tell her why you love her, and ask her what it is that has made you stand out over other people.

In my relationship, both of us are vocal about our love... but we also make sure to show it, to let each other know exactly what it is about each other that we appreciate, and make sure to always keep things real.

If you want love to be real, you need to keep it real. It is like that Massive Attack song "Love is a verb/love is a doing word". If love is only about the concept of love itself, then it can be very hollow and tenuous... just waiting for the bubble to be burst because you don't have those tangible ties.

You definitely need to talk.

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Innominate.

dendron

I appreciate everybodies answers but it was both redgirl and wilbjammin that really stood out I thank you both for really thinking about this it helps.